Jen Nobuko McPherson (She/her)
@tokyoslumbers
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Journo/writer ✍ @guardian @telegraph 'Will You Read This, Please?' 📖 (Harper Collins) Tweet: Mental health 🧠, Foreign affairs 🌎.
Manchester
Joined April 2019
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Eleven writers win JKP Writing Prize for ‘inspiring and unique kaleidoscope of stories’
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What's the worst thing a mental health professional has ever said to you?
A psychiatrist once said to me 'You haven't been through any trauma.'
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Wow, disturbing replies on 'What was the worst thing a mental health professional has said to you?'
To lighten the mood, what is the BEST thing a mental health professional has said to you?
A psychologist said to me that it wasn't my fault for what I did when I was psychotic.
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This year marks 25 years since my brother Ian died. Ian was my best friend and his death shattered my childhood. I can’t believe it’s been 25 years, I think of him every day. ❤️
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I will be 32 this year when I graduate with my degree. I should have graduated when I was 22. It's hard sometimes to accept what I have lost to mental illness. Still, better late than never!
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I didn’t self harm today. It might not seem much but this is progress for me.
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It’s two years since I broke my leg in a suicide attempt. I’m glad it failed. I’m grateful to be alive and have good health. There is light after the dark.
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5 years ago I was in psychosis. I was sectioned in a psychiatric ward for nearly four years. Today, I am recovered. I write regularly for the guardian newspaper, about to graduate and am working on a book. Things do get better. Recovery is possible.
#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek
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It’s normal to grieve what you’ve lost to mental illness. I lost my degree, my career and my friends. I am slowly gaining them back in my 30s but i feel grief at what I lost during my 20s. It’s hard but your feelings are valid.
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I spent nearly four years sectioned in psychiatric wards. Today, I sit in the cathedral gardens, drinking an iced coffee and reading my book in the summer sunshine. Freedom is amazing. I will never get used to it.
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It’s not cool to admit being lonely but over the past couple of days I have felt very lonely indeed. So much so that I went along to my local crisis cafe where I shared a cup of tea and chatted with fellow lonely people. So lucky to have safe spaces such as this locally ❤️
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This is such a good article. You can’t be a bit bipolar or a bit OCD. My most uncreative, unproductive days were when I was psychotic. I have lost YEARS of my life to mental illness, years I can’t get back. This article hits the nail on the head. Pls read!
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If you have a mental illness, do you count yourself as disabled? It took me a long time to even contemplate that I had a disability (I have bipolar disorder).
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4 weeks ago I overdosed. Every single day I had to stop myself from jumping off a bridge at the end of my street. Last night I told my story - the loss, the heartbreak, the agony - to an amazing audience at
@hayfestival
. Nothing is permanent. This too shall pass. 🙏
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I can't stress this enough, there needs to be more mainstream awareness of serious mental illnesses like bipolar or schizophrenia. We are tired of living in the shadows.
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Five years ago, I was sectioned and spent the next four years in hospitals. I lost four years of my life, lost opportunities, lost friends, and loss of identity. I am slowly now trying to rebuild my life.
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It annoys me when ppl associate mental illness with creativity/genius 'cause when I was in the throes of my mental illness, I was completely incapacitated. I could barely clean my teeth. It was only when I recovered that I could be productive again. The genius trope needs to die.
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What is the best portrayal of mental illness you have seen in film/TV? Mine will always be Carrie Mathison's bipolar in Homeland.
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Five months ago I was suicidal. I was living in a crisis house. Today I am preparing for my exams which start soon. Things do get better! Thankful for my medication, my mental health team & my friends.
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25 years ago today my brother Ian died.
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Five years ago, I was at rock bottom. I was arrested during a psychotic episode and faced prison. I was then sectioned for the next four years in a psychiatric hospital. Today, I am well. The past five years have transformed me and made me stronger and wiser. 💪
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This
#WorldSuicidePreventionDay
I want to share my story. In Jan 2022 I broke my leg. I told everyone - including close friends - that I fell down the stairs. I didn’t. I got it during a suicide attempt. Why did I lie? ‘Cause I was embarrassed & ashamed. Stigma breeds in silence.
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My first psychotic episode happened when I was 27. It is a myth that it only happens in your late teens/early 20s. It can happen at any age.
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I wrote for the Guardian about how the NHS treats mental health patients, in particular my experience in inpatient psychiatric wards.
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We met 5 years ago sectioned in a low secure unit. In 33 days we travel to Mexico together.
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6 years ago today, I was in prison following a psychotic episode. I was deeply unwell during my time there. Prison made the psychosis worse, and it was here I first started to self-harm. It made an indelible mark on me, and I hope psychotic people in the future are spared prison.
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This is what psychosis looks like. It crept up on me this time. They increased my medication today. Fingers crossed it will work.
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Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder was the best thing that happened to me. It led me to my recovery. Without the diagnosis, I would still be languishing with the misdiagnosis of personality disorder (I had this misdiagnosis for YEARS) or possibly dead by suicide.
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Update: Suicidal thoughts are no joke. But in just over a week I will be speaking at the hay festival about my book. I must cling onto this. I wish my stupid brain would get into gear: love to all x
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May was awful. My bipolar depression returned. I felt deeply suicidal for most of it, attempted to take my own life & it’s a miracle I’m still here. Here is hoping that June is a better one. Thanks for all your support. X
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I remember at the last general election, I was an inpatient in hospital. The staff gave me leave to vote. This time, I will be covering the election for the BBC. How times change in 5 years!
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If you can survive mental illness, you can survive anything.
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Update: I’m still in the crisis house. Being here is really helping me heal my mind. I still get suicidal urges but they are becoming less and less. Onwards and upwards 💪
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The Titanic story is horrifying. Migrants drowning in the Mediterranean are horrifying. It is possible to care about both groups of people.
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It’s been 6 months since I last self harmed. Six months ago I was depressed and suicidal. Now I’m going to Mexico in 24 days with my best friend. Things get better.
#bipolarclub
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A lot of people who look like alcoholics actually have BPD and are using alcohol to treat their trauma. I grew up with a parent who did this, and whilst I thought at the time he was an alcoholic in hindsight I realise my dad was just self medicating his trauma. He did his best.
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I defy anyone to ever set foot in a psychiatric ward and/or prison to describe mental illness as ‘trendy’ 🤦♀️
Is it just me or is it now trendy to have a mental illness? bet the drug companies love this....
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*body positivity post* Maybe I don’t have a bikini body but my body is amazing. Over the past year it has seen me complete the final year of my degree, get into five postgraduate journalism courses and get a book deal. Thank you, body, for getting me through it all.
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Life is hard when you don’t have a next of kin. Friends are amazing but it’s not the same as having family. No one to call when you have good (or bad) news. No one to depend on. Treasure your loved ones, because you never know when you are going to end up alone.
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I have interned at both the
@guardian
&
@Telegraph
in London. Both times I wasn't paid. I don't live in London. Luckily I could afford accommodation but the system is rigged against those who can't afford to live and work in London for free. IMO all internships should be paid.
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In the past week, two people have told me I’ve put on weight. It hurts. I’m trying my best to lose but it’s hard being on medication. I used to have an ED. I wish people would think before opening their mouth.
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Two years ago Suki and I were sectioned in psychiatric units. Today we’re in Mexico living the dream.
#bipolarclub
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We need to talk more about serious mental illness. Delusions, hallucinations, hearing voices etc. Until we bring these voices into the mental health conversation we won’t reach full parity of esteem.
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Some days, just surviving bipolar is enough. You don't always have to aim for success. Being alive is successful.
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Six years ago I was in prison. Tonight I’m with my friends at the pub. Life is golden. Life is good.
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Today I didn't have a single cigarette. Baby steps but progress!
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It's crazy that Bridget Jones was labelled 'fat' when she only weighed just over 9 stone.
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Father’s Day. My dad did everything he could to get me mental health care - he even paid for me to see a psychiatrist at the Priory. He visited me in prison aged 81, visited me in hospital aged 82 and continued to support me financially and emotionally up until his death aged 83.
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I wouldn’t wish bipolar depression on my worst enemy.
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It’s two yrs since I left hospital. I had been sectioned for nearly four years. The past two yrs have had their ups and downs but I’m proud that I’ve stayed out of hospital & thriving.
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🧵 How I recovered from bipolar disorder:
1) 1) Medication. Lithium saved my life. It took me out of the depths of depression & suicidal ideation & restored my mood. Clopixol depot cured my delusions, which plagued me for years. I owe my psychiatrist everything.
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I’m still at the crisis house. Being at the crisis house means I didn’t have to go into hospital which would have been awful given I spent nearly four years in hospital prior. They have fed me, given me my meds and restored my mental health. I can’t thank them enough 🙏
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Earlier this year, during my psychotic episode, I made a serious attempt on my life. Two months later, I am going to be a published author, I have got into five journalism schools and I am two assignments away from graduating. I am so glad I survived.
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When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2018, my dad read everything he could about the condition. He read ‘An Unquiet Mind’ three times and highlighted and underlined passages. He was the ultimate ally in my recovery even during the ugly times.
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So tomorrow is
#WorldBipolarDay
. I would like to share my bipolar journey. I first got symptoms when I was 23; I was diagnosed at 27. I was arrested when I was 27 after a psychotic episode & I was subsequently sectioned in a psych hospital for nearly 4 yrs. I am now free and well
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When I was sectioned and had no leave, my 82 year old dad used to bring me chocolates, toiletries and crossword puzzles every week. Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.
My friend is sectioned in hospital. I want to give her a care package. What kind of things should I include?
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I was discharged from the crisis house this evening. Tbh, I'm feeling a bit fragile. It's hard going from being under care then suddenly you're on your own. I'll take it day by day.
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Five years ago I spent Christmas in a prison cell, psychotic and depressed. I remember watching Christmas movies in my cell and how it ached to feel so lonely and cut off from the world. This year I spend Christmas in Barcelona with my best friend. I feel so, so lucky.
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So many replies. I'm so sorry to you all. I just want to say that my current psychiatrist is a total star who has saved my life on many occasions. There are brilliant mental health professionals out there, sometimes it takes time to find them, but I hope you will eventually.
What's the worst thing a mental health professional has ever said to you?
A psychiatrist once said to me 'You haven't been through any trauma.'
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I am going to my best friend's birthday party today. She's 35. I remember when we first met, sectioned in hospital, and we couldn't have candles on her cake for her 30th birthday. Today we will have lots of candles!
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Since being diagnosed with bipolar 5 yrs ago, I have grown as a person. I completed my degree while in hospital & got first class honours. I won two writing competitions & got published twice. I started a journalism course. I will not let bipolar hold me back, it’s taken so much.
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I haven't told my Japanese family about my mental illness (bipolar) or that I spent 4 yrs sectioned in hospital. They must suspect something but I don't feel comfortable sharing it with them mainly because it is still stigmatized in their culture.
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Someone abruptly asked me about the scars on my arms the other day. Next time someone asks I will try not to feel ashamed because they were part of my illness, to which no shame should be attached.
#bipolar
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When I was psychotic (tv speaking to me, mi5 spying on me, people drugging me etc) I went to a psychiatrist. This psychiatrist diagnosed me with Munchuasen Syndrome. She said there was nothing wrong with me. Two years later I was arrested then sectioned during a psychotic episode
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I say this tentatively, but I think the Lithium is working. My suicidal thoughts and urges to self harm are growing less and less. I feel hopeful for the future.
#bipolar
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#WorldMentalHeathDay
- Hashtag awareness campaigns often don’t depict how ugly, messy and horrifying severe mental illness can be. It can lead to lengthy prison or hospital stays, loss of occupation, loss of friends & family. It is truly devastating and life changing.
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My friend is sectioned in hospital. I want to give her a care package. What kind of things should I include?
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Five years ago I was floridly psychotic. A year ago I was still sectioned in hospital. This week I’m going to Egypt with my best friend. I feel so blessed to be alive and well, when it could have ended so differently. Gratitude.
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Sometimes I think to myself there must be something awful in my past to have become psychotic/bipolar, but no. I had a really good, stable, happy childhood. sometimes shit just happens for no reason whatsoever.
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Guess who has got a shift at the BBC starting in May?! 😊
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I don't think my mind can handle stress anymore. Is this common to
#bipolar
people? I can't take stress of studies/work, moving house, bereavement, bills etc. I want to build resilience, but my mind just shuts down.
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If you had a button, would you get rid of your illness? I 100% would press it.
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Having psychosis is exhausting. There is no respite from it, and it alters your perception of everything and everyone. If you think you are being filmed 24/7 like I did, there is literally no respite. It is hell.
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Mania and depression. People use these to describe normal happiness and sadness, but the reality of mania and depression is actually devastating to the sufferer.
What mental health diagnosis do you hear people use often and flippantly, without knowing what it really means or entails?
I’ll start. PTSD.
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I am not my bipolar disorder. My identity is multifaceted. I am a friend, a writer and a journalist. Bipolar does not define me.
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My mood is so good at the moment; it's hard to believe that last month I was suicidal. Lithium is an amazing drug.
#bipolar
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Ok so my good news is that I’ve been invited by ITV to their assessment centre to be an itv news trainee. Wish me luck…
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I understand the anger of the families towards the verdict of the Nottingham killer and that justice has not been served. But he saw FOUR psychiatrists who judged him was unwell when the horrific crimes were committed. And a hospital order means he will probably never get out.
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I first attempted suicide when I was 16. I couldn't see a way out. It has nothing to do with how well you are doing outwardly or how well your parents raised you. It is how you feel at the time. If you feel suicidal, you are not alone. Please seek help.
#SuicidePreventionMonth
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It’s
#WorldBipolarDay
- it is possible to live a full life with this wretched illness. It took me to prison then to hospital. I lost years of my life. But I am now well, on medication and living a good life.
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I have been awarded a First-class Honours degree! 🎉 🥳
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Being ghosted is one of the most painful experiences 💔
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My diagnosis has changed from bipolar to schizoaffective. My psychiatrist and I both agree this fits better. Any other Schizoaffective people out there?
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Went swimming today. Felt self conscious of my self harm scars on my arms and legs. No one stared. No one cares. It’s all in my head. 🤦♀️
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My mum died 12 years ago. She had pancreatic cancer and was given 6 months to live. She lived for nearly 4 years with it. She was determined to see me finish school, start uni etc. She always saw the light in everything. 12 years have passed but I still think of her every day.
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I think the medication is working. Psychotic thoughts less severe now.
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Five yrs ago I went to court in a police van (I got a hospital order following a psychotic episode). I looked out the tiny window wondering if I would ever be free again. I made a promise to myself that if I got freedom I would not waste a single second.
#bipolar
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I just had my depot. 300mg Clopixol. For the longest time I suffered from a delusion that there was a parasite in my brain. It tormented me day and night. The depot got rid of this delusion. It is a miracle drug.
#bipolar
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Having a mental illness means having to think about what mental health services there will be when you move to a new area.
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As I sit here in the spring sunshine, I can’t help but think back to a year ago when I was depressed and suicidal. I feel so much better now and feel blessed for my good mental health. A year makes all the difference. 🙂
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I just found this Christmas card from my dad, when he was 83, his last Christmas card to me. 🥰
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I went to a bipolar support group tonight. We talked about shame, sleep, dating and much more. It was therapeutic talking about bipolar with fellow sufferers.
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Post swimming smoothies with my friend Danielle. Danielle and I met in hospital. We spent years in psychiatric wards. Now we are free and go swimming and to the gym three times a week together. She is a warrior 💪
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This is my best friend Suki. We met in hospital 4 years ago. We are now going to Egypt together. Miracles do happen. Neither of us have been abroad since a decade ago due to hospitalisations. We are so excited. Making precious memories that are a far cry from the psych ward.
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📖BOOK NEWS📖 - - I have written with
@Catkcho
a chapter in this book about my bipolar disorder. It includes 12 stories based on the real lived experience of people who have faced mental illness in the UK. Edited by
@JoannaCannon
. Out in May 2023.
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