Same Panic, Different Disco
@OoMsBlueEyesoO
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Probably somewhere being awkward & nerdy. People ma'am me a lot. She/her
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I have no idea why, but one day my mom starting sending me dad jokes with the intro "Here's the yuk yuk for today" and she just hasn't stopped. So now several days a week I get a "yuk yuk".
Todays:
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Man, Tyga is somewhere dropping lunch off at the high school for his girl, mad as fuck right now
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My ex husband used to nut in MY socks and then shove them under the mattress or put them back in my drawer. I cannot explain the rage I felt the first time I was running late to work, grabbed a pair of socks out of my drawer, and THEY WERE CRUSTED SHUT.
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Do you know what's starting to piss me off more and more? Everybody is talking about how there are so many job openings now. Thousands more job openings than there are workers. But NOBODY is talking about why there are thousands more job openings than workers...
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They died. From Covid. And nobody in mainstream media wants to acknowledge that there's a worker shortage because we lost so many people from the mismanagement of the pandemic. We lost so many people who didn't have to die because our government basically said "fuck you" to us.
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@BeeNasty_
@MrRandyWATTsun
I sat here and watched this clip and all I could think the whole time was "Wow. She really has sex with him. Wow. She's so kind hearted."
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They cannot be serious with this shit...
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*goes to the grocery store*
*buys stuff to cook at home*
*is now tired from going to the grocery store*
*orders a pizza*
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@lost_mungu
We been known this government didn't give a shit about kids because they stay letting babies die in school shootings.
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There's nothing funny about this.
1. This kid is being taught it's OK to abuse animals. 2. What's going to happen is the dog is going to attack him when it's had enough of being punched and kicked, or attack someone else one day, then have to be put down.
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@DahighlanderL
@loveedaniiellee
I just threatened to shove the next pair I found down his throat 🙂
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When you finally get off your period, but remember the only person you're having celebratory sex with is yourself.
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These apartment complexes really just toss the word luxury around like IG chefs do parsley.
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@ShamekaWrites
Bingo. That part. It makes me so fucking angry too. All those people gone and nobody cares. Everything is just business as usual. It's not right.
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@TonySta37326461
Or toilet paper. There was a box of tissues beside the bed too. Like... make it make sense.
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@JayJohnson27573
The last company I worked for was manufacturing and they were absolutely not doing well at all
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Does her vagina not have the grip or does your penis just not have the range? Riddle me this.
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It's no one's responsibility to fix you. You have to take responsibility of your own shit and fix yourself.
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Me, eating a snack, trying to decide what other snack I'm going to eat after I finish this snack.
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@JayJohnson27573
I left because they wanted me to go back into the office even though I had been doing my job just fine from home for an entire year. Now I refuse to work a job where I have to be in an office. I simply won't do it again.
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I like affectionate men. Hug and rub and kiss up on me boo.
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On today's episode of "WTF are these rental companies thinking??"
I give you an apartment complex in Durham, NC.
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Y'all... Bobby Brown is on stage performing and he is high and drunker than a motherfucker. Holy shit.
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What is that, a damn clown car??? They coming from their shift at Ringling Brothers??
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People who work at Popeyes do not make anywhere near enough to have to deal with people trying to fight them over a sandwich.
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Y'all.....
Y'ALL.....
THEY MADE ME AN OFFER! I GOT THE JOB!!!
Almost a $10k pay raise, fully remote, and everyone there seems super nice. The Universe sent me exactly what I manifested and I'm so, so grateful. I could cry 😩
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I.... whut??
How do you eat pasta belligerently???
And why is it always Florida???
Florida man arrested outside Olive Garden after eating pasta belligerently
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So I saw this recipe online for carb free pancakes that you make out of bananas and eggs and lemme tell ya. That is the last time I'm listening to white people.
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Being an adult is basically having the freedom and ability to do a lot of fun stuff, but not actually being able to do said fun stuff because you're either too tired, too broke, or too busy doing other stuff that you don't really want to be doing.
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You just told the whole internet your dick don't slap like that
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As somebody who suffers from fibromyalgia now, I definitely took for granted when I was younger and my body could do what I needed it to. Now that it can't, I wish it could again. If you have your health, it's definitely something to be thankful for.
Today I got thinking about my body, and how I can depend on it to do what it’s meant to do when I need it done. Then I got thinking about how much of a privilege that is. We can be so used to ‘business as usual’ that we don’t consider this privilige unless something goes wrong.
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It's criminal how short Da Rockwilder is. Meth and Redman only gave us like 2 minutes and 15 seconds of straight 🔥
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Liking the person you're with is just as important as loving them
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He had a ruff day
THERE’S A DOG SITTING AT THIS BAR WEARING A HAT AND EATING AND EVERYONE IS JUST PRETENDING LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL???
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I just ate a salad for dinner. When does the skinny kick in?
24-48 hours...or....?
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Y'all I just had a meeting with a recruiter for a position that is exactly what I'm looking for. She's sending my info onto the hiring manager to see if they want to move forward with me for an interview. Send me good vibes. I want this one.
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I am Appalachian country Southern and my bf is central NC country Southern and we both sound completely different. Then my stepdad is Northern NC country Southern and me and my mom can't understand half of what he says most of the time 😂
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Make up sex and I've missed you sex really are top tier.
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That bear would've gotten a mouth full of shit cause I would've spray farted.
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@linluv5
I would've asked for a different dr because clearly he couldn't be bothered to read your chart and who really wants a dr who doesn't bother to read their chart caring for them? NOAP.
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I just got caught in the bathroom with the rapid fire farting girl. Idk what's going on with her asshole but everytime she pees she let's loose a barrage of farts without a care in the world.
Ol Machine Gun Kelly head ass.
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Hello Clarice
"I bet it would be funny to put a pancake on my cats face"...
2 minutes later "JESUS CHRIST!"
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So does my boyfriend
God gets excited when you get down on your knees!
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Some women are just nasty, hateful bitches for no reason. Idc how pretty you are. If you have a stank ass attitude, you're ugly as fuck.
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I feel like we need to hear the cat's side of the story.
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Dear Lord,
This year, please send me emotionally mature, financially stable, bomb ass dick attached to a non ain't shit man who adores me.
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'Ol boy is apparently sending her to Jupiter.
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My bf is of the sleep naked group. I asked him once what he'd do if somebody broke in. His response? "Whelp. I guess I'm gonna be beating somebody's ass with my dick out."
Sleep naked Twitter, y’all don’t be scared of an emergency?
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@logainne
Yes, but the findamentals of it are still the same and it's not really realistic to expect these things to be able to be enforced 100%.
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It really should be illegal for rent to be that much. Idc what city you live in. There's no reason rent needs to be that much. The onsite fitness center isn't THAT great.
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Well, I have some good news for today. I got approved for the apartment. I can get the keys on 10/1. Here's to hoping I'll have a better experience at this new place. I'm excited about having a second bedroom again and a fireplace.
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It's wild that everyone always wants to focus on financial literacy like people who are poor are poor because they aren't good with money. I'd argue that they're probably BETTER w/ money because they've learned how to budget to the cent and to make very little money stretch
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If you're gonna get a fake ass, can you at least get some thighs to match? They're supposed to be a set.
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When you've paid all your bills like a responsible adult, but now you have $4.63 until payday.
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Telling her I'm too tired for this bullshit and getting in the bed to take my nap. It's gonna be what it's gonna be.
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If he's not in my ear sounding like this when he's in it, I don't want it.
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Why'd he put buddy on his back like a fucking turtle???? Fbdhhdhdhd
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I went on a blind date in high school with a guy who talked about cats the entire time.
What’s the most awkward date y’all ever been on?
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All of it
What’s the one part of cleaning your house you wish you could pay somebody else to do?
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Cleaning while you're frustrated helps you relieve stress but also wears you the fuck out. Let me go shower (which does include washing my legs, feet, and face).
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To
@haveyouheardofg
my love, my best friend, the person who always manages to say what I'm thinking. You're an amazing man & partner, and my life is better because you're in it. 3 years in and a lifetime of adventures to look forward to. Happy anniversary baby.
I love you ❤
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This has literally been the longest year ever in the history of years
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Dude asked me on a 2nd date the day after we went on our 1st date. I ordered a tea & an appetizer. He ordered a mixed drink & a meal & said "You can pay for this. I've already spent enough on you this weekend & I have bills." (My meal the night before was $10. His was $30.)
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I don't have any witty caption or anything. I just feel cute today. So, just posting my pics and going.
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@johnpaulfawcett
Lmao imagine trying to get a bunch of 6 year olds who eat their boogers to wear a mask all day and not touch anything, especially their faces 😂😂😂😂
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Being a mixtape rapper's wife is a thankless job.
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I don't need four and a half pounds of Welch's fruit snacks, but I also don't not need four and a half pounds of Welch's fruit snacks.
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@PegGluntz
@logainne
But again, if they even have to have all these recommendations to "safely" open back up and they aren't really realistic, then do we really need to be opening schools back up in the first place? No.
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