Chopper Face (Parody) 🌑
@chopperface69
Followers
407
Following
1,339
Media
3,225
Statuses
31,025
Drag racing on the Information Superhighway since 1997. You are my alt ID! RTs and likes of this account are endorsements.
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Joined June 2017
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Be warned! RTs or likes of any of my Tweets constitutes an endorsement of all my other Tweets and all other opinions past, present and future I’ve had or will have online, offline or even in just my head as well as those same views of every person I’ve ever retweeted or liked.
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@markedly
So?
So?
Any big plans for the weekend?
Oh you know. Same old same old.
Yeah. Yeah.
Do you still (thing you haven’t done in a decade)
Yeah no. Not in a long time really.
Cool.
*sip*
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@jbfan911
When you’ve had enough heartbreakers, might as well get with a man who’s job is the fix them.
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4K
@Urzaz
@3clipse_tt
Mewtwo: “I was going to clone your Bidoof but I see you already have a bunch of duplicates so can I just have one?”
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2K
@OrwellNGoode
It’s silly but a person should not be ashamed for trying to educate themselves.
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@Wtfportland1
When road rage incidents in your neighbourhood start sounding like this your rent is about to go up.
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@GoodReddit
I once had a shawarma that had a thick black wire in it which I only noticed when I was about 80% done the sandwich. I told the restaurant about it not to complain but because I wanted them to make sure there wasn’t more of that. No idea how that could have happened.
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@OrwellNGoode
He’s right. I’ve never seen my neighbours bring in their groceries and people see me being in mine all the time. It’s all a lie.
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540
@KyleGunEmoji
If I had a nickel for every time I met a man got married a week after knowing each other moved to Orleans and he beat my ass tore up my apartment and killed himself 🤔 I’d be able to afford a new apartment.
4
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497
@Wikrin
@notthedinosaur
Cheetos aren’t cheetah food and Frosted Flakes aren’t tiger food so maybe he just thought it was a mascot? I’m sure the Trix Rabbit would be happy if only the animals on packaging ate those foods.
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@fesshole
Perhaps in context it’s flattering.
“This guy is gorgeous!”
“Sure but what are his interests? Is he nice?”
“Who cares with an ass like that!”
“well, looks aren’t everything.”
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524
@frootoftheloom1
No one is that hated. I have people from high school I don’t like. I never think of them. I would never go out of my way to find and block them all.
2
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487
@OldPersonOnline
It’s cute but as a parent I genuinely love any sort of art that my children make for me. I realize this isn’t a universal sentiment but I will hang every piece of art I can fit in my office or fridge!!
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@mikediva
I hate this thing and would not have let my four year old buy it if I knew it sang that annoying song.
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@WomenPostingLs
What a weird business model. Thought it was pretty standard for the club to make their money on coat check and drinks while the girls are all independent contractors who keep what they make but tip the DJ.
4
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351
@4chan_green
@OrwellNGoode
Daughter was nice and didn’t do anything rude despite her mother’s best effort.
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363
@oneawkwardmom
I’ve successfully transitioned my three year old from saying “what the fuck” to “what the fox say” so now I just pretend he always means that but he very much learned to swear from me and uses the words appropriately.
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@drpissbaby
Careful or we’ll lose our spot at the top.
"Look at me, I'm a human! I pay taxes, I have depression, I'm behind on chores!"
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110K
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@mikuotamatone
@BeratStuff
Not everyone gets to the final boss. He’s the first Goomba in level 1-1 of sex.
1
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287
@TheKraftykid
@fasc1nate
They’re just cleaning each other. Grooming like people used to mean it before the weird stuff.
2
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282
@bitchrespecter
I guess now you have to just pretend you did that on purpose and try to follow through with it.
2
1
261
@CircleToonsHD
@Dexerto
Excuse me that’s an artistic hot tub almost naked oil-covered twerking stream.
0
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261
@ShitpostGate
Humans in 12022 reading the ingredients list: “Wow no wonder these savages died in their 70s”
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@paulatreideez
He wanted a boy and he had so much rizz he got his eugenically produced concubine who was engineered to seduce him as a pawn in a secret plot of world dominance to stray from the path and destroy the cabal.
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@APFactCheck
Oh shit I thought that’s really how the climate works. Thanks for clearing it up.
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@groupnumbeh2
@mywheelhouseftw
Worth more in copper if it doubled in size until it gets so big that it single handedly devalues the price of copper but you’d already be rich. And eventually it would mess up gravity in the solar system and once the sun starts rotating around it then it’s really game over.
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174
@jbfan911
It’s very unsanitary to pour punch back into the bowl after taking a sip. Some people have no class.
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@cjsnowdon
“I’ll have a beer and my date here will have a glass of water and 4000 mcg of folic acid, just in case.”
😉
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@fellawhomstdve
A bit surprised the whole poisoned apple thing was… maybe his imagination? Appreciated the additional context of the book after having seen the movie.
1
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173
@JohnHinckley20
Damn I saw this tweet and thought a dude got a divorce but then I searched the name. Oh my.
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160
@BostonStrongxXx
@coffeebreak_YT
That doesn’t say scammin’. It’s short for money ($) in the Cayman Islands.
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160
@punishedgarage
She is married to a pipeline. When in her garden she uses a paddle to till the soil. She supports the ladies who married guys who are tall and skinny like lines because that’s sort of like a pipe. They are putting rabbits in buckets so that they can float during the floods.
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@cheezitfan1
If someone reading this buys this hamster please set up an Instagram page or something so I can follow him. Thanks.
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@SorryDontClaire
Always fun to try to find out who’s encouraging who to run. It can’t possibly be mutual.
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@mask_bastard
@PimpMasterYoda1
@OrwellNGoode
Once had a teacher tell me my paper airplane was unoriginal. The next day I made a paper duck plane of my own design. It even flew. She punished me anyway. Of course her concern was bull shit but at least I called her old ass out on it.
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137
@inthemoodl0l
@mikediva
Oh for sure. My daughter is always putting makeup and stickers on her toys, doing their hair, dressing them up. It would be a nightmare if Toy Story was real.
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@deadlyspoons
@i_zzzzzz
A Jedi has no possessions besides what’s under their cloak. Vader found a cheat to this by encompassing his entire body in a suitcase suit and filling it with knick knacks. He’s got all sorts of junk in that suit but it cost him more than an arm and a leg to get it.
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