The Drunk Jake
@TheDrunkJake
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howdy | alt: @notthedrunkjake
Texas, USA
Joined October 2011
why does film twitter always act surprised when a multimillion dollar actor is good at acting.
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finally a normal nepo baby.
‘El Chapo’s’ granddaughter, 18, joins hunt for Loch Ness Monster while romping through Scotland
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soup party where everyone brings one ingredient to throw in the oversized cauldron.
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one shits their pants, the other is a big baby, I’ll let you decide which is which
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Me: *tries to take bite out of a taco*.Taco:
Oooo I fall apart.
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Do you eat pussy?. _____|_____. | |. Yes No. | |. Good Grow. Job The Fuck. Up.
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why’s he look like two kids trying to sneak into a movie.
“It’s nasty out there,” Trump said as he arrived in Iowa. It’s -10 degrees here
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Gendry just proposed 2 days after having sex with Arya, he's definitely a military man.
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Owen Wilson has made around $217,838,000 from his movies. He averages around 3500 words per movie in 47 movies. That's about $1,324 per word. "Wow" was 102 of those words. Owen Wilson has made roughly $135,072 from saying wow goodnight twitter.
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why don’t pizzas look like this anymore.
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i feel like people that order drinks like this have zero self awareness.
My home girl just put me onto the greatest drink of all time u guys need to try asap
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how can the Queen be dead when she is the one reading this right now?.
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Canada is Texas with snow.
No one:.Not a single soul:.Any highschool in small town Canada:
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what about all of the healthcare workers?.
JUST IN: Every Atlanta police officer to receive a one-time, $500 bonus today as thanks for their hard work during protests and COVID-19:
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I know a $5 Chalupa Cravings Box from Taco Bell when I see one.
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if AI ever takes over i hope this little guy is the leader
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my ten year old self would never have imagined seeing a video worse than a cartel member beheading someone but here we are.
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I overheard an old grandpa at lunch say he had tipped $20 on a 12 person dinner the night before and his wife laughed and said "oh honey that probably was more than enough to pay for her rent" and this is why I support euthanasia.
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the dating market is 100% worse for women than it is for men, i never see men having to beg for basic human decency from women.
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you are literally the example in this ad.
Harris/Walz, sowing discord in marriages. 👍🏼. My wife and I are one. We have discussed the election and she will vote as I have led her.
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Taco Bell sauces be like:. __________.| |.| MILD |.| |.| (HEY) |.| (CUTIE) |.| |. __________. __________.| |.| FIRE |.| |.| (SUCK) |.|(ON MY) |.| (DICK) |. __________.
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hi sharks. im asking for a small investment of all of your money . i have a gun.
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alright checking the scorecard here. For Vaccinations: Doctors. Against Vaccinations: Person Who Gets Punched In The Head For A Living.
UFC Fighter Bryce Mitchell says he won’t be vaccinating his kid & wants to homeschool him so he doesn’t end up gay and communist
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no YOU live in a state of DENIAL. I live in MARGARITAVILLE.
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if you are in the top 1% of Taylor Swift listeners this year please go to therapy.
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behind every beautiful woman there is a curb that she just drove over.
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Normalize letting retail employees fight shitty customers
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I just took two melatonin with coffee, your move central nervous system.
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when they enlist you as a paratrooper but you have an iron deficiency and get lightheaded from standing up to fast
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instead of giving them iPads what? give them adderall?¿?.
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sounds more like Microsoft Edge to me.
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accepting a Purple Heart from a veteran instead of denying it displays a level of narcissism I thought wasn’t formerly achievable.
Trump said he always wanted to get the Purple Heart. His wish came true tonight. This vet gave him his for the ear wound he suffered while serving his country.
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proposing with diamonds is so penguin coded like heres a rock do you love me.
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has your boyfriend called you a good girl today or do i have to.
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Take $150 out your Stimulus. Give it to a gem dealer in Ethiopia. Now you own your own uncut opal. Find a buyer. Know who would like this? Kevin Garnett. Now you have $200,000. Place that on a parlay with the Celtics. Now you have $1,229,000. You owe someone money. He kills you.
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trying to find a woman that will wear one of them big ass 18th century dresses so I can eat her pussy in public under it.
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Republicans think owning a gun is a personality trait.
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you ask 100 men which one they’d rather have and 99 will say the mini truck.
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got asked if I could do a Mac Miller piece but they wanted it themed off the Circles album, had to come up with a concept for it but the first trial looks promising
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Dolly Parton could murder three people in front of me and I wouldn’t care.
Are you ok with 77 year old Dolly Parton dressing like a 20 year old Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Yes? or No? 👇
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*girl posts a cute picture*. Middle Aged White Man with a wife and three kids: u r such a dirty little slut, wht r u going 2 do for daddy?. *opens man's page*. 📌 Pinned Tweet. God is good and glorious, all praise be unto him.
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Let's start a thread of your worst Tinder hook up, mine was when we we're doing it doggy style and her cat jumps onto the bed and scratches my ass so I reach back and push it off the bed a little to hard and it thuds into the wall and we had to stop so she could go check on it.
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this is hilarious because you know someone’s grandma on Facebook believed it was real.
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i bet this is how cats view themselves in their head.
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we all agree they both look bad right?.
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I lied, wouldn’t be chaotic enough, instead I’m bringing one vial of belle delphine bath water.
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who wrote this? a tummy ache.
Stop drinking ginger ale for an upset stomach — it could be doing more harm than good
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unless Danny Devito is Stitch I don’t want it.
Lilo & Stitch is reportedly getting a live-action/CGI hybrid remake on Disney Plus.
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haven’t seen a cowboy get blown out this badly since brokeback mountain.
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Imagine being so ugly that the woman you impregnated makes up a story and tells everyone she was a virgin and she refuses to admit that you are the father so a whole religion gets formed.
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ok it may work
Honey not now you know it’s my arts n crafts time.
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@AngryManTV @khalesalad Great story, I attempted to bring some color back into the photo for you, hope you enjoy.
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James Charles Wants James Charles to Be the First Gay Bachelor*.
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college students of twitter, what do you put in your ramen? I threw a miniature lime, cayenne pepper, small amount of garlic pepper in some shrimp flavored.
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Made one of those inspirational quotes to hang up in the shop!
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Flirting in October:
did it hurt when u crawled up from hell.
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Salem in 1963:. 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿.👉🏿👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👉🏾👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👈🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👉🏼👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👈🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👉🏾 👉🏽👉🏻 🧙🏻♀️ 👈🏻👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👉🏼👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👈🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👉🏾👉🏽👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👈🏽👈🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👉🏾👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👈🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👈🏿.👉🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👆🏿👈🏿.
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@RickyPound that would be my first thought, is the barista going to throw this in my face after they make it 😂.
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ok we may have different opinions on film but I think we can all agree how great this painting looks!
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I am no better than Jacob from Twilight, I turn into a dog when I see a bad bitch too.
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what a bunch of fucking idiots, it sure would be a shame if someone started a thread to call out each one of them.
take a look. these are the idiots making decisions for WOMEN in America. Governor Kay Ivey. SHAME ON YOU!!!!
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finally an easier way to worship the woman reading this right now.
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Damn Rihanna wasn't playing when she said she was releasing makeup for every skin tone
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If your nipples ever get hard for no reason it’s because a ghost is playing with them, call that paranormal activititties.
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if you support HOAs you should be labeled as part of a domestic terrorist group.
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someone sent me a snapchat that said "why is my forehead so big" and I really sent back "so I can give it more kisses" fuck I feel like Noah Centimeter.
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Nobody:. Cherry Emoji Twitter: me after I MURDER my wealthy husband and collect his inheritance
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Sex Tip: If she has an outtie belly button don't forget to give it attention also, that is her second clitoris.
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so you said the n-word.
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This is great Kim! Definitely my second favorite video of yours!.
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like having to ask for aftercare may literally be the bar on the floor.
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The conversation on consent is really messed up. The fact we need to still have this conversation with grown men is messed up. The fact a grown man said this without seeing a problem with it is messed up. No always means no.
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got asked if I could do some floating honeycomb shelves, so I decided to slap one together as a test, how’s it look?
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finally Stevie Nicks is going to unhex the moon and return 2020 back to normal.
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Men try to think of the last time you were in a situation where you felt the need for a self defense weapon. That's a fear women have daily. Don't be ignorant, be aware of the situations women face and be better than that.
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per•for•ma•tive ac•tiv•ism. white people waking up yesterday, see they charged the other officers in George Floyd’s death, say we did it, then completely stop talking about the issue.
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getting your dick sucked by a redhead while driving? nah that’s copperhead road.
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I budget out $20 for lunch everyday so when I decide to just bring leftovers to work I send the money to my girlfriend so she can use it to get lunch.
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