Erin Griggs
@Wordslingeuse
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Following
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Harris/Walz 2024 Hope & Ope *she/her*
Kansas, USA
Joined May 2011
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U STEAL MY HEART 1STMEET
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Pinned Tweet
@CBSNews
"When I lied up a warrant and you shot me in the leg after I broke into the house and we murdered your girlfriend, it REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS."
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@ACLU
Most roses are bred
But violets are wild
We'll fight for the rights
Of a transgender child
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2K
@TsybulskaLiubov
"You have my sword..."
"And my bow."
"And my axe!"
...
Ukrainian housewife: "Bitch, I got pickles."
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2K
@AngelJonesPhD
One of my students called me Lady Miss Griggs, shortened to LG over the years.
If your Black students nick you (and it's not like an "'Ol Cranky Mayo" nick, altho tbh also would be accurate), that nick is a mark of honor and you go with it proudly.
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@laurenthehough
Shout-out to 1983, the year I became old and responsible enough to take care of my sister all summer when mom was at work!
...I was 10.
I GOT this.
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1K
@BrennanML
Olivia Colman as an acerbic, but loving daughter, constantly trying to get her father Patrick to stay out of scrapes...but rather easily distracted by both G&T's and Andrew.
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@AngryBlackLady
My 82 mama was skeptical: "Are you sure? We say Black now?"
"Capitalized."
"BLACK?"
"...er, maybe not THAT capitalized."
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1K
@saugarmaripuri
@trevorshowvan
@TableBoston
"Prefix"
"PREFIX."
...It's "prix fixe."
For a restaurant, this is like misspelling "apple."
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@Karnythia
@marjoriemliu
Subbing a kindergarten class, a little girls walks up, stares at my chest.
"You have big boobies. My grandma had big boobies. She's dead now and her boobies are rotting off. Is it almost recess?"
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@justky1018
@variedints
...when my son got his 1st apartment, I bought him a nice shower curtain, a fancy bathmat, NICE HAND TOWELS, and I told him to go keep a small variety of menstrual and basic care products in a drawer for women visitors.
...I trained him to be a THOUGHTFUL harlot.🤣
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@brownandbella
Pre-med guy thought that since trauma-related vaginismus is a real thing that any woman raped whose vagina didn't clamp up in...I dunno, rape-vaginismus? was actually biologically willing. Her body wanted the powerful conqueror sperm, he argued, else it would clamp up tight.
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@laurenthehough
P.S. My sister is hale & hearty to this day!
...She never broke her arm on a bike on MY watch, MOM & DAD...
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@KeatonPatti
Expand the courts
Sex blimp
Your lasagna is too limp
Make DC into a state
Green New Deal is really great
Restaurants just for the gays --
That's what every liberal says
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@Nicole_Cliffe
The first, and one of the few times I saw my dad cry is when he told me about our Scottie, Muffin, who was killed protecting baby me from a pack of feral dogs when I was in the backyard.
She killed the lab mix, the shepard mix, a terrier and a Dobie b4 my dad ran out w/his gun.
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@desusnice
I performed the wedding ceremony for one of my former h.s
students a month ago, after she got engaged while we were in JA together on a friends-vaca (we became friends after she grad'd uni.)
So, yeah, contact your former teachers. In general, we're ECSTATIC to hear from you.
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@Emma4Change
@AMarch4OurLives
I love how y'all heard the people discussing how young POC who have been advocating for gun reform for a good long while are not getting even half the bandwidth, listened, and said "F this too -- let's get together & talk about this BS."
Good job. Keep it up.
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@CNN
"Audibly distraught?"
She went from angrily yelling at him to a trembling little falsetto in 2.3 seconds. She clearly faked it just to get a quicker 911 response.
This apology is because she got caught and faces actual consequences. She wasn't terrified; she was pissed.
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@Ocasio2018
I hereby decree that Congressional debates be conducted via rap battle. It makes more sense than some of the present foolishness.
I mean, I already watch C-SPAN for fun; give me this.
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@MeredithNussba1
@turnageb
@Freeyourmindkid
I have my Confederate ancestor's diary. He thought black people were subhuman.
I'm reeeal comfortable with calling him a racist asshole.
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@aoiph
@Nicole_Cliffe
I hope one of their weeping employees "embroidered their feelings" into their royalty earnings percentage invoice:
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@neilhimself
Them: "I bought milk once from that store and it was bad."
NG: "It's a different brand."
"It was SOUR!"
"...dude, I tasted it. It's from my own cow. I approve!"
"....sOuR!!"
"...you haven't even tasted it y--"
"I. HAD. SOME. BAD. MILK. ONCE!!"
"...OK then...🙄"
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@studentswalkout
Already told my 15 y.o. that I am fully in support of him doing this if he so chooses.
I say this as a parent *and* as a former teacher.
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@IsaacFitzgerald
It's all the generational farming DNA: we MUST support community life to survive, but also your neighbor might snap and go after your fam with an axe at any point in the winter.
So be nice and friendly because life depends on it...but always be prepped to to go ape-shit.
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@lynna_listens
Not a safety thing, but I tell my 22 y.o. to keep a small cache of menstrual supplies at his apt for female friends or romantic partners. I even told him I'd subsidize it.
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@sblackmoore
Ahaha, I used to bribe my hs students to do their nightly readings in the Sh. unit by offering extra credit for every naughty reference found.
A senior, shooketh: "Miss, even "Othello" is filthy! And it's a TRAGEDY!"
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@chelseadevantez
@Tanisia
My husband and I have agreed that we can't play certain games together.
I'm the "FUCK YOU BECCA!!" in the relationship, though, when it comes to games.
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@CarissasNewLife
I've had multiple nurses ask my mom the standard elder abuse question...in front of me.
And each time, as a former DV CM, I tell the nurse,"You are asking her if she is being abused...in front of the person statistically most likely to be her abuser. DO. BETTER."
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@harriettsbooks
My 9 year old self is saddened by this career path she never knew was an option.
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@bestofnextdoor
Welp, now I know what Sunday dinner will be, after I take the tots to see Paddington 2.
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@HopefulOB2Be
@stuboo
@c3convertase
Train your staff appropriately! Last week, my mom's nurse asked her if she was experiencing abuse IN FRONT OF ME (the most likely person to be abusing her as an elder!), and as a former DV legal liaison, I was furious and told the nurse how this could actually lead to MORE abuse.
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@Karnythia
We nailed heavy blankets over inside doors to keep the heat confined to a few rooms (lr, kitchen, bath, any rooms with water pipes. Your bedroom doesn't have to stay warm: you can pile blankets when sleeping, or sleep in the main room.)
Do NOT use your firepit in your garage.
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@Jwhitbrook
@runwithskizzers
@io9
Role of a lifetime, but idiotic hatemongering is more fun, I guess??
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@BigMeanInternet
I saved a drunk girl from drowning in a muddy volleyball court freshmen week of school (face down unconscious in muddy water.) She'd run into me & thank me thru undergrad.
30 yrs later, she is a pediatric cardiac xplant surgeon who has saved hundreds of children's lives.
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@NatashaTynes
@HilarieAshton
@rgay
My entire academic field calls this "literary critique."
It's a whole thing!
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@GrahamB47
@Rschooley
I watched TSA make a woman remove her prosthetic leg & hop through while they x-rayed it.
(Also watched a lawyer, a stranger to the woman, traveling the same flight, LOSE HIS SHIT, and, in a move I've only seen in movies, say "Hand me a dollar so I can deal with this bullshit.")
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@1804_gang
Got a panicked call from a 16 yo student 1 night - 'they won't keep mom'-and I threw on my most professional blazer and, shocker, wyt teacher lady shows up asking for the ombudsman and patient adv & *all of a sudden* the Sp speaking immigrant mom NOT getting released sans testing
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@ravenscimaven
Oh yeah, there was even a "Missed Connections" section: "I saw you, a lovely redhead, reading "The Secret History" at Broadway Roasters last Thursday. You had a PIL shirt on; I am enthralled. Have a coffee with an AI student? We'll talk about music and literature"
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@ask_aubry
Listen. My 50s-era dad, former Army, would walk into a Kmart rocking his flattop, buy the BIGGEST box of the MAXIEST pads for Mom (the box was larger than a chunky toddler) with a CHECK and go put 'em in his 1973 Dodge Ram on his way home from his lineman job, from 1962 to 1998.
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@amy_riveter
Apply & interview for jobs you're not 100% or even 80% qualified for, because Annoying C-Student Chad from school sure AF is, without a single qualm.
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@nataliesurely
@joshgondelman
She's on a fixed income after my father's death and my sister and I can't come up with $700 OOP each month, so she suffers in her old age so the pharma and insurance cos can give million-dollar bonuses to CEOs.😑
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@adambvary
I'm an English teacher and copy-editor, and this statement is a DANG impressive example of a beautifully wrapped gift that contains... absolutely nothing.
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@jaketapper
Tell this to the teachers I know still buying sanitizer and masks out of their own pockets for students because school supply can't keep up with usage and losses. *Basics*
But sure. It's safe.
If your kids go to or you teach at a well-funded school, it's qwhite a bit safer.
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@catvalente
The putatively male writer of the Song of Solomon described boobs as roe deer millenia ago and the bar for titty WTFuckery was set so, SO low
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@SouthernSincere
@JoannaSimkin
Also art supplies, gardening supplies, massages, and bubble bath.
Or so I...hear.
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@cassie_complex
@Nicole_Cliffe
"While I sat on my ass in the hall "supporting" my laboring wife by doing absolutely nothing, no temporary wife showed up to cater to my needs."
Such are the doughty conquerors of the world: the mighty man.
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@nataliesurely
@joshgondelman
My elderly mom's insurance forced her to switch to the pens because it was "cheaper"...but you can't get all of the very very expensive insulin out unless you jab yourself over and over again to get out the bit at the end. My mom has fragile skin and rolling veins. It HURTS.
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@DylanIsWriting
Friendo, my parents were like if she wants to read 1500 pages of primeval herbology just for 3 scenes of primordial boneology, vaya con dios.
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@MayorGinther
@deray
"This afternoon officers shot and killed a 15 year old girl."
Tired of passivity.
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@s_m_i
“If I can make a slight profit, that’s fine,” he said. “But I’m not looking to be in a situation where I make the front page of the news for being that guy who hoarded 20,000 bottles of sanitizer that I’m selling for 20 times what they cost me.”
Too late, you profiteering ghoul
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@_celia_bedelia_
Guys think a period accident is a lil droplet of blood in the gusset you dab at daintily with a paper towel, and not the pig-butchering, blood-to-your-knees, red-handed MESS a bad period is.
I didn't want ANYONE to see "Carrie" drawers .
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@nhannahjones
My favorite banned book is Toni Morrison's "Beloved," because I'm a former English h.s. teacher and I was refused to be allowed to teach it in my dual-college credit Senior English class at a h.s. with a 97% Black student body, and I'm gonna hold that grudge till I DIE.
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@lunainvidia
@JustinLehmiller
My mom is a lifelong romance reader. In the last 5 years, she has become heavily into not just shifter roms (shifters of all stripes, heh) but M/M and menage PNRs. The furrier, finnier and hornier, the better.
She is a 75 y.o. straight old Midwestern Christian lady.
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@AngryBlackLady
I was so confused by the requests for hair grease as a baby teacher🤣
9 mos later on college acceptance letter day:
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@uyarakq
🤣🤣🤣in the 90s I studied abroad in London, and as a 20 yo English major discovering feminist theory, I became a little notorious for hollering "PHALLIC SYMBOL!" during tours: "WE'RE SURROUNDED BY OLD WHITE MAN DICKS!"
In retrospect, I'm sure I was annoying; however,
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@ellysmelancholy
Me zooming in to give proper due to the hours and hours of painstaking handwork 😍
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@IcebergAk
@JoannaSimkin
Those people can ride a rusty chainsaw to hell with badgers clamped to their junk.
My stepson is my beloved kid. Period. Full stop.
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@Oprah
@oprahsbookclub
@jeaninecummins
If I wanted to hear about the immigrant experience from a Nice White Lady, I'd turn on Fox News.
I'll support actual authors of color when reading about fictional immigration stories, thanks.
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@anne_theriault
@Meowrowrie
ER for 8th gall bladder attack, only 1 ever went to ER for. I get morphine, tell docs I have high pain AND meds tolerance. Morph does nil. They increase. 2 hrs later, still in 9 levels of pain. Shift change.
New 50something Black woman ER doc has me on Dilaudid asap. She HEARD
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@HitmanNumber86
@melaniepeppin
@okimstillhungry
Actually my cancer mom is a big fall-risk, so yes, if I am alone with her, I pop my phone in a waterproof lanyard and take it into the shower.
It's ok for most people to be phone-free for 30 mins, but no, not everyone can be unplugged.
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@courtneymilan
A little bird linked to that article last night and I told my sister, who PAs for an indie author, "By morning, Tingle will have issued a solid, pounding reBUTTal to this. No bet."
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@awkward_duck
I got one for Xmas, "Make America Gay Again," but I have never worn it, for precisely that reason.
*I'm* anxious when I see a red hat and I'm as white as Shakespeare's ghost; no way I wanna cause way worse anxiety in a stranger of color/LGBT/non-Xian.
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@SeventhGen
@ForestPathology
TFW when the dishwashing liquid company is more ethical than a conservation org...
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@Nicole_Cliffe
Same with my Gimlet here. 17 years, nervous AF and mean with it, so stubborn she stayed upstairs FOR A DECADE, have only put her in a carrier 3x when moving.
Only let my husband pet her after 5 YEARS. He's still cautious.
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@shannonrwatts
This is close to me, and we get ribs there all the time. Damn...
This was a deliberate power-ploy. But notice he didn't try that shit at either upscale Jack Stack, or say, down at Arthur Bryant's original location. No, brave wee man goes to a little Johnson County family joint.
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@notcapnamerica
Sketchy bar: Vodka tonic, extra lime
Nice bar: Vodka gimlet, straight up, extra lime
Wine bar: Prosecco
Sand bar: Margarita, classic, salt, ice
Bar exam: Anything I can find
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I have played
#Wordle
every day in 2022, so with the union strike tomorrow, I feel bad but I just can't break the stre--
-- the line, the LINE, cannot break the line, I'm from a fucking union family and I cannot break the line.
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@AOC
@IlhanMN
@RashidaTlaib
I agree with you on many, many things,, but strangers NOT showing up at my door to breathe at me was actually a mark in the pro column for the Biden/Harris camp this year.
I thought it showed respect for potential voters' & campaign workers' safety that 45...well. Did not.
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@alamanecer
As a former medievalist, I am eating it all up. I AM LIVING HISTORY, AND IT'S LOONYTUNES.
I'm imagining the historians of 2143 writing about this I'M CRYING🤣🤣🤣
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@mollypriddy
@mohmlet
One of my former students (a decade later) has become a friend. We go the pool, we've gotten drinks together...she still occasionally slips and calls me Ms. G.
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@jules_writes
I'm almost 50, and I still get "young lady"-ed.
My skincare regime appreciates this.
My trifocals & sciatic nerves do not.
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@nycsouthpaw
@sarahkendzior
But janitors, cashiers, and healthcare professionals keep on grinding...😑
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As a DV worker, let me tell you how many times I heard survivors tell me they were told "Don't make me hurt you," "You brought this on yourself."
...every time.
“Officer, please don’t do this to me,” the 9-year-old girl says at one point after she was pepper sprayed by police.
“You did it to yourself, hon,” the officer responds.
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@PreetBharara
"Critical & important matters" like...binge-watching FOX and rage-tweeting?!
Don't forget the golf. ALL the golf. So much golf.
And criming takes up a bit of time, too!
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