Barred and Bearded
@RileeDHarrison
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Husband. Dad. Oklahoman. Foodie. Amateur Golfer. Personal Injury Attorney.
Oklahoma City, OK
Joined January 2011
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I get “why did you become a lawyer” a lot. Honestly, I had a full ride scholarship for undergrad so I decided I’d become the first doctor or lawyer in my family. I was young and naive but to me I had two routes, Took Pre-med & Pre-law courses, liked Pre-law better. Now I’m here.
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Over the past couple of months my wife & I have been in the process of getting approved to become foster parents. As of today our home is officially open! We will likely have a kiddo by next week. Please send good vibes & prayers as we embark on this next phase of our journey.
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All jobs listings should be required to post the salary or salary range. People should not have to interview for a position with no idea what the pay (or even pay range) will be because if the salary is a deal breaker then the interview wasted both theirs and the employer’s time.
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Being a lawyer is just getting a text from a friend or distant relative you have not seen in years that says “hey! It has been a while. Hope you are doing good. can I ask you a legal question?” every day until you die.
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My wife grew up in a family where you trade in your iPhone when the new one comes out each year. I grew up in a family where you get a new phone when yours breaks. We are now a family where she gets a new one every year and I get a new one when mine breaks.
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Law school: Make A’s and your life will be set
Attorneys who made C’s but had a good personality and networked well:
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Litigation is wild because you show up every day to do your job and at the same time there is another person who also shows up to their job every day whose job is to actively prevent you from doing your job. And people wonder why lawyers are stressed out.
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Being an attorney is saying “But after this case gets resolved things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.
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Being an attorney is just sending and receiving emails that say “please see attached” every day for the rest of your life.
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There is expected baseball size hail in Oklahoma City tonight. I already respected this guy because his lawn game is unmatched but tonight he officially entered legendary dad status with this move.
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Being a lawyer is just sending and receiving emails that say “please see attached” everyday for the rest of your life
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You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
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Being a lawyer is answering a client’s question with “it depends” and then explaining to the client why the answer is “it depends” over and over until you die
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My best advice for new attorneys and law students is that you do not have to be an asshole to practice law. You can be a good person who treats colleagues/opposing counsel with respect and still be an excellent advocate for your clients.
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Me, a lawyer - your honor may I approach.
Judge - you may approach
Me - *whispers* are you proud of me?
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I once represented someone in exchange for a 30 rack of beer and a McChicken. We are not the same.
my hourly rate is $1100.
which means every time I do laundry, I could instead give away all my clothes and get it new.
the economics of the law are so odd.
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Me, a lawyer - your honor may I approach.
Judge - you may approach
Me - *whispers* am I doing a good job?
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Someone once told me being a lawyer is like being a surgeon except there is another surgeon in the room trying to kill your patient while you are trying to save them. After tough moments with opposing counsel I think about that quote and laugh.
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Pre-law school expectations of being a lawyer vs. reality of being a lawyer
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I’m an attorney and I just had to Google whether to use affect or effect in a sentence. Be easy on yourself people.
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Me, In law school - I just want to be a successful partner at a firm by 35
Me, as a lawyer - I just don’t want to commit malpractice
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There needs to be a law school class where someone just yells outlandish, untrue, and mean insults at you and you practice how you will react to these insults because unfortunately at some point in your career that could and probably will happen.
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Lawyers bragging to their lawyer friends like “I absolutely roasted opposing counsel in my brief” when in reality in one sentence in their response brief they alleged opposing counsel’s argument was “without merit”
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We're on day 8 of the teacher walkout and no one can agree on a funding option? Here's one, Oklahoma should amend the June vote from medical marijuana usage to recreational usage. Then pledge an aggressive amount of the taxed revenue from the recreational sales to education.
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Being a lawyer is just getting a Facebook message from a friend from high school or distant relative you have not seen in years that says “hey! been a while. Hope you are good. can I ask you a legal question?” every day until you die.
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We have a new receptionist. I’ve now had two clients tell me I’m inappropriate & unprofessional when they overheard me say “Hey Honey, can you do this for me”. Her actual God given name is Honey Mae. Haha. I did no wrong. Anyways, that’s the story of how I started calling her HM.
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Every lawyer has a lawyer in mind that would be their first call if they got into some serious shit
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I wish lawyers had a “match day”. Instead we have “holy crap I hope I get a job that will allow me to afford to live” year, or 3L, as some call it.
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Being a lawyer is such a cool, sexy and wild career full of fame and glamour. For example, I get to review 750 pages of medical records this weekend.
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Could you imagine being the in house counsel for Jurassic Park?
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If being a lawyer doesn’t work out I’m going to culinary school to become a sue chef.
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I did my own research…
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Non-lawyers should be banned from watching Suits because now clients literally expect me to be Harvey Specter and I can’t live up to those expectations.
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Being an attorney is saying “But after this case settles I will have a little more free time” over and over again until you die.
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Officially got the news we are being blessed to foster a one month old baby boy. Can’t wait to care for and love on this sweet little one!
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Me, In law school - I just want to be a successful partner at a firm by 35
Me, as a lawyer - I just don’t want a client or Judge to yell at me today
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Some of you have never been cold called using the Socratic method without knowing anything about the case the law professor is asking you about it and it shows
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Opposing counsel - good morning your honor
Judge - hey Tom, how are Susan and the kids?
Me -
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I have a question for people with kids and a full time job who find time to workout regularly. How?
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Law Twitter has gained its newest member. Y’all welcome Fallon Kyle to the club!
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Adulting is just losing and gaining the same 10 lbs over and over again until you die
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Some of you have never had a Judge be mean to you in front of an entire courtroom full of your peers and it shows
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I hate having to tell potential clients that because the person who caused their wreck was not insured there is nothing we can do. It is not fair to be stuck with medical bills when you did nothing wrong. People need to know about and understand uninsured motorist coverage.
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Canada has legalized recreational cannabis on a national level AND 30 U.S. states have legalized medicinal cannabis. Oklahoma has 2 choices: 1. Accept that the future is here & profit from taxing and regulating it or 2. per usual, be last in everything.
It’s that simple.
#SQ788
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If the bar exam is supposed to test minimal competency to be a lawyer then why doesn’t it have a section on being really nice to your firm’s paralegals?
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Everyone hates millennials until they need help with a formatting issue on their Word document
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Have some exciting news to share with friends and family. Baby Harrison is coming March 2023.
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Good lawyers know the law, great lawyers know when a case needs to be settled.
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When I think of my favorite cases from law school I think of one where a process server got on the same plane as a Defendant and served them while they were flying over the state of Arkansas in order to get service. What a savage and baller move.
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Today was a tough day as I got a call this morning my wife was t-boned in a car wreck. It’s always scary when this happens to a loved one but it’s even scarier when the person involved in the wreck is pregnant. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as Blake heals. Thanks y’all.
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My wife wants our Christmas tree to go up today, November 2nd. I want our Christmas tree up to go up after Thanksgiving. We compromised and decided that the Christmas tree is going up tonight.
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I was in a rural courthouse today I’ve never been to. An attorney said to me “love that suit”. I responded to her “thanks! It is one of my favorites”. She was talking to her friend behind me. Anyways I withdrew from every case I have in that county & will never go there again.
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Me when opposing counsel says they will fax an offer over.
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After 540 days of fostering, Baby L & I did breakfast/daycare drop off last week for the last time. Getting to love on this little boy has been a life changing experience. I already miss him so much but I’m truly excited for his dad & him through this next part of their journey.
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Law school: Make A’s and your life will be set
Attorneys who made B’s and C’s but had a good personality and networked well:
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Judge - “you should be proud of your attorney, they made thought out and very compelling arguments in this case”
Client - *oh my gosh we’re going to win*
Attorney -
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My tweet is the “Courtroom 11 Official Meme”. Momma, I have freaking made it.
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Me at 22 - I want to graduate undergrad, go to law school, and eventually make partner with a law firm
Me at 32 - *buys lottery ticket*
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My unsolicited advice to law students is to not be afraid to pivot. Law students are ambitious & have a plan. However, in law school you might develop a new passion or develop a skill you didn’t know you had. Lean into that. Don’t be married to a plan, pivoting is okay.
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Going to law school I thought I was going to be entering a career full of glitz and glamour. What it’s really like? It’s 3:00 pm and I haven’t eaten lunch yet.
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A few weeks ago I read someone say that they use “Counsel:” to start every email because it’s gender neutral and also can refer to one or multiple attorneys. I’ve started using that and it’s 100% the Best way to start an email. I’m a believer.
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HOW TO HIRE GOOD ATTORNEYS:
Look at their LSAT score and their knowledge on the Rule Against Perpetuities. Those are really the two biggest indicators of success as a lawyer.
HOW TO HIRE GOOD ATTORNEYS
"Your partner hired me, he has to fire me, not you!."
i handed my phone to my partner over the pizza we were having for lunch
"Joe, fire this piece of shit for me"
first casualty of many
here's my process for finding lawyers who don't suck 👇🧵
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Check on your lawyer friends. We are not okay.
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“We don’t know if Gardner Minshew is great yet but we do know that he makes us feel things. He makes me feel like shooting bottle rockets at a hornet’s nest.” -
@PFTCommenter
“So he makes you feel like a socio path?” -
@BarstoolBigCat
All time start to a
@PardonMyTake
show.
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*Something remotely math related is said around lawyers”
Nobody:
Not a person:
Not a single person:
“I went to law school, not math school” - one of the lawyers
All of us:
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1 hour 15 minute drive 🤝🏼 5 minute hearing
A tale as old as time
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My biggest flex as a Plaintiff’s attorney is that I can immediately tell you a 1/3 of any number.
My biggest flex as a defense attorney is that I can spell paraphernalia without even trying.
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In 2014 I was dating a girl off and on. One time I got mad and tweeted “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”. I was wrong. I’m married to her now.
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Behind every burnt out lawyer is a family member that encouraged them to go to law school because they are “so good at arguing”
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“At some point a partner is going to ask you to find a case they swear exists. You will look and look but that case does not exist.”
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Lawyers on Sunday nights thinking about their upcoming work week
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My best advice for those who recently passed the bar? Have a family member that has built an incredibly successful practice and then take it over.
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If opposing counsel greets the Judge like this you should be very worried
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Baby L is safe and snuggled sound asleep. Got through night 1. Look forward to day two with this little cutie!
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One of the best skills a lawyer can develop is quickly identifying clients who will not be happy no matter how good of result the lawyer obtains and then not representing those clients. That client will wear out you, your staff & potentially end up in a bar complaint.
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If a law firm offered me $100,000.00 to not work for a year I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t stand a year of not GRINDING at the office. I love the GRIND too much.
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Me, in law school: "I cannot wait to wear suits and go to Court every day."
Me, as a lawyer: *sits in my office in a golf polo, drinks coffee and answers emails every day*
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Biglaw Partner trying to be cool at the summer associate event
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When I first started practicing law I joined the Oklahoma Bar Association Facebook group. The posts were always about drink specials/ concerts and were never about lawyer stuff. After months of confusion I eventually realized I actually joined the Oklahoma Bar’s Association. 🙃
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Tipping your server is not a courtesy or an extra thing to do if you feel like. It’s part of the going out to dinner process. If you can’t afford to tip your server, you can’t afford to go the restaurant. If you don’t want to tip your server, eat at home. Period.
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Being a lawyer is a lot like taking a peaceful stroll through the park except the park is on fire, you are barefoot, and you have a deadline for how quickly you have to complete your stroll through the park or you get fired.
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Advice for new attorneys: Be yourself. There is a stigma in our industry that you have to be overly serious/aggressive to be successful. In my experience the most successful attorneys are genuinely themselves. Genuine people are approachable & likable, which can lead to success.
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When I became a lawyer no one told me my nemesis would be my email inbox
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May it please the Court, I Motion for Friday to be cancelled on the basis that this week was exhausting and a 3 day weekend would be good for my soul.
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It is illegal to send emails to attorneys after 2:00 on Fridays. Trust me, I’m a lawyer so I obviously know all the laws.
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The cashier at 7/11 this morning told me my coffee was on him because “you opened the door for multiple people as you came in and you’re radiating positivity this morning”. What a great way to start the day!
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no interest in land is good unless it must vest, if at all, not later than twenty-one years after some life in being at the creation of the interest
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