The Law Beard
@LegalLumberjack
Followers
2,653
Following
1,813
Media
148
Statuses
4,720
Obstreperous overly-dressed lumberjack. Upjumped country boy. Defense attorney. Prosecutors are the sith. TheLawBeard on Bluesky
Joined September 2014
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
バニーの日
• 296566 Tweets
#MyLoveMixUpTHep9
• 141279 Tweets
STEP DOWN FASCIST HASINA
• 119409 Tweets
Hugo
• 87955 Tweets
ブラジル
• 72695 Tweets
Kyle
• 66313 Tweets
ヒロアカ
• 65865 Tweets
Alcaraz
• 48037 Tweets
パンツの日
• 42320 Tweets
#ビリオンスクール
• 28234 Tweets
雇用統計
• 27834 Tweets
Supreme God Kabir
• 26181 Tweets
Osmar Olvera
• 24559 Tweets
#ビリスク
• 24236 Tweets
騎乗停止
• 23102 Tweets
Juan Celaya
• 23022 Tweets
角田大河
• 22882 Tweets
逆バニー
• 18465 Tweets
#せとみや3D
• 16715 Tweets
ジュリオ
• 14905 Tweets
飲酒運転
• 14344 Tweets
JHOANNA NGITING MISTERYOSO
• 12785 Tweets
#Hockey
• 10374 Tweets
Emile
• 10369 Tweets
Sueco
• 10191 Tweets
Diego Botín
• 10114 Tweets
早田ひな
• 10048 Tweets
フェニックス
• 10035 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
I will always happily provide suggestions/feedback for Denver food/drink/activities, menswear (suits and shoes), and carryology/travel stuff. And I guess crim defense stuff in Texas.
0
1
8
Getting a jury summons is always a laugh for me. They’re not letting me on a panel. Ever. Seriously, just excuse active attorneys from jury duty.
269
144
6K
A good friend once told me “you know, sandwiches get a bad rap.” He then proceeded to make us sandwiches for lunch and elaborated. And it changed my view of American lunches and sandwiches. He said everyone makes lazy sandwiches with cheap ingredients. And he was right.
25
35
1K
Today is one of those days where I just don’t love practicing law and I just want to open up a smithy and do things that aren’t as mentally and emotionally draining. I’m not the only one who has days like this, right?
145
20
946
For *reasons* I carried a kitchen-aid stand mixer through TSA. Hilarity ensued. Lady at the scanner couldn’t figure out what it was. Started acting concerned. Other guy loudly says “that’s a six quart kitchen-aid stand mixer” and starts pointing out the attachments.
12
24
744
After doing the math- I would go find a non-lawyer and even soul-crushingly boring job before I’d do “2,500 billable hours” as a yearly requirement. Do the math folks. That’s billing 6.85 hours on each of those 365 days.
33
40
682
I will no longer talk shit about Robert Pattinson. The Batman was probably the best of the Batman movies (I said what I said). It fit more of the core Batman character with the detective work and the noir feel. Possibly the best DC movie, maybe.
8
65
631
He sliced from a sourdough loaf, toasted it, fried some good ham, and went the extra mile on everything. After we finished eating he said “that’s good, right?” Then he knowingly said- “life is too short for shit sandwiches.” Served up a good sandwich and even better wisdom.
3
12
507
For the attorneys who are still figuring out how to screen out prospective clients- you don’t want any part of a client who asks this sort of question. Their money isn’t worth their demands.
SECOND QUESTION: What is the most aggressive move you made to advance your client's interest?
Most counsel is content to let senile judges and lazy clerks knock their clients around while they stack billable hours
You want counsel you will represent you ruthlessly
12
7
199
39
23
458
Today I’m learning a hard lesson about lawyering. Never assume your client is on the same “team” as you.
24
24
425
Just had an opposing counsel try to shame me for being out of the office on vacation last week. I’m over this profession.
33
18
421
Story time. Colleague recently had a case that he reached out to me for some help on. He had a client who was charged with a 30+ year old capital murder. DA’s office makes an “agreement” with him. Testify and get lesser charge. He agrees and testifies against co-defendant.
18
43
404
Southwest Airlines deserves to be death-sentenced by either the feds or a class action lawsuit for their actions over the past week. The horror stories I’ve heard, seen, and experienced shouldn’t be allowed to happen.
21
49
347
Judge grants. DA’s office has to stand by the deal. The elected DA had physically signed off on this deal and was aware of it. This guy relied on it to his potential detriment. SCOTUS has dealt with this before. It’s clear cut.
19
4
336
Also. The other day I lived out a common attorney nightmare. OC on a contested hearing was an ex. A not-on-friendly-terms ex.
10
6
259
Judge: “so do you believe he committed aggravated perjury?” DA: “absolutely yes.” Judge: “so you’re saying you suborned perjury and then supported it to the jury?”
DA: “we were just putting the best spin on what he gave us to work with.” Says lots of dumb things on the record.
12
12
248
“Trump’s lawyers are the cure for imposter syndrome” is, thus far, my favorite internet comment of the year.
2
29
229
Soon I will be able to disclose a story about some of the most unethical behavior by prosecutors I’ve ever heard of. It’s bad. We’re talking hundred years ago SCOTUS law school case levels of bad. There will be bar grievances and probably a nasty appellate case.
16
4
214
One of the funniest assumptions I’ve seen on twitter for so many reasons.
6
10
203
Today I realized I have absolutely lost the love in what I do. And I’m either going to need to find that again or I’ll find something else to do with life.
20
3
187
Attorneys of all ages, especially young attorneys, need to remember this. I know the early years of practice are a struggle to bring in money. Don’t take the bad cases. You’re trade grief for money and you will ALWAYS lose out in that exchange.
If you are doing an intake and your gut instinct is to not take the case, don’t take it. That instinct is usually right.
60
36
613
15
16
180
Prosecutor responds to a motion: “we don’t have video of the breathalyzer being administered because it’s policy not to take video of it.”
So you want people to rely on the testimony of a police officer every time saying that he does it the right way every single time?
21
10
179
“Why isn’t this in a checked bag?” “Because they’ll break it!”
“Well R.I.P. your back carrying that around”
1
2
175
If it weren’t for the sense of brotherhood among defense attorneys I’m not sure this profession would be long-term survivable.
11
6
170
Quick legal tip I can’t believe I have to give:
Don’t talk to cops other than giving your name. Ask if you’re free to leave. If yes, leave. If no, say you want a lawyer and that you’re exercising your right to remain silent. You can’t beat the ride. Maybe you can beat the rap.
Quick tip that I can't believe I have to give:
if your former employer files a lawsuit against you, consult with an attorney immediately even if the claims are false and "ridiculous." It won't just go away.
4
11
120
1
36
168
She flags the bag for inspection anyways. An agent carries it over to look through it. Scanner lady then starts scrutinizing my backpack which has some attachments in it. Here comes the guy again “see! That’s the dough hook! And the beater!” I get cleared. And then they ask:
3
3
162
OC filed to compel and asked for fees. What they didn’t do is check their email and see that I sent it over a month ago. I’m at a loss for how to respond.
31
1
160
Being reasonable and understanding with opposing counsel due to life issues should never become a grievance/malpractice issue. Client interests are priority but the profession needs to be humane.
7
4
143
Motherfucker. I can’t shop at Trader Joe’s anymore. Union busting and suing to say the NLRB is unconstitutional? Yeah, fuck those guys.
7
8
142
Even before I started watching Yellowstone I had talked to the wife about the idea that someday I’d get burned out on lawyering and “the fight.” Floated the idea that maybe someday we’d live somewhere quieter like Montana. Surely I’m not the only one who has this thought, right?
39
1
141
One of the painful lessons I learned as a young(er) lawyer was that even (especially) when representing people I personally knew, always get paid upfront.
6
8
141
When I was a “new attorney” (because I was never a “young attorney” haha) I would deal with clients no matter how difficult, demanding, or unreasonable. I had a few make me miserable. It was years before I “fired” my first client. Now I’m picky. My mental health matters more.
9
8
142
DA says “after that much cross examination he’d have confessed to killing JFK to get off the stand.” Codef gets convicted. DA backs out of deal. Says they want to try him next and use his testimony against him. Says no real agreement in place. Enter: lawbeard research assist.
1
1
125
I’ve slowly been trying to convince my wife we should own a truck.
“But you’re not a truck guy.”
“But I could be.”
“I’d rather buy you that Jag you wanted.”
Folks. I won. I don’t even know how we got here. But she can’t un-say it.
12
0
120
So I’m doing a crim law CLE (both sides). One speaker at said CLE is a prosecutor. “Your job as a defense attorney is to humanize your client to me” with the implication of “to get a better offer.”
No. That’s not how this works. At all.
12
5
117
Aaron Sorkin wrote the best quote about the issue. “It’s about the fourth grader who gets beat up because he sat out the voluntary prayer. It’s about a way of making kids different from other kids when they’re legally required to be there. The fourth-grader that’s the prize.”
Placing the Ten Commandments in public school classrooms is not freedom of religion. It’s state-sponsored discrimination against people who aren’t part of the Christian religion. I won’t even go into depth about how evil that is towards children of different faiths.
3
3
36
5
10
117
The greatest professional compliment, in my opinion, is when another attorney hires you to represent their loved one.
5
8
117
Come up with a Santobello motion to enforce the deal plus supporting law from contract world. Officemate argues it. DA argues: there’s no formal deal. And “even if we liked his testimony we wouldn’t have to stand by the deal because of case law.” Judge is not pleased.
2
3
116
Today courthouse security made me remove coat, belt, shoes, laptop from bag, and lift my pant legs. They then searched my bag. Are lawyers really that much of a threat?
53
5
108
@derek_debus
Emergency petition for stay of proceedings pending filing of writ of mandamus. (Based on judge’s denial of mistrial despite all of the things going on).
2
2
109
Y’all. I’m crying. Today I got a big win for a client. He and his wife were crying and hugging me. He gets to go home with his family. Today, I got to make a difference in someone’s life.
4
0
101
DA argues it was an “agreement” and not a “contract.” Takes it a step further and says caselaw allows them to back out of any deal they want to prior to judge signing plea paperwork. Says even if it was a contract they wouldn’t have to stand by it based on guy’s testimony.
1
2
105
@AdamSchEsquire
Same. If someone can’t be troubled to talk to me about it I’m not going out of my way to send them referrals. I’m literally doing part of the client screening up front so they can see if they’re interested w/o having to talk to the client yet.
2
0
103
So here’s a fun question. If reports about the ex parte meeting are true then Glanville could (and should) find himself investigated and charged for various state and federal crimes. Do we think he’s smart enough to invoke the Fifth?
7
5
101
@bodiedbybain
You obviously missed the math on that- and all of the conversations about “seven billables aren’t seven hours worked.” That’s, at minimum, eight hours a day every single day of the year. And if you get sick, want time off, etc- you have to make up those hours.
3
0
99
Small snippet of facts. Alleged murder happened 30+ years ago. This guy was there but confirmably intoxicated. So testifying to best of his recollection. He’s cross-examined for two entire days. DA and judge do a bad job of objecting to repeated questions.
1
1
92
Mind you, this is my home town I grew up in. (And joyfully escaped). I politely pointed out that I graduated high school there when the population was literally half of what it is now. And that I used to TEACH at that school. No ma’am. Don’t try to small town me in my hometown.
0
1
87
I’ve been on the lawtwitter for long enough that I’ve seen some of you have really rough patches, hit low lows, and bounce back to live your best lives. So happy for all of you. And if you’re still going through it: I hope you win the fight you tell no one about.
0
9
88
After more than 13.5 hours of cross examination he starts having issues that conflict with prior testimony. DA props up his testimony during closing args saying he’s truthful. Repeatedly tells jury to believe his early consistent testimony and not the trip-ups. Praises the guy.
1
1
88
@parade_mairead
I once told a prosecutor “my job is constitutionally mandated, yours is not, deal with it.”
2
3
83
I have never hated this job more than I do this morning. A judge set me up for a grievance because he’s more concerned about his docket than the law.
8
3
81
@dietcoke_esq
Does he not realize the paralegal is both more useful and likely far more highly paid than him? There’s always a new first year available. Always.
0
0
78
Just remember this: we’re one bad day away from Thomas or Alito writing a majority opinion saying Miranda or Argersinger were wrong. That’s how terrified I am of this current court.
5
6
79
So as a general rule: always be nice to court staff.
However, today I made a tiny exception. Showed up in a small town to paper file some stuff (they require original copies of some things). Clerk made some comments about me being a “fancy big city attorney” in a snide tone.
1
1
73
Just remember, when big tobacco was sued they found “scientists” who were willing to say there was no causal connection between smoking and cancer. There is always an expert able and willing to espouse the corporate narrative.
1. This NPR segment deriding the idea that egg & fuel companies are price-gouging consumers is what happens when reporters think they're being clever & contrarian, but they're actually just parroting corporate talking points laundered thru an economist.
36
344
2K
4
18
70
They used to prosecute homeless people for “criminal trespass” if the homeless person slept under a bridge/overpass. City/county would cough up a public works employee to say “it’s govt property and the def doesn’t have permission to be there.”
10
3
69
I can’t begin to tell you how irritating clerks can be. “You must separate these into two lead documents.” You’re literally going to print them out and put paper copies in the file anyways.
12
4
69
This is what I want at my next firm. Yes, I want to work hard, continue to grow and improve- but I want to spend time with my wife, see more of the world, and not let this profession grind away my mental health and humanity.
My law partner and his wife are traveling through southeast Asia for the next two months
Before he left, people kept asking him how I (his law partner) felt about him taking two months off
Are you kidding? I feel great about my law partner being able to live a full life
It's
32
39
946
7
2
71
Wordle friends: what’s y’all’s favorite base word? I’ve been starting with “forge.” Gf has been starting with “aioli.” Anyone else have obscure favs that work for them?
122
2
67
So. I’m going to take a second to “scream into the void.” I’ve had a lot of big and amazing milestones in my life over the past year. But there have also been struggles and a lot of soul searching. I’ve come to realize a lot of things about myself and the life I want.
3
2
68
The appeal I just finished had one of the worst moments I’ve seen from a trial judge. It was bad enough I called a more seasoned appellate attorney to run it by him. His response was something I’ll never forget. “Well sure, that’s happened before, way back in the 30’s and 40’s.”
5
3
66
Motion to suppress granted mid-trial. Followed by a motion to dismiss. I’m tired now.
7
0
63
@KinseyAndrew
@8433any
Fun fact- about five-ish years ago they dropped an opinion (on a civil case, to screw over a plaintiff) stating defendants aren’t entitled to Brady information UNLESS they go to trial. 5th said you aren’t entitled to Brady info if or before you take a plea.
10
8
60
One of my favorite “random” Christmas presents I’ve ever received. You better believe I’ll carry this into various courtrooms, depos, zooms, etc.
7
1
63
@cjtackett
It has never been and never will be about the kids. They know people in low income households won’t be sending their children to the religious-affiliate schools the state is trying to fund. They want religious/conservative indoctrination to be cheaper for “their people.”
2
9
60
@chrisgeidner
Another batch of attorneys who won’t get paid, will do questionable (at best) things in the name of “defending him” and will have to hire their own attorneys to represent them for criminal and ethical issues. MAGA= Making Attorneys Get Attorneys.
1
4
58
At an admin hearing:
“Officer, how did you encounter the defendant in this case?”
“They crashed into my parked patrol car at a high rate of speed.”
Gotta admit that’s not one I’d want to put in front of a jury. (DWI case)
8
0
58
Also. I’m one literally-crazy client away from taking a sabbatical and becoming a handyman.
8
2
57
I just got permission to inquire about a puppy we saw. This is not a drill. There is now a chance Mav will have a tiny sibling soon. I repeat, not a drill.
3
0
54
I have interacted with three clients and one prosecutor today. That’s it. That’s all the work interaction I’m allotting for today. Because every solo here knows that nobody is calling to make any payments during this period of the holidays.
3
2
57
So. Over the last few years I’ve learned a LOT about briefcases, duffels, daily carry bags, travel bags, and all of that. Any of my twitter followers interested in any of that or would I just be shouting boring stuff into the void?
24
1
55
The legal fiction of a “detention” not being the same as “custody” is one of the biggest lies in our legal system. Someone can be in handcuffs, in a patrol car, and still not be considered “in custody” if the officer says they’re still investigating? Miranda court said what?
6
5
51
As a defense attorney- this thread speaks to me on so many levels.
Here’s why Amber Heard lost. According to the law and the facts. 🧵 Johnny Depp sued Amber heard for defamation of character. So he had to prove by “a preponderance of the evidence” that AH published a statement, that was false, that harmed his reputation, that was about him…
703
9K
36K
2
1
47
Yesterday was one of those “I needed this” days for me. I flew into town to potentially try three criminal cases and a civil case. Those criminal cases mattered a lot bc of who they were and their circumstances. Getting handed dismissals restored some small bit of faith.
1
0
49
@meeradeo
Yep. One of my law school professors tries that every time. Doesn’t work though because she’s well-known locally (and her husband is known state-wide) so even the newer prosecutors figure it out or have it pointed out to them.
1
0
47
Today is a pretty big day for me. The fiancé and I just moved into our new place. As of today I’m no longer a Texas resident. I’m thankful for new beginnings and new opportunities.
4
0
47
I’m just going to say that when we move out I’m going to give this apartment complex an “honest” review. Folks, never live in a Greystar community. Seriously.
9
3
47
@burneracct4real
@mskvarla36
@DustinGinsberg
@SCOTUSblog
Look at you assuming judges actually toss evidence like they’re supposed to.
2
0
45
The amount of people who’ve reached out in support is heartwarming. Thank you, all of you. There are many good humans in this profession.
4
0
44
I know this gets asked often- but what are some non-law fields/jobs where having a JD helps with hiring or pay scale?
15
3
44
I’m absolutely exhausted by the amount of “freedom lovers” who call jury verdicts they don’t like “bullshit” or say “the justice system has failed.” It’s like they only care about the 1st and 2nd amendments but think 4/5/6 shouldn’t exist.
4
4
42
Lunchables are charcuterie boards. The things you learn from law twitter happy hours.
1
1
40
This’ll be fun. Car that wife and I were waiting on gets to dealer while I’m out of town. Goes and buys. They call her a day later- “hey we forgot to put something in the contract we need you to come back ASAP.” Offer extended warranty at huge discount “for the inconvenience.”
5
0
42
A former long-term client texted me in “a mood” today. He’s mad about the attorney I passed him off to. Why? Because after his (no exaggeration) at least eighth traffic ticket since I’ve met him- this one is going to stick…. And he’s big mad about it.
4
1
41
You know. There is some small part of me that wants to make an attorney friend here and eventually open up a criminal defense firm in Denver. Working with friends was one part of the job I kinda miss from pre-Covid and pre-move.
9
1
41
I’m going to be honest y’all. I need 24-48 hours of good luck. I really need some problems to work themselves out. I’d appreciate some prayers and good vibes.
1
2
40
Also, this retained firm that replaced me on an appointed case has had their filings rejected THREE times because they can’t follow the clerk’s instructions and have filed it the same way every single time. Yeah, such an improvement.
3
0
40
The past 24 hours have had so many insane things going on. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I need the last part of this to not go horribly wrong. Any prayers or good vibes would be appreciated.
6
1
40
That 90’s Show has brought back a lot of the humor I liked in That 70’s Show. I find I relate to Red a lot more now. Shit, I got old.
4
2
39
There’s a high chance of me dipping Oreos in bourbon after how this week has gone.
7
1
40
Engaging in self-care today: ordered a new phone, going to see a movie in a mostly empty theater, and, like the grown man that I am, going to the Lego store.
3
0
36
(1) Beard. (2). Primarily criminal defense. (3) spend time and money to take the GOOD CLE’s. Take more than necessary because the more you know, the more you charge. Plus, if you’re always taking extra CLE, you never have to worry last minute about CLE compliance.
Got a sec to help new and junior lawyers?
If you’re willing, please share: (1) who you are, (2) what you do, and (3) what you wish you knew today that you wish you’d known when you started lawyering.
Let’s break down some of those barriers to this community knowledge!
207
85
457
3
1
38
At the risk of breaking anonymity- y’all, it’s hard to be a human in Texas right now. The Uvalde shooting, the human smuggling deaths, seeing politicians express and encourage all sorts of bigotry, racism, and hatred. It’s hard to describe how awful it is.
4
0
36
@msolurin
One of the best attorneys in the state started a CLE presentation with “if you know how to run a lucrative criminal law practice without doing DWIs then I’d love to hear about it.” And I felt that.
1
0
37
Sometimes it’s hard to believe this fluffy boy is almost three years old. Court zooms have made him my favorite coworker. He senses when I’m “going through it” and he’s even growled when an unreasonable prosecutor was “explaining why I was unreasonable.”
#mansbestfriend
0
1
37
Alright Dems. Yall screamed loud and long and got what you wanted. Now I better not hear a single fuckin’ “oh I won’t vote for her/him” or “why would they pick her/him to be the candidate?” No more stupid games. We can’t afford the stupid prizes.
0
3
36