olivia
@livstadler
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undiagnosed genius @ostadz on insta
Toronto, Ontario
Joined June 2009
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Therapist: you don’t love yourself
Me: so true king. Here’s $80
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me at 21 after forgiving my ex for cheating on me bc he bought me flowers
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Ok so here’s my plan:
Early 20s - addicted to alcohol
Late 20s - addicted to weed
30s - sober
40s - addicted to pills
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When I arrived at the hotel bar, I ordered a drink and texted him, telling him I was there. Predictably, he told me to come to his hotel room. I said "no thank you, I prefer to meet at the bar”. He stopped responding.
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But I was young and dumb and just really wanted to meet a role model of mine so I agreed to meet him in public, at a bar. 10 minutes before our meeting time, he switched the location to his hotel bar. I sighed, knowing where this was going. But went anyway, I wanted to meet him!
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I was going to get to meet one of my biggest idols in comedy! I understood the subtext that he was going to try to have sex with me, what other interest would he have in “hanging out” with me, an otherwise nobody?
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My ex boyfriend (blocked on all platforms) just emailed me a selfie
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What do men think about? I seriously cannot imagine a single thought that a man would have
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If I was offered the red pill and the blue pill I would take both. It’s Friday baby let’s get fucked up
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Ok no offense but literally every open mic comedian ive ever seen is better than Jerry Seinfeld
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ppl keep commenting on my post calling me an "attention seeking whore" it's like... yes... but what does that have to do with anything
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just found out how much rugs cost. are u fucking kidding me????/
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Just received my first “I hope you get raped” DM from someone with 0 followers🥰 A twitter milestone 🥰
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Refusing to get better so my therapist can stay employed. What are YOU doing to support small businesses?
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As someone who is losing a year of my youth I should be entitled to one free plastic surgery treatment of my choosing
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waves of feminism:
1st - suffrage
2nd - equality
3rd - intersectionality
4th - onlyfans
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Make sure you text me when you get home safe so that you know I’m a good person
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@mcfgw
He texted me probably 400 question marks over the next hour, to which I didn’t respond. I tried prank calling him on my podcast once but he didn’t respond. So I may in fact be blocked
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I've never actually seen a Kevin Hart movie but I'm assuming they're all just about how he's smaller than the other guy
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If you’re a billionaire and you’re still ugly I think you should go to jail for that. Forget the taxes thing
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If you go on a Date with a guy and he doesn’t offer to pay your rent? Dump his ass
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It’s weird that people are victim blaming me over a story where I’m not even a victim lol
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Maybe women like older men because subconsciously they like men who are almost dead
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Girls on Halloween be like “I’m a sexy pirate” it’s like ok maybe let other people decide whether or not you’re sexy
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If city of Toronto is gonna keep spending money on this shit then I’m gonna keep riding the streetcar for free 💯
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Please Don’t comment telling me it’s cringe to do this. I know that already
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Me getting pregnant during quarantine just so I can have a drinking buddy
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As an influencer, one of the most common questions I receive is “you are not an influencer” which is an amazing question! The answer is chickpea pasta
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All you have to do to impress a man is know two bob dylan songs and put hot sauce on your food
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I used to have a boyfriend who would always ask me what I was thinking about and it made me very insecure about the fact that I’m never thinking about anything
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If I was offered the red pill and the blue pill I would take both. It’s Friday baby let’s get fucked up
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listen to my dumb podcast with my dumb boyfriend where we talk about dumb shit
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Am I crazy or did this article come out last year, too? I feel like I’ve already been annoyed at this
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Tom Petty: She's a good girl
me: elaborate
Tom: CRaZY bout Elvis
me: oh yup. yes. classic sign of a good girl
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i can't believe this went viral................. anyway listen to my podcast lmao
@spookymadison2
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Pray for my sister... nothings wrong with her she’s just dating a guy named “Geoff”
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I remember when I was 19 I confided in my grandmother that I had an eating disorder and she just said “aren’t you a little old for that?”
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But once it came to light that he’s not just a sleaze, he’s an actual predator - I decided to share my encounter of screwing him over bc stealing from a pedophiles is actually good and kinda funny imo!!
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My goal is to be so beautiful that people have to mute me on instagram because looking at pictures of me is bad for their mental health
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I can name a hundred open mic comedians in my city with way stronger homophobic material
Pete Davidson. February 25th. Microphone and all. 🔥
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Facebook: I’m accomplished!
Instagram: I’m hot and interesting!
Twitter: I’m suicidal!
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Omg of course the girl who bullied me at my last job is an energy healer now lmfaoooooo
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Drinking a vodka cran at home because I miss being a slut at a nightclub
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Googled a guy in the show I’m watching to see if he’s single and he’s dead
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Last year was Hot Girl Summer, this year it’s just a drinking problem
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I tweet for the girls who immediately drive into the lake in Mario Kart
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My ex-boyfriend threatened to send my nudes to his friends..... like why would you do that? I cc’d them
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people tell you "it's ok to ask for help" but literally hate helping you
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The worst part of therapy is having to explain to my therapist that I’m funny
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How much of an ego problem do you have that you need to go to space
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Shoutout to all the girls who were forced to pretend to have a crush on Kevin Jonas because your best friends already claimed Nick and Joe as their crushes
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If you’re a billionaire and you’re still ugly I think you should go to jail for that. Forget the taxes thing
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Do people know you can make coffee at home
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I know and that’s the only reason I can cum
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I’m sure this has been pointed out before but “Proud Boys” is literally the gayest name for an organization I’ve ever heard
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my boyfriend broke his leg so now i actually have to learn how to fuck
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Tom Petty: She's a good girl
me: elaborate
Tom: CRaZY bout Elvis
me: oh yup. yes. classic sign of a good girl
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When I’m 29 and move to NYC I’m just gonna tell everyone I’m 22. Who gives a shit
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Devastated and disgusted to find out that Bon Iver’s real name is Justin
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I can’t really explain why, but I think this type of relationship should be illegal
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One time a guy I had a crush on said that I would be a 10 if I wasn’t so fucking weird and it remains my favourite compliment
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