Francesca 🇬🇧London Gatwick 🛫 fbsm
@TantraFrancesca
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English Blonde. Come relax in great hands! Top rated London based independent sensual massage therapist. Informative Blog
London, UK
Joined November 2011
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Pinned Tweet
Due to client damage in less than a YEAR I have had to replace the following separately:
Shower head x 3
Shower hose x 3
Shower head holder x3
Shower rail x 2
Shower unit x 1
Shower drain x 1
Shower gel dispenser x 2
…and you wonder why I won’t let you touch me unsupervised!
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@fesshole
The shower is to ensure you are clean as the proverbial whistle. It’s pretty much standard practice (because too many men have such poor body hygiene standards & why should anyone have to put up with a gross working environment?) so shower on arrival & afterwards too.
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@SelimaTate
@Larissa_K_Kelly
Or something like AITA for calling my gf childish. Me (M36) & my gf (F22) have been dating for 5 years…
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All these SW flashing off their fancy gifts from clients.
I can blow those expensive handbags and purses out the water!
Behold!! A Tide pen!!!
Yes. Seriously. No. I didn’t request it.
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Any other workers seeing an upswing of guys who are too lazy to read your website and want you to talk or text all the details at length to them?
Dudes, the choice is to read it yourself or exclude yourselves forever.
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@LauraCohenSolo
Nope, it just sets us up for life-long obsessive stalkers Mike. Even after we’ve quit the industry.
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@fesshole
I’ve always thought Bi-curious sounds like a Roman Emperor. “Greetings Bicurious, I bring you news of the men in the furthermost legion!”
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@ginamartinuk
I also feel that police need to listen to sex workers more. We are the canaries in the coal mine. We are the ones who the wrong ‘uns are more likely to show the bad side of themselves to.
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@leialoke
“My hairdresser really enjoys my conversation while they cut & colour my hair. I think that they should just meet me every 5 weeks and do it for free because we both have such a laugh together that it clearly doesn’t feel like work to them…”
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@amygrove
@drcopps
My 3rd IUD insertion was extremely painful (vs very painful for the others) & vocalised pain. The nurse took it out & put it in again. No numbing anything involved. I went back to work ignoring the cramps like the other times & that evening went into shock, freaked out my client.
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@XOEricaStJames
That there a short shelf life. Piss right off with that misconception matey boy! The oldest & much in demand lady I know in fbsm is in her 70s. As my clients age I age with them & not everyone wants a 20-something Service Provider.
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The guys who share with me they tried anal with their partner but were horrified that there was shit. Dude, the porn stars go through this amount of cleaning preparation & eat light a few days in advance, You thought you could just you could magically slip in & smash away? Nope
I just spent 1.5 hours doing a deep clean of my asshole and I honestly feel like I was fighting for my life 😂😂😂
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Wishing you all a happy and healthy 2024
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Each and every one of my clients found me somehow online. Every single one of you needs to sign this petition. The proposed new laws will stop us from advertising online, that means you won’t be able to find us. Sign or your fun times will vanish
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I’m regarded as newbie friendly, because I will take the time to work out who is a timewaster and who is nervous. Sometimes I have to test how genuine you are, especially if you are giving a couple of red flags. Work with me, not against me. I’ve been working 16 years. I’m real!!
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Yes, that’s really me hiding myself behind a Santa hat.
No, there’s no camera trickery.
No it’s not a large hat.
Yes, I’m probably smaller than you realised!
Like a Christmas elf!!
#santahat
#nothingbutthehat
#youcanleaveyourhaton
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@rollingAbIunt
…but you want the exact grey sweatpants worn in a photo shoot 8 years ago with the little logo by the pocket & hair done exactly like it was in that shoot, same colour as it was back then, cut in the same style, with precisely the same facial expressions…
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Guys should absolutely not be getting up from a massage and leaving a mark like this on the paper. Yes, it does get thrown away but the point is that level of bodily hygiene is way too poor, especially as this was AFTER a shower.
#Nothanks
#washYoDamnAss
#BadDeposit
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@KittenKarlyle
Not all money is good money. Not all clients are good clients. Not all days are good days to see new clients (once the banks are closed…). Not all hours are good hours to work in. Not all clients are a good fit for me. Not every client I like will return, but regulars are gold!
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@mystery_em
I honestly had a client send me a photo of himself crying because I refused his offer of a date (and when I say date I mean the sort of “you will be mine forever more…” offer of a date) All a firm NO from me. I had to block each of his sims he tried me on for years afterwards.
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@MelissaCarterTO
My guess is as more of us get denied passage to places who are hostile to SW & have rules we can’t have been involved in it 5 years prior to entry, folk are switching it around.
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@LauraCohenSolo
When you pay less for a service what you save in money you’ll lose in respect, care and attentiveness from the provider. Your experience will be far less than that of others. You may think you’ve won a deal, but you’ve cheated yourself out of a superb experience by being cheapo.
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@surrealwhore
Maybe detail what you’ve done with other people for cheaper, especially if it’s things she doesn’t offer. That’s sure to make her drop her prices and boundaries for you.
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@tommmmmmm37
@fesshole
I’ve honestly had grown men go to great lengths to avoid showering. It’s almost comical. Some even splash their torso in the sink while running the shower in the hopes they can fool me they showered! I send them & their reeking pits & arse back to shower properly…
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@UK_Cunting
Once a man accused me in person of stealing his leather belt. Even came back banging on my door for it after I replied to his later texts that it wasn’t here. Like what am I & my 25” waist going to do with your xxl belt Jimothy? I got a message later to say he’s found it at home.
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Guys, if you keep being banned by different working ladies I’m going to spell it out for you. YOU are THE problem! Go get help. Address your issues, but don’t call us back. Your behaviour causes us enough grief to ban you. We don’t want to hear from you again. Ever. Thank you!
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If you call me from a Private Number I will respect your privacy, and not answer it.
Thank you.
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Have you seen my new website ?
Expect new videos coming soon too!
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@LauraCohenSolo
You’ll spend an eye watering amount of time doing laundry & admin. Remember this IS a business. You need to keep your diary organised. 2 separate phones. Trust no one with your secrets. You’ll lose friends & family to judgement. Once out as a swker you can never go back in, ever.
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@LauraCohenSolo
We don’t forget weird shit like this and you will regret your booked session. Remember, we control the quality of the interaction. Any one of us can monologue an erection killing topic for at least an hour…
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@LinaOaks_
Hold tight. I’ve worked 17 years. March is often a quiet month. Easter goes one of two ways, but things usually pick up after.
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@RavenValkyra
@LauraCohenSolo
I’ve had civ friends literally distraught because they’ve been approached by a man asking “How much?”. When I lived in HK I’d be asked while shopping & I’d laugh in the guy’s face, call them a dirty pervert & watch them run off in embarrassment. Don’t do it guys. It’s creepy.
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@rollingAbIunt
…and another set done like when your hair was the opposite colour and length and your skin was less tanned than the other photos I asked for… ….for free.
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@HazelSolace_
I’ve had guys ask for mine, but they get really irritated when I tell them that they will have to pay me enough to replace the entire matching set, and then they get livid when they find out that’s £££.
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Oh, what? It’s National Lingerie Day? How did I miss this news?
#lingerieday
#nationallingerieday
#fbsm
#lingeriemassage
#matchingsets
#asstandard
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Today I forced a random man to take a shower just because he knocked on my door at the wrong time!
I don’t know if I’ll even quite get over how hilarious this is!!!
#showerWeirdo
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@dressmeupRED
I think it shows you’ve an intention of longevity in the business. Google will bring your site up in searches. I’d not be without one.
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@fesshole
Toxic staff member/s create high staff turnover because they make their fellow coworkers so miserable they leave.
How much is your spinelessness impacting others?
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@_IvyBunny
“Why? Are you planning on robbing me?” is my usual response to this. It usually shuts them up.
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@redheadcxnt
She is not your client. Client confidentiality means you can’t tell her anything so I’d just block her to save yourself the headache. If she’s trying to blackmail you remind her it’s viewed as a pretty serious crime so she’s going to want to quit that idea sharpish.
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@adwhoreable2
It’s the same in the sensual massage world. Billiam can’t comprehend that his bullish approach of 3 missed calls & 6 texts in the last 90 minutes makes me not want to be in the same room as him.
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Titty Tuesday comes round again so fast! Peekaboob! Shame it’s not so practical for anything but lingerie massage
#tittytuesday
#peekaboo
#lingerie
#surrey
#sussex
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I swear I need to implement a 4 free text response policy.
That’s the maximum replies someone really needs from me to book.
Any future responses charged at £30 per text! Why? Anything more & it strays into timewaster text attention/fantasy-booker territory & I’m kinda sick of it!
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@fesshole
There are going to be people in those photos apart from her ex husband, and those photos would become even more cherished memories as those people die.
You didn’t think about that though. Just of how insecure her EX husband makes you feel.
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@fesshole
That’s funny because I use Waitrose shopping bags for my Lidl shopping in the hopes that my neighbours will think I’m too stuck up to talk to them…
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I probably don’t say this enough but I honestly have so many truly wonderful clients who make my work day an absolute joy. Thank you!
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Sunday morning spent strong-arming a stinking man in a bone dry towel back to the perfectly dry shower (pointing out he’d in no way used it) then watching as he meekly sprayed water in the general direction of his nethers. Neither of us enjoyed that & it was totally preventable🧵
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@leilaxlane
@joeynova_nyc
Yup. Precisely why I don’t offer mutual massage. When I did in the past I’ve laid there like “Dude I just did something sensually arousing yet beautifully relaxing for you & by way of return you’re pinching my nipple like an angry crab while scratching my growler into oblivion!”.
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This is not appropriate or respectful 1st contact.
I actually don’t have video call facilities set up on my phone for what should be a very obvious reason. If you don’t understand why it’s because I don’t want to run the risk of being visually violated, especially by a stranger.
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I’m not entirely sure about wearing green lace with my skin tone. Does it work? I’m undecided, but thought I’d step outside my usual colour palette.
#greenitis
#itisgreen
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@justawhore81
Ignore the ones who tell you that you’ll “age out”.
There are many men who don’t want to see providers young enough to be their daughter granddaughter, great granddaughter etc and many guys who do actually want to see older women.
Your regulars will age with you too.
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So delicious to be able to give this reply to a bargain hunter yesterday! Those who want to knock down your prices are never loyal. They’ll go where they get the cheapest offer.
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@ChelseaHarperx
Slightly different but when a local supermarket switched to mainly self-checkout with card payment only there was a line of well made-up, casually dressed women waiting to buy their day’s worth of food at the cash accepting cigarette counter. They misjudged the area’s demographic
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@Saporaknight
In my experience the think they want to know the authentic us, but only if we meet up to precisely their exact fantasy version of what that is...
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@isobelandgidget
Haggling over the price of a service is the most expensive mistake someone can make. If they pay less they’ll suddenly realise we are the ones who control the amount of effort, professionalism & respect that goes into what we do. Pay less & you deserve a sub par experience.
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@blacklodgewhore
After someone walked out of a friend’s appointment saying he wasn’t comfortable because as he was walking there he thought someone threw dog shit at him (?!)) any excuse from that moment on became known as a “dog shit excuse”!
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@drclairetaylor
@lorimcgourty
@TEOTWP
I had MERS-cov about 9 years ago. Suffered with PVF for 3 years (same symptoms as long covid) & what appeared to help me was L-Lysine supplements (inhibits viral replication). Also garlic capsules, mixed probiotics (5 different brands), vit B complex & digestive enzymes incl HCL.
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@j_rose1408
This is the kind of guy who’d walk into a theatre 45 minutes late and demand the cast start from the beginning.
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@highclassasshat
As a sensual masseuse I have to be aware of “bliss-out” because it’s hard to spot (essentially a therapist should be almost as relaxed as the client after a session but this masks burnout). Preserving energy balance & taking magnesium salt baths are key (as is sunshine for me)
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London trip is cancelled.
Why?
Because only 1 person was willing to book in advance.
Guys, you can’t all say you want to see me in London and then be flaky about committing to a booking and a deposit.
I’ll try again later in the year but I WILL HAVE TO TAKE DEPOSITS.
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@CheyCab
Here’s my take (as someone with 17+ years of industry experience). When 1 free ad could be placed in BP & CL or a morning we could get on with our day. The listing categories were simple for prospective clients to understand. Legit massage, Rub’n’Tug, escorts. There was no 1/
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@AnonSWer
Meanwhile there’s me with the memory of yanking a crusty butt nugget off a guy’s hairy crack in the shower & placing it in the palm of his hand. “What’s that?” He asks. “It’s your poo!” I replied with a look of “see this is why I hate assisted showers, Sir Swapbutt!” Horrifying.
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@fesshole
On honey, wait until you find out that some women only fake tan the bits that show in clothing too…
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If guys could keep their hands to themselves I’d offer 3 hour long massages, but so far almost every time I’ve done a 3 hour one I’ve had to remind myself constantly that I’m too pretty for prison & they don’t serve food I like. So I keep to just breaking guy’s fingers instead!
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@TheAstrid_Day
I have a special auto text to send with my early bird policy. No one has yet to take me up on it though! Funny that…
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@HaterToad
“If you wouldn’t use that technique or pressure on your gum line or on your eyeball because it hurts then it isn’t welcome to be used on the growler either”
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I am not a 24 hour dick emergency helpline!
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@gayerbythesecnd
Here’s my method; make appropriate facial expression. Go “oh, oh dear, smell this..” then rub your hands on the stinky area & wipe it on them under their nose. Have a little discussion about their need to shower (again) immediately. IDGAF if those clients don’t make return visits
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@PiecesofMargo
The tactics sound so similar to some strip clubs. Get 100+ women to work a shift where they’ll outnumber the men. Collect the house fee, charge crazy prices for drinks. Fine then for anything they can think of. Charge for towels etc. Charge to cash in “funny money” dance dollars
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@highclassasshat
@PiecesofMargo
All that craziness aside; he also needs to know “ingest” and “in jest” may sound very alike but do not mean the same thing!
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@Warblin
@Gumblejack
@fesshole
This is my daily battle. I’m a massage therapist and way too many guys leave butt nuggets even after they’ve showered.
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I love my new
#orange
and
#pink
#lingerie
set in
#28GG
. I adore clients who select my naturist massage so I don’t need to get it oily!
#sensualmassagelondon
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@ebcotenord
Even as a kid I understood the assignment. I’d observed the magnetism & power that sexual appeal had, and that people wanted to be made to feel good.
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Blessed is the man who understands he has to buy what he wants me to wear (& tip enough for at least 2 podiatrist appointments + taxis if he expects me to stand and massage in heels!).
#outfitCoordination
#highheels
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@LauraCohenSolo
If you already had a strong distrust of men then nothing much changed, just affirms…
In my experience give them any leeway & many will take everything they can.
Also never let them know when you are going to quit (3 r!pe attempts in 3 days taught me that) & I’m just massage!
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@lonelyslut15
I showed 3 small packets of expensive chocolates on my feed and a different client DMed me saying that he’d been meaning to say he hoped I wouldn’t eat them because I’d lose my figure! It comes across as they want us to be borderline starved to remain thinner!
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I’m strongly considering a time penalty on bookings related to the number of questions I answer (answerable by my website) & number of times I’d to ask for bookings info. Time penalties removed by additional payment because that extra labour you made me do was totally avoidable!
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@AaranE214
@youmemmatsix
I’ve had several “accidentally” sent dick pics in WhatsApp. That excuse doesn’t cut the mustard with me. Messaging a number you’ve not exchanged texts with ever before and then sending a dick pic is dead suspicious. I don’t buy those “wrong number” excuses at all.
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My after 3 times of politely asking a gent what time he’d like an appointment & being given non-specific terms of sometime/kinda/whenever I cracked and laughing said “…and if I could just get you to imagine a clock face, where would the big hand & little hand be pointing‽”
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@RelaxWithSloane
It’s the fastest way to ensure we are pissed off, rushed and stressed out for the start of the session. Why ruin it for yourself guys?
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@CheyCab
6/ Threads, Reddit, TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram etc. Each point of contact funnels in timewasters more than it does genuine clients, so we’ve got to assess how real each new contact is. Do you see what I mean now? That’s all a lot of extra admin work we didn’t have to do before.
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@DommeTomorrow
When I first started I had a client try & tell me I was about to age out once I hit 30. I voiced this to another who pointed out that my loyal client base will age with me & that many men don’t want young lasses in their 20s. Fast forward 15 years & I’m still as busy. No limit!
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Today someone excluded themselves by being a cocky know-it-all dickhead who couldn’t be bothered to read my website and thought he could argue his way into having a session with me. The more he continued the more red flags he raised.
Gents. Read the damn website, and be honest.
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@minnmomjd
@Astronaught420
@Coll3enG
Same. I’m the U.K. Also experienced being both followed and flashed at on various different occasions.
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