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@TheAlanShane
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comedian ~ writer - co-host of @cbcbakingshow • @22_minutes • second city alum • 4.91⭐️ Uber Rating
Thornhill, ON ✈️ Toronto, ON
Joined January 2009
Nick Carter asking the rest of the Backstreet Boys. “Am I sexual?” . and the homies responding. “Yeaaah” . is the type of positivity I’m gonna need from my support system going forward.
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everyone: “We outside this summer!” . outside:
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@FanDuelTV @kylekuzma @SDinwiddie_25 Sports gambling is trash y’all are just the tobacco industry with a publicist.
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@TheNBACentral @AhnFireDigital Weirdo behaviour and y’all are terrible for even promoting that fool.
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Here’s a photo of LeBron and the 2007 Cleveland Cavaliers.
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@SE7ENSAMURAl @WrittenByHanna Isn’t her saying “our first flop” and referencing endgame means that she’s more self conscious of letting people down than the actual quality of the movie?.
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If I ever have a daughter I'm going to name her "Carmen San Diego" so when she's out I can say "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?" to give myself a little chuckle before the soul crushing reality sets in that she lied to me about being at her friend Stephanie's house.
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NBA MATH BE LIKE…. Living in Toronto = dumb 👎🏿 . Living in Milwaukee = cool 😎 ☀️.
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@Dom_2k When does this man enter the draft because it feels like I’ve been watching 7 years of high school highlights from him.
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@TheNBACentral I know this story isn’t real and it’s being inflated by television media and trashy online twitter accounts looking for clicks but it’s definitely a symptom of how everyone handles the warriors with baby gloves.
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@SpiricocoNg If your church isn’t feeding and offering clothing to the poor you’re not really about the words of Jesus.
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@rudy_mustang Naw if he asked. It seems he’s going through something. End of the day that’s another human. Unless you doctored all this and it’s a joke.
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Until top A-List Hollywood actors complete elite fight AND dance choreography in their films RRR remains unparalleled.
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Vox Populi, Vox Dei. (that’s not Latin it’s just some of his kids names)
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Some Warner Bros. animator just straight up looked at a real Tasmanian devil and said “Fuck it, I’ll draw what I want to draw”.
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@NewRockstars No but it’s super annoying when people who have early access to something try and taint the viewing for others. Everything should be hidden one swipe away until the public can view it too.
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Stop pranking your partner on camera and just break up already.
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@hannahmburrell @seren_sensei She’s not wrong but you’re attack on Bruno Mars seems misplaced. He’s cited his sources multiple times. Your beef should be with the institutions that lift up some and keep down others. He’s played by the rules in my books.
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@RegionalUSFood I swear to god you’re allowed to eat a dessert. The cinnamon rolls are not gonna sell out before you finish your meal.
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imagine you break in and hear “BOO-YACKA-SHA” followed by a punch to the head.
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@AngelicaRenee19 Between this and dudes lusting over that ICE officer I just don’t know anymore.
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Yo low key, ginger ale is an amazing drink. Like it knows it'll never be a superstar but it puts in that work.
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IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT. 💥👏🏿TELL. 💥 👏🏿 ME. 💥👏🏿HOW?.
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@ROZtheCreator @JizzieMcguiire I asked a cop for his badge number after he broke my phone because he thought I was filming an arrest and he shoved me to the ground in front of MULTIPLE witnesses.
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The McRib was rolled out better and more efficiently than the vaccine.
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@rachelraee_x @ROZtheCreator @JizzieMcguiire This was years ago,I tried to follow up. I went around asking for the “staff sergeant” or whoever was in charge. Every officer was purposely unhelpful and rude covering up what he did until 2 (poc) officers who seemed sympathetic told me which division I could go to complain.
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Porzingis from 3 or 2.
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I may not know a lot about cats but I know you’re supposed to say “Why hello” when they enter the room.
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@thankyoujamall @WrittenByHanna No way he sits back down. He has to leave and leave abruptly. Prepaid meals too.
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I’m so happy those murder hornets weren’t politicized and y’all let the science people science without questioning them.
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As a comedian who has alopecia I see both sides.
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@loneamorphous @thejulianbass Both of your come ups have been amazing to watch. I, and many others continue to root for y’all successes.
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This is the tweet that could finally impeach him.
Donald trump ain’t a president he’s a presidon’t.
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@nahano__ @dsfisbacc @cjt01234 @Hans_The_Great @Dom_2k MJ isn’t bitter? Lol that’s like his whole philosophy.
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@Forbes Spelled his name wrong . Never mentioned his inability play defence in a higher paced nba. Tried SO hard to equate the two. Didn’t even discuss EKF’s grift . Never answered any questions, just muddied the water with speculation. Just a flat out terrible article.
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If I’m being biased, Scottie Barnes is the Rookie of the Year . If I’m being unbiased, Scottie Barnes is the Rookie of the Year AND the MVP.
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You know that drug from the movie Limitless? Yea well this is like the opposite of that.
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I blame movies for my unrealistic expectation for how fun parties are supposed to be.
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@Fire_Sarver @TheNBACentral @MarcJSpears You are discounting cp3 because he didn’t make it to the finals for a guy who…never made the finals? Make it make sense.
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@SFsGOAT This Kobe cult is getting out of hand. A lot of revisionist history. I get that y’all are healing from trauma the best way you know how. But at some point we’re going to need to have honest conversations.
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Bill Nye would have been burned at the stake if he was born in a different era.
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Dudes who say they'll NEVER change their last name to their wife's, really? . What if her last name is something cool, like "Lazer" with a Z? . Did you think about that? . No, no I bet you did not.
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@balldontstop Are you really gonna die on this strange hill of *checks notes* Rudy Gay > Scottie Pippen?? . Just because he critiqued your dude doesn’t mean you have to say these things.
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She said Beetlejuice too many times
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Lakers fans:
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Y’all never saw The VVitch? That ain’t a goat, Black Phillip thinks he’s slick.
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