wargen
@funeralpig
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#THEMUSICDAY
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FREENBECKY URANUS2324 ON STAGE
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JuLive With Patrick🫶🏻
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#Number_i_TMD2024
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JOSH CULLEN PH REPRESENT
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ゲリラ豪雨
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サプライズ
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#SQUARE1_BON
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#SixTONES_GONG
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احمد رفعت
• 34754 Tweets
#君は僕のもの初披露
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ヒュニンカイ
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ベテルギウス
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音楽番組
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エモーショナルズ
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KAT-TUN
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ミニストップ
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SixTONES最高
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緊急メンテ
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しょっぴー
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those beautiful naked women have made a compelling argument i'm going to steer this ship into the rocks
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i found an injured gray alien out in the woods and gave it some Gatorade and it had a seizure and died
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hey man we all noticed your posts are getting really whimsical lately i just wanted to tell you i'm proud of you for connecting with your lighter nature again
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me when i volunteer to search for a missing hiker but they assign me a route that is all uphill
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drive my kids to school
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(making small talk with my gf’s dad at our first dinner) Richard i don’t like the way you speak to your wife
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homeless guy: thanks a lot man every little bit helps
guy who has never called anyone "brother": no problem stay safe out there brother
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i tell her that her nose is white because when she was a kitten she fell asleep in a saucer of milk
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me: have you ever wondered what Yoda would sound like if he had a Jamaican accent?
date: no... please don't
me (voice cracking): fine we'll just sit in silence while we eat
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(to the beautiful naked woman luring my ship into the rocks) you are one interesting chica! i kinda dig you in a really strange way
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picking this dude up with one hand and telling my buddy Nate to "go long"
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tell your gf i hate her
Obsessed with the way my girlfriend holds burgers like she just picked up a wounded pigeon
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(scrolling through the TL)
shut the fuck up
shut the fuck up
shut the fuck up
idiot
oooh picture of cat
shut the fuck up (lovingly)
shut the fuck up
idiot
shut the fuck up
oooh picture of dog
idiot (affectionately)
shut the fuck up
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(on all fours whispering to a bug) do you yearn? is there a hunger in your heart?
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(recognizing a social cue) nice
(recognizing a social cue) alright
(recognizing a social cue) here we go
(recognizing a social cue) awwww yeah
(not recognizing a social cue) fuck
(recognizing a social cue) we're back
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me: computer say you're alive and hungry
computer: i am alive and hungry
me (loading single bullet into gun): may god forgive us for stealing the divine fire of creation
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me and the boys are gonna follow this ghastly floating light deeper into the swamp if you want to join
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knuckle tat ideas:
NICE HATS
DEAD FUCK
2SHY 4YOU
COZY HOME
TOOF HURT
GRAY MARE
RIPT JORT
COWT OOLS
SLIM LIPS
CRAB HEAT
HATE MILK
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(peering into the cage of the monkey next to me) whatcha got there? Cloth Mother? Nice...nice. Me? Eh, I got the Wire Mother. Nah, it's not so bad. Can't pick your family, you know?
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if you ever wonder how important you are to someone just test them subtly without telling them and if they fail your weird emotional science experiment cut them out of your life completely
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white boy STUNS woman he just started dating by having PERFECT diarrhea in her small poorly-ventilated apartment
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it someone honks at me in traffic i pull up beside them crying with a gun to my head
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aww did the little fucking idiot want to feel a connection? did the baby want to communicate something about their suffering in hopes they'd be comforted?
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me: guess i’m not beating the sleepy little guy allegations
firefighter cutting me from the wreckage: try not to move you’ve lost a lot of blood
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i used to go fucking nuts on this thing all the doctors would come out and lose their minds watching me wreck this shit at blazing speeds
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i lifted up a rotting log in the woods and no one underneath it knew you
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pulling this picture out of my wallet every day at work and nodding at it solemnly
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this was how i coached pee wee soccer until the woke mind virus got me fired
DeepMind training bipedal robots to play soccer using deep reinforcement learning.
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thinking about the stephen king short story where everyone thinks this guy is dead but he's just paralyzed and right before they start cutting him open for the autopsy the mortician's big jugs give him a boner
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need a gf who can bite the back of my neck and shake me around like a dog destroying a chew toy
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he thought sustained intimacy could allow you to truly understand the mind of someone else! he didn't realize our true nature is forever locked away inside the labyrinths of our minds, often even obscured to ourselves! he MAD!
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me and the boys trapped a forgotten god in a pit behind the rec center and we’re harnessing it’s arcane energy to recharge our vapes
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me and the boys found an old washing machine out in the woods and we’re gonna take turns going apeshit on it with a hammer
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(donkey walks by)
Ah the noble donkey!
(donkey out of earshot)
Foolish beast.
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for the third year in a row my Person of the Year is the small brown rabbit that i sometimes see hanging out on my driveway
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sometimes i come across someone whose posting is so unique i will think they are a once in a lifetime talent and then it will slowly become clear that they are actually an unemployed alcoholic just barely holding on to their sanity
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Blowjob Sandwich vol 12
*click*
nice
Titty Creampies vol 7
*click*
close enough
Stepsister Needs Help With Homework
*click*
we'll take it
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My kid just said: “It’s sad to watch a pack of lies beat a good person just because the good person can’t speak.”
I literally just gave him a hug and said that “debates don’t matter.”
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hiiii, you aren’t psychotic. That’s not even a real thing. You are being bitten by bugs, gangstalked, poisoned, tracked, hunted, tormented by a cruel and hateful god AND you are doing your absolute best. You need more drugs and more alcohol. You are perfect as you are.
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charge attack to stun the small one and then switch to my rapier and bait a grab to parry the large one into a counter-attack opening
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watching the delivery guy carry a 40lb bag of cat litter to my door
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my uncle got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close
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detective (sighing): this is the hardest part of the job
woman (opening door): hello officer what is this about?
detective: ma'am there's no easy way to say this... your husband's bingle got bongled
woman: i'm sorry, what?
detective (annoyed): his whole shit got sproinked
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it would be very difficult for me to perform surgery on someone a lot of the stuff inside the human body looks like gunk but is pretty important
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drinking two doses of nyquil and holding my cat like this while i watch my neighbor mow his yard
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guy who doesn’t know how to pronounce burger: no big deal i’ll just listen to what everyone else in line orders
customer 1: 12 piece nuggets, small fries
customer 2:
#4
with diet coke please
customer 3: one purple guy meal
burger guy: fuckfuckfuck this can’t be happening 😓
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sorry i didn't text you back i use my self-diagnosed mental illness and weed-induced anxiety as an excuse to be a bad person
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if i saw Drake hitchhiking on a dirt road late at night i would run him over and my expression wouldn’t change
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i will never unmute this video a person with this haircut cannot speak to me with such energy i will not allow it
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going to see Oppenheimer and saying "ah the titular Oppenheimer" any time he's in a scene
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text from girl friend: can’t believe we’ve been friends for two years i am so grateful we met!!!! 💫✨😎
text from guy friend: im gonna bounce your fucking skull off a fire hidrent
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dodge-rolling around my grandma like she's an Elden Ring boss so i can steal her pain medication
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(waking up with a reverse bear trap on my head)
Jigsaw: I want to play a...
(i start jacking off furiously)
Jigsaw: what the fuck man
me: i gotta get it out in the morning or i'm fucked up all day
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waiter (taking empty plate): boy you must have hated it huh?
me: yeah i dumped it on the floor under the table
(waiter looks under the table and all my shit is completely out)
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plug always saying they are “but a day’s ride” from the castle, bro you are not even in my lord’s many and vast territories
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reading Lolita on the train but with my flaccid dick hanging out of my pants so everyone knows i'm not a pedophile
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a kid in third grade once told me he got kicked in the nuts so hard his sack split open and a bunch of stuff that looked like spaghetti fell out and true or not the image has never left my mind
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