And then the little dog would say "yo quiero Taco Bell" and we would all laugh and laugh. It was a simpler time.

RT @LosFelizDaycare: Imagine you’ve been with your boyfriend for like 2 years and he’s never NOT won a superbowl and then you have to deal…

RT @kipconlon: Cry smarter, not harder.

RT @BobGolen: After relentlessly being badgered that greasy foods and alcohol are bad for you, I decided to decrease my amounts of listenin…

RT @elmo: Elmo just hopes both teams have fun!

RT @EveKeneinan: "Something doesn't matter, because something else is physically larger" is not only an obviously idiotic sophism, it is se…

RT @RunwayDan: When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. When all you have is a hammerhead shark, every problem looks…

RT @Space_Bunzzz: Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of…

RT @LoveNLunchmeat: Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tells me I look pretty

Horrifying if literal: I'm all ears.

@colorblindk1d I'm not going to consider any of this a positive if Congress doesn't act to address it legislatively.

RT @BobGolen: All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

@TheCinesthetic Knocking people unconscious.

RT @kipconlon: Exaggerated a bit on my dating profile (just one Nobel Prize).

RT @jennasaysquoi: i like candles cuz it's kinda like having fire as a pet

RT @LorazeKim: I forgot the word graveyard and called it a people garden

@Mike___Kilo Read the replies - it's 100% real. Because of course it is.

RT @247razz: When I can’t find Tucker and I’m outside hollering for him this is how I normally find him. Sitting still looking at me like I…

RT @TheSpotter8: It's ok to throw a breath mint into people's mouth who try talking to you in the elevator.

@cmonjussthetip @feelsdesperate Strange days, Oz. Strange days indeed.

@JenniferSey @nytimes It’s the repeated insistence that they are being “discriminated against” that gets me. They have literally the same rights as anyone else. But they’re being denied what they want, and therefore it’s the civil rights issue of our age.