Ski Mask Shawty
@haveyouheardofg
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5,665
Following
1,411
Media
23,028
Statuses
236,084
Retweets ≠ endorsements. Fuck @NickCannon . Fuck @realDonaldTrump . Mostly Jokes. Some politics. My opinion is my own. Don't @ me about it.
FMLville, NC
Joined February 2011
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Kardashian Hierarchy
Pre Surgery Kim > Kendall > Kourtney > Current Kim > After Kim's face caves > Didnt they have a puppy? > Kylie > Khloe
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When I fell in the mall and no one laughed. A group of teens were concerned for my health and called me sir while helping me up
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In the late 1600s they woulda burned him alive
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My rent should not increase every year just because it's a new lease. In fact, if all payments are made on time my rent should DECREASE!
What’s the most boomer complaint you have?
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When she asks me "What's coming on after the game?" and I have the pleasure of telling her "Another game."
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"ARIEL, YOU GONNA STAY UNDER THIS MUTHAFUCKIN SEA WHERE MUTHAFUCKIN MERMAIDS MUTHAFUCKIN BELONG."
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Amazon execs collecting this money on Juneteeth:
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R. Kelly x FBI Custody
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Air bnb market crashing...
Car market down...
You know what's next...
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This coulda been last week in Fayetteville, NC
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Let's look past the fact that, yes, he's holding a live chicken like a chihuahua but... buddy kinda cookin this shit
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HBOMax would be a clear winner if the app didn't have a grand mal seizure when you try to rewind 60 seconds back
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Bruh... My cousin's wife went to bike week alone. She was supposed to be back yesterday. She not coming back til Thursday. He's going to Myrtle Beach tonight after he gets off. Will update
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When you get a chance = Immediately
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When I get lied to about "Who all gon' be there"
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"Took her to the seafood spot, shit was straight, then she started murdering oysters, first 48"
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This is an angry white man who is speaking the most truth anyone has ever said on CNN.
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"BOY YO ASS KNOW THERE AINT NO VOWELS LEFT. WHY YOU ASKING FOR ANOTHER VOWEL????? LAWDDD" - When Steve Harvey replaces Pat Sajak
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I woulda been asshole naked in the middle of the street
Australian's are a different breed 😱 couldnt imagine what an American would do 😭😭😭
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Brisk tastes like somebody had 10 seconds to explain what iced tea is supposed to taste like and they said "ummm" for 6 of those seconds
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This looks like a multiversal meeting of Brock Lesnars
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Thuggish Ruggish
Gun pointed at your head, name a type of bone.
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Black Adam on Tubi
Tubi has struck a deal with Warner Bros. Discovery to stream DC movies and TV shows including “The Batman,” “Suicide Squad,” “Black Adam,” and more
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When yall watch Aquaman on Tubi:
Tubi has struck a deal with Warner Bros. Discovery to stream DC movies and TV shows including “The Batman,” “Suicide Squad,” “Black Adam,” and more
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The person relaying this info is an older woman who has gone to bed. If I can update tomorrow I most certainly will. I'm as invested in this as you are
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I have to applaud this level of petty
Mexico is considering closing its border to stop Americans bringing coronavirus into its country
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Them sodas used to come down this machine like
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Not a nigga in sight either
102 years ago, not a cellphone in sight,
just people living in the moment for NYE
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NYE without Don Lemon drunk and ranting doesn't feel right
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When I call customer support get me a human on the fucking phone
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If Tyler Perry gets cancelled BET going right back to 39 hour Baby Boy marathons
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They gon ban tiktok but assault rifles still not a problem?
U.S. House panel unanimously approved bill that could ban TikTok from all devices
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What is y’all favorite deleted tweet that you got a screenshot of? I wanna laugh.
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People mad funny saying I stole something that actually happened to me and I've actively been tweeting about for years.
@ShamekaErby
lmao that's how I knew I was getting old. I fell in the mall and not a soul laughed. There was genuine concern
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Update
#2
: These niggas been together for 15+ years and ain't got so much as a friendship ring together. Just 2 kids, a house, and a dog.
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Roger Stone looks like Glenn Close dressed like a Batman villian. Everybody knew he was guilty
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Update
#6
: He left the kids with the neighbors and is on the road. It's about a 2 hour drive to Dirty Myrtle from his front door. Pray for the man.
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She's supposed to take this nigga lunch at work today. I hope he don't eat it.
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I fell asleep cause I was crossfaded and burned my nuggies ☹️
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You scoop a woman up who thinks she's heavy and her expression the whole time is like
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Update
#3
: He's called her phone. No answer. Text her. No responses. The worst part. Called her hotel. She checked out this afternoon.
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This is what happens when you go to Dr. Ft. Lauderdale instead of Dr. Miami
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Landlords really want people to feel bad for them.
"But my taxes went up."
Shut yo hoe ass up. You made enough money on this lease to pay that increase in 4 months.
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Update
#1
. She went on her own bike but with 2 other women. 1 of which is in her family. They came home and said "She's ok. She decided to stay a little while longer."
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Update
#8
: She apparently called him to calm him down and assure him that she was safe and nothing was happening. This had the opposite effect on him.
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Look at this LEGEND RT
@nbcchicago
: Man chewed thru squad car seat belt because he didn't want to miss son's birthday
http://t.co/U9PpNroYgu
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Update
#8
.5 She on the phone but still won't tell him where she is. Just that she's ok and she'll be home soon.
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Nigga heard the judge use them lyrics against Young Thug and tryna clear this shit up immediately
They call me Joey crack cause the crack of my ass show whenever i stand up girls in my hood gave me the name 😂 it was never because the drug crack God is great
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Tyler Perry direct a black superhero film? Never. The superhero gonna hate black women and cheat on his wife with women with superpowers. I'm good.
I kinda want
#TylerPerry
or
#JordanPeele
to develop black superhero films.
#JohnBoyega
as
#Static
Thoughts?
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If your friends never clowned you like this then y'all ain't really friends RT
@zBoah
: Never wearing these again 😔
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Update
#5
: In a move of pure desperation he's calling hotels near her last one to see if anyone has checked in under her name. Her friend still won't tell him anything other than she won't be home today.
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I want examples of how a 33 year old man should dress lmao
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Update
#9
: They put her on the phone with her kids. Guilt may be the deciding factor in bringing her back home.
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A woman at your job make you a whole lasagna you know you can't bring that in the house. You gotta use the microwave at your favorite bar and it eat there before you get home bc your girl is definitely gonna think you cheating
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Update
#10
: My cousin is back home and has been checked on to make sure he's not going to lose his shit. He's not happy but he's ok.
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How a rich nigga get a sugar mama? Life ain't fair at all.
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Update
#4
: He left work early bc he was a little upset at the whole situation. He's asked another member of the family to call and leave her a message to see if she'd answer/respond. No answer.
He's already packed a bag
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Updates will be added as they come in. This is an ongoing story
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Stop asking adult niggas who read with their finger under the words on the page questions about real world issues
Kodak Black says he's going to vote for Donald Trump and wants him to be president for 20 more years. 🇺🇸
"Four years ain't enough time for a president."
Donald Trump pardoned Kodak Black back in 2021 when he was president.
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That was a top 20 Twitter event.
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Ain't nobody wasting an edible on somebody's random kid
DEA warns how to spot Halloween candy laced with pot or meth
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Jay Z throwing out Meghan Trainor like the big joker in a spades game hilarious too. I ain't never in my life heard nobody say "AYE TURN THAT MEGHAN TRAINOR UP BRUHHH"
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That's how I knew I was getting old. When I fell in the mall on a Saturday and nobody laughed. Not even the teens. Just genuine concern
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Update
#7
: People have been calling him to talk him out of going so he doesn't do something he can't take back. He's considering just coming back home and dealing with it when she decides to come back
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Retail workers in the break room before their Black Friday shift starts
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On today's episode of "What The Fuck Are White People Doing?"
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Street niggas let a rich private school kid buy his way into a gang and got their whole organization torn to shreds one question at a time in court. This is some Law & Order shit if I've ever seen it
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@Jackietreehog3
Considering having a place to live is a basic human necessity you're right. Please continue.
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If you see mystikal fighting again definitely help the bear
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Would you rather have a 48 oyster daughter or one chomp popeye's biscuit son?
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He bout to rip a fart at work so lethal that he's gonna end up in HR for assaulting a co-worker
my man works so hard, the least i can do is send him off with lunch 🙈💕🥰 y’all can say what you want, but even a provider needs to be provided for 😌
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Update
#12
: Apparently she decided to meet up with another group of friends, one of which was someone she had gotten too close to in the past and it almost broke their relationship (good ol church texting gone too far).
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Pops shouldn't have been beefing with Hawkeye then
Dads never speak on it , we just deal with it 👑
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Quentin Tarantino, Mel Gibson, Papa John, and Joe Rogan walk into a bar...
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If you black and in your 30s you got a family photo where your moms looks just like this while you was either dressed like a cabbage patch doll or Chuckie
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For the love of God... wash the clothes you buy in any retail store before you wear them. I've worked for several companies and you never know what was done around your clothes before you put them on
What company secrets can you reveal, now that you don’t work for the company anymore? 💭
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My mom been fixing her flowers on her porch while I cook for her. She been opening the door. Coming in and out. I finally said "Pick one. You either gon' be inside or outside." And let me tell you... I couldn't be more thrilled I finally got to use that line on her
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Tyga Jenner the luckiest trash ass rap nigga. He a whole bum gettin bills paid by his Bratz doll now he on GOOD music without good music
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I had a talk with a 17 year old that thought the Jackson 5 was just Michael doing different voices.
Bush will pay for his crimes.
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Update
#11
: He went back home. She came back to their hometown and slept at a friend's house so the impending argument didn't wake the kids (or neighbors). She's back home now and he's at work pissed at the whole situation.
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Stacey Dash really went on Fox and talked cash shit about Trump bringing back jobs and she the 1st nigga that's fired after the inauguration
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"Are you gonna pick up Brayden and Jayden from basketball practice tonight, Darius?"
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@TyGrayson024
Actually property tax increases was a Trump policy that he drew up and enacted.
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And y'all been saying this ain't OJ's kid... Khlorenthal showing out
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