Jack BurgerKing
@LaughJack15
Followers
761
Following
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Media
682
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I write things and say funny stuff to strangers and sing rock songs at bars and play softball and love my dogs.
United States
Joined June 2012
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@JOEL9ONE
Ohtani paid off the boat to hit the bridge to get his gambling story off the news cycle
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@davidcrosss
@joaniejabronie
He’s got, as near as I can see, everyone on Earth pulling for him.
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@robreiner
Really asking - how can you actually think that? The guy’s never faced consequences for anything. I have no faith in the system anymore.
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@cheyennehaslett
I am voting for whoever the Democrat is on Election Day, even if it is not my preferred candidate.
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@DanAlanRourke
The replay showed it hit the box. I’m a Yankee fan and love Judge, but it was a good call. I don’t know what Judge said, so the ejection may be BS, but the call was correct. 🤷🏻♂️
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@MonicaLewinsky
We’re all lucky to have you as a role model, and I mean that sincerely. You’re as tough as tough is, and someone my wife and I deeply admire. And funny! May all your days be better than the previous one.
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@danjlevy
I don't think it's overstating things to say that at some level, you're saving lives. You, Dan. The rest of your life, if you're having a bad day, just remember that.
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@RTFanning
76 years ago, after repeatedly warning Japan that continuing to fight was going to lead to annihilation, Japan forced us to prove it, saving many more lives in the process.
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@KayeSteinsapir
Just keep breathing. If you feel like you’re at rock bottom, remember, that means literally that things can only get better. I can’t imagine your pain, but we can all see your strength, and we’re here for you when you need us.
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@Madonna
You don’t actually *believe* that, do you? You lost any cultural relevancy 20 years ago. You’re just another aging entertainer trying to cash more checks. Please don’t embarrass yourself with any more posts like this.
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@notgaetti
It’s an injustice that he chose to use PEDs, ruining his own legacy.
It’s an injustice that his dishonesty allowed his trainer to go to jail.
It’s an injustice that he’s listed first among HR hitters in two categories.
It’s eminent justice that he’s not in the HOF.
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@SaraCarterDC
@Keith41458
I’m solidly a Democrat; what Davidson said should not and cannot be defended by anyone who’s being honest.
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@KayeEllen17
Sometimes my Dad would just stare at me b/c he knew it bugged me. When I caught him, he’d wink & go back to whatever he was doing. Soon after he died I was at a restaurant & made random eye contact with an older guy at a nearby table - who winked at me, then went back to eating.
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@BMcCarthy32
What??? It’s not like he threw it at/near him, what the hell did you want him to do? “Here, little Jose, let me serve you up a nice fastball to hit since you’re small”??? As you well know, this is a man’s league. Can’t hack it? Too bad.
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@CodifyBaseball
@PitchingNinja
My belief is that you’ve wanted to use this terrific Wembanyama joke for some time now, and are simply using this as its vehicle.
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@Mo_ms33
@TheHoopCentral
But if you watch the clips, Rodman never actually fights; he just annoys people until THEY want to fight. I love Rodman - LOVE him - but find me a clip of him ever throwing a punch?
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@realmcfly25
@Phillies
I’m guessing maybe he’s the player that tossed the ball that led to the guy falling. (Or, obviously, maybe he’s just a compassionate human being.)
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@lindseyhillll
@billjamesonline
Thank you for your volume on this. A lot of people in your shoes might just file it away and keep quiet and try to forget about it. You’re holding his feet to the fire, and that’s a great example for other women (and selfishly, it’s fun to watch him squirm).
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@TheSurvivors_US
I assume your view on rape is that it’s “the beautiful lovemaking process that women have done since the dawn of time”?
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@KayeSteinsapir
You made a thoughtful, selfless, hard decision. You deserve nothing but support for that.
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@CarolineEAnd
I heard something similar about a famous singer. Don’t want to name him, because that would Give It Away.
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@NatGordo
@RobertStock6
It leads to less money in the game, because a salary cap for teams ends up being a salary cap for players, and the union believes, correctly, that in a free-market system, wages should not be capped.
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@MatthewKBegbie
@patrickisonline
I want to post “does anybody have a BAD Tom Hanks story?”, because I can’t imagine anyone does, but if anyone does I really don’t want to hear it, so it’s back to staring at the ceiling for me
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@TheSurvivors_US
So when YOUR rights get violated in a rape, your position is that you should *also* be saddled with potential death from pregnancy complications, the physical and mental trauma of pregnancy and childbirth, AND being forced to propagate the genes of a rapist? That’s just sick.
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@fopminui
@Morbidful
That’s incredible!! Truly awestruck by your strength, and the hard work you’ve done. I hope that anytime you’re struggling, you’ll come find this post and see how many of us believe in you.
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@KayeSteinsapir
@rosevera
You have more grace than I would. It’s clear Molly’s special nature didn’t come out of thin air. Peace, friend.
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@catfishyak
Anyone who isn’t vaxxed and gets Covid should be banned from seeking medical treatment for Covid. If science wasn’t enough for you beforehand, figure it out for yourself afterward, too.
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@fohouttahere
@dmjossel
@cheyennehaslett
Or it’s their responsibility to grow up and think of the country before themselves.
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@ShawnInArizona
Hey man, we’re all here for you. I imagine you tweeted this while drunk - if that’s the case, please don’t see this tomorrow and feel embarrassment for posting it. Take a deep breath, know we’re proud of you, and find a meeting. One step at a time, man. You can do it!!
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@CoachBorton
@Joelsherman1
Where to start? 1. They’re college students, they’ll get to the jobs & families soon enough. 2. They’re Ivy Leaguers, so those jobs may well be government, dealing with “causes.” 3. People can actually have jobs, families, AND care about other things! Try it! It’s fun!!
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@CCanuck4
@JetztMelissa
@sahana_srini
I’d encourage you to look up the definition of “joke” sometime
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@TacticalGrace_
@zeldawilliams
You could’ve just said “please everyone, send me an avalanche of dick pics,” LOL
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@aidan_whatman
Obviously it’s quite unlikely he wrote the line, but his delivery was perfect, as it so very frequently is. He’s the perfect mouthpiece for the attitude of that show.
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@GreenEyedLilo
@andylassner
@ornwen
I hated “liking” your comment. I agree with you completely, but I don’t like that that’s the situation.
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@shp2687
@IJasonAlexander
And the punishment that’s being applied is vicious, inhumane and unnecessary. We could simply take these families by the shoulders, turn them back toward Mexico, and gently push. What we’re doing is inflicting psychological damage on children. Deliberately.
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@BBGreatMoments
Slightly less than two hours. Joe paints 33% of the house per hour, and Sam 20%. So in that first hour, they combine for 53%. The other 47% will take most of another hour.
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@FoulTerritoryTV
I could listen to him talk baseball for a month straight and learn things I never knew the whole time. LOVED him on the YES broadcasts. The *minute* things he’d notice were just incredible.
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@MonicaLewinsky
I’m using this as an excuse to say again that you’re a fantastically impressive woman, and better than a lot of us. Love seeing all the good things that have come, and are coming, your way.
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@dmjossel
@cheyennehaslett
I’m aware of that, of course. Just trying to get this message out there now, in the hope of reaching the supporters of the many candidates who will not be the nominee. We can’t afford to have Democratic voters doing protest votes or sitting out in November.
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@ShawnInArizona
Deep breaths. I know how it is, the urges come fast & strong. Keep your mind occupied - for me, I can’t just not drink, I have to keep my mind active. My idle mind turns to booze; my active mind gets productive things done. And I’m very newly sober, too. Let’s do this together.
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@Sid_Seixeiro
Well fucking said. Not to take anything away from the many talents on that show, but Rhea Seehorn’s work was otherworldly. Mt. Rushmore. The black-and-white scene where she breaks down is one of the most haunting scenes I’ve ever seen. It’s a joke that she never won.
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@TimFlannery13
Maangers shouldn’t have to have a waiting period for the HOF. Someone like Bochy should be in right now.
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@MrToeKneeSee
@jemelehill
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say or do, but I am very willing to listen.
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@Jacobtheclipper
Let’s face it, all due respect to the man and the awful loss of him, but Kobe got three because he died.
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@RyanDLeaf
@NFL
@TroyVincentSr
@StraightLinePod
I often agree with you, but the evidence shows that this situation is like a lightning strike. Other than Chuck Hughes on Detroit 50 years ago, this hasn’t happened before. So while we’re all horrified about Damar, I don’t see why safety worries should be heightened overall.
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@theliamnissan
You know, it’d be just shimmeringly perfect if it turned out that this account has actually been run by Liam Neeson this whole time
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@NateMaingard
My dog, who’s VERY skittish with people (even ones she sees most days), once immediately cuddled up to a stranger on a flight. The stranger immediately began crying, saying “she can tell that I’m sad; I’m flying home from burying my father.”
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@MarkDuplass
@988Lifeline
Mark, all I can say is that millions of us admire and respect you for your talents, work ethic, humor…I know it can be hard to let compliments in, but just saying…you’re living a good and useful life. You make a lot of people happy.
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@cottoncandaddy
My wife and I just took a Lyft to LAX from our place, about 6.5 miles. Because LAX is a mess at Christmas, it took well over an hour to get there (normally it would take 20 mins). I knew it was blowing the driver’s night, so I tipped him $40 on a $20 ride after he drove off.
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@DanAlanRourke
You literally called it an atrocious strike three call, so clearly you do care
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@XplodingUnicorn
It’s great. I have intelligent, thought-provoking conversations and don’t have my day continuously interrupted. I’m also free of the litany of constant worries and stresses I’d have if I had a kid. Literally nothing about having a kid seems fun.
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@stephapstein
@wingoz
I’d file this under “forgive; don’t forget.” Thank you, Stephanie, for your reportage.
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@BBGreatMoments
I’m waiting to see what the ump does; if he does nothing, I’m accidentally losing control of the bat on the next pitch.
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@CharissaT
@NFLonPrime
You need to resign. You have no credibility now, and you never will again. I hope you live a long life, but the first line of your obit will be “Charissa Thompson, a reporter who admitted her work was based on lies….” 🤷🏻♂️
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@Jimfrombaseball
Playing at night, out of the hot sun? Easier.
Air-conditioned dugouts? Easier.
Plane vs. train travel? Easier.
Better $, less need for winter job? Easier.
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@BryanHoch
Funny how going from the best division in MLB to the worst can make your numbers look good.
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@birbigs
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." Eleven words, perfectly constructed, hilarious joke. I have not come across a more perfectly-realized piece of comedy writing.
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@DavidKibler
@MJMcKean
Praying is great, if that’s your thing, generally in life. It has no effect on gun violence. That’s what Mr. McKean was saying.
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@19fredlynn
@Jerry_Remy
All respect to Jerry and best wishes for a full recovery from this Yankee fan.
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@JoshMalina
My prediction is it’s a Super Bowl commercial for voter registration-based access to a reunion thing of some sort. In other words, register to vote, or get others to, and we’ll get access to some form of reunion - ticket to a panel, link to a movie, etc. But def. voting-related.
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@5foot1girl
A lot of guys are shy, too. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but it’s possible that he simply has such low self-esteem that he can’t believe - maybe can’t even see - that you’re asking him out; that the idea of a beautiful woman being into him is, for him, an impossibility.
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@TacticalGrace_
@zeldawilliams
You know, while we’re here, I’ve never seen a well-photographed front and back of a credit card, along with theft waiver and available balance
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@jeffpearlman
I had full Topps sets from ‘84-‘94, which I ended up separating by team instead of season & gave away to dedicated fans of each franchise. The Expos fan I found had lost his own collection in a fire, & was dying of cancer. Was very happy to replenish it for him.
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@JoshMalina
Genuinely hope you’re enjoying toying with all of us, you magnificent bastard. Please give a warm hello to all of the other wonderful folks in the photo!
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@curtisisbooger
That movie is just so wonderfully silly. I’ve been reciting the “street value of this mountain” scene for half my life. I hope you realize how many people just reflexively smile and brighten any time your name/characters are mentioned. You’ve brought a lot of joy to this world.
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@fohouttahere
@dmjossel
@cheyennehaslett
I’m supposed to support the candidate with the most childish supporters. Got it.
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@Ignatiuscriley
@TristanSnell
@SamFish90
@DavidCayJ
So fucking what? Has he faced any legal or financial consequences? NO. So nothing’s fucking happened.
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@TomJChicago
What if there’s a retaliatory strike? It’d be against NY, LA, or Chicago. Who do those cities vote against? Oh, right...and who just moved far away from all of them? Oh, right.....
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@danielleweisber
The judge basically saying that the REAL tragedy was that he didn’t become a lawyer is the most white male privilege moment of all time
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