spooky zacc
@PugOnADrug
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Following
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Media
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drinking IPAs and eating authentic white people food // alt is @UnlimitedZacc
Portland, OR
Joined September 2018
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Her: did you gorilla glue your hands in your pockets again?
Me:
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Big Egg doesn’t want you to know that you can simply bite into golf balls for a delicious treat
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me to my friend when I’m tripsitting
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do NOT respond to this. as soon as you arrive she locks the door and begins making fun of you
Hey folks! Allure is looking to interview people who started masturbating at age 30 or older for an upcoming story. It can be anonymous—or not, if you prefer! If interested, DM me or reply to this tweet 🙏
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you go to the suggested reading for women section at bookstores and it's just this
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@sfe1239
@welladriansays
@soulistaphd
@Sportinglesbian
you’re not a doctor of reading comprehension, huh
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@Nanadonanad
@BASILEUSREX
@skkkraat
@SCHIZO_FREQ
@WomenPostingLs
people falling down is classic comedy, I can't believe I have to explain this to someone
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I doordashed $50k worth of gas station boner pills last year, how do low income people even survive
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if you break up with me you can say goodbye to meals like this
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covering up a memorial of your deceased grandma with a Pokémon sleeve is a certified pro gamer move
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my beautiful wife: you better not drink 3 aperol spritzes and act all fruity at my 4th of July party today
my straight ass after 2 pm:
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I won’t announce the next time I get paid, but there will be signs
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@LoFiRepublican
@darkommand
the new 16 yr old you’re grooming listens to kendrick and you feel out of place, huh
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my favorite genre of Reddit post has got to be “dudes openly displaying how repellent they are”
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they should have never let a white boy like me have 2 white claws
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@JarotDaCarot
@archcityhistory
@spurtmagoo
@Timcast
found the guy who thinks often about teenage boobs
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her: you better not be a cunty little businessman stuck in traffic and serving rn
my professional ass:
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white boy SHOCKS japanese restaurant by using a PERFECT accent to discuss age of consent laws
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queueing up a tweet about the banality of life, how everything is fleeting and turns to dust, but deciding to tweet "pussy from a mysterious creature" instead because I have to be strong for everyone
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if your coworker with ADHD starts bothering you, you can just throw a little ball down the hallway for them to chase
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@JarotDaCarot
@archcityhistory
@spurtmagoo
@Timcast
insignificant youtuber resists looking dumb on Twitter challenge (he fails)
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@TSLA4orphans
@Rainmaker1973
incredible brain worms are required for one to make this comment after seeing a video about a cute bird
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"you better not get drunk and talk politics"
*3 beers later* I am going to post my penis
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how it feels when your wife tells you to go to bed when there’s still a sixer in the fridge
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@MadelaineLucyH
didn't realize that thinking about things while doing an activity means I have ADHD, thanks!
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in hyrule people are forced to become small twinks. we have no hospitals, we have to eat apples when we are injured
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realized earlier today that it’s been over a year since I’ve done cocaine 🎉
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@gayest_tone
notice they never list what they do for any social activities, they only try to dunk against normal people
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next person telling me the milkshake machine is broke is getting a McAsswhoopin
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new coworker introduced himself and immediately asked if I’ve encountered any UFOs
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