Four Seasons Total Landscaping
@TotalSeasons
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Following
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We are a LANDSCAPING business, take care not to confuse us with a hotel. ᵖᵃʳᵒᵈʸ ᵃᶜᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ
Joined November 2020
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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So embarrassing! 😊 Someone came in today to dispute their bill and we must have accidentally hit record on our phone.
#NoWay
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We’d like to announce that while we are not a hotel, we are a concept of a hotel.
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Maybe we’re just old-fashioned but some of us are a bit funny about all the lies, raping, and treason.
I will never in my life understand why people hate this man.
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@BorisJohnson
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@10DowningStreet
Just touching base - we feel the time is right for a press conference.
We have some experience with this sort of thing…
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Just getting the place ready for the jury’s verdict being delivered 😜
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Before we all jump straight into believing that Trump is cheating on Melania with Laura Loomer, we have to remain calm and consider if Trump is the sort of guy who would cheat:
- on all of his wives
- at golf
- in business
- on charities
- on his taxes
- on the country
oh.
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We have a press conference coming up so just popping down to Wegners for some crudités. Anybody want want anything?
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@KellyannePolls
no, we don't have a vacancy for a Four Seasons Political Consultant. Please stop contacting us.
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Hey,
@RudyGiuliani
looking at our books, we notice that you still owe us for rental of lectern, yard fees, and hors d'oeuvres for 'all the networks'.
Hope this isn't a bad time.
Yours etc.
FSTL
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Yeah, and we’ve just won Best Hotel for Press Conferences! 🥇 🏆
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The danger in removing blue ticks is that, potentially, some idiot could confuse FOUR SEASONS Total Landscaping with the FOUR SEASONS hotel.
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Thanks for your resume .
@TuckerCarlson
and while we note that you have “a wealth of experience in spreading manure”, we have no openings at this time.
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@RudyGiuliani
Rudy, you better damn well tell everyone you didn’t get that creosote here!
Four Seasons creosote: dry to the touch in 30 minutes!
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Fair.
RFK Jr. is to RFK what Four Seasons Total Landscaping is to Four Seasons Hotel
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Welcome to our world, Jeff…
Trump’s lawyers subpoena the wrong Jeffery Rosenberg in hush money case. He doesn’t have any files.
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Had to cancel a contract in Springfield today because of the weather. It was raining cats and dogs. I’m stuffed.
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Oh, oh, I know this one! Racists. It’s racists, isn’t it?
Who else thinks the Downfall of America started with Barack Obama ?
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We have sod smarter than Eric Trump
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That’s a mirror, Eric, not a tv.
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True: Trump has no credit here
Trump has become so unpopular that he can no longer book the parking lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
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So, I quote post insulting Musk and guess what? I suddenly get far fewer likes than usual and suddenly lose a chunk of followers.
Like I say, he’s only for free speech that he approves of. He’s an election interferer.
Like if you see this.
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Here at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, we’ve renamed all of our garlands,
#MerrickGarland
#justice
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The Rose Garden is that little section in our back shop. Another day, another booking.
Will be having a press conference from the Rose Garden in 15 minutes.
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Well, if you need a venue…
If Trump gets arrested, I will invite all of my followers over to my home for a party. I don't see any logistical issues.
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We’d like to extend a warm hand of welcome to our German counterparts in Press Conference venue excellence.
„Stellt das Pult direkt in den Müllberg, das kommt empathisch-dramatisch rüber.“
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@realDonaldTrump
Sir, the elderly gentleman with the podium that you sent along earlier appears to have left his dignity in our parking lot.
But don’t worry, we’ll keep in the back office in case he wants to come back and retrieve it. Though we’re not holding our breath.
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*WE’RE HIRING* more staff needed for HUGE job booked for early 2021. New customer wants us to start work on his rose garden commencing Jan 20th. We received photos of the site today. What. A. Mess.
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Investigators digging into Steve Bannon criminality have our entire stock at their disposal. Anything we can do to help. Keep digging.
Bannon criminal probe in N.Y. includes embedded investigators from state attorney general’s office
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So disappointing - we'd just dusted off the lectern.
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Thanks for asking, but our current receptionist pulled off one hell of a booking this week so we’re going to stick with her.
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OK, so you're all remembering what it's the 3rd Anniversary of today?
I thought this account would last two days! Three years later and almost 30K followers.
A YUGE thanks to all of you for sticking around and enjoying the fun.
Hope we can continue to bring Lawn and Order!
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It's your lucky week, Mr Esper - we're hiring a fence secretary!
BREAKING: Pres. Trump fires Defense Secretary Mark Esper in a tweet.
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Wegner’s: official supplier of Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference crudités
We repeatedly told
@DrOz
that we had pre-made veggie trays..excuse me “Crudité”…in the deli starting at $5.99. $7.99 with guacamole and salsa. Vote
@JohnFetterman
!
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@realDonaldTrump
welcome to the FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING GAMESHOW!
We’ve hidden 11,780 votes in one of our septic tanks! You’ve got 5 minutes to find them all in our all or nothing final round, GO FISH!
On your marks, get set...
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I mean, there are loads of reasons, but I’d probably go for the raping. Yeah, a lot of it’s the raping.
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OK, so I’m in this for the fun and silliness and not just the followers. But tonight I was followed by someone who has been a hero of mine since I was about 6 years old, and and it’s a wonderful thing. X
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LOL this tweet really has the cult furious. It’s glorious
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@realDonaldTrump
While we always value customer feedback, after careful consideration, we don’t believe that,
‘Grab ‘em by the Pussywillow’
is the right fit for our next advertising campaign slogan. Of course, we wish you luck with any future endeavours.
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Trump is now the color of Tupperware that you've kept bolognese in.
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Nothing screams “don’t look too closely at my accounts!” Like a call to abolish the IRS
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We’re getting the band back together! 😂
BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly threatened his top campaign managers today that if they don't turn around his swing state poll numbers by next weekend he's going to fire them and bring back Rudy Giuliani.
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We have a funeral parlour next door and we can provide the wood for the empty casket.
Uh oh! Rudy Giuliani says the GOP witness who had all the information regarding their fake Biden bribery scheme has died.
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Trump is done. Vance - as a Russian puppet - is using him as a vehicle to the White House.
Vance is playing Trump like a SPAM fiddle.
Bookmark this Tweet.
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@cratballs
I like men not to grab women by the pussy because they are powerful. I like men to be man enough to concede defeat when they lose and not throw a tantrum and then throw other people into an insurrection. I like men not to steal state secrets.
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@RebekahRutt
Correct. Slander is slander.
But slander is the spoken word. So, I haven’t committed slander.
Libel, is what you mean. It relates to the published written word. However, you must prove that what I have written is untrue. Good luck with that. You’re not very good at this.
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@ChrisSn84413920
MAGA: because the best type of indoctrination is where the subjects do it on themselves.
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Not sure if I'm doing this right.
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
If I've got it wrong, perhaps someone could show me how to do it correctly. Also, it's true that
#PutinOwnsTrump
Swell idea,
@DisavowTrump20
! Won't you join me? It'll be F-U-N! Let's get started:
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
#PutinOwnsTrump
See how it works?
Then DO it!
🍊❤️s 🇷🇺
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Remember to book early as the holiday period is always a busy time for us - for example, some big grumpy orange guy in DC has just hired us to pave over his *entire* garden in time for the new tenant arriving on January 20th. Big job. Huge.
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I’m showing this to my wife. I’ve been telling her this for *years*!
Somewhere behind the Four Seasons Total Landscaping brand, humanity’s greatest comic genius is doing their best work.
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Why, will it go down in flames too?
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When you think you’ve booked a hotel and it turns out to be a garden center
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Melania Trump is a ‘political figure’ in the same way that we are a 5 star hotel.
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Dear .
@RudyGiuliani
we’ve just heard that Jenna Ellis has flipped and wondered if you’d like to renew your creosote subscription with us. We feel you’re going to be doing a lot of sweating.
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Rudy believes we’re a hotel. Doesn’t make it true.
Outside the courthouse where George Santos pleaded not guilty on Wednesday, he told reporters that he thought the fraud charges were a product of a “witch hunt."
“I believe I’m innocent,” he said.
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Lost 100 followers today. Don’t think my humor has deteriorated. Thanks Elon. Spread the word guys, give me a follow! I promise to continue being very, very, silly.
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I'm f***ing not!
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🚨 BREAKING: we’re offering to host a
#debate
between Marjorie Taylor Greene and an old bag of FSTL mulch.
While the mulch edges MTG in IQ scores, we believe with some practice Madge can put up a good fight. Who’s coming?
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Wow! And we thought *we* were a great parody account. Guys, we give up. Hats off to ‘Jim Banks’ 👏👏👏
Have we ever seen a President attack and malign the free press like Joe Biden has??
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10/10 no notes.
@TotalSeasons
I thought you might want to see this. Maybe you could give them some pointers.
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Where's Melania?
We have our best operatives searching foliage but nothing so far.
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Ivanka Trump is a ‘political figure’ in the same way that we are a 5 Star hotel.
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Hope you guys liked our new Four Seasons Patio and Garden Furniture commercial. It cost us a fortune.
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From someone who can’t tell the difference between a hotel and a garden center.
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So, this little Twitter account, started on a whim after an idiot mix-up by the so-called ‘elite’ now has 30,000 followers!
And that’s despite Musks shenanigans.
I didn’t think we’d last a week.
A HUGE thank you to all my followers, I appreciate it SO much.
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This explains a lot. He’s hung like G.I. Joe.
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As gardening specialists, know this, there is no pardon big enough to forgive what she did to the Rose Garden.
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Imagine being a VP candidate just because you’re weaker than Mike Pence. That’s the only qualification Vance has.
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Trump is done. He’s an incompetent and a spent force. Vance is dangerous. An oily and malevolent deceiver. Vote Blue.
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Yet here you are obsessing about her Marge
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Amateur hour.
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Is your creosote caked and uneven? Buy creosote and application sprayer from FSTL for a full and even coverage!
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Is America brave enough to elect a woman over an abuser of women? Let’s hope so.
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😂😂😂 I’m howling.
Dude *pays* for *free* speech.
Ain’t no sucker like a MAGA sucker.
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Today in court:
Trump: Who is this weird kid the AG has as a star witness? He's killing us!
Counsel: That's your son, sir.
Trump: What!? That's not Don JR.
Counsel: No, sir, your other son, Eric.
Trump: Who?
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@catturd2
Yeah, so EVERYONE is lying, except for Trump. Trump the proven liar. You people are fucked in the head.
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We’re asking people to keep an eye out for us. It turns out all our hay straw and wheat straw has been taken over the last couple of days.
That’s right, disappointingly, someone has been on our property recently and is clutching a straws.
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🚨new item in store!
The garden edger.
Unlike a traditional shovel or trowel, it doesn’t have a point.
So we’ve called it the Jim Jordan
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Rudy looks like he’s just been run over by the entire 1970s
Rudy says SNL hasn’t been funny in 20 years and the show would be better if they started using more racial jokes.
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🚨🚨Hoping to open a new store!
How fitting would it be if we bought Trump Tower as our NYC depot? And for about 12 bucks 😂
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Cash up front.
@WUTangKids
@primantibros
@goldbelly
He can see if 4 seasons total landscaping will let him use the parking lot
@TotalSeasons
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Bannon, MTG, Bobo, Gym Jordan, Matt Gaetz, Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Vivek, our old friend Rudy & many more. They all know they're toast if Trump doesn't win. They're fighting for their lives, that's why they've already decided the debate is 'rigged'. Don't let them set the agenda.
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Pfft. Call *that* a presser venue?
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Can customers please use the southern end of the parking lot today as we have to power wash the north end due to massive pile of fertilizer one of our customers spewed there yesterday.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
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No, it’s not Ron DeSantis crying because someone asked him a tough question - easy mistake, but this is our new sprinkler irrigation system! In store now.
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Nige, he booked us thinking we were a four star hotel, typed ‘Covfefe’ on a keyboard with his nose while falling asleep, and suggested nuking hurricanes. He’s not exactly Mata Hari.
The idea that Donald Trump would keep top secret documents from the Oval Office at Mar-a-Lago is laughable. This is a set-up and people won't believe it.
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Just so you know, good guys WITHOUT guns stopped a bad buy with a gun today. Let’s see how that fits their sick narrative.
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