Justin (he/him)
@virtualjustin
Followers
1,120
Following
1,123
Media
3,572
Statuses
46,524
I’m just some guy.
District of Columbia, USA
Joined February 2009
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Pinned Tweet
I can’t stop thinking about these little guys in my mouth 😜
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@jenni__tolls
That must be so disheartening. Math is a subject that you either get it or you don’t, and you know this kid left that test knowing that he bombed it.
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@allanbrocka
“...he is 22-year-old Stefan Franco, a model and presumably actor, a big vegan, and a Christian who got married at 20.”
Huhhhhhh... yeah, it just kept on getting less and less compelling for me with each description...
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@justsaynotojoe
There’s so much going on with this video that makes me question if it’s even real. Why is the mother just standing sentry and filming while her son is repeatedly going ballistic?
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@kylegriffin1
please tell me that there was an audible gasp followed by uncontrollable laughter immediately after he said this nonsense
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@ajlobster
@MavisGary
Holy cow. I mean it's one thing to throw away a box of photos in a fit of rage but to then delete pics on a computer? Donate heirloom items?
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Conversation between
@Timodc
and
@Olivianuzzi
on Tim’s new book, “Why We Did It: A Travelogue from the Republican Road to Hell” at
@PoliticsProse
.
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@Meadbymead
My friend Matt and his boyfriend, whom I refer to as Other Matt, are nonplussed by this tweet.
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Oh, just
@MatteoLane
in the latest issue of
@DeparturesMag
wearing about $5,495 worth of clothing.
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Was just accused of looking like a summer camp counselor 😔
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@Slade
You just know there’s someone out there measuring to see if the $1200 stimulus guillotine they’re planning on buying will fit on the deck of that yacht
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@kamilumin
@baltimoresun
This was less an op-ed and more a very disgruntled letter to the editor
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@_sodapup
The “Snakes and Rats Speech!” I literally remember cutting out a transcription of this speech that was printed in the Washington Post and taping it to my wall because I thought it was so hilarious.
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Hold up. Wait - Gotham City is located in southern New Jersey by Cape May and Metropolis is located in... Delaware? And they’re connected by a bridge? 🤔 🧐 🤨
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@kjfkid
It’s a tiny bit haunting to think that just under half of them have gone crazy subsequent to this photo shoot.
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@moorehn
What do you mean that traveling back and forth between my primary residence and my (multiple) vacation home(s) is going against the spirit of quarantine??
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My old roommate and friend, Wyna Liu, co-created today’s New York Times crossword puzzle! 💪
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@ajmy
It allows you to zoom around your text and place your cursor wherever you’d like it to be placed!
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Imagine going through this entire hellscape year and still having absolutely zero clue who Breonna Taylor was.
Congresswoman-elect Cori Bush says Republican lawmakers thought her name was Breonna Taylor because of her face mask.
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Facebook reminding me that Archie attended a birthday party three years ago 🥲
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When Twitter decides to sanitize the platform and eliminate some of its most controversial and problematic participants.
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I couldn’t figure out where he was; found him sleeping in the bathroom with his head resting on the tub. 😭
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@JWPascale
I play a silly little game with myself where I walk to the bus station at SiriusXM (Florida & NY Aves). If there's no bus, I walk further up Florida/U St to the next bus stop. I'll repeat this until I've walked within ~1 block of my final destination before a bus rolls past me.
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$30 cheeseburgers from Le Diplomate? Yes, please! 🤷♂️🙃
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It’s a nice gesture - but what about actual structural MPD reform? Will DC cut police funding and reappropriate budget monies for social services that would have more meaningful impacts on crime and the well-being of District residents? Ban the use of rubber bullets & tear gas?
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I spent the afternoon with my old Beijing roommate at his mother’s place in upper NW DC. His mother has this incredible stamp that I find hilarious and she also demanded that everyone come out to the back porch and bask in the beauty of the post-hailstorm hydrangeas.
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2009 and 2019
I still have a not-enviable haircut and I’ve gained approximately fifteen pounds (of fat, not muscle).
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@robbie_couch
Virtue signaling! Plus, people lie all the time in order to make themselves appear better than they actually are. Pollsters encountered the same phenomenon during the 2016 election when no one was admitting that they were planning on voting for an unsavory presidential candidate.
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@EricFidler
“Boomers currently own 32 million homes and account for two out of five homeowners in the country.”
I curse this entire wretched generation.
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Unsure if this is the direction I should have gone with my haircut but here we are 🤷♂️ 💇🏻♂️
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I tried making myself some absurd Pillsbury Funfetti cupcakes; it turns out that the paper baking cups warp without the rigid metal framework provided by an actual muffin tin (something I’ve never owned). 😓🧁🎉
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Just arrived at
@TheAnthemDC
for tonight’s
@carlyraejepsen
show and someone immediately AirDropped this picture to my iPhone:
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@kylegriffin1
This could have all been done before Day 1 of this shutdown. Let me see - what does the President want to distract us from now? Oh, Roger Stone was arrested this morning? What a coincidence.
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@MikeCam
This nonsense tweet. You know exactly what people would be expecting out of an OF! 😂
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I’ve kept my apartment’s thermostat at a sensible 75° F and just kind of existing in a pair of small cotton shorts for the last ~2 weeks. I already know what’s going to happen to my idyllic paradise once my bf returns home this weekend.
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@nickybrownson
At a mutual friend’s house where we were randomly paired up together to play a game of Trivial Pursuit.
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Four Americans died at Benghazi at the hands of terrorists and the Republican Party spent untold man hours and money investigating. Four people died at the US Capitol by terrorists yesterday - will there be as great a reaction when it’s chaos fomented by Donald Trump?
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A friend I had known for 15 years passed away last week. I went through Gmail & Facebook for the first time today & discovered emails & wall postings I had completely forgotten about. I'm nowhere close to the center of pain for the loss but I'm still really sad for their passing.
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My parents and sister insisted that I drive out to Annapolis this evening to have a birthday dinner (even though it isn’t actually my birthday until tomorrow)
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Due to a confluence of reasons, I ended up at McDonald’s for breakfast this morning. I had a coupon for buy one sandwich, get another sandwich free. (I also asked for hash browns and an orange juice) After the cashier input the coupon code, everything ended up just being free? 🤷♂️
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Air frying chicken nuggies because I’m an adult with dignity and self respect
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@chrisgeidner
Wait - so for my own edification... the First Lady of the United States is publicly advocating the firing of a national security advisor because of an airplane seating dispute?
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DAMN IT!
Although it isn’t like this wasn’t 100% deserved 😓
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My grandfather passed away last night. I managed to make it to the hospital and sat with him for about an hour before he eventually stopped breathing. It’s surreal to read over what I just typed - he was 101 years old and until yesterday was still cognizant & relatively healthy.
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What do I do when meeting a semi-large group of gays for the first time? Order the sloppiest meal possible in the form of Polish Kielbasa smothered in beef chili and melted Cheese Whiz and creep everyone out.
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@PrestonFlowers
Me sitting in my seat: “Goddddd, I’m dying of thirst! Where is that ginger ale??? 😩”
😜
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Finally managed to get my hands on a Nintendo Switch Lite so now I can finally see what all this Animal Crossing New Horizons fuss is all about!
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@HouseholderOH
“This is a stunningly bizarre breach of the public trust.”
What makes drag a stunningly bizarre breach of public trust?
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Eyebrows threaded. Hair cut. Face full of errant hairs. I’d be ready for Capital Pride were it not for the fact that I’m not even going to be able to it to Pride festivities this weekend. 😕
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I am 36 years old and just hunched over in order to throw up into a stormwater gutter on the side of N Street NW on a Sunday afternoon at 01:15 pm.
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Why does
@wmata
insist on these super dangerous tiles throughout their Metro stations? Literally everyone is slipping and walking as if they’re tiptoeing on wet ice!
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@aho
"...there was a hot guy writing a note on my neighbor’s door, and I invited him in and he invited me in."
Oh. I see what you did there, Mr. Top. 😂
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It seems that my sister is now the face of ovulation 🤔
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