Simon
@broon313
Followers
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Following
1,782
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4,124
Statuses
20,531
Banging my fist loudly on the defence table and shouting for justice since 1996. Absolutely certain sharks inhabit swimming pools.
The Ayrshire Riviera
Joined December 2012
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This is me and my mate Andy at the gym last summer. We'd known each other for over 40 years. We both caught Covid within a fortnight of each other in December. Today is my first day back at work. He died this morning. Don't let anyone tell you this is just the flu...
#WearAMask
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@KirstenSjovoll
Defending man charged with masturbating in a pub. Suggested to veteran barmaid witness client simply scratching himself.
"Son" she replied, "I've been married for 32 years and I've got three teenage sons. Believe me I know when a man's having a wank"
Squeaked "nothing further"
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Got a call from very excited ex client today.
"Can I make a claim against the Post Office for my case? I've just seen it on the news!"
"Absolutely not"
"Why not? I've seen loads of guys getting their convictions quashed?"
"Yeah, but you actually did steal the money"
"...."
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I agree wholeheartedly with Matthew. I will not participate either as Solicitor-Advocate or instructing solicitor in any judge only court.
My Firm will not be accepting instructions in any case that forms part of this pilot. No client of
@mcgovernreid
will be ever exploited as part of a social experiment to satisfy the demands of the Special Interest Groups. This pilot is not in the interests of justice.
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@CrimeGirI
Once defended a guy who wore a balaclava but forgot he had his name printed on the back of his Rangers top....
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Evening lads. Mine and
@Broonjunior
's lovely mum passed away tonight after a short illness. She packed a huge amount of living into her 77 years and was an inspiration to both of us and many others. So do me a favour and give your loved ones an extra hug tonight.
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What
@scotgov
don't seem to have grasped here is that this is a mess entirely of their own making. We have warned for years of a demographic time bomb ticking away as new solicitors chose other more lucrative career paths. They ignored us.
The SSBA is disappointed to have to announce a further escalation in the ongoing dispute between the criminal bar and
@scotgov
. None of us want to leave clients unrepresented, but the lack of engagement from
@AshtenRegan
leaves us little choice...
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Mine and
@Broonjunior
's dad died earlier this week. He died peacefully and at an appropriate time, both of which were very unlike him. He lived every single one of his 84 years to the full, and we'll all miss him terribly.
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Very proud of my profession tonight as lawyers up and down the country prepare for two weeks of
#COP26
action in support of the urgent need for action to save the criminal bar. Equally disappointed in those few who have chosen to put profit first and betray their colleagues.
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I guarantee every single criminal lawyer watching that garbage today was thinking back to a point in their career where the transcript of an interview read...
"At this point the accused's solicitor threw down his pen and was heard to mutter 'for fucks sake' "
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We buried my Father in law today. A lovely man, and I'll miss him greatly. In the 30+ years I knew him, he only hugged me once. Not when I married his daughter. Not when either of his granddaughters were born. No, it was when Chris Sutton scored the winner against Juventus...🍀🍀
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Had a trial adjourned at the High Court today. Was meant to start on 29/3, but no court, judge or prosecutor was available. Told today it could start next Monday, but by this stage QCs for all 3 accused were committed elsewhere. My client has been remanded for 655 days...
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Just a selection of the messages I've received this week. Say what you like about the life of a criminal lawyer, it's never dull...
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Kilmarnock Sheriff Court today. This is the future of criminal law without urgent investment.
#GownsDown
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
In the interests of full disclosure
I've been seeing your mum too.
#legalvalentines
#hahahadisclosurewhatsthat
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Saying goodbye to an old friend today. I am determined to remember the good times, of which there were many, and mainly in pubs... Fly high mate, you can get the first round in.
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Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
S.39 of the Civic Government (Sco) Act means,
It's Barlinnie for you.
#legalvalentines
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Ayr Faculty Dinner. First outing for the dinner suit since March 2020. It appears to have shrunk...
Am deflecting attention away from my belly with the beard/bow tie combo!
#oldschooltie
#grizzly
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Today would have been my mum's 78th birthday. Have spent the day getting pleasantly pissed on champagne with Mrs B and my dad. I can say with 100% certainty it's what she would have wanted.
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I don't have a photo of me and
@NicolaSturgeon
, even though the first time I met her was about 33 years ago. But I've got one of my dad with her... Anyway,
#IStandWithNicola
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@Broonjunior
@seanjonesqc
It was a snake. He was carrying said snake round his waist under his jumper. Asked if anything sharp on him, truthfully answered "no, but I have a snake round my waist" Cop laughed, searched, got bitten. Acquitted of culpable and reckless conduct on basis he told cop the truth!
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My firm is seeking applicants for a trainee solicitor to commence summer 2023.
Come and work with me, I promise occasional exposure to law in between bouts of mucking about on Twitter!
#Traineeship
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@ShhSolicitor
@dar_urfan
Once heard punter call the late (and terrifying) Sheriff Smith "Your Honour".
Smith as always responded furiously with "IT'S MY LORD!" Unfazed punter replied "There is no Lord but the Lord above, I shall call you Sir."
To his credit Smith replied with "That will suffice"!!!
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No contest.
What's the coolest an athlete has ever looked in a photo/screenshot?
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Did my first prison video call this morning. Mastered the tech, carefully sorted the lighting and the background, warned the kids and the dog not to come into the room for the next 45 minutes. Connected bang on 10am no problem...
All 3 clients refused to get out of bed...
#FML
.
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I am a loudmouth lefty activist lawyer, but I cannot be doing with all this faux outrage about Trump's twitter account and the freedom of speech. The man has his own press room. Anytime he wants to say something every TV network in the world will broadcast it. Like "I resign"...
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So today was meant to be my first day in New York celebrating my 50th birthday. Instead I spent it in a virtually empty court representing a man charged with threatening to cough and spit on someone while infected with Covid 19.... Karma, I'm watching you...
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I've been a criminal defence solicitor for 23 years, and for the life of me can't understand the objections to this. It will not criminalise normal behaviour, it will stop children being assaulted.
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I've looked on the Internet...
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Just got my first "when am I at court" phone call of the holidays. 9pm on Boxing Day. FML....
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By the time this trial comes back up in June my client will have been remanded for over 2 years. From the top to the bottom our criminal justice system is broken. I don't think the government realise the criminal trainees of today are the QCs of tomorrow. This has to change.
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This is an excellent thread. Like Ian, I've been a criminal lawyer my entire career and had never heard of a 3rd Party Reporting Centre. I'm sure they'll make up for all the reduced hours police stations though...
🧵As someone whose job is as a criminal lawyer, until 2 days ago I had never heard of third party reporting centres. So here are a few questions:
1. When were they set up?
2. Why?
3. If anybody can apply to become one, how was that possibility advertised?
4. What diligence/
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Like all legal aid lawyers who have to provide proof of income to get paid, I am constantly entertained by the references pals put on bank payments to one another. I'm well used to 'blowjob payment' or 'drugs debt', but today's one of 'OnlyFans refund/too ugly' was the best yet.
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Had a case today that neatly summed up all the problems the criminal bar is currently facing. Started yesterday with telephone advice to client. Domestic S.38, only other person there his partner. He has a very definite position, desperate to say his piece to police in interview.
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My firm interviewed for and took on a trainee this week. I have to say, I was mightily impressed by the future of the legal profession. Really tough choice, could have hired any one of the applicants.
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Phone call from cops earlier.
"X is in custody for a breach. Can you tell him to stop being a dick and we'll let him out."
I did, and they did.
This is what we in the trade call "communication"
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@RoddyQC
@Andrew_Ward7
Or the definitely not apocryphal tale of the Snr returning after a slightly liquid lunch to be met by a skewering crown objection to a line of evidence.
"My learned Jnr will take that point"
"Will he fuck" Came the not so sotto voce reply from his side!
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I am now the father of two teenage daughters. Probably best just to move into the garage for the next few years...
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Friend of mine tested positive for coronavirus a couple of days ago. We were sat together at a funeral, so obviously I was pinged. Because I've been double vaccinated and we were both wearing masks, I tested negative. It's not rocket science people.
#WearADamnMask
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Making 2nd attempt at getting back into some kind of post lockdown shape this morning. Got new black gym gear for my birthday, getting dressed feeling like a bad ass ninja, saw myself in the mirror and I look like a giant black pudding...
#motivation
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Them: "What's your degree in?"
Me: "Law"
Them "Ha! You must be loaded!"
Also Them "Can you do this thing you don't specialize in for free?"
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Was interesting in my wee piece on TV last night to hear the head of the SCTS talk of huge sums being spent to make the courts Covid safe. Then I come in to this....
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In possibly the most middle class injury ever, I appear to have broken my little toe by accidentally kicking a euphonium case...
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I for one am proud to be an "activist lawyer" and will continue to provide legal advice to whoever needs it.
We condemn a Home Office video referring to immigration lawyers who provide legal advice to migrants as ‘activist lawyers’.
Solicitors advise their clients on *their rights under the laws created by parliament*
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Had client called Homer in the custody court. Planned v. witty submissions about an odyssey of a case, avoiding the siren call of heroin, steering between the Scylla and Charybdis of drugs and alcohol...
Went with the cyclopean focus of "He pleads not guilty and seeks bail"...
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This is terribly sad news. Niall was undoubtedly one of the good guys. I have over the years listened to his illuminating CPD talks, instructed him, opposed him, and on one memorable occasion been cross examined by him! He will be missed.
The SSBA is deeply saddened to hear of the death of Niall McCluskey, Advocate. He was a lovely man, and a big supporter of us when we started up, providing our first ever CPD presentation. He will be sorely missed.
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As mentioned earlier, it is my baby brother, the delightful
@Broonjunior
's, 50th birthday today. I searched long and hard for a gift befitting his station in life, before settling on the obvious choice of a champagne sabre.
This tweet will henceforth be Crown production
#1
...
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That's one criminal lawyer per 5,295 adults in Scotland. Compare that to one dentist per 924 adults, or one GP per 609 adults, and then tell me Justice is getting the funding it deserves.
This thread lays bare the devastation of the Scottish criminal bar over the last decade- on paper 973 criminal legal assistance lawyers, in reality just under 600 actually practising 🏴 - No justice, without a defence
@ScotGovJustice
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An increase of 76p in 23 years....
No wonder no-one wants to do criminal law. The Criminal Bar is dying on your watch
@AshtenRegan
.
The SSBA are disappointed to once again see
@scotgov
fail to invest in the Criminal Justice system. The silence from
@KeithBrownSNP
and
@AshtenRegan
is deafening. Read our latest statement here.
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This is undoubtedly true. The future of our profession is at stake. But the blunt fact is some months we can't afford to pay ourselves, let alone a trainee. The criminal bar is dying, yet the resilience fund supposed to save us gives us nothing.
#WeTurnedUp
Very talented graduates are being lost to the profession as they can't secure traineeships. Firms of every type would benefit from having such talent in their business, bringing enthusiasm and new ideas.
Please complete our survey as we look for solutions 🙌
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Parked outside Court yesterday at 9.30. Fancy RingGo app on phone not working, think I'll try again in 5 mins when I've got Wi-Fi in the court. TOTALLY FORGET. Come out court 1.10, NO TICKET!!! Have only now come down from the rush...
#extremeparking
I know that some people snort coke off naked strippers and other people race each other at 150mph but tonight I parked my car at 1757 and didn’t buy a ticket. 3 long but exhilarating minutes before the safety of the 6pm cut off and I feel ALIVE!!!!
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Everybody hates lawyers. Until they need one, and there's none of us left...
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This is exactly the point. The only reason the system is currently functioning is because of a cohort of very experienced and able solicitors aged 50+ who can juggle commitments and deal with cases with less preparation. When we go, it will collapse.
@RoddyQC
It’s too late to fix this. I remember when I was younger there was a cadre of slightly down at heel older lawyers, care worn and cynical who had done it all and read the file during the call over. That’s us now, that’s all that’s left. No youngsters at all
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I've practised criminal law for 25 years, almost all of them at Kilmarnock Sheriff Court. I can recall intermediate diet courts with 130 cases starting at 10.00 and being finished by 1.00, then starting a 30 case custody court at 2.00 and being done by 4.00.
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I am officially at the "f**k it, it can wait until the morning" stage of the day.
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Spoken by someone who's clearly never been in a criminal court. The answer to your question is, of course, every single drug addict. I've been a criminal lawyer for over 25 years, and I've never yet seen someone prosecuted for stealing to feed the kids. Razor blades and meat.
WHO IS SELLING MEAT AND CHEESE THEYVE SHOPLIFTED 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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3 x 160kg deadlift. Not quite
@ProfChalmers
hulk like standards, but I'm pleased. And sore...
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Not sure what
@AshtenRegan
was expecting to achieve with this whining letter. Sorry for not working 7 days a week to hide from the world what a mess you've made of the criminal defence sector. Time for substantial investment before it's too late.
#WeTurnedUp
#WheresTheCashAsh
Community Safety Minister
@AshtenRegan
has written to the presidents of two key legal bodies ahead of COP26
Letters went to
@Lawscot
&
@scotscrimbar
underlining
@scotgov
's extensive engagement with the sector in the run up to the climate summit
▶️
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This was a year ago today. You'd think we'd have learned by now, but instead our leaders party while others mourn, offer insincere half apologies, shift the blame and move on. He deserved better than this. We all did.
#WearAMask
This is me and my mate Andy at the gym last summer. We'd known each other for over 40 years. We both caught Covid within a fortnight of each other in December. Today is my first day back at work. He died this morning. Don't let anyone tell you this is just the flu...
#WearAMask
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100% this 👇. We are expected to be there no matter what time the cases call, no regard for appointments or other business in the office, or increasingly as things get later and later, no regard for family life. Completely unacceptable.
#WeTurnedUp
After 17:00 and there are still 11 custodies (25% of the total for today) not even in the building at Edinburgh Sheriff Court today. No updates. No ETA. Risible performance again from all involved. Nine solicitors sitting waiting. Abject discourtesy & disregard shown to us all.
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"Legal Professionals only should attend" There are 14 solicitors in court 4 at Kilmarnock Sheriff Court this morning. This is irresponsible, unnecessary and frankly dangerous. We need clear guidance now.
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Come and be a criminal defence lawyer. The pay is pretty poor to be honest, you'll work 7 days a week, evenings and bank holidays. The clients are difficult and will always blame you for their failures. Oh, but everyone else will think you're a parasite with a six figure salary..
Please see the below thread. Articulates the position well, and shows support for our stance is spreading across the country
#gownsdown
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I know Andy Phillips, in fact was involved in a case with him today. He's a very clever guy, has rights of audience in the High Court and an excellent CV. And yet 90% of the comments on this story want to know what school he went to... this country is a disgrace.
BREAKING! SFA appoint new compliance officer as Andrew Phillips replaces Clare Whyte as disciplinary chief
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Just had a proper old person nap on the sofa. The kind where you wake up unsure of which house you are in, with strange pains in most of your joints and a small puddle of drool in my beard...
I'm such a catch....
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In the good (ie really, really bad) old days at Kilmarnock Sheriff Court, the eye rolling, head shaking, grunting, snickering, guffawing, and loud muttering came mainly from the bench...
A must read for lawyers - Court scolds counsel for disruptive behaviour including eye rolling, head shaking, grunting, snickering, guffawing and loud muttering. China Yantai Friction Co. Ltd. v Novalex Inc., 2024 ONSC 608 at paras. 20 - 27
#lawtwitter
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Dear
@Lawscot
. Been redecorating my office today, and have hung up various degrees, diplomas, and certificates. Why don't you get a certificate when you become a Solicitor-Advocate?
Personally, I also favour gold edging on your gown like a prefect, just a thought....
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This comparison is useless. I had a shoplifting case last week. On cctv and caught with stolen goods, pled guilty. Misuse of Drugs, caught in car by cops with cocaine, pled guilty. Assault in a pub, on cctv and 3 witnesses, pled guilty.
Conviction rates for rape in Scotland stand at just 51% compared to 91% for other offences, leading to calls for reform
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Kilmarnock Faculty of Solicitors dinner tonight. In years past I'd have been bopping about the house getting ready with the tunes on, pre-drinks in hand. Tonight, I had a nap...
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Just finished filling in the
@Lawscot
survey on virtual courts. Farcical. With a question format that echoes "would you rather be poked in the left eye or the right eye" it makes no allowance at all for the fact that virtual courts have huge drawbacks compared to the status quo.
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I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate
@GeoffRimington
on his appointment as Head of Housekeeping at the Oban Bay Hotel...
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Tough first night back at the gym. Not just physically, although that was certainly hard, but emotionally too. Great tribute by the guys at
@dualfitness2
. Miss you mate...
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The Scottish criminal court system. I have my custody papers, the PF has her papers, the case is linked with the court. My client is in Kilmarnock police station, which is 100yds from the court and linked by a bloody tunnel!
"We can maybe get him here some time after 3.00..."
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Decided as part of health drive not to have any beer in the house. The entirely forseeable outcome of that policy is sitting beside me in the shape of a large glass of 18 year old Glenlivet...
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The passing of a legal titan like Ruth Ginsburg leaves a huge hole. Even as a criminal hack in Scotland, I was aware of her immense presence, but reading her obituary leaves me awed and saddened.
Ruth Ginsburg, Supreme Court’s Feminist Icon, Is Dead at 87
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Out in Irvine. Post industrial Scotland at its finest. I'm in a pub I haven't been in for 30 years. There's a live band, everyone is singing and I am having the BEST time!
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Hi
@SCTScourtstribs
. Can you explain why you've felt it necessary to fix criminal custody courts for the Sundays of Christmas Eve and Hogmanay? Are we not to have any holidays?
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Did a "virtual" custody court today. Client showed symptoms of Covid 19 so appeared by video link from the police station. Much to everyone concerned's surprise, it seemed to work quite well...
#virtuallyalawyer
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At girl's sports day. Have strategically turned up straight from work in suit to avoid the dad's race.
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