Samuel Clemens's Gallery
@SamClemensGal
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(We/They) Two combat vet / unartistic artists posting some of the most accurate satire around, funny pictures, and saying the quiet part out loud. (satire)
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Joined November 2023
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Pinned Tweet
August 2020 - Candid photo of Joe Biden in his basement, hard at work ensuring he selects the most qualified candidate to be his running mate. History was made when he finally settled on SW 9098 Baked Cookie by Sherwin-Williams.
#KamalaHarris
#Diversity
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@unusual_whales
If members of Congress can't survive on $174,000 plus the plethora of perks and other stuff they don't have to pay for, that certainly explains why they can't manage our country's finances any better.
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@paulkrugman
Yes, who is right? Everyone in the entire country who buys their own groceries or a paid lackey for the Democratic Party? Must just be millions of people imagining things. Definitely not "hedonic adjustments" or other statistical shenanigans at the BLS. Keep those poors in
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@visegrad24
They're welcome to leave any time they like. Unlike Hamas, we won't shoot at people who are trying to leave.
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@WallStreetSilv
Whenever I see a TikTok from some wannabe influencer in her car, it's pretty safe to assume she'll have a terrible attitude and be giving even worse advice.
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@MrAndyNgo
Sooo, Mr. "Get my pronouns right or I'm going to have a tantrum" then tries to be as offensive as possible toward people who follow the religion he doesn't agree with. So the "inclusivity and acceptance" crowd wasn't talking about including and accepting everyone.
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@ClownWorld_
Unsaid requirements:
-6' minimum
-independently wealthy but still have plenty of time to feed her narcissism (you're a trust fund baby).
-male feminist but still masculine
-have plenty of time and money to travel around the world - the bougey way (and film it for Instagram).
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@stein_sebas
@iamyesyouareno
Ahh ok. I had just listened to their music and saw all of the culture they were sharing through most of 2020 and mistook that for signs of cultural rot. I'll still make sure to keep my back to the wall the next time I'm on the subway then. 😆
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@Michael52836285
@iamyesyouareno
12. Wait for a subway train in New York City without getting pushed onto the tracks.
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@liz_churchill10
Don't worry about the ingredients, Liz. When it comes to vaccines, Bill has his best man on the job.
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@GavinSBaker
So you're saying that maybe programming in "diversity" (racism and ideological bias) into a generative AI platform doesn't make it stronger/more effective? Kind of like when you do the same thing with organizations and companies?
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@alifarhat79
All so we can pay for generous entitlement spending and student loan debt forgiveness. I can't recall a time in recent memory when the government was doing more to make it difficult for the average citizen to just exist as a productive, law abiding, tax paying citizen.
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@WallStreetSilv
It also shows that we need to do something to strengthen the Supreme Court. Making "public servants" swear and oath to the Constitution clearly isn't enough. Obviously the Biden administration's strategy is to just do what they want, and the damage will already be done by the
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@EndWokeness
Honestly, I'd prefer that the FBI doesn't arrest them, and we just let the people of Houston handle them the Texas way. These guys need something way worse than life in prison.
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@catturd2
As they have to remove more than a full division from the armed forces because no one wants to sign up to serve under clowns like Lloyd Austin and Mark Milley.
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@TheEcho13
@Observatoreum
There's a difference between doing things to show that you care and needing constant 24/7 validation. And then there's an even bigger difference between that and going "Well, looks like Mr. Robot forgot to send a text two whole times. I better go make his life as difficult as
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@StealthQE4
BTFP, Yellen funding with more short term debt after the long end of the curve blew out, Powell openly telegraphing that he has a weak spine and his wife's boyfriend won't let him watch anymore until NVDA hits $1000. Probably a few other methods that I'm not aware of.
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@ClownWorld_
Reminds me of the time I matched with a girl and she asked me to pay for her babysitter. I politely declined, she rudely said "well this isn't going to work out, then", and I agreed. Instagram and TikTok have really done a number on 18-35 year old women.
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@stclairashley
If you don't pay another 4%, little Timmy will die. But if you want little Timmy to suffer an agonizing death, we are happy to remove that 4% fee. This is like the South Park episode about donating to charities at the grocery store check out but taken to the extreme.
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@reddit_lies
I'm starting to think the military needs to do a better job screening people before they hand out security clearances.
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This one really is coming in handy.
POWELL: We see Zimbabwe-lite as a viable alternative to price stability...
KUPPY TRANSLATION: Rip them gold calls...
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@LindseyGrahamSC
I fully support Linda's continued Holy War and his steadfast defense of the LGBTQ+- community!
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@Jon86454933
@paulkrugman
I 'memba. He also just said it has to do with whether or not you're a Republican or Democrat.
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@mowgli2071
@iamyesyouareno
Maybe all of the retailers can donate to the cause once they're no longer incurring hundreds of millions of dollars in losses from looting and shoplifting. The videos I've seen don't exactly look like stealing out of necessity. In fact, in most of those big retail stores, the
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@R3lonMusk
@iamyesyouareno
Go drive in one of those cities I mentioned. You'll see what I'm talking about.
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@MattWalshBlog
Romcoms and TikTok/Instagram "influencers" giving horrible advice have ruined a generation or two of young women. Fast forward 30 years, and she's going to be hanging out with her 15 cats, wondering why no one can see the value she brings to a relationship.
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@DonMiami3
Well said. Reminds me of when the HR people at
@abinbev
would play the "we're all a big family" card, when the company does arbitrary headcount cuts every year whether it is a good year or not, and they make people fire each other in panel interviews to get hired.
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@jordanbpeterson
Home girl needs a therapist, not a boyfriend. "This is why your boyfriend left you for a non-American girl".
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@catturd2
She's always camera aware. I'm pretty sure she has no personality or soul beyond her over-the-top reactions that her handlers told her to use whenever she sees a camera pointed her direction.
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@LindseyGrahamSC
I'm proud to have the Not-So-Closeted Crusader on our side. Xhe/xir has been relentless defending our interests in xer Holy War, using tactics xhe learned in xer 2-week JAG deployment to Bagram that one time.
Remember: "If those terrorist thugs try to r*pe you, push back, and
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@jonahharvey6
@iamyesyouareno
The Defund movement already took care of that. Maybe some of them will come back now 😊
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@sca69001
@iamyesyouareno
Yes. I should probably add that in the one about the violent mobs. Seems like half of those videos are people fighting each other while they loot stores, and then random groups of people who decided it was a perfect spot to start twerking. Like a scene straight out of Idiocracy.
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@WallStreetSilv
Counting their fat paychecks and working 2 hours a week.
Can we please do this with the Pentagon (the Pentagon, not the regular military) and the federal government? Thank you.
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President Biden visits
@SecDef
in the hospital. To reassure the SecDef that his job is still safe, the President whispers "if I didn't fire you over the catastrophe in Afghanistan, there's no chance I'll fire you over butt cancer." He really is an inspiration to us all. 😄
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@zerohedge
Now the next Atlantic/Salon/Bloomberg headline is going to say "8 Reasons Why Short Selling is a Sign of White Privilege".
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@paulkrugman
"The data clearly shows that if you stop arresting people, crime goes away." - Paul Krugman, "economist", political commentator, Democratic Party apologist, visionary
BTW, I seem to recall a certain presidential candidate who insulted rural America. Can't remember they/their
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@SovMichael
As he walks down a gold plated hallway to lecture us on the evils of capitalism and the virtues of being woke.
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@Oilfield_Rando
We should tell them Chipotle is hiring. Maybe the new phrase should be "learn to weld" or "learn to grill" since they were smugly telling these people to learn to code.
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@catturd2
Meanwhile woke protesters are allowed to block entire highways for hours with no resistance.
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@1776Diva
Seriously, I've never seen a time when the government was more actively involved in rewarding and incentivizing the most lazy and and useless of us while making it as difficult as possible to simply exist as a productive, law abiding citizen.
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@TgMacro
Need to add a Bitcoin logo to this now. Stagflation Jay and his Oompa Loompa friend have "tightened" us back to 2021.
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@MarkLevineNYC
I was in your city last summer, half of the people I spoke with told me to avoid the subway or at least make sure to keep my back to the wall while waiting for the train. Probably nothing, though.
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@unusual_whales
Remember when people said to vote for "decent old Joe" who was going to be a moderate? And then when "decent old Joe" got what he wanted, he went radically left and adopted a bunch of authoritarian and unconstitutional policies, including openly ignoring the Supreme Court. Can't
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@StealthQE4
The rally in October started as soon as Yellen started increasing the amount of short term debt. That was when the 10-year was pushing 5%. Then Powell piled on in November when he went from "not talking about rate cuts" to putting 3 rate cuts on the dot plot. The market
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@RikRiks123
@ClownWorld_
"I just... feel... like I need to lecture you on... the brand of cereal that you bought."
"Is it... too much to ask... for you to make an omelette... instead of scrambled eggs?"
"I feel... like I need to give you a condescending lecture... about why you... need to use a
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@buccocapital
It's even worse at AB InBev. They do arbitrary headcount cuts every year and roll several people's jobs into one and increase that person's workload. Every time leadership has talked with employees over the past several years, it is about how times are tough and things aren't
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@DineshDSouza
How dare you. Bill Gates and his AI expert are working to save democracy as we speak!
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@StateDept
Why does Blinken always have that scared deer-in-the-headlights look? Every time I see him, he looks like he's a blink away from peeing his pants.
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@WallStreetSilv
So gender is a spectrum, women should be treated exactly like men, and smash the patriarchy... until it comes time to pay for the date, determine who gets which assets in a divorce, do a dangerous job, or get drafted. Got it.
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@MostlyPeacefull
I need to make a correlation heat map for this. % of guns, % of legal gun purchases, and % of the total populace versus gun crimes.
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@SardarHamzaW
This video is better than the others. The clearest it gets is at this point, and it looks like 2 people walking side by side.
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@DeItaone
No way! The company that loaned Elon a bunch of money - using Tesla stock as collateral - to buy Twitter is bullish Tesla stock. Mind blown!
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@RBReich
"To my dear friends in the media: please don't talk about the high inflation that is crushing middle class families during an election year without putting some liberal spin on it.
Thanks, your old pal Rob"
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@MostlyPeacefull
Interesting. I got wounded by an SVIED back in 2012 and got knocked out briefly, but haven't had any noticeable side effects. A buddy of mine took a ball bearing to the head in the same attack and had a long recovery. He is doing really well now, but I'll have to let him know
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@FadedGravity89
@ClownWorld_
I need to find a good coder to make a dating app that shows people the statistics behind their list of must-haves. "Well Jezebel, your requirements for 6'2", masculine guy who is also radically liberal, makes $200k+ a year but also only works 35 hours a week, has a PhD but no
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@sentdefender
In other words, they want to make a big production about nothing to justify sending more money to Ukraine.
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@RudyHavenstein
They might even have to recall the Not-So-Closeted Crusader from they/their "holy war" in the Middle East.
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@GRomePow
Like all of these girls bragging about how they just go on dates to use guys for free food and drinks. Dating internationally is a night and day difference compared to dating in the U.S.
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