depression era garbage man
@DarthK8er
Followers
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Following
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1,357
Statuses
79,089
she/her/hers ☘️ | 💖💜💙 | 🐔🤙
North Carolina, USA
Joined November 2011
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Last Seen Profiles
Just read the article where Jodie Turner-Smith was like lol my marriage kind of began with a one night stand she's married to Joshua Jackson so a reporter asked him about it and he goes um no it was actually a three night stand cause I was fucking sprung. I AM DECEASED
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I knew Robert Pattinson had range when I saw Remember Me like 10 years ago but I was not prepared for this role in Tenet as hottest coolest badassest sneakiest Britishest lock picking time traveler I have ever seen in my life oh my GOD
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Also imagine you jokingly share that you started dating your now husband after a one night stand you had after a party and then your husband gets asked about that and he's like honestly dude let me tell you just how hard I pursued this woman. Amazing
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Like those two are both so stupid hot it just makes perfect sense that they're together
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@theeashleyray
The only question now is how long until he writes you as a character in something of his in the future cause that man is OBSESSED with you
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"Wow I love it when she talks about cocaine" -my mother (who was indeed a model in New York City in the 1980s) on Hetty's character in
@GhostsCBS
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Any time I see a preview for a tv show I think I *might* like I do not watch the pilot, I check and see what
@theeashleyray
has said about this show and depending on her review, I will or will not watch it.
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I'm not ready to share this with everyone yet, like on Facebook or with extended family or coworkers of anything like that yet, but I am always my most authentic self on here and y'all are my damn people and I've been crying and agonizing over it all day so here we go: honesty
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I'm really pro everything. Pro choice. Pro gay. Pro straight. Pro man. Pro woman. Pro right to bear arms. Pro religion. Pro separation of church and state. But mostly pro mind your own fucking business and the world would be a better place.
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Few facts are always true in this world but one of them is that
@theeashleyray
will never steer you wrong when it comes to quality tv and damnit I am grateful for that
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I am sorry but Robert Pattinson more than proved in Tenet that he can pull off both Bruce Wayne and Batman and I for one am excited to see it.
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@jzux
I have a lovely ginger giant of a father who let me steal his pretzel at a St. Patrick's Day parade in 1999 which I am holding in this photo of us
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Johnny Depp is proof of why cancel culture is so dangerous y'all will 'cancel' someone before having all the facts from reliable sources and ruin their lives, halting their careers, only to find out a year later you were so wrong it hurt
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I'm sorry to be rude because I'm sure Chicago is a nice place but call your pizza what it is: lasagna
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@chelseabwrites
I'm so sorry about that, if you're ever in the Carolinas I'd love to come and see you. I absolutely adore all types of Arthurian legends and was thrilled to order your book, can't wait to read it and give it a great review! Best wishes xo
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I was seriously gonna cry if I didn't get into this one
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@JohnCleese
@montypython
Grateful as hell that you became a python and have kept us all laughing for 51 years, keep KILLIN it sir!
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@Creoleedoll
Okay this is super random but you seriously have one of the most calming voices I have ever heard and I just watched this video three times to keep hearing it do you do voiceovers or do reads online by any chance?
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@dionnewarwick
@SHAQ
Shaq has 4 championship rings and has been a question on Jeopardy! multiple times but this is the most important thing that's ever happened to him
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I am one year sober today and it doesn't feel real. I've paid off all of my loans and two of my credit cards, I don't hate myself anymore, obviously I don't drink and use anymore, but my favorite change is that I get to be reliable to my friends and family again
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Artist friends! Is anyone in need of a commission? I have a very specific tattoo in mind that I would like and am having trouble doing it myself :///
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I am 60 days sober today, which is pretty cool since I spent the last 10 years drunk and high
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I belong to a very specific group of people who started following
@GeorgiaShenk
for her comedy writing, ended up needing to follow
@jmurffff
to understand ~40% of her tweets, and now open this bird app just to see their exchanges some days. Today is one of the some days.
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I am officially over 140 pounds for the first time since Christmas break and feeling like myself again after such a dark few months back in that place of starving myself and zero self love or care so I'm cryin a lil but it's fine i feel gr8 thx for letting me share gang :)
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My first birthday in sobriety was as special as could be ✨ grateful for the past, thankful for the present, hopeful for the future✨
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My brother just called me and asked me to be his best man and a bitch is UGLY CRYING
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@dovenymph
Pls make your tweets into a book it'll literally be as popular as the Bible but actually good for women
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Literally pornhub is planting one tree per 100 videos watched that's amazing how is a website dedicated to sexual gratification doing more for our oxygen than the government god bless
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Got a job interview tomorrow I'd make in one week there what I currently make in two weeks at my job and it has better hours lettuce pray
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Pi phi would like to adopt you I am speaking for all my sisters
went to a college themed party earlier that does not translate to dinner
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@lingerie_addict
YES!! I also wouldn't have thought Utkarsh Ambudkar until I started watching Ghosts, but I'm really excited to see him in leading romcom roles in the future after seeing him be the husband lead in this sitcom he is KILLER
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went on a first date for the first time since 2013: I got a pizza and he ordered a salad and afterwards I shook his hand HAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ me
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In 1999, I was the kid who wanted to dress myself and look at anthills. In 2023, I have nothing but gratitude for my parents who felt that it was important they put in the work to nurture my interests, foster my creativity, and develop my independence. I am so lucky
This is the stuff about parenting I don’t get.
Y’all let them fixate on an ant for 20+ minutes? Y’all let them spend 30 minutes putting on their shoes? When you have somewhere to be?
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@LibraryKath
I don't know who loves this more: five year old me (to clarify twenty-six year old me still has this book on the shelf) or Eric Carle's spirit? Either way, thank you for having the best job ever and rocking out at it! This was truly a day maker♥️
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I prefer the term 'white boy wasted' to 'white girl wasted' because if going to USC has taught me anything it's that yeah I threw up in my roommate's car once but at least I've never fallen asleep behind a dumpster in a liquor store parking lot walking home from five points
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I used to sober sister for my sorority more than literally anyone and almost every single time I went downtown, men and women would get in my car on accident thinking it was their uber or lyft. It was incredibly easy not to lock them in my vehicle then kidnap and murder them.
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The perfect Lord of the Rings meme does not exi--
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LITERALLY. A child is a child to me. Doesn't matter what's in their pants. Shouldn't matter what's in their pants. Just matters who their favorite princess from She-Ra is.
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I get all future parenting advice from
@XplodingUnicorn
. I can only hope I’m as fun as he is in my 30s
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@SydneConant
I love Sailor Moon so my cishet dad bought me this poster of Sailors Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto with Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus holding hands and framed it for me and it's still on my wall. They don't know it all at first but it's awesome how hard they try 🥲
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I love when my mother's stories start with "I shouldn't talk bad about the dead, but" cause that shit is about to be JUICY
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Hello twitter I'm 161 pounds for the first time in my life I'm not underweight for my height and I am so excited
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2/2 so far lettuce pray we continue this streak
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Today I am 30 days sober. I have not been sober for a full month straight since I was 17 but I now get to start counting my sobriety in months which is equal parts wild and magnificent to me
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How is this my mother how did I come out of this human piece of starlight
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Nothing short of thrilled to not get hit on at work anymore and only get hit on everywhere else I go🥳🥳🥳
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Hi pals, I have a doctors appt today (I am on the wrong medication for my brain and body and I need her to listen to me this time or I need to find a new doctor and I don't want to find a new doctor) so if you could please send me some happy thoughts that would be so apprecikated
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My aunt just tested positive for covid two months after my great aunt tested positive and died from it so she's panicking also she's a nurse and has been working from the get go of all this if y'all could send some good juju up to delaware I sure would appreciate it
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@theeashleyray
my 55 year old dad just woke me up to tell me I needed to watch Mare of Easttown and I was like sir I've seen it three times and he goes "Oh my god! Like even her vaping was accurate! This show is so good it's insane!" Your impeccable work has fans abound
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You can give James Marsden the silliest roles of all time and he's still gonna put in every ounce of talent and effort he has and knock that shit outta the park, the fact that he hasn't been a lead in more romcoms or had his own eight season long sitcom yet baffles me daily
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Stranger Things spinoffs I would watch:
-Steve and Dustin looking for love Flava Flav TV show style
-Steve and Dustin as exterminators of supernatural creatures
-Steve and Dustin do their own kind of Babysitter’s Club
-Steve and Dustin watching paint dry
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@NrGoodNorBad
@MichaelaOkla
I cannot believe this dude's bio has this in it. You cannot give out advice on personal experiences that you don't have?
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Everyone who got married at 21 with ugly ass small engagement rings are about to get so pissed these next five years when they find out what kind of rings you can get when you wait til they have a real job and aren't also a junior in undergrad
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@nealbrennan
You were honest about not having all the facts and said you'd donate to a network that helps to stop sexual abuse if the facts came to light. You were able to back it up with a significant donation to RAINN. That's pretty cool of you even if it came off a little weird. Thank you
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@bader_diedrich
Okay but please share your whole story and reflections on the passage of time with us here on the bird app cause we are very intrigued. Also, huge congratulations to your son that's so awesome and you're a great dad!!
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Every pi phi is required to dislike daredevil just a little bit more than the other superheroes bc ben affleck played him in the first live action version and he cheated on our sister I don't make the rules sorry
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Can you believe my family had the audacity to say they didn't know I was queer until I told them when this was literally me at age 9? The evidence was there, but the gaydar was ~NOT~
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@lovedoveclarke
I will never get over how fantastic your teddy bear purse is and how it goes with every outfit you pair it with so perfectly
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Girls5eva truly might have the best pilot I've ever seen. The only pilot I can think of as good as this is season one of True Detective and there's no way they're in the same category. Thank you so much for your TV recommendations as always
@theeashleyray
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My great uncle is dying so he rented out a bar in Delaware for everyone to come say bye tomorrow. Yes you read that correctly he is hosting his own wake and is not dead yet. The level of 'too Irish' that this is has gone rogue.
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Hey gang thanks for all your positivity I had a really bad month what with not getting into law school my depression totally spiraled I got fired it was a whole mess but I start my new job Friday and I didn't let my eating get affected by the negativity which is a huge first
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One of my sorority sisters got a welcome mat with an apostrophe in her name where there shouldn't be one which means she can't differentiate between the plural and the possessive which is horrifying because our philanthropy is literacy do I text her and ask orrrr
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The potential here...it could go either way but if it's the good way this has changed the game
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Hey i officially have a direwolf tattoo on my side and it's fucking sick and goes so nicely with my lord of the rings tattoo like my whole right side will eventually just be all of my fandoms put together it's fine doing Harry Potter and Batman and more lord of the rings next
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Today a boy I rejected threw water on me so I said water melts witches not bitches and I can't believe I did that as I'm typing this
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If I don't get to go to law school this year I think imma just move back to clt for a year would you guys be my friends if I come home 🥺🥺🥺
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Another person I went to middle school with just got married and is now pregnant... Meanwhile, I have eaten three bagels and it's only 11😐
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@zeldawilliams
I don't know if this means you're going as legend of Zelda or just wearing an outfit from your closet I am thrilled to see the pics either way
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One day I will be putting rapists and abusers behind bars. One day I will have long forgotten untested rape kits tested. One day I will have a nonprofit specifically to help women of color and their children out of abusive relationships. I'm speaking it into existence.
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I have once again signed up for a streaming service specifically because it was the only one that has a tv show
@theeashleyray
deemed a must watch since I trust no other living person's opinion on television more.
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I don't know who needs to hear this but Dr. Phil hasn't been licensed to practice psychology since 2006 and you don't have to listen to him nor should you
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interviewing for a new job at 12 if anyone wants to send some good vibes or happy thoughts in my general direction it would be much appreciated
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I know sexuality isn't a choice bc how the fuck am I still attracted to men at this point
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I have officially lost 30 pounds in 5 months someone pretend to be proud of me
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Meet the cutest lil half catholic half Muslim west of the Mississippi she's also my newest cousin (her dad is the Pakistani food truck owner whose plates I tweet pics of)
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I can't believe I got into law school this is the first major step in being able to take care of my parents and brother so they can do whatever they want I am so blessed holy shit
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This dude I went to high school with just messaged me "have we ever talked before" and now I'm offended he doesn't remember the time in 2013 he had sex with my friend on my back porch and I mistakenly offered them popcorn during. Like how do you forget that? Also we're neighbors.
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Gang, I finally cracked and applied to 14 jobs today. It's not okay for my coworkers and bosses to treat me like they do and like my time is worth less
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Was this too aggressive of a response? I think this might have been too aggressive of a response
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Sir Brienne of Tarth brought so many tears to my eyes holy fuckn shit and ghost is back WE GOT THE DOG BACK YOU GUYS NYMERIA WHERE U AT GUUUUURL UR BRO HATH RETURNED
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We do not talk enough about how good dogs are for mental health dogs literally improve your dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin levels like if you pet a dog for a mere 15 minutes your blood pressure and cortisol are lowered it is literal furry magic wtf???
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I know it’s terrible but I could never have a cash bar at my wedding I know my family and friends and I’m not throwing that party until I have a good $15,000 on that bar tab I’m not gonna disrespect them by asking them to come to my special day then buy their own margs how rude
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If I had cute lil boobies my wardrobe would solely be deep plunge v necks and crop tops and lacy bralettes and I would be a damn fashion plate but god gave me stripper knockers so it's 2XL tees til I die smh
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I have $7.36 in checking and am actually contemplating getting bojangles mac and cheese rn is this rock bottom
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Six months and a week ago I was sitting on a plastic mattress in a psych ward basement ready to end it all. Today I am six months sober and ready to live til whoever or whatever's in charge decides it's my time. Up next: one year. Let's do this
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My parents always told me to never make fun of someone speaking broken English because that meant that another language was their first one so they're already ahead of the curve on me and try as best as you can to help. Whyyyy did nobody else's parents do that?
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Two more people I went to high school with got engaged and I woke up on my couch disoriented af bc I fell asleep face first on my phone
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I'm very excited for therapy today I'm going over my eating list from the past two weeks and I have eaten until I was full every single day and I did not starve myself at all not even once 🤗🤗🤗 (sidenote how do you ask for a w in the chat I would like one please thank you)
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