You, the virgin conspiracy theorist questioning the official story of 1 shooter vs me, the gigachad who knows there was actually no shooter at all. A tiger got him.
"I am Gabe Gutierrez. I am a hack. I do not merely report news. I distort and lie to advance an agenda. This is a prerequisite of my employment at NBC. My reason for being is to ruin the lives of people I don't like. In short, I am a piece of ****".
More women have come forward accusing Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine of sending flirty messages, including screenshots they claim prove the singer was behind the conversations.
@yitgordon
@NHTSAgov
@USDOT
Dude, I know you're trying to make an important point, but I gotta tell you, I think the Salamanca cousins are sneaking up on you.
"Zardoz speaks to you, his chosen ones. You have been raised up from brutality, to kill the brutals who multiply, and are legion. To this end, Zardoz your god gave you the gift of the gun. The gun is good"
While
@ComfortablySmug
is hard at work saving The Union, his very bad assistant, and aspiring eboy
@MatthewFoldi
is hanging out in public bathrooms trying to perfect the art of the selfie.
Hunter Biden recently ended a relationship with his sister-in-law, Hallie Biden, the widow of his brother, Beau. Bonus: Beau and Hallie named their son... Hunter.
Totally normal.
@ComfortablySmug
Sometimes, when this world gets me down, I think about him. He's up there. I can feel it.
And it brings me joy to know he's in a better place.
@ComfortablySmug
That's ridiculous, everyone knows AR-15 stands for Annihilate Rian (Johnson) before 2015. If only we had heeded the words of this ever so wise, inanimate object.