Kevin Long
@KevintheLong
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It’s like two flies on a piece of shit, and one of ‘em is disgusted because the other one just farted.
When even the Mail is calling you a 'far-right hate thug', you might want to take a moment.
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Wouldn't it be better to get Starmer in so we can criticise him, rather than criticise him so he doesn't get in?
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It's always a shock to see someone buying the Daily Mail. There's a temptation to grab it out of their hands and sling it into the street.
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"Thank you ever so much, but my wife doesn't really care for Brownies."
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We all clapped the nurses because they were saving our lives - and now we're meant to boo them because they're trying to save theirs?
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People who say, "it's a mind field" instead of, "it's a mine field" should be strangled with their own intestines.
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The French throw shit back at the Government, whereas we just swim in it.
JUST IN: French farmers dump manure on police vans this Tuesday in Nîmes 🚨 🚨 🚨
The French are easily the best protesters in the world. 🔥
🔊
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London is a crime ridden hell hole – a guy in a leather apron with a waxed beard and top knot just sold me a Chai Latte for £10!
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Does anyone else have a fear that the Tories could remove your ability to vote them out by finding yourself within a privatised Charter City? I mean, that’s a ridiculous notion - isn’t it?
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How dare you have a disposable income, a decent health service or clean water! How dare you study the humanities or have houses or opinions or eat nice things (or even eat!) How dare you protest about global warming (or anything.) It's all your fault - how dare you not be rich!
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Who else fears that Braverman may become the next PM before the election?
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@Jobaker9
@sainsburys
When this happened to me I just disowned the kids and told them to shoo and stop following me. They tell me that they often talk to their Counsellor about this incident.
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If you think this Government are taking us down a dark and dangerous path that was last seen in the 1930’s, and don’t mind occasional sweary content of a mix of nonsense and outrage (of variable quality) then we should join forces.
#FollowBackFriday
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So the Government are now adding Human Trafficking to their list of crimes. What’s their next racket – state murder?
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The Daily Mail is designed to inflame old peoples prejudices – it’s fossil fuel.
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What next - free range hand grenades?
"Environmentally friendly anti-aircraft missiles to better the future of our children."
-- Raytheon Technologies
You can't make this shit up.
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Guardian reply 🤣
"I have worked at Defra for the last 17 years and we have had the misfortune to work for some seriously poor Ministers but Liz Truss was comfortably the worst. How on earth she was allowed to progress from that role to bigger responsibilities is unfathomable."
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He'd have more luck banning a Cloud.
🚨 BREAKING: Rishi Sunak is considering banning the use of social media by under-16s
[
@business
]
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Will Sarah Vine be deemed an extremist for sleeping with Michael Gove?
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They’re doing it aren’t they? The fuckers are doing it – ramping us up for a war to save their dirty little hides from Election wipe out!
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Hope can be a dangerous thing, but I’m getting strong intuitions that the Government is going to collapse soon under the weight of its own hubris and lies – is anyone else feeling this?
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In exactly a year from now they plan to sunset 4000 EU laws that include things like freedom from torture and the right to life - Happy Christmas.
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@caitlinmoran
For me, Chris Packham is one of the great excellent men – raising awareness on autism and the beneficial effects of nature on mental health – plus, he has a very intriguing doc coming up on Channel 4 called “Is It Time to Break the Law?”
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Alexa - show me what a Psychopath looks and sounds like.
Real estate developer Tim Gurner says we need more pain, more layoffs, and higher unemployment in the economy to “kill” the arrogance of workers.
Stop calling these people job creators. Businesses do not exist to create jobs. They exist to create profit.
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So Sunak (Tiny Temper) is having a pyjama party in the HOC's to force fully grown adults into believing a fact isn’t a fact in order to render our human rights meaningless, and that an International Court (that we’re signed up to) is in fact a foreign Court– did I get that right?
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Remember when he used to be called Dishy Rishi? What new names can anyone think of? I'll start off with a crap one so yours can shine all the brighter - Petri Dishy Rishi.
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Ok, Sunak - I’ve just resigned from my secure job to become a Psychopathic Billionaire – now what do I do?
Out of touch Rishi Sunak says people should give up jobs to take risks
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Not all fish are brill.
(Oh piss off - you make a joke up then!)
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Is a Privy Counsellor someone who works with Toilets?
To the many who don’t understand - Rt Hon is in my bio because I am still a Privy Counsellor.
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If God created Man in his own image, then how do you explain Michael Gove?
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This brave Armchair Detective waited all night outside the port for the boat to arrive (pissing in bottles and eating biscuits) - choosing his quarry, he followed them for 3 miles to the benefits office, peering through the window he saw them filling in forms – sterling work!
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This is why you should never comb your hair with a shoe.
and then an elderly gentleman, who’d obviously got dressed in the dark, arrived with his young career.
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Don't smoke, drink in moderation, eat your vegetables, exercise, laugh with friends and have a positive outlook - it will hopefully allow you to live long enough to hear the news that Johnson has died.
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@Aiannucci
Yes, if you're a Nurse, for example - then you should just quit your job and become a Hedge Fund Manager.
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Message from the Privy Council.
Why is Rishi Sunak delivering a video message on the toilet?
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@simon_schama
That may well be the case, however it would appear that the goal of Israel is the obliteration of Palestine.
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A tin piss pot bellied pig fucker
What is the correct term for a person that harms their own country for personal gain?
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I was brought up in Kirkby - and it's always been a deprived area. (Due to Government policy.) And now there are riots. (Due to Government policy.)
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If you haven't seen this doc, then it's essential viewing - a forensic examination of how Hitler instructed the senior members of his party to dismantle piece by piece a democratic Government.
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What next? A Finnish Band Aid to help out the UK?
We had TV journalists from Finland filming at
@EarlsfieldFood2
today. They had flown over especially to do a feature on food banks and poverty in the UK.
Yep, our poverty is news abroad. (Well, the gov did say they wanted to UK to be "world-beating"...)
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My dream and obsession is to see Braverman and Gullis consigned to the stained pages of history.
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It’s not so much the prospect of a Labour win, it’s the prospect of flushing people like Sunak, Gove, Mogg, Coffey, Mordaunt, Kuenssberg, Gullis, Kevin Edger, Grimes, and Shapps down the f*ckin’ shitter!
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@SimonCalder
@MarinaPurkiss
Can't we just get everyone that still believes in Brexit to be made to live in special containers where they are hooked up to a virtual reality of the 1970's and the rest of us can just move on and scrap Brexit?
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This Kafkaesque nightmare never ends - Trump is forever on trial and running for President talking the usual bollocks - and the other Blonde Buffoon is still strutting the world stage as if he's still the PM. Even Liz Truss pops up now and again, like an undigested sweetcorn.
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Is it too obvious, or too conspiratorial to suggest that seatbelt gate was another dead cat to head off the Zahawi revelations?
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For me, the juries still out on Galloway, but the fact that he's stirring up shit with both Starmer and Sunak is hilarious - and well needed.
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Just as Sunak talked of delays on replacing old Boilers, Therese Coffey farted with relief.
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Apparently Rishi is now hiding in the Hotel fridge with all the other miniatures.
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Maybe it's time to get rid of the word woke? Will be a much tougher sell with something like, 'the war on decency.'
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If the rumours are true that Angela Rayner recently placed a fork in the spoon compartment of the drawer, then how can we trust her to Deputy the country!
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As if Sunak would have created a spat over the Elgin Marbles to divert attention away from the Covid enquiry that could have potentially incriminated him and exposing even further the ineptitudes of this Government and also keeping the Gammons happy by snubbing Yoanni Foreigner?
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She couldn't stop a pig in an alleyway.
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Have no evidence whatsoever, but any car driver who doesn't wave when you let them through at a junction is a Tory.
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The two Suns: One is very bright and keeps us alive - the other one is very dim and tries to extinguish us.
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I've been busy this morning knocking on the doors of Jehovah's Witnesses, preaching about the wonders of booze and box sets.
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I'd imagine that if you glanced into his house, he'd clamber off his indoor swing and fling shit at the window.
How can this be someone's default facial expression? I'm trying in the mirror now and my jaws are in agony
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@Charles03816030
Are the charges really going through? It's been mentioned before - if they do, then that's it for me, I'm not paying money to write the shit I write.
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You know when a guest has missed all the cues to leave and you just start falling asleep in front of them...
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Is anyone else thinking that with the laughing gas ban that you could potentially be stopped and searched if you were laughing in the street?
That's too absurd isn't it?
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Musk thinks that because he's bought the company that we're now his employees, doesn't he? He'll have everyone going on a mandatory team building exercise next.
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"We should just sack everyone who's on strike and replace them with hard working people." 🥸
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@MarinaPurkiss
@JeremyVineOn5
@theJeremyVine
Thank you Marina 😂- even though Kath denies reading it, we all know the Daily Mail is her fossil fuel.
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The streets of London will be a lot safer when Susan Hall fucks off.
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Just think, fully grown adults at the heart of power may have sat in rooms thinking of nicknames for Starmer - and some wag suggested, 'Sir Softie?' And if so, was it met with high fivery, back slapping and general sniggering? Who knows? Flaccid right comedy right there.
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If you're planning to, "home hospital," then install a vending machine for hungry visitors, charge for parking and get a curtain rail around the bed so you can wash your bits undisturbed.
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@supertanskiii
With this, and with Angela Rayner on banning zero hours contracts, I'm almost beginning to get a shred of hope back with Labour - about time.
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Poppy Cock
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Where's my sofa? Where's my cheese? Where's my port and film watching? Why am I at work all of a sudden?
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@Baddiel
I'm on my second warning at work for being on Twitter all day - only one warning left before I have to follow all this at home...
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The Daily Mail is on every table in the waiting room... 😬 Been here before - does the Mail provide free papers for every waiting room in the country?
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@BestForBritain
Mordaunt's acting coach - "Penny, just pretend someone's just taken a shit in your handbag, that'll do the trick."
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UK February 2023: The food shortages are definitively caused by Brexit, the BBC says otherwise, Therese Coffey is saying we should just eat Turnips, Ben Wallace is saying we are 7 years away from a war - so here we are...
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Who’s going to tell this silly sod to stop wrapping his sarnies in bullet proof material?
New: Remarkable interview with Tory MP
@GullisJonathan
@PatrickChristys
on
@GBNEWS
last night in which he told how he has bullet proof cling film across the windows of his home, & a panic button in his bedroom. And, to anyone planning to threaten him at home, he says this:
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Michelle Mone has gone offshore to give her assets a well earned break.
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Dear Racists,
Quick reminder that this is the 21st Century. Please try and catch up, you're just embarrassing yourselves.
Kind regards etc.
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Peak lunacy - no one even drinks English wine.
The staggering, small-time idiocy of this Brexit ‘freedom’ sums up the sheer pointlessness of the whole sorry exercise. The genuine freedoms taken from us all to impose this relentlessly naff and costly nonsense is pitiful.
You can feel the country shrinking.
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If somebody took a shit in the River in plain sight of day, then I'm sure they would be sectioned - millions of turds? Nothing.
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If you could all please purchase your Fabricant wigs and and assemble outside Parliament this Saturday at 2pm, it would be greatly appreciated.
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@TrishHodkinson
Angry at someone who's angry about the people who should be making you angry - no.
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But what are we meant to do? Just take to the streets? How does that work? Who organises this? (Think of the catering and the loos!) How do you turf out a "democratically" elected Government? I don't think we're apathetic, I think we're just too decent, that's why we're trapped.
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Think of those poor bastards who work in Retail - standing up in a stress position for 9 hours in a brightly lit area, with the same 10 Christmas songs on a loop all day.
The very same torture methods employed in Guantanamo Bay.
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