Sahana Srinivasan
@sahana_srini
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wtf guy on bumble was like "I don't like bumble can we talk on snap?" I was like "I don't have snap u can message me on insta" and he was like "I don't have insta what about kik" I was like "I don't have kik what abt comments section of youtube video" and he unmatched me.
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I used to accidentally repeat stories to my friends a lot but now I just say “I think I’ve already told you this” and say it again anyway.
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“you were searched 43 times on Linkedin this week” ok so where’s my job.
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having a crush has cured my depression! now it’s anxiety’s time to shine.
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Dating is so easy. You just ask someone out and they say no.
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Can you believe my ex has me blocked on Venmo?? Like as if I’m crazy enough to go randomly check his venmo lmao.
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I wish we could make friends as adults the way we did when we were kids. why can’t I just walk up to someone like “look at this rock it looks like a potato” and suddenly we’re best friends.
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I’m like “one minute I feel so insecure and the next I have god complex!!!!” and the god complex is me thinking I am probably an okay person to hang out with.
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why does having sex lead to having a baby like thats so freaking random.
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wait Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson were dating?? I didn’t even know. I was too busy reading books and getting laid.
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Wonder Woman 1984 is feminist in that it inspired me to make a better movie.
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there needs to be an episode on Euphoria where someone tells a joke to her friends in the cafeteria and it doesn’t land so she can’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the season.
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Everyone please stop being horny. there is a climate crisis.
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Don’t Look Up is not about climate change it is about a comet.
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what am I supposed to say when someone tries to hit on me and I’m in a situationship. like “no no I am being fooled”.
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Me texting my family group chat: yeah I’m fine!. Claudia Conway: lol she isn’t fine she has depression she’s lying lol but whatever.
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When I say I like it rough I don’t mean EMOTIONALLY.
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they should make a job where you switch from instagram to twitter to weather app constantly for 8 hours.
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My room looks like a landfill, I cook and eat the worst meals you have ever seen, and I’m 30 min late to work everyday, but I’m still like, today’s big goal: get hotter.
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I hate anxiety lol I just texted the girl I have a crush on “you’re pretty” and then immediately googled “is it weird to call someone pretty".
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guys are like “I don’t have time for you” then hit it raw like ?? That’s another 18 years bro.
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There should be a second horn in ur car to let someone know they are doing a very good job.
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a guy’s favorite hilarious joke is responding to any question with “No. haha jk of course you can”.
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Good for her. Divorce rate among Indian ppl is low and there is a huge stigma around it. Thank you Kim
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me in the middle of sex: "wait. u think I'm funny right?".
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Most of the time I put in no effort to date anyone and then randomly one night I’m like actually this sucks and I message everyone on every app thinking I can somehow end up in a serious relationship w someone in like 5 minutes.
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left,.arm.or right, arm?. it won’t hurt more, .than.the men who, LEFT when you, .were.right. - Rupi Kaur giving me the vaccine.
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Proud to say I finally deleted my ex’s number! I memorized it.
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gonna start doing hot girl twitter in the family groupchat instead
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having body image issues is such a waste of time like I’m over here stressing abt my lil belly being bigger than I’d like when I should be worried about the fact that I have no idea how to do my taxes or write a check.
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Every time I send a text I think “Wtf why’d I say that? I’m a crazy WEIRDO!!” and when I get a response I’m like “Haha wait I’m so normal and cool. It’s awesome how normal and chill I am:)”.
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they should make covid in charge of distributing the covid vaccine everyone would get it so fast.
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why can’t they just have a weed aisle at the grocery store.
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sorry if I start to get really unfunny on this app…I have a crush on an extremely communicative boy…I apologize sincerely.
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I hate when you find a relatable tiktok about dating but it says “my boyfriend” and you’re in a situationship so you don’t want to be weird haha. wait.
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Why do guys turn into customer service when u start sexting them like “I can help you with that :)”.
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i watched the movie. if it was about climate change they would have said that.
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ur having bad sex if it doesn’t sound like this: boink bonk honk honk ding dong ding dong AWOOGA beepbop ring ring hello? yes this is she. no no thank you. uh huh. uh huh. okay goodbye. SPLAT.
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You’re all very welcome. Just got broken up with, I’m about to start getting HILARIOUS on this app . Bless you all.
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all it takes is one hot instagram story selfie for them to “my bad I just saw ur text lol” their way back into ur life.
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“hot girls have depression” “hot girls have IBS” dear god just let me be ugly.
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guys r like “I want to provide for u” then give u a yeast infection.
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only new addition is saying “like. WHAT?!” at the end.
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“I have got to get my shit together”. - me every single day of my life until I die.
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me sexting: “I cartwheel into the room. U see me and think. wtf is wrong with her? I do love her so much though”.
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having a crush on a comedian is soo embarrassing ur just like “HAHAHHA!! hahaha:) HAHA!! ahahahaHAHAHA!!”.
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I love how funny weird looking men get the hottest women and funny beautiful women get free grippy socks.
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shower sex scenes in movies are so inaccurate. It should be girl turning up temp while guy stands in back then guy moves forward and says “wtf this is way too hot” and turns down the temp and they take turns doing this building to nothing. It’s like any other kind of sex w a man.
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white dudes never tell other white people how much they love Indian food.
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white guy seeing poc titties for the first time: “oh frickk consider me an ally😍”.
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The white dude who bullied me in 3rd grade sliding into my dms now:.
India invented chess. Invented Yoga. They even thought us how to count. Einstein said we owe a lot to the Indians. There is even a golden temple in India that feeds 100,000 people a day for FREE! Man, the Indians are fucking awesome! .If you are Indian, I say thank you ❤️ 🇮🇳.
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my whole family just played fuck marry kill n my dad said “cabbage, potatoes, beans” and we argued for hours on whether beans or potatoes is more fuckable.
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the actual SLEEPING part of “sleeping with someone” is way freakier than the sex. like you’re lying next to someone for 8 hours twitching every now and then like there’s a demon in u.
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My Indian parents are so strict they want me to have the biggest ass in med school I cannot live up to their expectations anymore.
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idc if ur a boobs or butt guy. do you have feelings for me.
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kinda weird that a baby’s origin story is sex and u keep that a secret from them for years.
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In college my place was always a mess and it was so embarrassing having ppl over, but now that I’m older I no longer invite ppl over :).
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He hasn’t texted me in 4 days. Should I fake pregnancy.
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Hindu character freaking out in movie written by white person: "Oh my godS!". Me watching, rolling my eyes: "Jesus. ".
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if you wait until your gas tank has 1 mile left before u refill it u r hot, funny, and depressed.
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Tonight! Watch me on Insecure on HBO Max!! AHHH✨✨😵💫😵💫
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very awesome feeling to ask my tax guy “I made $80 for comedy last year do I need to include that?”.
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imagine asking your friend “are you mad at me?” and they say “yeah I am. I’m really mad actually.” I would burst into flames. .
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all brown girls are into skinny tall whitepassing dudes with some dumbass, one syllable, unmoanable name, who says some shit like “wowie” when u send hot pics and plays one song on the guitar for the rest of his goddamn L.
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when a guy ghosts me I'm like hey that's not what I meant by be more transparent.
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sex is so boring. I think on dates we should have sex first and just get it out of the way. then foreplay, then dinner and a drink, then talk for 2 years.
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do not drive to that random tinder guy's house at 2am. atleast walk.
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Humans are really just supposed to be hanging out eating fruits and having sex but instead we’re like u can now post story updates to the weather app.
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Guys get broken up w and all of a sudden on Hinge it's "sorry I just saw this".
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I got into a bumper to bumper collision last weekend and it ruined the whole front part of my car and afterwards I was like ugh I need to get my eyebrows done NOW.
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no one at the gym thinks I am walking weird no one at the gym is mad at me I am not walking weird and I am not weak.
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everyone that I was casually hooking up with last year are now in serious relationships and I am single. What does that say about me? I make people better. You’re welcome.
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yesterday at a restaurant some guy walked up to me and said “u look really familiar” and I was like “oh well I’m an actor!” and they were like “oh nice what have you been in” and I freaked out and said “Twitter”. ???.
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wtf is Soccer Mom. Have u met Bharathanatyam Aunty? U do not want to mess w her.
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fellas do yall give each other forehead kisses bc apparently that means ur just friends.
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if u open doors w your foot ur bi sorry I dont make the rules.
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dont forget to like comment subscribe live laugh love bop it twist it pull it stop drop n roll ctrl alt delete lather rinse repeat.
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Everyone please pity me. I am lonely and depressed and everyone hates me…it is not because I don’t make plans with anyone or when people ask I say no. it is because I am an outcast…a misfit in society…no one truly gets me. .
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back in therapy. I’m like that guy from Tony Soprano.
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