little special™
@dollbunyan
Followers
8K
Following
319K
Media
8K
Statuses
81K
carson, your gauche american wife | she/they
Joined October 2011
If I saw Bigfoot I would simply take a high resolution and focused photo of him.
464
16K
252K
my parents have been happily married for 30 years + from what I’ve gathered, they owe it to: . 1) having separate bathrooms .2) being each other’s biggest fans.3) when my mom was sad that my dad wasn’t typing “ok” with a heart emoji he started adding them.
229
6K
132K
obsessed with j___d_love on instagram, the account where this little chihuahua won’t stop licking the dachshund’s haunches
87
5K
64K
my friend from high school is the only person who knows how to text me
26
3K
62K
I love when the cat and I are in bed both looking at my phone…I should get her a phone.
40
4K
51K
He also ONLY uses the red heart with her and uses the yellow heart with everyone else.
67
602
33K
“Be his peace” bitch shut up I’m tapping his window with a branch that looks like a gnarled witch hand.
29
5K
31K
time for evil dinner, the dinner I eat in the almost-pitch black kitchen after 11pm in under 6 minutes.
19
2K
27K
Me on payday: money is a construct and means nothing. $8 juice, please. Me the next day: I would do absolutely anything and kill anyone to obtain 5 whole USD.
6
4K
18K
It must have been so crazy to be a rascal before, like, social security numbers + meticulous data-keeping existed. You could just show up in some random city and be like “yeah I’m Weed Jones” and everyone in the tavern would be like “hello Weed”.
39
1K
13K
clean sheets!! refilled prescriptions!! plans on the horizon!! laundry day tomorrow!! I will crawl out of this winter hole by all means necessary!!
9
923
13K
His presence is so comforting that if I ever had a baby I would want him in the room.
20
459
10K
every day I have to watch her try and steal my lozenges
27
440
10K
what if we kissed 😳 in the twilight section of the thrift store
12
1K
8K
Well well well if it isn’t.
Samuel Suckoff.United States Census, 1910.
7
1K
7K
wrong I’m gonna start wearing extra prosthetic fingers for The Ladies 😎.
8
269
7K
how it feels to google if something should be refrigerated
8
380
6K
If you say "Paul Rudd" in a fakey southern accent my dog FREAKS out. I can't tell if he hates Paul Rudd or loves him.
43
3K
5K
I’m going to start a candy company that just makes edible versions of the stuff I’m not allowed to eat (mahjong tiles, large pillar candles, various gems and rocks,).
71
456
5K
me on my phone in front of the space heater in my bigshirt
4
183
3K
I would love to see a movie where Daniel Radcliffe and Elijah Wood switch bodies but their lives are pretty much the same and they decide it’s fine
16
452
3K
I love weaving through crowds with purpose like a fast little rat.
2
604
3K
it happened again. I thought I was shopping for adult clothes only to discover they are for children
13
52
3K
I walk around thinking I’m so normal and then my routine changes slightly and I’m him
3
295
2K
Every hot cool girl on the Internet has a boyfriend who looks like he only eats ritz crackers and lives inside a Gap.
8
177
2K
If I have to see this shitass take one more fucking time I’m gonna lose it. Stop politicizing my gorgeous rack. Get a life beyond recycling old tiktoks into tweets like this
17
76
2K
When u'd rather move forward with a bad decision than admit u were wrong
11
1K
2K
the new arctic monkeys album sounds like a man who has been divorced three times and still believes in love but is losing hope. also it’s the 70s and he’s sexy. great album.
5
175
2K
me not having anything to say after begging for attention
5
316
2K
I wish you could comment on stuff on fb marketplace….I would be rude in ways I’ve never been online before.
6
108
2K
I literally pray for this.
I love your place dude. What’s everything? What’s all your stuff?.
7
135
2K
this little boy in the antique store with his mom looked around and then at me and went “I like your house”.
5
31
2K
women who wear a middle part every day without the fear that they’ll look like a harried medieval squire hurrying after their lord in little tights. how. .
23
119
2K
Here’s the thing. I know I should be, but I’m not afraid of bears. I’ve seen far too many videos of them being foolish for me to properly fear them.
17
111
2K
If I were a contestant on the british baking show I would simply make the bakes perfectly in the allotted time.
3
121
2K
sorry for fjm-posting but chateau lobby # 4 has to be one of the best love songs written in the last 20 years.
18
143
2K
I thought this was Paul Hollywood.
8
70
1K
Muting this and going back to my quilting, thank you to everyone who told me how much they want to fuck bigfoot
9
10
1K
This is the saddest fake headline I’ve ever read someone WALK HIM.
1
195
1K
new “would you still love me if I was a worm” just dropped
10
130
1K
When I was a kid watching Seinfeld I thought I’d be doing sooooo much more dry cleaning as an adult.
11
48
1K
declutter this weekend 👀? declutter this weekend queen?? declutter this weekend 👀?.
6
126
1K
I’d fling him straight through the wall like looney tunes, it would be like when mothers get that crazy adrenaline rush and lift a car off their baby.
11
48
1K
American sports team name types:. -god tier cool animal.-regionally specific animal/folk hero.-deodorant scent.-racially insensitive.-captain america coded.-slang for home city’s occupants (boring).-olden days job title.-sock color.
12
80
1K
opened a jar in a store thinking it was a candle and it was JAM.
7
17
987
my brother’s lovely gf got me a vintage letterpress tray for Christmas—I’m going to turn it into a little table but I was sooooo scared I didn’t have enough trinkets for it….dumbass
10
13
1K
me: yes I can handle one shot of espresso in my drink it's just a lil jolt.me: *sip*.me:
6
178
939
So a martini is just a glass of gin with a fuckin olive in it huh.
13
48
945
learning at 28 that you can’t organize your way out of having too much stuff.
9
36
947
for the low price of $277 you can make your cats larp a midcentury therapist’s office
5
58
931
I made a recreation of the bake off tent in animal crossing
16
100
904
I want to be baby yoda. small. makin gentle sounds. wearing a big sack. causing light mischief. eyes bigger than my brain. delightfully expressive ears. this little being has it all.
4
107
911
never forgiving vampire weekend for making me hum that stupid song whenever I have horchata.
7
60
857
if the band’s frontman looks like Colin Robinson you are going to die in that pit.
2
100
834
I’m not saying magic is real but one time I spent a whole evening thinking about how much I hated someone and the next day they totaled their car.
16
18
855
I love stories about men who get fired and pretend to go to work every day and actually just sit in their car all day with a briefcase full of corn nuts or something and then go home like “god Timothy in HR sucksssss”.
6
17
838
how it feels to check your story to see if someone’s watched it
2
36
805
braved home depot on a sunday and now I have a beautiful table !!
It’s almost ready to be a real table…I just need plywood to make the base sturdier…but I don’t want to go to home depot…
13
12
789
I can’t wait to turn 32 and, after failing professionally, move back to my small and closeknit hometown, only to slowly uncover a web of secrets so sordid that it shakes the community to its core.
6
78
710
Six weeks ago I didn’t know she existed and now she’s the most important thing in my life
13
3
715
My roommate called St Patrick’s Day weekend straight pride and. he’s not wrong.
1
78
705
if I threw one of the biggest costume parties of the year and all of my guests, who had limitless resources and a year to prepare, arrived either not on theme or doing it terribly I’d set myself on fire in front of them.
9
60
688
Going to a bustling marketplace and telling the local vendors I’m Flagstone Rarry.
1
7
645
Her gotcha day :’) I fell in love with her the second I saw her.
3
0
678
