Cruise Daddy😌
@TheHavilah_
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OBIDIENT | Voice Over Artist | MC | Singer | Creative Director | OAP | PR/Comms Specialist | Associate Lecturer | Part time stunna, Full time labalaba🙃
🎶🌍
Joined August 2018
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@TheGreyGenesis
This thing is actually not difficult o🤷🏾♂.
1. Get the equipment.
2. Start out standing straight, then bend, till you're at a 135° angle.
3. Make sure both feet are firmly in place, so that when your upper body detaches from your knees, your relatives can inherit your sneakers
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So I asked questions, &
1. Rusticated for substance possession
2. When he returned, got involved in exam malpractice, leading to a second rustication
3. When he returned, he got involved in exam malpractice again last semester, leading to this expulsion, but “barest minimum”🤦🏽
I just got expelled from uni. God abeg😭 Music is really all I have left, its whats been stopping all suicidal thoughts in my head its whats been keeping me sane and I know it wont fail me. Please RT till this gets to the right audience. I really need this win Twitter 😭 abeg
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@momna_tahir
It must have late at night.
The chicken shouldn't have been dressed indecently at that time of the night.
I actually don't blame the guy......the parents should have brought up the chicken better.
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@kris06sag
@TheGreyGenesis
Oh mija, there was sarcasm the size of a 747 that flew past you there😔
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@onenigeriaa
Multipurpose.
You can rest & sleep in it.
And if your head hits any of the edges, you can rest in it permanently.
I stan a non-suicidal-death-finding badass😌😌😌
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@xamistic
Bro, please explain what you mean by "after the whole cruise." It'll help the investigation.
Were y'all on a boat? Was the cruise on a river or una just rough am for canal? What if her marine spirit likes fresh water, & the cruise was on salty water? Is she related to aquaman?
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@Nellystunna
Awwww......you're so cute. Look at you tweeting like your head doesn't echo when tapped😍🥰
It's the effort for me...........🙌🏾🙌🏾
Ride on, werey!
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@TasleemOfx
We all know he'd be on 25 to life, on death row or would have been executed if he was "slightly tinted" in color.
18 years??? He'd probably be out in 10, for "good behavior"🤦🏾♂🤦🏾♂
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@__Bammmmm
You'll tell woman you're going through stuff & need to figure out stuff in your head without her questioning every 2½ minutes, & she'll translate it as: "oh, so I'M the problem....they told you I'M the one doing you...don't you love ME again...why are you not talking to ME...."
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@__Ahmad_rufai
@wankas4u
You. Will. Lose. Weight.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...from the trekking & crying & hoping someone will be gracious enough to stop for you, only to see that they're slowing down for speed bump😩
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@HelenSspot
Me, I’m indifferent to that one.
I truly hope he finds his feet & has a good life. But not on a foundation of lies please🤦🏽
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@AfricaStoryLive
Shiiiiiiit......y'all better give my nephew credit.
He's the designer of this masterpiece.
So excited to tell him his imagination has come to life!
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@okunadejumoke
@sonik_zakk
1. How many of the guys who rejected you are you friends with, IF you've moved to any?
2. Why do you have the option to reject relationship, but don't want him to have the option to reject friendship? Is it by force? No be winch be dat? Bible
talk "suffer not a witch to live"
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@Postsubman
The "pastor"
The instrumentalists
The werey holding the mic for demon
The demon that has mic etiquette & speaks directly into it while freestyling with the name of Jesus
The "church" members
The person that built the building
The person they bought fuel from.
ALL OF THEM ARE MAD
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@oreoluwapeacee
@jshegz
@tejumania
You couldn't even say "ah people that are interested in glasses babe wey sabi maths should DM o" & give everyone chance.......you just went & offered yourself as a living sacrifice. No be so dem dey do things o🥺
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@_bambootv
@SirLeoBDasilva
Leo: "my ex stabbed me"
Host: "wow.....lmao🤣🤣"
Leo: "another lady held me hostage"
Host: "money heist"
But at the same time: "men should speak more about the traumas they face"
Why? For more wows and money heist references??
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@tejumania
1. Horrible diction
2. Dry horrible jokes
3. Zero range for understanding sarcasm (thought sarcasm was insult)
4. Was always trying to get me to eat amala🤮🤮
5. Liked volvo. Not the beautiful ones of nowadays o, the one wey resemble coffin. THESE ONES!!!!!👇🏾
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@zinnay__
@cassy_collins_
Wait.....there are ladies who appreciate this?😲😲😲
Lmao! Someone said I'm petty because "why do you always want to know details? Can't you just leave me alone?"
So, I left!🥳
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@rutie_xx
You ate all of that......drank that bowl of soup........ate the pineapple........devoured the ice cream..........and still had the audacity to eat your bonnet?
Is your stomach a bottomless pit?😭😭😭😭😭😭
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@TomieLagos
You get!?
Expulsion for barest minimum. Something wey panel must defend for front of senate.
Apparently, he still has a case pending in SDC for destruction of school property, before this expulsion
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@ramisjoshua
@ThaSpecialKK
@this_Sivana_sef
Mistakenly, using a parachute that ran out of diesel 🤷🏾♂
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@zoeyy227
Everyone called me stupid for doing this in high school. 14 years later, it's a lifehack😩😩😩😢
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@the__arny
"Who wants ice cream, shawarma & meatpie?"
"Me! Me!! Me!!!"
"Put on your clothes, be on your best behavior and don't call me mommy OK?"
"But mommy....."
"No! Aunty"
"But aunty, why?"
"Uncle Victor doesn't have children and we don't want him to feel bad"
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@SommyEneje
Reminds me of an "OG"
Gbogbo wa ti fó fun, talmabout "OG for the boys/OG baba/OG my G"
Ashey Ogedengbe l'oruko werey😭😭😭
419😂🤣
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Regardless of the slaps,flogging,bazzing and being outnumbered, that FUTA girl didn't succumb. She didn't kneel down.
Talk about not bowing under pressure.
Amazing strength. I stan!🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
#Futa
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@Damite2ky
Guyyyy.
Even campus fellowship dey run better quality.
And to mention that majority of these church media departments are made up of people doing the work for free!!!
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@Thormiwa_04
Lmao!
So visa office can catch fire before mine is approved......."mabinu dear! I didn't even know I was gonna travel. My mom said I should get her recharge card at the airport, and here we are. I didn't even pack" 🤣
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@ekibyleo
"IDENTIFYING WITH THE FATHER IN-LAW" as per the chairmoo doesn't know you?
"10k for cigarettes"? Na bedford exhaust??
"20k for 1 knife"? Na goliath sword??😭
"50k for opening house" No be the same house dem don dey stay since?😭😭
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@josh2funny
Guy!🥺
Ah🙆🏾♂
From the depths of my heart,I pray you never stop shining.
I pray you & your blessings don't miss each other.
I pray your name gets echoed the world over.
I pray your support systems never crash.
I pray you find peace, happiness & favor always.
God bless you!
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@MagnifiKent_
"When I think of getting another pregnant."
"Awa mother is a beech."
"Did she marry to a French? I'm marry to a French."
O tie ti daa.
Odiegwu!🙌🏾
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@__Bammmmm
For fuck's sake, why are you making it about you???
Now, not only do I have to deal with the shit I was previously dealing with, but I also have to apologize & pet you coz you're angry an imaginary person said you're the reason for the shit.
Crisis within a crisis!🤦🏾♂
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@preshgaza
Always outdoing herself, making me happy
Takes us on a date once in 2 months, where I'm pampered & treated like royalty
The unbelievable part is when she bought me a car. I mean, it's not as unbelievable as these lies I'm dishing, but still, WOW! My imaginary babe dey try gaan
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@seyiflawless
I dated this lady who'd do this at random but VERY frequent times 😂. So I printed "yes,I love you" on A4 & placed around my house so whenever she'd ask, I'd just point🤣
We broke up, but it's by far the coolest breakup I ever had..no animosity, just 2 people wey reach bus-stop
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Me as a surgeon
"Hello ma, has oga been complaining of small small vibrations? I can't find my small phone o"
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@IyawoThickaBody
Bowen Uni, we had an eccentric guy called JimJim.
His roommate borrowed his slippers to go bath. When he returned, he didn't find the shoes he'd polished to wear to class.
Not long after, JimJim returned from the bathroom wearing the guys shoes.
Hin use the shoe baff🤣🤣
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@Sir_BiolaPr
Officer: "you gotta be kidding me!!"
But in Officer's mind: "abi make I shoot dis werey ni?"😂
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@YagazieEmezi
Other couples: "we're planning for 150 - 250 guests"
For a Nigerian/Indian couple, 150 - 250, is just an abridged number of family members that'll be in the living room before going to the wedding/reception venue🤦🏾♂
🤣🤣🤣
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@EdwinEzeanya
Met at a wedding actually. I was the MC, she was a bridesmaid. We got talking about how she'd want me to MC her wedding & I retorted with "unless I'm the groom." Somehow it clicked, & it's been 3 unbelievable years. Especially the part where I can't believe I can lie like this.
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@toluokoro
Men are probably the sole reason why Male rape victims never speak up or seldomly do so.
Man says he was raped & men are still the ones laughing, joking about it & telling him to wear it like a badge of honor.
Bottom barrel thought process
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@merrybelz
@kingdahyor
@akliveen
It depends. The fishyness could be considered meaty.
However, if it's properly sauteed, the meatiness could be considered fishy.
But since I don't want to confuse you about the sardine-ness of it all, I'll just answer your question by saying "No! It's egg.......quail"
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@ayothecreator
No!
Not again!!
I thought this was how everyone was supposed to fight. After watching a couple of movies, I went to fight with Michael Abayomi Olatunbosun😭
His own style was to carry me & nak me on the floor.
But Jet Li dinnor use to do laidis na😭😭
Great job🤝🏾👍🏾
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@_Teewo
@Nwabaybee
And she responded with "ojigbijigbijigbi," as a proper woman of culture 🙌🏾😌
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@Goziiiie
@okoh_bles
@Jag_ubani
It actually is a thing in economics.
Diminishing returns, and marginal utility.
The satisfaction derived from that tiny pack, may not equal a 1 litre jar. The quality of the drink could drop.
It may not catch the market like the tiny ones
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@AkwariCharles
Lol.
As a bolt driver, if I sit behind you, I have something long & loose like a tie or rope, that a roll firmly between both hands.
If I'm beside you, I start twirling this👇🏾
Either way, there'll be a call to glory. Could be one call or GG, but "lord I'm coming home" go ring
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@_gaiuss
@CallFunbi
Hakim 'I sha don cross. If you like no dey there. I no send your papa, I go still cross again' Ziyech
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@Tellemmmmm
Why waste 5 years when you can watch HTGAWM & be called to bar?
I salute that Sapa Advocate of Nigeria
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@I_Told__You__So
1. "Alakori ni bobo yen se" - Iyen si Jesu olugbala mi?
2. "Okan mi le, olekoko" - okan e le mó Jesu olugbala mi?
3. "Shobi shoni m'eran ni?" - you dey f'ohun le fun Jesu olugbala mi??
Haaaaaa eda adamo😩😩😭
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Islamophobia? In a country where shari'a law is enforced on non-muslims in the north? In a country where people block major roads on Fridays to pray & cause serious gridlock? In a country where churches are bombed & Christians burnt WITHOUT retaliation?
Shut up please
There is a lot of Islamophobia in Nigeria. From fighting Hijab to warning staff from attending Friday prayer to forcing female secondary students to wear short skirts. It shouldn’t be so.
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@viqueta
@Gidi_Traffic
@RichMarteen
Your argument has the same pattern of "I know a guy in my street who will knockout deontay wilder."
It's a LEOPARD. It's called a BIG CAT for a reason
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@Toffy__
When it's a woman's birthday, everyone around her rallies round to find out what they can do to make her happy (& SHE ENSURES IT)
When it's a man's birthday, almost everyone around him rallies round to find out what he's gonna do for them (& "guilt trip" him if he can't meet up)
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@_NOMICS
Got this one a sightseeing trip for 3days for her birthday. & she gifted me a jotter with a note telling me to fill the it with things I love about her for mine🤦🏾♂
Not only is your gift undesirable & totally despicable, you're also giving me a mf term paper?🤷🏾♂🤦🏾♂
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@Cecechioma
@Dehkunle
🤣🤣🤣
A woman will tell you she doesn't want you, then get pissed tf off that someone else wants you
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@Gorge_Diamond
@oloye__
But somehow, the one in football seems to always get talked about 🤦🏾♂
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@Chioma_Ajebota
Lol! Ekpeno (a friend) isn't on twitter, but I'll share. Man was at CMS & for some reason, had a gun holstered. He was approached with the "flying color" lines & told he'd be shot.
Dude pulled out ID, said "I be DSS," then removed his gun & said "Oya! Make we dey shoot!"😂
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@SmartAtuadi
You, ur brother, his fiancee, the people asking your hubby to contribute for wedding, the people that enforced ½mil "tradition" on 70k salary & the people that gave your brother list ARE ALL MAD.
The only person that is not mad, is Hubby.
And if he contributes the 120k, he's MAD.
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@the_girl_moo
@thisibi
If you own a car/drive, you'll know you're a few turns away from a faulty indicator, a throttle push away from a cut fan belt or an overtaking attempt away from a broken steering ball joint.
But go on with your ridiculousness 🤦🏾♂
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@AnambraNakpotu
@sexy_oma_
Fine.
You know you want your anambra women.
You know you don't want to apologize for wanting to marry "exclusively" from your place.
Why then do you still go ahead to ask women from other places out? Is it crack?
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@Mide_yy
Subzero after bodija ojurin market women come with their fish and beg him for the 500th time to be a mobile cold room😂
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@MrGabbforU
@directordiji
But....but.....but when she entered the house, you said "feel at home" nau.
Why are you angry she did how she use to do in her house?🥺🥺🤣
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@o3empire
@jayythedope
*Babe,* goan reply to your sweetheart's messages please.
Daddy Susan, stop stressing we singles abeg!
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@Nsukka_okpa
"For I reckon that the tweetings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the violence which shall be revealed through you"
Ment 5 vs 16.
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@KidMarleymusic
For 1.1m, if I say "good morning," it better respond with "bonjour + buenos dias + доброе утро + Buongiorno" & 9 other tongues
🤣If pesin buy this dog, na the owner go dey bark.
Owner be like: "I spent 1.1m on you & you want to tear your vocal cords? Werey! I'll do the barking"
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@TrojanmanCam
@Phil_Lewis_
Bruh.....you don't get to dictate what hurts a person, how it hurts them, when or where it hurts them. You're not them🤷🏾♂
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@OfficialShakito
@Gilmoorre
You have hidden talents my brother, and I pray for you that you'll succeed this 2023.
That being said, this particular "talent" should remain hidden. Never ever in your life, waste people's data again.
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@Smalll_God
@asemota
Oh......I see why you emphasized that she's an ex.
Apart from the "trauma," anytime your babe see you with plantain or around plantain tree, she go dey feel insecure.
"My guy cheated on me"
"What? Who she be?"
"No be babe o, na booli"
"You say wetin?"
😭😭
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@Thickerbody_08
1. May God bless the works of your hand & expand your business accordingly
2. Please, always collect a percentage upfront
3. Always let your people know where you're going, for cleaning jobs
4. Please. Be. Safe.
5. Best wishes🤗
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@ScruffyAnthony
@imbochen
@ellesooziereid
@Chukwudumemeife
@HaleyCarrots
*me feeling left out coz there's no language left for me say "tell her"*
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@ChimyCent
From what I gather, before he was expelled for exam ish, he had a case pending in the disciplinary committee for destruction of university property
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@kingeniola
@Olamide
@ybnlnation_
@asakemusik
Can I get one chance to put a rehearsal session together for you. Just ONE......you don't like it, I return home.
You like it, gimme a 3-trial run to direct music & put beautiful syncopations together for your live performances
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@dobissss
2/
...in gwags, & said hi. She ignored me.
Saw her again in '13. Reintroduced myself & she walked off. Congratulated her on her wedding on FB & she blocked me.
In case you see this Mercy, na dis kain behavior make me spell crocodile as KROKODYE for you for 1999. U no dey forgive?
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@TheHeadking__
This is disgusting.
You shouldn't be advertising things like this, especially since there are many evil people out there.
I expected more from you sha.
Where in Oyo is the shoot going to take place, and can I get 150k for 60 minutes?
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@VillageParrot
Do you mine in your backyard while supplying ice block to Rwanda?
Do you run a nuclear reactor as family entertainment? Coz what in the tony stark is this???
Did you order azul in NEPA office?😭
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@egwuatulam
@Inzaghi1
You think Dowen is the same as the local govt school you attended where English language was taught to you in your local dialect, & you soaked powdered charcoal in water to re-blacken your blackboard & you had to bring broom & chalk & pick paper & cut grass??
Really?🙃😏
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@OkonkwoOnyekac2
@Justberrylin
@nkeobere
@AfamDeluxo
It's not like there's an igbo dictionary auto fitted in her brain.
She would have needed to LEARN the language, in other to SPEAK it.
If she wasn't taught or grew up in a predominantly yoruba area or wasn't allowed to mingle with people who could teach her, HOW IS IT HER FAULT?
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@TheIgboWolf
Broke guy wan reduce Empress standard.
Abeg abeg abeg!
I stan a Queen with class🥳🥳💕
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@Tartean_
In the history of THIS YOUs?, never has a THIS YOU? been more sweeter than this THIS YOU?😂
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@ladytiffs_
I swear, men are weird.
Very weird, tbfh.
Why would he go out of his way to DM someone that can't work a dictionary?🤦🏾♂
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@The_Chiamaka
Maybe you were too engrossed with how you'd share the bomb ass story of how you dropped your glasses by faith & peeshawn!, your eyes were perfected, that you didn't think for a second that maybe for you, the glasses were your own miracle, & wearing them everyday was faith🤷🏾♂
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@Callmeblezd
@Auntyadaa
@dhoyin_
@clifford
Make e no be like say I air you😂😂
Disclaimer: (no poultry animals were hurt in the production of the sheep bleat, no sanitizer was wasted & the singer didn't even know what it was singing)
#auntyadaafallingchallenge
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@WendyA__
7/.
My dad gets the information, comes home, finds me exhausted at the mess.
People are begging him on my behalf and he says in Hausa "I don't think you people know my wife. She's the one you should be begging"
He was right!
I died😭😭😭😭😭
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@HalimaIfade
@fredericksagua
Me: "If I take four from my age, & collect 2 from her 60, then multiply it by 3, will it get me to 66/67 years? Or should I do small square root?"
Never have I wanted to be 60+ so bad. She's beaaaaauuuuuuutiiiifffulllll!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
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@OgbeniDipo
I was once rejected for the opposite.
Coz apparently, I had "something to hide." Else, I'd have put "an exact location where I can be found."
Lmao! HR ma, do you usually tiff in your spare time?😩😭🤣
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@theKongeIre
Everybody tweeting actual stuff.
Me: igba ti mò ro o, ise iyanu re l'aye mi, mo ri pe o ga baba.....olorun to ga on bé l'oke....ayanfe e ma so wipe, ibi gbogbo lo wa.....¿
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@kenduma1
The same 6 days it took you to change your mind, he changed his.
What if he had found someone else & communicating with you would distract his relationship?🙃
Delete & block him wena, he's happy!
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