Alison Klemp/Fridson 🍉
@alisonklemp
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she/her. loudmouth sassafras. slut for human rights. comedy things. podcast: @thetableverse
New York City
Joined March 2008
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This is what CTE does when you don’t have a family to kill
Aaron Rodgers falsely suggests that Dr. Fauci created HIV with the help of the U.S. government.
@keithedwards
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Those are Calico Cut pants
Ok how come nobody has talked about how Tucker has very clearly pissed his pants in this picture
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@iamcindychu
@whatdoyoudopods
Not to mention that if you WERE experiencing domestic abuse this would…not be helpful???
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Matt Rife opens his special with a “if a woman could cook she wouldn’t have a black eye” joke. Really? This is your god?
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Is it Jay and Silent Bob or Jay and SilenCED Bob?
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I don’t always use my extra life on
@hqtrivia
...but when I do I make sure to get out on the next question.
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@Celebrate366
If I were Aaron’s lawyer I’d be thinking about all the billable hours I have coming my way 🤑
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@thefuzzybastard
@alexsteed
…I’m going to be generous and assume this question is in good faith. The point is that wherever she may have picked up COVID, if she has it (or another illness) she is putting all the passengers at much greater risk of catching it without a mask than if she was wearing one.
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@poeticgenius19
@LaKeniaem
@Phil_Lewis_
This comment indicates neither poetry nor genius. You sir, are living a lie.
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@tragedythyme
Plz read “the gift of fear” by Gavin debecker if u haven’t. abt how we’re socialized 2 B polite & how it is dangerous BC of how predators operate. V 👁 opening & teaches how 2 👂 to our survival instinct of fear - but sounds like u handled a frightening experience w/ calm & grace
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Find you a partner who loves you as much as Harry loves Meghan.
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I guess I’m curious about who invited a 15yo girl to a 45yo comedian’s “game night.”
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@sonyashea3
I used to wait on them at my old restaurant and they are the kindest, sweetest people.
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Over 10k people tested positive in NYC yesterday and 5000 of them were comedians.
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@justsomequeer
@thefuzzybastard
@alexsteed
What does wearing a mask restrict you from doing for the 2-5 hours you’re sharing compressed air with strangers? Airplanes being Petrie dishes for spreading illness is not a new concept - it’s the reason Airborne was created.
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I’m just a girl, standing in front of an iOS update, asking it to let me mark texts as unread
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Some people say Chrissie Mayr is such an opportunist that she’d fuck Hitler if it helped her career. But that’s not true.
She’d fuck Hitler for his personality.
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When is Ryan Gosling gonna grow tf up and become Ryan Goose
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Let’s start the 7pm thing again but instead of clapping we all just scream
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RIP Jax. This was the last night of her fest Bad Bitch Revolution. I remember feeling very low that night and she gassed me up just by being herself. She had so much life force. 🤍
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Showing my fiancé the Harry Potter movies for the first time and described Goblet of Fire as “historic because it introduced the world to Robert Pattinson.”
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#AllLivesDidntMatter
when the US govt rounded up Asian-American citizens and put them in camps during WW2
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March has some fucking nerve showing its face around here again.
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A big part of the writing process is convincing yourself that whatever you’re doing to avoid writing is part of the process
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The NYC earthquake is serious. Reports are saying dozens of cops may have dropped their phones 😔
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@thebl0w
Even when the city does offer resources to get people a home, they are unusable. I was working with a woman who was in shelter with her adult daughter, they had a voucher from the city that would cover rent for a year. Landlords would not accept it.
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@SarennaMonique
@MikelJoshua
@BradleyCongress
He caught his reflection in the laptop screen after he busted 😂😂😂
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Men are more likely to be survivors of sexual assault than falsely accused of sexual assault.
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@justsomequeer
@thefuzzybastard
@alexsteed
Bro if you don’t give a fuck about common decency and basic consideration for someone else’s life, there’s no reason for me to give a fuck about your opinion. Good luck to you.
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Feels wrong to be sentimental on here but I got engaged & the 💍 Nate gave me was my maternal gma’s, from my Japanese-American grandpa after fighting in Italy, literally making it Antifa. This engagement is sponsored by killing fascists and we love our sponsors, don’t we folks?
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When I was a kid my mom told me that when I have my own home I can keep it as messy as I want, and I will be reminding her of that when I pick her up from the airport today
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It must be so embarrassing to be a redpilled NYC comedian and still not get booked on Skankfest.
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If you don’t tip in 2020, you would’ve owned slaves in 1820.
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Fuck R Kelly for a lot of worse things but also because now I can’t start a weed company called High Like An Eagle
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@gaymeatkarl
Ashlee and Janet were two of many incredible female performers that the 00s threw to the wolves. But at least Ashlee’s child’s grandma is Diana Ross and they can’t take that away from her
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@ryangrim
Not too late to delete this terrible take.
The audacity to take a bath with the video on?!? Why is he even putting himself in a position to possibly, accidentally expose his naked self to coworkers especially when it is so easy not to?
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@unluckycat61
@whstancil
You’re not wrong but isn’t that because white women writ large are adhering to principles that are agreeable to the white men in power, per OP’s point?
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IT’S BEEN A FUCKIN YEAR WHY IS THE MASK UNDER YOUR CHIN
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Look, if Joey Chestnut tests positive for weed THEN we have a problem
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@itsafronomics
And his maternal grandpa wrote the screenplay for gone with the wind. 2nd gen baby both sides!
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@not_a_heather
@feotloast
I am fairly certain there is no law prohibiting cyclists from biking outside the bike lane.
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Gonna start saying “heads up” instead of “sorry” to stop over apologizing.
Heads up, I’m running a little late.
Heads up, I have a favor to ask.
Heads up for your loss.
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People always hype 4:20 as the time to smoke weed, but as a culture we’ve vastly overlooked High Noon.
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@nosmokenomore
“Coasts through” her dad died, Kristen interfering with her relationship, she opened up about her abusive ex, her body/self-image issues, her mental health challenges, grandma died, dog died and…oh yeah, having her whole life upturned by the 7 month betrayal that was Scandoval
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Nothing but respect for MY president!!!!!!
Pop star Pink says she'll pay fines of Norwegian athletes charged for not wearing bikini bottoms
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@FoxtherapyLLC
@courtchanelsays
Therapy should be accessible. I’m tired of people who disregard the needs of low-income people working in healthcare.
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@msolurin
Her beef about not mentioning uncle Johnny died from aids is so random…I thought it was mentioned? If not….Forrest gump level critical thinking skills would get you there. My take was that it was to celebrate his life rather than focus on his death but haters gonna hate
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@eiffeltyler
@yumcoconutmilk
I ALMOST got punched in union square last week while on my phone. I think it’s more than one person though.
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Good news New Yorkers, you can get a little more life out of any “impeach the motherfucker” merch you may have lying around 😈
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@joshgondelman
Incredibly arrogant to say this when less than half of the doc has been released!
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They tear gassed the mayor of Portland and I think I speak for everyone when i say do de Blasio next
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@nosmokenomore
Research has shown that autistic children with regression typically hit crawling, walking, and speaking milestones early before regressing at some point typically btw 2-3yrs. Cruz is 2 🤷♀️
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What if we all just take turns being mayor like it’s Tig’s twitter
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@LaKeniaem
@Phil_Lewis_
It’s okay! I can feel you were coming from a good place with it! Please don’t cry we have too much water already 🥲
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@cmclymer
FWIW
There is a LOT of misinformation regarding doctor's letters in lieu of the ones
@BernieSanders
released, in no small part because the modern journalist has no idea how to report on science/medicine, so I thought I'd take it upon myself as a physician to break it down
#NotMeUs
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@soledadobrien
@EyesOnTheRight
@BethLynch2020
You don’t know how to type your name into the search bar?
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@LovingGillianA
It’s not that it’s a “low blow.” It’s a hack joke that people have been telling since the vaudeville era. It’s insulting to open a Netflix special with something my grandpa read in a joke book.
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In 10 years that MAGA hat kid will still be late night texting girls he treated like shit in HS with opening lines like “Entertain me.”
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My non-comedian friends absolutely live for unwittingly sending me TikToks of comics I personally cannot stand 🥴
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Dead Sheldon, next week on CBS!
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