We Want Plates 🍽
@WeWantPlates
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145,317
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1
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The global crusade against serving food on bits of wood and roof slates, chips in mugs and jam-jar drinks. Buy the book:
Joined March 2015
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Pinned Tweet
TOP 50: The worst of We Want Plates. RT to raise awareness. ✊🍽
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"Chef, we've only got a tiny bit of cheesecake and two raspberries left."
"Fetch the Big Slate."
"But chef..."
"BIG SLATE."
(Pic:
@wozziel
)
111
1K
4K
"Sorry, I didn't order a beer."
"That's gravy, sir."
"It's what?"
"Gravy."
"In a can?"
"Yes."
[looks round]
"Gravy?"
(Pic:
@Eamonn_Forde
)
259
2K
4K
What you order: gourmet Vegemite on toast.
What you get: a chopping board, cold toast, a leaf stuck on some butter and a reminder to take your dog to the vet.
(Pic: Huon Oliver)
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The board.
The volume of liquid.
The inability to see what’s going to happen.
The desperate attempts to contain the seepage with her fingers.
The crushingly inevitable appearance of an emergency plate.
This has everything.
93
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3K
"How would you like your iced coffee?"
"Deconstructed and served on a child's book, please."
(Pic: Lyn Nguyen)
61
925
2K
“What do we want?”
“Free sanitary products!”
“When do we want them?”
“Not while we’re eating dessert at an experimental Japanese restaurant, but thanks for the thought.”
(Pic:
@illicit_empress
)
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910
2K
"Welcome to the Michael Jackson Fan Convention, enjoy the buffet."
"Thanks. I'm starting with the ham on the mirror."
(Pic:
@Trowners
)
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2K
"How are the BBQ prawns served?"
"On a tree with a ceramic rabbit."
*blinks*
(Pic:
@SStenlake
)
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2K
If only someone would invent a round, ceramic vessel with a lip to prevent custard spillage.
(Pic:
@stakgeorge
)
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2K
Restaurant fined £50,000 for using manky old wooden boards. WARNING: Contains images of grotty
#bumpaddles
some readers may find disturbing.
An Acocks Green restaurant that kept using wooden plates to serve food on has been fined £50k by Bham Magistrates court after a case brought by the city council.
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202
89
675
2K
They served the slate on top of a plate and are just taking the piss now.
(Pic:
@arlenemcd27
)
50
518
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Taken at a Flaming Grill, where they serve food on bin lids. Small victories are better than none.
(Pic: Dawn Butler)
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Remembering the glorious day when a Flaming Grill couldn't serve food in their usual bin lids and put up this sign.
(Pic: Dawn Butler)
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Remembering the glorious day when a Flaming Grill couldn't serve food in their usual bin lids and put up this sign.
(Pic: Dawn Butler)
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“Hi, we asked for the bill.”
“We brought it.”
“Where is it?”
“It’s under the raspberries.”
“Under the raspberries is a rock.”
“The bill is under the rock.”
[blinks]
(Pic:
@ruthreed01
)
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402
2K
"Is the ice cream locally produced?"
"No, but the jam jar and bit of skirting board are from a skip down the road."
(Pic:
@joannabeaufoy
)
56
659
2K
"The chicken lacks something, chef."
"Seasoning?"
"No."
"Jus?"
"No."
"Reproduction medieval sword?"
(Pic: M Graham)
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878
1K
That reminds me, must take the dog to the vet tomorrow.
Will the chefs be able to replicate
@MGaletti01
squid rings with garlic mayo on
#MasterChefTheProfessionals
#MasterChefUK
Find out how to cook deep-fry squid here
48
8
42
54
329
1K
Fish and chips on a Ferris wheel.
THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
(Pic: Gareth Nelson)
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912
1K
“I’ll have the asparagus tempura, please.”
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
“What’s that noise?”
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
“Oh, that’s the mini forklift truck preparing your mini pallet and mini shopping trolley.”
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
(Pic:
@ClemMurphy
)
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1K
There is only one thing girls want, and it starts with a P and ends in a S.
2K
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7
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"Chef, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have arrived, they've ordered the tempura shoe to share."
(Pic:
@eeketht
)
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"Would you like some bread while you wait?"
*five minutes later*
"I'M FORTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD."
(Pic:
@megoizzy
)
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1K
Is this:
a) A crime scene.
b) A Turner Prize entry.
c) Sea bass nailed to a floorboard at James Martin’s Chewton Glen restaurant.
(Pic:
@Hannahgoesgreen
)
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1K
Dear chefs,
Please stop serving chips in plant pots. When adding vinegar to the chips it seeps on to the table. NOBODY LIKES VINEGARY TABLES, least of all the staff on crappy wages who have to clear up your weird gardening-based serving fetish.
Kind regards,
Everyone
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1K
"Would you like your egg boiled, poached or scrambled?"
"Boiled and balanced on a 15mm isolating ball valve, please."
(Pic:
@lucyfishwife
)
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1K
"I'm sorry our chef hasn't assembled your pulled pork burger, he's very busy buying slates online."
(Pic:
@Cuff76
)
http://t.co/fP778EHlrP
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No.
Have you ever eaten dinner off your table?
For the full episode, watch Business Insider Today on Facebook:
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Jamie Oliver closes six restaurants and blames Brexit.
Nothing to do with serving bland, overpriced food on manky old wooden boards.
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When asking for your meal to be served on a plate, please be specific. Hipster restaurateurs are cunning creatures.
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“Chef! Word is there’s a Michelin inspector in town!”
“OK. Don’t panic. We’ll go pretentious, but not too pretentious.”
“Is the tuna served on a spine too pretentious?”
“I DON’T KNOW ANY MORE.”
This literally filled the length of the table...for a miniscule piece of tuna
#lostforwords
#takeitaway
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"White coffee, please."
"Certainly. Would you like an extra shot of Hipster nonsense with that?"
(Pic:
@JamilaRizvi
)
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“Your beef, Sir.”
“Erm... is this a traditional serving method particular to the region?”
“No. Our chef just really likes Lady Gaga.”
(Pic: Ged Richter)
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Sausages.
In a tree.
A tree of sausages.
They served a tree of sausages.
(Pic:
@9inelives
)
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”Sausage and mash, please.”
“Pint?”
“No, a half. I’m driving.”
(Pic: Mara Webb)
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Coffee could become really popular if someone could just invent some sort of vessel for drinking it out of.
(Pic:
@EliotLandrum
)
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It's
#BritishPieWeek
. Beware of:
Pies on boards
Pies on slates
Pies in mugs
Pies in jugs
Pies with salad
Pies in stupid little dishes served with separate stupid little dishes of veg and no plate
Fraudulent pies which are actually just stew with a pastry lid
(Pic:
@Coupey
)
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1K
Toast.
Simple toast.
Dependable toast.
Just-put-it-on-a-plate toast.
77
466
1K
“How’s the crab served?”
“On a plank in a baking tray, holding a lemon and wearing a samphire wig.”
“Dignified.”
“Very.”
(Pic:
@Clifflirt
)
36
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1K
Pringles in a trolley, I know
I know, it's serious
Pringles in a trolley, I know
I know, it's really serious
(Pic: Ellie Bain)
58
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1K
The rise of the idiots.
71
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1K
Despite all my rage I am still just cheesecake in a cage.
37
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“We got any bowls?”
“Loads of bowls. We’re a cereal cafe.”
“Are they vegan bowls?”
[beards are stroked]
“GATHER THE AVOCADO SHELLS.”
73
362
1K
“It’s a femur.”
“You sure, chef?”
“It’s a femur.”
“But it looks like a...”
“FEMUR.”
(Pic:
@gastromimix
)
47
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1K
When you order fish and chips but the chef’s decided he’s quitting in the morning and can’t be arsed.
(Pic: Simon Spence)
40
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1K
Hi
@realDonaldTrump
. Know you're very busy propelling the planet towards nuclear war, but if you get chance can you buy some plates please?
Our prime hanger steak served with romesco, roasted cauliflower and mustard jus is absolutely mouthwatering.
Insta photo by: rayspicksnyc
799
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IRONING INSTRUCTIONS
Cotton: iron on high heat
Silk: iron on medium heat
Nylon: iron on low heat
Prawns: iron on manky board
(Pic:
@Zahn0
)
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1K
No it fucking isn’t.
#WeWantPlates
61
77
992
“Welcome to the Lazy Chef Cafe, what can I get you?”
“An orange juice, please.”
(Pic:
@justandrea
)
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A friendly reminder to all cafes on
#NationalToastDay
that toast should not be served in a tin bath.
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"Today's specials include fish on a stick in a rock on a mirror."
"Literally?"
"Literally."
(Pic:
@Sinead_aka_Nade
)
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940
Please be careful if you’re going to the pub today.
- Stay alert
- Control the virus
- Don’t eat stuff served in beer glasses
37
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Chefs: transform sausages into more expensive sausages by putting them in a goth's ashtray.
(Pic:
@BrightSparkleJ
)
http://t.co/QYq6sjbvrI
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“Your tuna starter, sir.”
[lunges at cube, catapults tuna into coat rack, impales eye on spike]
(Pic: Miley Dahmer)
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You can't go wrong with a classic Shepherd's Pie. Unless you're the Old George Inn, South Cerney.
(Pic:
@headcovers
)
183
1K
902
“All burgers are served on wooden boards so please request a plate if you would prefer one.”
If all burgers were served on plates, how many people would request a wooden board?
WE’LL GIVE YOU A CLUE: NONE.
(Pic:
@JerryDLeigh
)
30
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903
Nuts used as emergency cheese dam during slate-based baked Camembert catastrophe.
(Pic:
@nick_thompson
)
53
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900
@realDonaldTrump
You served bacon on a washing line in your hotels you orange-tinted flappy-haired tiny-handed man-baby.
MAKE AMERICA PLATE AGAIN 🍽
42
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Lancashire hotpot.
That loud noise you can hear is Yorkshire laughing.
(Pic:
@JLewisland
)
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People are idiots.
53
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846
Unbelievably not an article by
@TheOnion
.
Hipsters demand for trendy food fad leads to roof tile shortage
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17
250
869
Fish and chips
#2009vs2019
2009:
Plate
Big fish
Loads of chips
2019:
Fake market crate
Small fish on a load of pebbles
Chips in a mini shopping basket
Plastic seaweed
Vinegar in an eye dropper
Happy New Year.
54
252
867
Hi
@elonmusk
. If we organise a worldwide Mason jar amnesty for hipster bars and restaurants, will you collect them all, put them on a massive rocket and fire them into the sun?
Mason jars with a handle or wine stem cause me to lose faith in humanity
2K
4K
40K
11
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"Chef, we can't keep charging people so much for some bits of fruit on a plate."
"FETCH THE MUG TREE AND A DRILL."
(Pic:
@Aunty_Marianne
)
26
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833
"Table for two, please."
"Table for three? Certainly."
"No, there's only two of us."
"One chair's for the bread."
(Pic:
@alexbean
)
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“Our environmentally-friendly tempura is made with
sustainable seafood and vegetables, harvested in ways that consider the long-term well-being of our precious land and oceans.”
“Wonderful! How’s it served?”
“On a large polystyrene block.”
(Pic:
@HynesLin
)
51
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824
.
@jamieoliver
How about a fourth way - on a plate, not some offcut you found in your shed.
25
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Dear Pubs,
When you ask “Can I get you any condiments with your meal?” and the reply is “Yes please, ketchup and vinegar”, a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of vinegar would be lovely.
Not this.
(Pic:
@dbbas
)
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If only someone would invent some sort of cup-like vessel for drinking coffee out of, it could become really popular.
(Pic:
@EliotLandrum
)
32
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832
Condiments on bricks, for those who like their salt and pepper with a hint of urine from other diners’ fingers.
(Pic:
@jameslawley
)
67
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CHEFS: Transform your floor sweepings into Michelin-starred floor sweepings by serving them on a rock for twenty quid.
(Pic:
@lesleyrdunlop
)
49
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Coffee could become really popular if someone could just invent some sort of vessel for drinking it out of.
(Pic:
@EliotLandrum
)
51
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Still fuming at this.
Ordered "luxury" toast from cafe in Harpenden. It's just toast, but on a slate.
@WeWantPlates
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"Chef! We've run out of dessert bowls!"
"Don't panic, I kept a load of ashtrays after the smoking ban."
(Pic: Jess English)
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FACT: There are only 7,000 plates left in the wild after hipsters introduced slates to these shores in 2014.
#EndangeredSpeciesDay
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Do you:
a) drink the beans
b) tip them on the slate
c) use the sausage as a spoon
#MichaelSpecial
(Pic:
@CTrembeth
)
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And so, on
#WorldPastaDay
, we bow our heads in silence and remember the pint of Spaghetti Bolognese.
(Pic:
@benhowell123
)
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"Excellent idea to dim the lighting so customers can't see how small our portions are, chef."
"GODDAMMIT JUSTIN, TABLE SIX HAVE BROUGHT THEIR OWN MINIATURE DESK LAMP."
(Pic: HT
@dazcun
)
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There are only 6,000 plates left in the wild after hipsters introduced slates to these shores in 2014. In 2022 we need your support more than ever.
#HappyNewYear
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753
Starters served in a desk organiser.
AN ACTUAL DESK ORGANISER FROM AMAZON.
*may contain staples* ☠️
(Pic:
@MarieaHobbs83
)
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- You can’t stack them
- You can’t put them in a dishwasher
- You get a tiny portion of chips
- You need to put a napkin in them to stop vinegar seepage
If only someone could invent a stackable, dishwashable, generously-sized product with a raised edge to solve these problems.
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"And how would you like your steak?"
"On a large lump of concrete, please."
Said no one. Ever.
(Pic:
@neilwillley
)
http://t.co/T636PWacCx
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