Kate Smurthwaite
@Cruella1
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Stating the obvious since 1975. Comedian/activist. More info at https://t.co/1XBPDI7eLV
London
Joined February 2009
Bored of no-issues news? Help me change the conversation!! Thank you!.
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I should like to humbly apologise for confusing The Brexit Party and UKIP in my earlier Sky News interview. The trouble is Nazis all look the same to me. @SkyNews @brexitparty_uk @UKIP.
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@AndrewMorganRCT @Fhamiltontimes @metpoliceuk Erm hello it didn’t go on under their noses…THEY DID IT. Women across London know there is no point reporting rape or sexual violence or harassment to the Met. We’ve known for years. The question is WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO WOMEN?.
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I should like to humbly apologise once again. It appears my autocorrect replaced the work "wankstain" with the word "nazi" in my earlier tweet. I apologise to all those members of racist political movements who don't like being compared to other racist political movements.
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@piersmorgan You’ve massively missed the point here. If you were an academic studying racism your skin colour would be irrelevant. But as an unqualified commentator who doesn’t experience racism yourself, constantly demanding that people of colour answer your questions actually *is* racism.
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@cristo_radio @RMTunion Obviously your friends wedding is more important than their ability to feed their families after a long days work.
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Yes YOU TOO can have abs like these. How do I do it? Laughing myself half to death on discovering that the host of Piers Morgan: UNCENSORED, the man who invites THE TALIBAN on his show has now blocked me. @piersmorgan #piersmorganuncensored #PiersMorganUnwatched #SixPackAbs
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You all ABSOLUTELY SURE it’s the @JustStop_Oil protesters who need to change their behaviour? Not @RishiSunak who needs to stop new fossil fuel licences.
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@lizzwinstead I’ve campaigned on abortion rights for a long time and all the regretters I have met are either women who were pressured to get an abortion or women who became strongly religious in an anti-choice denomination afterwards. I’ve never met anyone who “just changed their mind”. .
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@mariacaulfield You know EVEN TWITTER has added a label to explain that this tweet is misleading garbage. Gonna apologise?
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Overheard on train "They did all this superstitious 'mindfulness' nonsense. I was glad to get away. Anyhow I'll see you at mass tonight.".
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Condemning those in the most desperate circumstances to a watery grave on our shores is not just un-British, it’s INHUMAN. Furthermore migrants contribute to our country, they are an asset, culturally and financially. Stop these lies @SuellaBraverman @RishiSunak.
Dear @SuellaBraverman . You and your politics don’t represent Britain for me. If you are reading this and agree, RT. Let’s send Suella Braverman a message.
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Here's The Mirror's news piece on my lil spat with ol' Piers. @DailyMirror @piersmorgan #piersmorganuncensored #piersmorgancensored.
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That moment when: Your internet abuser casually implies you're in the same league as Kathy Griffin and Amy Schumer. *picks flowers up off the stage, dabs away tears, stumbles over unscripted acceptance speech* I LOVE YOU ALL! @kathygriffin @amyschumer
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Weird day for racists eh? Spend all their time telling people of colour to leave the country, then one does and they’re angry about it.
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@lizzwinstead . the pressure was never from feminists or doctors, it was always from family members, employers, or aggressive partners.
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Incidentally while we all joke about how ridiculous it is to swear allegiance to the king and how there is no damn way we would ever do it, let’s remember that migrants who come to the UK and want citizenship are forced to do it. And we rarely question it.
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@ClaireShrugged I discuss this crap in my show. The solution is to claim kink shaming IS your fetish. #clitstirrer @edfringe 7.30pm daily Banshee Labyrinth from Sat.
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Every time someone corrects my grammar, it makes me love them a little fewer.
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@LeeAndersonMP_ Yeah but if you drink 10p worth of milk for breakfast every day then after about six days you’ll have to throw the other £1 worth of milk away. And also you not having a cup of tea/coffee/juice with it. I mean it’s a really rubbish breakfast. When did you last have this?.
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@DawnButlerBrent I hosted hustings in Hammersmith years ago when Shaun first stood as an MP. It was beyond embarrassing how little he knew, couldn’t answer basic questions about politics. So sorry about what you’ve put up with from the police and the bigots on here.
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Yes @Telegraph OF COURSE the most important thing about Kamala Harris is what she f*cking looks like. 🙄
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@ShappiKhorsandi @Gemma_Champ @British_Airways I had a flight booked with them in the pandemic and they cancelled it, sent me a link to rebook (but I just needed to get home and get to work) and wouldn’t give me a refund, now won’t give me a change either. Haven’t answered a call since. It’s just theft.
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This piece of hot leftie feminist atheist polyamorous comedian ass is 47 today…
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You can keep saying this douchebros, but the thing is I love @kathygriffin and I consider it a huge compliment every single time.
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@theriptorn @AndrewMorganRCT @Fhamiltontimes @metpoliceuk At a 50-50 conviction rate I would report. The current number is less than 1%. So there’s very little point. I would only report if I knew other victims were also coming forward.
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This was difficult to write & may attract more abuse, but I'm determined not to be silenced by this shit. http://t.co/7cgVfrPERv.
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@KEdge23 @PolitlcsUK It is legal to seek asylum. And I want refugees supported, housed, given a hand up.
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Hi @metpoliceuk I’m in the co-op supermarket on Stoke Newington Road and EVERYONE is dutifully wearing masks except TWO POLICE OFFICERS wandering about picking up sandwiches. Could you come and arrest them please? They’re putting the rest of us at risk. Thanks.
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I think we should pay a universal basic income so people aren’t resorting to shoplifting to feed their families.
Should shoplifters be named and shamed? . Iceland's boss says staff have been banned from sharing images of shoplifters due to privacy rules, which could help prevent shoplifting. What do you think should be done?. @y_alibhai | @cristo_radio | @StormHuntley | #StormHuntley
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Philip Scholfield was supposed to be appearing at my gig today but at the last minute he’s cancelled. apparently he’s done a runner.
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Sunday Morning Live from 10am BBC1. Just talking tactics: @Femi_Sorry is going to hold them still while I explain that poverty is a political choice.
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@pritipatel Oh yes we should find people fleeing persecution and persecute them more? I work with asylum seekers. Warm, caring, brilliant women who despite getting grossly mistreated by the home office have gone on to become nurses and caters and teachers who contribute greatly to society.
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Actual conversation after my show:. Punter: I voted for the Brexit Party, you can't call 17 million people Nazis. Me: How many people do you think voted for Hitler's NSADP in 1933?. [Clue: the answer is 17 million.]. #bitch @edfringe #makeyourfringeantifascist #makeyourfringe.
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@gemma_brett Women’s rights are like drinks in a nightclub. It’s a huge struggle to get them, if you take your eye off them they’re gone in an instant and if you ever have more that three some asshole will decide it’s an excuse to assault you.
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Today in #MyLifeIsWeird I’m sat in the green room for Piers Morgan UNCENSORED (the producer has just told me at least three things NOT to say on air LOL #ActuallyCensored) when the other guest arrives who will be on for the second half of the show. It’s JOAN COLLINS…
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@stellduffy They're also huge and spherical. So much more like breasts are in porn, in video games and after surgery and nothing like most boobs are in real life.
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@piersmorgan Every single World Cup and every single UK election has been superseded by the next one. The Whigs are no longer in power.
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@BBradley_Mans People who vote to let 1.4 million kids go hungry aren’t REALLY human are they Ben?.
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***I've had an abortion***. I'm not going to explain why. I looked at a blue line on a plastic stick and went "no, I don't want to do this". And because I was able to access safe legal abortion, I'm still here. Share mine or add your own. #RepealThe8th.
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Up early for a spot supporting the RMT picket line outside Waverley Station. @RMTunion @RMT_Scotland @markthomasinfo #solidarity
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@HDHTAZ @LeeAndersonMP_ No - once you've had milk for a week you HAVE to throw it away. Because it goes off and will make you sick. Honestly I don't know what is wrong with people that they can't see how crass and vile this is.
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(2/2) . And I get sexist abuse from ONE OF THE OTHER PRESENTERS ON THE SAME STATION. Mike Graham. Yeah that’s who internet “trolls” are. They present national radio shows. This is why we can’t solve the problem by “just blocking them” or “ignoring them until they go away”.
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Here's the full 7 mins of me (who doesn't shave her armpits) discussing why that's a problem with @PiersMorgan (who doesn't shave his either). perhaps you can spot the double standard! . Spoiler alert: We end up in an awkward discussion about group sex.
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So I made a video discussing recent scientific research on the impact pornography is having on men. As you can see I have in no way touched a nerve.
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Rail workers are on strike, not drivers. How much are you paid to be this badly informed?.
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Headline-writing is so difficult, getting all the info into the shortest phrase. So let me help. ”forced to have sex with” can be shortened to “raped by”. #YoureWelcome.
Underage girl forced to have sex with Prince Andrew, US court document claims
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Too busy/exhausted to watch Sunday Morning Live’s extended debate on decriminalising abortion? Here’s a quick summary… #abortion #prochoice
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@RishiSunak But you’ve been a willing part of a government that has broken promise after promise and wasted billions and allowed thousands to needlessly die. Going to apologise?.
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This is AMAZING. Man whose right wing newspapers consistently undermined the NHS and supported the Tories as they asset-stripped the health service is angry that the health service is now broken. How can this happen? GET A MIRROR!.
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@thomashawk @SethAbramson No. The info on the blue check says it’s been paid for by the account. You cannot claim a person has paid for your service when they have not. False advertising.
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Tell me you hate foreigners & students without…oh no…just say it then. Are you sure academic spouses don’t actually contribute loads to the UK?. What impact do you see for UK academia & research when the world’s brightest can’t come here without losing their kids? . #wasteman.
From today, the majority of foreign university students cannot bring family members to the UK. In 2024, we’re already delivering for the British people.
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Am I the only one who thinks inciting an attempted coup should bear heavier punishment than not being allowed to send any more tweets?.
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@yoooureds @piersmorgan Well I have a maths degree from Oxford. And apparently a much better understanding of how racism works that you or @piersmorgan. So I’m doing pretty well thanks.
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It’s JUST NOT. It’s crippled by years of underfunding. I know several people who have contacted asking for support. They are told unless they’re actively suicidal there is no support for six months to a year. And if they are they’re given the number of the Samaritans. A charity.
If you need mental health support, the NHS is still here for you. ➡️
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Yeah can you imagine storming off a racist fascist bullcr*p news channel? How embarrassing. ROFL.
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@BBradley_Mans You didn’t say the thing in the screenshot of you saying it? Also if you could let me know why it’s ok to allow children of parents who cannot read to go hungry? Cos I can’t help thinking it’s quite understandable those parents find it harder to make a living and we should help.
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…brought me a bottle of wine to take home to make it up to me. Bottoms up eh?!!.
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Man tries to talk to me on street. "Please leave me alone", (shouts) "I was only being fucking friendly you cow". @EverydaySexism.
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So my duvet cover fell off the bannister while it was drying and now my housemates are all sleeping with the lights on.
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Feminists don't have a sense of humour? Off to an 80s movie-themed fancy dress do! #feminism @GlennCloseNews
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@hannahrosewoods Maybe we should write to British American Tobacco and thank them for their hard work providing test cases to help us find treatments for lung cancer?.
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You are seriously telling me it is safe for 28 football players, plus referees & physios & managers & the rest to travel across the country in a bus & play contact sport but it’s not safe for me to walk over and hug my boyfriend? This is ridiculous & CRUEL.
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@piersmorgan You're unaware of the role climate change has in displacing people, diminishing resources and prompting war? And if anyone frightens children. .
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@piersmorgan Yes I was. Great have me on again and I’ll say all the things I was told not to say.
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One thing that strikes me about this and much of the abuse I get is the sudden “nice rack by the way” in the middle. Men are going to have to stop pretending that such objectifying comments are compliments when they come so routinely in the middle of outbursts like these.
After reporting first-hand on online conspiracy theories about covid promoted at protests, I have been bombarded with horrific abuse and threats. I am very happy the BBC has a specialist disinformation reporter investigating their impact. No-one should receive this vitriol.
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Ready to go on Good Morning Britain and stir some of the usual. Tune in.
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Yeah when he says “your problems” he’s sort of admitting that he doesn’t have these problems. It’s also massively disingenuous because he’s acting like these problems just exist rather than admitting him and his party and his rich mates in fact CAUSED them.
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I said this weeks ago. Swimming pools are literally ponds of disinfectant. Lane swimming/walking is standard & easily modified. Pools are vital for those who can’t exercise at home or in the park due to disability/injury/obesity. i.e. those who most need to stay active!!.
Going out on a limb here but I reckon it would be easier to police social distancing for Aqua Zumba at the local leisure centre than it will be to keep Dave away from his mates when he’s seven pints deep and he’s just spent his EasyJet refund on a round of jäger bombs. 🤷♀️.
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So Downing Street staffers needed thanks and motivation to do their basic job trying AND FAILING to save the nation from the pandemic. Nurses and junior docs though apparently can be given a real terms pay cut. Lucky they’re motivated on their own eh? This man is a disgrace.
Johnson: :"We should have found a way to make it.clearer that these were work events, with the specific purpose of thanking and motivating colleagues for their tireless efforts in fighting Covid-19. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.".
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Man who ignored science, got Covid, gave it to his pregnant partner, hands out nonsensical rules even he cannot remember without offering support to those who literally can’t afford to adhere to the rules now reckons the problem is us being “complacent”?!
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You can't say "feminists have poor dress sense" and then call us "feminazis". One or the other people, the nazis always looked sharp.
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@Keir_Starmer Why do you insist on this conservative rhetoric of “families”? How about “people”. Don’t you think single people are suffering? People in overcrowded shared houses? Please PLEASE stop buying into this right wing lie that “families” are more important than the people in them. .
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@ClaireShrugged In terms of symptoms I have yet to find out. But in evolutionary terms menopause is the biggest compliment nature can pay you. It says your contribution to humanity is MORE than your reproductive function. We are actively turning that off to save your energy to be a wise elder.
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Dear @RishiSunak your daughter (in pink) is taking mixture out of the bowl with a metal implement while you operate an electric bladed blender in the same bowl. This is not safe. Never put sharp metal cutlery near to the moving blades of a blender SOMEONE WILL LOSE AN EYE!!
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@OwenJones84 I hate to state the obvious Owen but if you put the word “porn” into Google I don’t think you’ll struggle to spot the misogyny.
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(1/2) AMAZING. People are always telling me that sexist internet abusers are sad teenagers in their mum’s basements, etc, etc. I go on Cristo’s Talk Radio show to defend Stella Creasy bringing her child to work (and also the NHS mostly which I think is the bigger issue)….
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If you can use a scientific term like “pH level” (rather than “oooh stingy stingy”) presumably there is no need to use unscientific terms like “little lady” or “hoo ha”. 🙄 Also you don’t need a special vag wash. Your vag is fine.
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So 3% of the UK population is black and 20% of the people you lay into are black? I think that’s the answer you’re looking for.
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Also worth noting that this woman has three children. They will now be without their mother for an extended period. So if anyone’s argument is “think about the children”….
The average prison sentence for a violent offence in England is 18 months. A woman who had an abortion without following correct procedures just got 28 months under an 1868 act- we need urgent reform to make safe access for all women in England, Scotland and wales a human right.
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