Carly Maris, PhD
@vintagehistoria
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Assistant Professor of World History at Wilmington College • 100K + on TikTok • Working on Ancient Rome, Gender & the Silk Road
Joined April 2009
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Some of my friends are discussing why Harrison Ford is still playing Indiana Jones but honestly, having an 80-year-old professor not retire is like the most accurate part of the franchise
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So I’ve had 4 or 5 job interviews where someone said they were going to take/use something I did during a teaching demo (tools, phrasing on my syllabus, activities, etc) and then I didn’t get the job.
Can you all stop doing this?
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There is a Roman Barbie comic book and yes I own it
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Look, I am married now, but let me tell you how hard/exhausting it was dating men as a PhD student working on the Roman Empire
A solid 40-50% of my matches make pissy comments about my chosen field of study I’m so fucking tired of it
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If guys actually admired Ancient Rome they’d spend less time podcasting and more time writing elegiac love poetry
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Stop calling him Julius Caesar and start calling him Cleopatra’s boyfriend.
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One of those people literally asked if they could “steal” my activity after my demo like that was their question, and what am I supposed to say to that as a precariously employed person trying to get a permanent position?
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It’s cool this tweet is getting attention I guess, but I had to put my cat down today so I am actually very sad, please don’t be mean to me, k?
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Hey academics, now is not the time to ask what archaeological sites were destroyed in the earthquake.
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@rgoatcabin
@sentantiq
To be fair I bet there are professors in the US who want to retire at 65 but financially cannot
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I’m writing a monograph that (if published) will only be read by a few people.
My history content on TikTok has 3 million likes.
I don’t pretend my social media work is scholarship—but the content public facing scholars produce can impact fields in other meaningful ways.
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So anyways, this is what happens to a bust of Augustus when you put it through a makeup app on your phone.
I’m thinking I’ll do Vespasian next.
#classicstwitter
#whathaveidone
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*Me, inside a place that says "no food or drink" sitting on a bench, shaking uncontrollably, and chugging juice to treat a low blood sugar and trying very hard not to pass out*
Them: "I wish I got to eat and drink anywhere. You're lucky."
#disabledcompliments
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I never have things to promote but uh if you like ancient history and material culture and women’s history check out my forthcoming podcast
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Sorry I have to put everything on hold bc TikTok just made me aware of this painting
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To answer some questions:
-More ghosting than mansplaining, but both happened
-One time it was all a guy talked to me about which was cute until it turned out we had nothing in common
-I married a fellow grad student who is now a Latin teacher
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RIP Ancient Roman Augurs, you would have loved a bird flying into my house during an eclipse
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I am a sucker for ancient cephalopods
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@dee_of_e
Last year a student wasn’t happy that they couldn’t google the answers to my open-note quizzes (not bc they weren’t allowed to use it but because Google either didn’t know the answer or gave the wrong answer, and they had to use course material for answers).
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I wish academics could spend more time writing fiction. Look at Tolkien and Eco, their scholarship was groundbreaking but their fiction was so impactful we really should think of it as a form of public humanities.
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@untinydancer
There are many similarities between academia and the movie industry that one wouldn’t expect. Solidarity!
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Look, either we can have a conference in January or we can have a conference in Chicago, but we really really really need to stop having conferences in January in Chicago.
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Petition to call Caligula “lil bootie” in all academic journals
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I blocked the Rome is fake account but what really gets to me is the sliver of truth they’re working with, specifically that Rome (like every empire) was comprised of multiple indigenous groups. I work on this in my research on triumphal parades. They’re of course saying 🧵
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Things I did as a TA that AI can’t do:
- Accompanied a student to mental health services
- Let a student work in my office bc it helped them be productive
-Assist the profs with emergencies during class
-Tell interested undergrads what grad school is like
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Hey, you know what would make scholarship more accessible?
Audiobooks of academic monographs.
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If I win the lottery I won’t tell you, but there will be signs
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👋 everyone!
I’d like to point out that the curls framing Crowley’s face resembles 1st cent. Roman women’s hairstyles more than men’s. It’s a beautiful gender-fluid look!
See for ex. this bust of Caligula’s sister Livia Drusilla
@GoodOmensPrime
@neilhimself
#goodomens
@drmuig
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Somewhere in the Underworld the shades of Caracalla and Geta are bemoaning that this is how they’re being portrayed and I love that for them
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I have to mute this because there are way too many responses and I need a break, but thanks for all your suggestions, and if you’re on the job market take a look at what some advice is here!
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Seriously, when is the series about Vestal Virgins coming out, smh
They're making a series about Roman GLADIATORS?! What a novel concept. What's next, legionaries?!
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Happy to share that I’ll be joining Wilmington College in Ohio as an Assistant Professor in World History!
I am really looking forward to joining this wonderful community (and also experiencing seasons after years in SoCal🍂).
@WilmingtonColl
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After several years on the job market, I gotta say….
Your candidates are tired. We are so tired. Please don’t make us do a teaching demo after 5pm. If you want a job talk, please let us do a standard job talk. Please don’t say you’re taking our materials & then not hire us.
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Caligula is daring in his choice of pink, Instagram worthy brows and sparky purple gloss. His contouring is on point. Black heart contacts complete this absolutely savage look
#classicstwitter
#romanemperorswithflair
Original pic from
@metmuseum
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I have a lot of people telling me copyright which sounds good but I have no idea how to copyright things— if it costs money I can’t afford it. Is that a process I have to do with every new assignment? Syllabi have to include institutional items, how do I work around that?
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When I told my husband I booked a weekend getaway with a friend so we could write our ridiculous romance novel did he:
A. Scoff
B. Say “that’s nice”
C. Grab me by both shoulders, look me dead in the eye and say “come back with your novel…or on it” like I’m a Spartan warrior
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It just hit me that I’ve written an entire dissertation.
Is it messy?
-Yes.
Does it need edits and another section or two?
-Also yes.
But there it is. An intro, 7 chapters, a conclusion.
Sitting in my computer like it’s not the culmination of 10 years of my life.
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It’s always “Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres” and never “Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris”
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But really, what genius made this meme? I’d like to credit them when I use it in any future ancient culture class I teach.
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@girly_to
The problem is you often have to supply syllabi you’ve used, teaching evals from students, and then do a demo that aligns with what you supplied so you can’t really avoid going into detail
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And last of his dynasty, we have Nero, wearing a dark maroon matte lip that says “I don’t care if you’re my mom!” and a bold eyeliner to show that his mood is extra.
He likes going overboard with highlighter.
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Not saying Latin curses are real.
But I *am* noting that it suddenly and unexpectedly hailed in San Diego right when my Latin class was translating Dido’s invocation of Hecate, which was absolutely bizarre timing.
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Broke: students should read x-pages/day
Woke: how much we assign varies based on level, material, and what we want our students to get out of the course
Bespoke: Students should listen to a bard recite a book of the Iliad every night in Ancient Greek, the way Homer intended
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Beowulf passed over the rainbow bridge. He went peacefully. He’s been my best friend for 16 years.
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Help my spouse just made a Ken-Hur joke
There is a Roman Barbie comic book and yes I own it
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My student is researching these this semester and made a 3D printed version of one! We still don’t know what it is though 😂
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I’d like to go to a gym that is 100% dedicated to fantasy/nerd fitness. Like a gym with sword fighting and archery lessons and like equipment that’s like, ok it’s a treadmill but there’s a video of orcs chasing you and you have to outrun them.
Where can I find that?
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I’d love for a film to villainize Constantine for once, like he is a true mastermind manipulator who murdered his wife and had mommy issues, a perfect villain
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In Ancient Rome, the Kalends of April was a day for women to worship Venus, which included taking a bath and getting high on opium.
(This isn’t an April Fools’ Day joke, this is from Ovid’s Fasti, et al.)
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Listen, it would be really funny if we all (Classicists & Anc historians) flat out acted like we have no idea who Cicero is.
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Let’s actually do them in order. Next up we have Tiberius. For his cheeks and lips we went with a hot pink, so on trend right now & perfect for Capri.
His lavender brows & colored contacts give a subtle hint of toga purpurea
#classicstwitter
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Well I did it let’s see if my students notice
Should I write “Aeneas’ tears” on my coffee cup today?
(we are translating Aeneas crying over Dido in the Underworld today)
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How many tenure track history jobs were there this year?
How many schools slashed budgets and relied on underpaid & uninsured adjuncts to teach introductory History courses?
How many high school history teachers had to work 2 extra jobs to make rent?
Let us reflect on how we make history – not erase history.
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My dissertation is actually a dissertation on Ancient elephants, masqueraded as a dissertation on the Roman Triumph and Roman/Persian relations
🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘👑
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RIP Virgil, you would have loved AO3
RIP Socrates, you would have loved to see the Socratic method adapted into online sealioning
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Otho is bringing his thicc boi energy to the next level, with red lips that SLAY. He opts for the thickest false lashies he can find, in order to absolutely outdo Galba.
#prettyprinceps
#classicstwitter
#romanhistory
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Ok but how do we turn the Roman Empire meme into more tenure track Roman historian jobs?
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Wait…are they giving Pedro Pascal’s character a triumph? In the third century? Is my dissertation going to be culturally relevant?
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Unlike his predecessors, Claudius opts not to go for false lashies as they get in the way of reading scrolls, but he absolutely kills it with a thick layer of Rococo blush
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I’m soooooo close to finishing this dress I’ve been crocheting for like 3 months
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Rome was later invented like a blanket term to describe these various groups, when what happened is far more interesting than this conspiracy theory. Roman sources help us trace how indigenous groups changed over time, such as the rise of the political power
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Vespasian’s look is a daring rejection of the Julio-Claudian pink boi brand, adopting a shimmery turquoise lip and full-on blue eyeshadow that says, “follow me into battle boiis!”
#prettyprinceps
#ClassicsMemes
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Authors, I’m begging you, don’t use Google translate for Latin 😭
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Does anyone have recs for a book set in ancient times but not featuring actual historical characters?
Thinking The Name of the Rose but in a period before like 500 CE (specific time/place don’t matter)
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Galba opts not to cover his wrinkles, thinking they make him look distinguished and he doesn’t really care to hide his age.
He does decide on gloss with a hint of color, but mostly for the moisturizer.
False lashies are for HIM.
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Fun fact: I just learned that the school capped my World Mythology course at 119 (in spite of a big waitlist) and it would have to count it as teaching 3 courses if I had 120+ students. Students are interested in premodern subjects but admin limits it.
Bizarre take by the AHA today claiming that the low number of jobs in premodern fields is due to students not wanting to take ancient history.
Everywhere I've taught or attended, ancient history courses fill up. Undergraduates love ancient history. Demand is not a problem.
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Vitellius wears pink shiny lips to exaggerate his hungry pout, which is very on trend in Germania (but so passé in the Eastern provinces)
#prettyprinceps
#romanhistory
#ClassicsMemes
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while we can easily “disprove” this conspiracy theory, the damage even in disproving this theory could expand to other legitimate work if people aren’t careful in how they’re engaging with this discourse.
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Domitian literally the exact same look that his brother wore, but he does *not* pull it off 👏at 👏all
#prettyprinceps
#classicstwitter
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Being in your 30’s as a Classics postdoc is wild bc like half of your friends are having kids and the other half of your friends are discussing cosmetic procedures, and meanwhile I’m wearing my pajamas all day translating Latin like a nerd
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of the Blemmyes in Africa, the merging of Germanic tribes, the expanse of ancient trade networks all the way to the Maldives (in Ammianus), etc. And working on ancient indigenous history is important for our better understanding of the diversity of the ancient world. However,
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Holy Roman Emperor and Internet Boyfriend Trajan owns 5,000 different brushes from Sephora and knows the names & uses of every single one. His followers love👏him👏! His YouTube makeup channel has the highest number of subscribers
#classicsmemes
#prettyprinceps
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theory narrative will do to the field. This is the same person who said Alexander the Great was a trans man, which is not only uncorroborated by ancient evidence, but threatens the legitimacy of actual work on ancient trans history in public discourse. All this is to say that
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I really hope that Twitter over the next few years doesn’t fully collapse but goes through a period of “Crisis” where a new CEO buys it out every few months, only to end with Twitter divided into 2 apps, one of which will continue for another 1,000 years.
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I really wish scholars appreciated how much effort goes into actual public-facing work.
I’m out there, engaging with people, trying to make *your* scholarship/field look valuable to those who don’t trust or like you, and who also will vote to defund you/your field.
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The BM thing is honestly kinda funny to me bc from personal experience the best way to get a guy in a bar to stop talking to you is to say you’re getting your PhD in Classical Philology
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“Scholars who work on the ancient world need to be more open-minded about history and open to other interpretations.”
“Oh definitely! That’s exactly why I am working on women & ancient econo—”
“NOT LIKE THAT!”
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@EhlersDanlosgrl
As a disabled person who sometimes needs straws, I really want to start an environmental group for disabled voices...since environmentalism leaves us out and there are solutions and narratives that aren’t ableist.
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Yeah I actually DID need to buy these to help me teach the Aeneid, thanks
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with this conspiracy theory nonsense, the significance of ancient indigenous histories is now overshadowed in public discourse. Instead, ancient indigenous histories gets swept into something easily disproven, and thus I have to wonder what kind of further damage this conspiracy
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🚨Warn the kids! 🚨Taking Ancient Greek in college might lead you to HAVING TO FORMAT GREEK INSCRIPTIONS IN YOUR DISSERTATION AND RUIN YOUR LIFE
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You ever have that thing where after going through a tense/stressful period for like 5 years your body and brain actually collapse and all you can do is sit in a comfy chair and stare out the window with your document open to the thing you should be writing?
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It would take ***everything*** in my power not to select Ancient Egyptian or Elamite.
And if they had Latin? Forget it I’m not even fighting it.
I’m filling out a medical form online and I’m curious who’s out there speaking Old English.
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I’ve decided to dub this thread
#prettyprinceps
So anyways, this is what happens to a bust of Augustus when you put it through a makeup app on your phone.
I’m thinking I’ll do Vespasian next.
#classicstwitter
#whathaveidone
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I would actually wear this dress today
(Fresco from Pompeii (VI. 17. 10). 50—1 BCE. 88 × 49 cm. Inv. No. 9301. Naples, National Archaeological Museum, Hall LXIX)
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Titus copies his dad’s turquoise lippie and blue shadow, but his GF helped him blend into the crease, turning out this fierce, rest-to-go look
#prettyprinceps
#classicsmemes
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@neilhimself
From the article:
“I have never had kindness done to me like this, I didn’t know people were able to do something this nice,” one student shared.
*New goal: send books to more kids in juvenile detention bc it may be the only nice thing someone does for them*
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@ztsamudzi
Omg I could not believe the lack of empathy displayed by someone who claims to be an excellent mentor in academia. If she thinks personal tragedies are "vanilla", it tells me she would be a terrible mentor to all except the privileged
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