clur 🦅
@whomstisclur
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former token east village wench. child of divorce. current ass tat fiancé
Joined September 2015
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tired of regular IG folk irl trying to act cool like “who even is on twitter anymore lmao” like dawg technically you since all those shitty repost meme accounts you follow are just screenshots of the hot tea twitter was laughing at days ago. go right to the source, internet 101
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when you have to scroll past horny twitter to reach the rest of your TL
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do pregnant ladies nod at each other in passing like jeep owners or do they beep
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┏┓
┃┃╱╲ in
┃╱╱╲╲ this
╱╱╭╮╲╲house
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
stan danny devito
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
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my friend fucked a magician the other weekend and we don’t know what to do with this information
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my child of divorce ass thinking I was turning on the TV for some fun, mindless TV on a Monday night
#TheBachelor
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as a white girl i have a theory,,,,,,,,Taylor Swift comes to get you and it’s not an ‘if’ it’s a ‘when’. if it wasn’t in 2009, it was 2011, perhaps 2014....or even 2019...just know your time is coming, no matter how much you’ll deny it, if she hasn’t already.........
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my friend had an extra last minute ticket to the broncos chiefs game so guess who put a mf fit together lickidy split
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my dad’s wife is posting all over social media about her 30th birthday when I know for a fact that she is turning 35 so how many likes for me to comment “didn’t realize you were only 4 years older than me, thought it was at least 9 🤪🤪🤪”
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a photographer friend at the wedding said “be candid” and this was genuinely the best I could do
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thinkin bout doing a yeehaw and treating myself to a hat and cowboy boots
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twitter told me to buy the cowboy hat so I bought the mf cowboy hat
thinkin bout doing a yeehaw and treating myself to a hat and cowboy boots
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can confirm that buc-ee’s is AS ADVERTISED. secured my merch. great place. would go back 11/10
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1. Wake up
2. Rewatch the eagles Super Bowl game
3. Do a full work out fueled by caffeine and the vibes of my haters
4. Post a mf game day fit pic
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i would pay one (1) trillion dollars for 5 more seconds of this video
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placing my soul and sanity into the hands of ol’ butthole eyes surely won’t backfire at all today!!!!!
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snowboarding in the Winter Olympics makes me wanna fire up the ol’ playstation 2 and play some SSX Tricky
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everyone send good vibes and virtual treats to my brother’s dog Quentin (also known as my therapy horse). he got attacked by two dogs today. I’m so upset. he’s such a gentle giant. they didn’t puncture anything major so he’s going to be ok. plz give your dogs an extra kiss tn 💕
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telluride, much like the rest of Colorado, is not a real place. simply does not compute
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someone tell neville that trevor was found in the music hall after hours. 10 points from Gryffindor.
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today my funemployment ends. I am back to securing the bag on the daily. don’t text
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oh yaaa????? you like when I activate the fuck out of the hand warmers?? I’ll activate them real hard!!
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it is with deep self-loathing and sorrow that I must report the death of Felicia the plant. although there is no one to blame but myself, let it be known that Felicia was a hot & cold needy bitch and I dont recommend fig leaf plants to amateur plant enthusiasts. rest in peace hoe
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some say white people have no culture but a mutual friend got her dog a 23andMe Kit and she’s throwing a breed reveal party so you tell me
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hey girlie pops?? if you’re tempted to get into sports, word to the wise?? DONT. keep baking your treats, read your smut, watch your romcoms, eat your tin fish and do NOT fall for this trap. me?? im going back to square one. thats right, im firing up s1 rhonj & never looking back
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I haven’t seen my diabetic dad in over a year but he’s finally getting the vaccine so I’m planning a trip home to PR and I’m just really excited to finally get to see him ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
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people say that owners look like their dogs so fuck it I’ll adopt a greyhound sit back and watch myself get skinny
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took one shot of Jameson before hitting the slopes and suddenly I’m the main character of this mountain
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if anyone is looking to sell me something, just know who you’re dealing with, so best come prepared
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I forgot to post this on new year’s so here it is now. I will not be acknowledging comments on how sweaty I look thank you
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allow me to set the scene: mark and his dad went outside to watch the game after the first quarter. everyone is multiple beers deep. Nova is about to win this and now the photographer has just arrived to take the family holiday photos. I’m about to look so smug in these pics 😈😈
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calling all members of the Children of Divorce Club!!!! I present to you: our final boss
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me: bob go watch the moving truck and make sure no one steals out the back. stay vigilant so we don’t get a ticket
bob:
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my dad’s wife just decided to remind me that when she was my age (26) she had just given birth to my 9 year old brother so this year for thanksgiving I am thankful for 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒
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when I was younger I thought Silicon Valley was where people got boob jobs
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I just got “name 10 NFL quarterbacks” by a man in the flesh. thought that was myth of yesteryear and yet
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so….has the drug dealer woman just forgotten about the $9K rue owes her???? they’re just cool now?
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today is
@garkmallemore
’s birthday so everyone wish him a happy birthday right freaking now!!!!!!!!
(also exactly one year we took our first couple photo 🥰🥰🥰)
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the flight attendant truly just spoke into the intercom “good morning and I hope everyone has a good flight except for that one chiefs fan I saw board the plane” 😭😭😭
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took mark to the local deli to fuel up for the fullback clinic we’re putting on later
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wow, BRUTAL crop by my mom. poor bob, there’s no recovering from this......I gotta drop him right?????
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I’m dog sitting this weekend and I’m so excited to have this snuggly cow all to myself !!!!!
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celebrating Galentines with my best gal pal
@Bobaganoush
. 💕 cheers to many more years of laughs, tears, and everything in between 🥂can’t wait to be the old ladies in the nursing home causing trouble 👵🏻 nothing quite like a brunette, and blonde, and their inseparable bond 🤞🏼
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it’s my grandpa’s birthday so like this tweet or have seven (7) years of bad luck
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kids born in 2000 are so lucky like for the rest of their lives their age will just be the year we’re in, I mean how convenient is that
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🚨🚨🚨🚨Mark turns 32 today everyone say HAPPY BURTHDAY AND GO RED RAIDERS to
@garkmallemore
🚨🚨🚨🚨
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BREAKING NEWS: my dad’s dog is adorable and twitter deserves to know
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aunt Claire and uncle Mark!
what’s y’all favorite picture of y’all from the year so far?
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I say let britney be wacky and crazy and free!!!! sis is emerging from a 12-year time capsule. imagine if the 2008 internet version of yourself was handed the keys to a 2022 social media account. anarchy!
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FYI I had Covid two weeks ago and it fucking blows. 0/10. besides feeling like hot garbage for a couple of days, the boredom during the “meh” period is traumatic. I went for a walk today for the first time and almost didn’t recognize the wind. my case has been mild and it SUCKED
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spitting image of me right now
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I’m not depressed, I don’t hate my job, and I’m not single (humble brag), but I’m addicted to sour candy so my plan is to base my twitter brand around that
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