Big Leviticus
@PierreMenard
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anyone know where I could read about 75k separate but identical tweets about leonardo dicaprio
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thank you to amazon for employing 19 year old grandma Rafael, who is 100% real
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my wife's diet coke
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weed is fairly cheap, but the huge fish tank that weed makes me want to purchase is very expensive
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as an empath my heart really aches when you guys are losers
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the erotic mind control community has a problem with racism
So, I want to address something that will probably surprise no one:
The erotic mind control community has a problem with racism.
This is a situation that a lot of us have known for awhile, but as the vocal community is very white, many of us had the luxury of not being affected
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everyone involved in making this is a fucking loser
"Beto O'Rourke? Massive fucking Gryffindor."
Let's take a moment to sort some of the Democratic 2020 candidates into Hogwarts houses:
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Every time I walk into a mens' room and see piss all over everything I'm like "yeah, no one's doing shit about global warming, ever."
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very few of the people who hate my guts could actually beat me up, which, as an empath, is painful to me. I really feel for all these weak idiots who just can't do shit about it
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thinking about the emotional toll of regularly using a machine gun to kill 30-50 feral hogs that illegally enter your property within 3-5 minutes of seeing your children
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yall have no idea how bad it was before the internet. my dad used to fuckin scream at me when I said Vanilla Ice was white. I had no proof.
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excuse me, waiter? I've recently invented a very fussy little piece of personality. Please inform the chef.
Seed oils are impossible to avoid at restaurants.
So I decided to do something about it.
This is how we make eating out safe for the Seed Oil Sensitive:
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"This is the first time that bison have touched this land since 1870" what a horrible world we've made
Today we celebrated something that you, our supporters, helped make possible: Badlands National Park is opening up 22,000 acres of new bison range! Here's what happened:
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new Taylor album is huge news for adults whose parents pay their cell phone bill
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one of my main duties as a husband is identifying character actors, recapping their careers, then relaying any trivia I know about them, especially trivia which I believe to be thematically or spiritually significant to the role
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ask her why the hell it's taking so long to pick between water, pepsi, cheese, and the single flip flop I keep in the drawer. we don't let all the fuckin cold air out in THIS house. now I'm going back to bed. be quiet.
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???
In the last shot of Burt from THE FABELMANS, the shadow he casts on the wall is that of his wife, Mitzi. I'm sort of gobsmacked at how audacious it is while being so subtle. There'll never be another Spielberg.
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BREAKING - Jason Derulo fell down the stairs at Joe Biden's funeral
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while I respect Dracula's abilities, I can not condone his actions
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I cannot fully express how upset I am that I have to hear about star wars for the rest of my life
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everyone on this website is obsessed with cosplaying as a horrible crybaby nerd
friendship is just two people anxiously texting “hey are you mad at me??” over and over again until one of you dies
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picture this: me and the Twitter boys together on my porch, vaccinated to the gills, 13 beers deep, shirts off, standing in a circle & screaming Big Rock Candy Mountain until the neighborhood forms a mob and kills us at 4:21 am
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a year or so ago I tried to ask my boss a question & she cut me off, saying "hang on...I'm in the middle of something." I looked to see what the hell she was doing & so saw her post "Jon Bernthal bark in my pussy" on fb
BREAKING: Marvel's The Punisher and Jessica Jones have both been canceled by Netflix.
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The Godfather would be a better movie if everyone had dreadlocks
Alright. Give me your HOTTEST movie take. No lukewarm garbage.
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my chiropractor told me that I'm going to fuck my back up if I continue carrying $1,000,000 cash in my wallet at all times
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in all seriousness no one who enjoys craft beer could physically harm me with their bare hands
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Phish is going to get sucked into mainstream culture later in their career, aren’t they?
Just like the Grateful Dead.
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@BrandyLJensen
this is why I eat dessert every night. I will never slide into a small hole in the earth.
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the most modern way to grieve is to get a fauxhawk and be a contestant on Chopped, America's
#1
place to talk about your trauma
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worst thing about basketball is every time they show the crowd, you have see a 9 year old flossing & dabbing in a 3rd row seat that cost $400
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I wonder if it will end up being good or bad that everyone's only hobbies are watching tv, buying things online, and trying to make funny posts. Time will tell.
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anyone know of a website where I can see the exact same thing restated a few thousand times an hour forever
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one insanely weird aspect of modern capitalism is that companies have no idea what people actually want
Southwest Airlines has added live concerts to its in-flight amenities.
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my illegal stream is truly ridiculous tonight. this guy is playing rollercoaster tycoon during breaks
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if you go out to eat today the appropriate tip is 50%. if you go out to eat tomorrow the appropriate tip is 100%. just fyi.
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the
#1
funniest scene in cinema history is Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne, doing crossfit to prepare to fight Superman
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there should be an app that tells you what soups every restaurant near you has today
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Hot Rod (2007)
My son’s new bit is every night at bedtime he tries to fight me. While I appreciate the commitment to the bit, it is wearing hard on the audience
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what if an orc tried to get a michelin star
i love british street food. a whole potato topped with unmelted cheese and baked beans. and they line up for hours for it.
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remember when beiber wrote "anne was a great girl. hopefully she would have been a belieber" in the anne frank house guestbook
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this might actually be the most psychotic non-criminal behavior I've ever heard of
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it's so crazy that only a few decades ago a cop could get fired for breaking the law
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I became addicted to making jokes on this website 10 years ago but now I just come here to read long, horrible threads about how BALLERS is antifeminist written by some asswipe who is like if Beavis went to Sarah Lawrence
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my uncle claims he was the first man to ever smoke weed on a submarine
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you: I love going to hip, local restaurants & I don't mind waiting for 2 hours
Me: no one ever plays acoustic guitar at Buffalo Wild Wings
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Paul Bunyan has gotta be one of the shittiest myths of all time. A 20 foot tall man is good at logging??? Who cares!
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as a young dumbass, I frequently watched bad show about a christian family because jessica biel had big ones. now, as a wise male feminist, I see the error of my ways, and despite the fact that she still has a sick set, I believe in vaccines. it's called growing up, boys. try it
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Movie Director:
Tom Hardy: I'm going to do a weird voice in a really bad accent
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I usually don't post these long screenshot tweets, but I need to get this off my chest
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"Odysseus (aka Odie) is a slacker who has been following the worst band you've ever heard around the country for 10 years. At long last, he returns to his family in Ithaca NY & gets a job. Starring Ethan Hawke." - at least 7 movies from 1996
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as an empath who fucks and sucks regularly, virgin energy is especially draining for me
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1997- my youth pastor gave me the ok to masturbate after I convinced him I only thought about a faceless woman removing her wedding dress
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dunno who needs to hear this right now, but here are some pictures of Alan Jackson waterskiing in jeans in the Chattahoochee video
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if you didn't drop out of college you are a loser. I will be immediately muting replies to avoid unwanted interactions with nerds.
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today I wore blue overalls and a yellow shirt to the mall, which means some horrible teen is currently going viral with a pic of me captioned "ugly minion ass bitch"
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The Star Spangled Banner - Jimmy Hendrix (live at woodstock 1957)
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RT this if you sincerely hope to eat spaghetti in the next 7 weeks
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man think how funny next year's tv shows would be if everyone who ever went to Harvard died
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this is like when Dolly wrote 'Jolene' & 'I Will Always Love You' back to back
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a guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to any apes you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."
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something so funny about dreaming about faux-marble plastic wrap
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no matter what happens today (or any other day), it remains true that people who list their degrees & college shit in their twitter bios have absolutely off-the-charts loser energy
Please do not confuse your halfass research on Internet forums with my graduate degree in political science.
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the internet sucks so much ass now. logging on used to be like digging through a cool garbage dump, now it's like if old navy commercials cussed & showed hole. I hate it.
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there are no great jam bands and they all have a ton of live albums. hope this helps.
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hello, nasty nerds. which former dim child & current contributer to some website I wouldn't visit for an hourly wage are we screencapping in anger this evening
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imagine being so viscerally unpleasant on every imaginable level that people root for a god damn bank over you
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