thoughts of ben
@b_c_doyle
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I will see a grocery store and go to it
United States
Joined May 2018
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Pinned Tweet
I wrote a book. Buy it! It will make you explode
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@seconds_0
Oh wow I bet people and socieites are going to use this for really altruistic and wonderful things
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@nathanharenice
"We have a gym with views of the local connector road and an empty café where you can get a microwaved croissant. Bring your dog outside where it can play next to our one broken EV charger."
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@dorsalstream
about two years ago i had a crush on someone and she said something similar so i made this
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@maxgotjokes
How in the hell did he do that? I want to be able to do it to rude customers at my retail job
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@TheRoadCallsMe
@ogrods
my grandmother gave me one of these once and i have never seen another one. i don't even believe they exist
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@lane_stacey
i'm dealing with a recent loss too. i understand and feel what you're going through. all of it is valid. all of it is natural. here's my favourite poem, by Mary Elizabeth Frye, to help.
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they're putting trump's fucking jail footage over the JEOPARDY championship??? they better be daily doubling his fucking sentence
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who the hell wants AI? i am filled with artificial intelligence. i make shit up all day long
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Pickleball is a sexually transmitted disease ………
NURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I said these exact words this morning to my political science professor and he just kinda looked at me
Santos should be allowed to stay in Congress but not as politician but more as a court jester type of thing
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I knew it!!!!!!!!!! Also does anybody know what I was supposed to do today
wow! they just released a new study on ADHD and basically everyone with it is just making it up. like it isn’t real.
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I said "tall latte" at a local coffee shop and the barista reached for her gun
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It got me as far as the psychiatrist's office
I think some of you would be surprised at how far a little romance will get you
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i eat my trader joes dinners quickly and forcefully because of my deep self esteem issues. no i will not be taking questions
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Sure yeah I guess give me a verification code for my latté. Nothing fucking matters anymore
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@michaelmiraflor
@adamdotdev
yes, brilliant! i feel much the same. it is ritual for me, which is more important than any 'performance' gains. it is one of the simplest, most reliable, and most harmless pleasures of our time.
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stop giving teens hours of homework and teach us how not to hate the reality of living at 17 instead
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@the_transit_guy
NH, MA, VT – something for everybody and Maine would feel left out so they would beg to join too. But really I would just like for the ME to DC megalopolis to become a country and call it a day.
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turning 16 does not excite me nearly as much as the fact that we bought a new printer
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pro tip: bring bicycle to store (on roof of car) so that said car can be immediately found in parking lot
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You should be allowed to push 1 creepy PDA couple onto the subway tracks per day
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i will not pledge my allegiance to a country that allows its children to be slaughtered in school.
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social studies teacher just rolled his eyes at me and thought i didn't notice. little does he know, i am all-seeing. and i will remember this
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your weekend was bad? i ran out of prozac 3 days ago and i just got dumped
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if my stepbrother coughs loudly one more time im having him evicted
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@samafshari
@Matt4756rblx
@JeffTutorials
Um .. elevators still have physical buttons and don't try to 'predict' what floor you'll be going to.
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always a genuinely nice gesture when the person ahead of you in the high school bathroom has left some vape clouds in there as an air freshener
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it's exhilarating knowing that i can fall down the stairs whenever i want
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Just had a GREAT bannanna!! I had no idea they could taste like that!!! Straight smashed all of it!! Lol
#crazy
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The next 10 years are going to be crazy.
Men everywhere are going to have to put down their peanits.
And learn how to use. Well, let's just say. A jorking device
The next 10 years are going to be crazy.
Tech bros are going to have to put down their MacBooks.
And learn how to use a hammer.
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not destined for academia, not destined for corporate america, but instead a secret third thing ...
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put an entire ginger chew in my mouth and i think it fused to my teefs
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no more STEM. practice ARTS. Alcohol, Rotting, Theatre and Sarcasm
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150yr lifespan x 9 lives would explain why they always act like they've seen enough
Realistically cats should live around 100-150 years so that girls could pass them on to their daughters
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I can never date because I know she would immediately lose interest watching me wobble onto the escalator with my big purse
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i know i'm destined for liberal arts because when someone says "the eagles" i think of the band and not the team
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being done with my biology class is an indescribable feeling
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nothing worse as a writer than thinking you have an idea, and when you go to jot it down, you just don't
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Oh all of a sudden everybody fucking loves bugs now. Jesus christ
Ur fun fact of the day: the insect population is declining by roughly 2.1% each year and nearly 40% of all bug/insect species are slowly creeping into the endangered classification. It’s the biggest, *unspoken* mass extinction we’ve witnessed in 250 million years :(
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i want 100mg of whatever they give Spanish teachers to make them so goddamn peppy all the time
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People with good posture piss me the hell off. Why are you sitting like your spine has anxiety? Grow the fuck up
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today's breakfast is some fucking plums and kiwis. and maybe the flowers too. take that liberals! i am waiting for my psych evaluation
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kate bush is haunting every local coffee shop now like some Phantom of the Mocha headass
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If you sit at the same table as me in the dining hall I kill you on sight
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luckily i was able to whip out the "did you take stupid pills with breakfast?", so that's good
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Toxic thought of the day: In 25yrs, when some of the beautiful women who ignored me in high school (don't blame them!) are being suffocated by their marriages, it will be my "textbook teeth" and "good oral hygieine" and "Roth IRA" that set me apart as a potential next partner.
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after feeling like a corpse all day, i took a 2-hour nap, had a half cup of coffee, and now i understand how cats feel at 3 in the morning
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"it's a good day for a fire" says my science teacher as an alarm goes off somewhere
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This plus my upstairs bathroom which I guess means I have to declare sovereignty now
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Doctors office will say URGENT MESSAGE in your PORTAL and if you don't open it we KNOW where you LIVE and what will KILL you... Please CONFIRM your APPOINTMENT before we have you ELIMINATED
banks email like "Ummmmm we have a MESSAGE for you. In your INBOX" and then the message is like "Hello we are your bank"
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This is how i think of having a crush on someone
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substitute bio teacher has spent like 5 minutes feeding the fishies . do you think she's depressed or just bored
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The public safety officer reading anime comics on the university computer is not going to protect you in a crisis
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Okay officers this is your first day of training. Lesson number One is called Pull a Guy Over For Fun and then Don't Laugh at Any of His Cute Jokes.
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come on down to my place for Topless Tapas on Thursday nights. i have no clue what Tapas are but that is not the important part
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lost a great tweet to The Abyss (nonfunctional short-term memory) today
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a good cold brew should taste like you're drinking the best cigarette of your life
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7 .something billion people in the world and only six have balls enough to like my tweets. something about this doesn't add up
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@erinisaway
@caithuls
i feel the same way - in the sense that i thrive under the meticulous micromanagement of a gaggle of girl bosses
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Here's what your investment account would look like if it were black or chinese
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i hate hollywood movies where the main character runs around in a sweatshirt in the early morning. what the fuck even is that
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