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@livstadler

Followers
10,886
Following
1,420
Media
623
Statuses
19,194

undiagnosed genius @ostadz on insta

Toronto, Ontario
Joined June 2009
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
Therapist: you don’t love yourself Me: so true king. Here’s $80
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
How does the Advil know which body part to go to
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Bisexual means you’ve had sex twice
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
me at 21 after forgiving my ex for cheating on me bc he bought me flowers
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@livstadler
olivia
2 years
Ok so here’s my plan: Early 20s - addicted to alcohol Late 20s - addicted to weed 30s - sober 40s - addicted to pills
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
You people have no idea how much work goes into being a 7
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
When I arrived at the hotel bar, I ordered a drink and texted him, telling him I was there. Predictably, he told me to come to his hotel room. I said "no thank you, I prefer to meet at the bar”. He stopped responding.
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
But I was young and dumb and just really wanted to meet a role model of mine so I agreed to meet him in public, at a bar. 10 minutes before our meeting time, he switched the location to his hotel bar. I sighed, knowing where this was going. But went anyway, I wanted to meet him!
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I was going to get to meet one of my biggest idols in comedy! I understood the subtext that he was going to try to have sex with me, what other interest would he have in “hanging out” with me, an otherwise nobody?
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
My ex boyfriend (blocked on all platforms) just emailed me a selfie
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Hot girls can be funny but hot guys can’t
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Going to eat 8 spiders tonight just to get it over with
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
What do men think about? I seriously cannot imagine a single thought that a man would have
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
If I was offered the red pill and the blue pill I would take both. It’s Friday baby let’s get fucked up
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Ok no offense but literally every open mic comedian ive ever seen is better than Jerry Seinfeld
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
ppl keep commenting on my post calling me an "attention seeking whore" it's like... yes... but what does that have to do with anything
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
just found out how much rugs cost. are u fucking kidding me????/
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
I have never had sex or finished a project
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Just received my first “I hope you get raped” DM from someone with 0 followers🥰 A twitter milestone 🥰
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Can’t wait to pass these down to my daughter
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Im vegan but Honestly I don’t think fish even care if they die
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
I wasn’t popular in high school but I was still mean
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Refusing to get better so my therapist can stay employed. What are YOU doing to support small businesses?
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
As someone who is losing a year of my youth I should be entitled to one free plastic surgery treatment of my choosing
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
waves of feminism: 1st - suffrage 2nd - equality 3rd - intersectionality 4th - onlyfans
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Make sure you text me when you get home safe so that you know I’m a good person
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Homemade heels
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
@jdgmntlgay I was worried they were gonna fall and hurt themselves and now I wish they did
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
@mcfgw He texted me probably 400 question marks over the next hour, to which I didn’t respond. I tried prank calling him on my podcast once but he didn’t respond. So I may in fact be blocked
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
What’s a good age to give up on your dreams?
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@livstadler
olivia
6 years
I've never actually seen a Kevin Hart movie but I'm assuming they're all just about how he's smaller than the other guy
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I made this ribbon in support of Male Pattern Baldness
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
The guy who invented the bagel just wanted to fuck bread
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
If you’re a billionaire and you’re still ugly I think you should go to jail for that. Forget the taxes thing
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
If you go on a Date with a guy and he doesn’t offer to pay your rent? Dump his ass
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
It’s weird that people are victim blaming me over a story where I’m not even a victim lol
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Maybe women like older men because subconsciously they like men who are almost dead
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
@megstalter OMG !!! MEG I LOVE YOU😍😍
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Every piece of clothing is reversible if you don’t give a shit
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Are depression and anxiety like girlfriend-boyfriend?
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Remember kids, the most important thing in life is money
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I jacked off to this picture last night
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Girls on Halloween be like “I’m a sexy pirate” it’s like ok maybe let other people decide whether or not you’re sexy
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
If city of Toronto is gonna keep spending money on this shit then I’m gonna keep riding the streetcar for free 💯
@cityoftoronto
City of Toronto
4 years
🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️Keep up the fight and we’ll get through this. #PracticeSafe6ix
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
Please Don’t comment telling me it’s cringe to do this. I know that already
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Hot girl summer is over, now it’s just a drinking problem
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Me getting pregnant during quarantine just so I can have a drinking buddy
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
As an influencer, one of the most common questions I receive is “you are not an influencer” which is an amazing question! The answer is chickpea pasta
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
We need a Disney princess that abuses laxatives
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
My parents should collab (get back together)
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
All you have to do to impress a man is know two bob dylan songs and put hot sauce on your food
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
@snoopdogfanpage 2015 is not OG sorry
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
My boyfriend thought BIPOC stood for bisexual people of colour
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
I used to have a boyfriend who would always ask me what I was thinking about and it made me very insecure about the fact that I’m never thinking about anything
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
They should make a tampon that beeps when it’s full
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Blurred lines is definitely the best song about rape
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@livstadler
olivia
6 years
If I was offered the red pill and the blue pill I would take both. It’s Friday baby let’s get fucked up
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
Being funny is overrated. I want a job
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Am I crazy or did this article come out last year, too? I feel like I’ve already been annoyed at this
@Forbes
Forbes
5 years
At 21, Kylie Jenner becomes the youngest self-made billionaire ever #ForbesBillionaires
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
18-25 are your whore years. Enjoy them
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@livstadler
olivia
6 years
Tom Petty: She's a good girl me: elaborate Tom: CRaZY bout Elvis me: oh yup. yes. classic sign of a good girl
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Pray for my sister... nothings wrong with her she’s just dating a guy named “Geoff”
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
@taylvr When you want them to break up with you
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I remember when I was 19 I confided in my grandmother that I had an eating disorder and she just said “aren’t you a little old for that?”
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
But once it came to light that he’s not just a sleaze, he’s an actual predator - I decided to share my encounter of screwing him over bc stealing from a pedophiles is actually good and kinda funny imo!!
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
My goal is to be so beautiful that people have to mute me on instagram because looking at pictures of me is bad for their mental health
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
They should make life less hard
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I can name a hundred open mic comedians in my city with way stronger homophobic material
@NetflixIsAJoke
Netflix Is A Joke
4 years
Pete Davidson. February 25th. Microphone and all. 🔥
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Facebook: I’m accomplished! Instagram: I’m hot and interesting! Twitter: I’m suicidal!
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
Omg of course the girl who bullied me at my last job is an energy healer now lmfaoooooo
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I’m literally obsessed with being treated with respect
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Drinking a vodka cran at home because I miss being a slut at a nightclub
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@livstadler
olivia
3 years
Googled a guy in the show I’m watching to see if he’s single and he’s dead
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Last year was Hot Girl Summer, this year it’s just a drinking problem
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I tweet for the girls who immediately drive into the lake in Mario Kart
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
If you go viral you should get the day off work
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
@emily_bernie Ugh. I’m sorry babe
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@livstadler
olivia
6 years
Sexting w/ my boyfriend
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
My ex-boyfriend threatened to send my nudes to his friends..... like why would you do that? I cc’d them
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
people tell you "it's ok to ask for help" but literally hate helping you
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
The worst part of therapy is having to explain to my therapist that I’m funny
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
How much of an ego problem do you have that you need to go to space
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Shoutout to all the girls who were forced to pretend to have a crush on Kevin Jonas because your best friends already claimed Nick and Joe as their crushes
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
Male stand up comedians vs female stand up comedians
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
If you’re a billionaire and you’re still ugly I think you should go to jail for that. Forget the taxes thing
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Do people know you can make coffee at home
@Paris__G
Paris G
4 years
We are at another level....
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
twitter girls saying “I’m baby” be like:
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
I know and that’s the only reason I can cum
@s8n
Satan
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God watches you masturbate
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I’m sure this has been pointed out before but “Proud Boys” is literally the gayest name for an organization I’ve ever heard
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@livstadler
olivia
5 years
my boyfriend broke his leg so now i actually have to learn how to fuck
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Tom Petty: She's a good girl me: elaborate Tom: CRaZY bout Elvis me: oh yup. yes. classic sign of a good girl
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
When I’m 29 and move to NYC I’m just gonna tell everyone I’m 22. Who gives a shit
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I’m 26 which is 42 in Men Years
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
Devastated and disgusted to find out that Bon Iver’s real name is Justin
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
I can’t really explain why, but I think this type of relationship should be illegal
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@livstadler
olivia
4 years
One time a guy I had a crush on said that I would be a 10 if I wasn’t so fucking weird and it remains my favourite compliment
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