Shylock Holmes
@tobe_kpakpando
Followers
140
Following
227
Media
359
Statuses
21,515
.this is a public journal. dibia era. .i am not your contemporary. Woke Soyinka hate account. . foundational isi agu wearer
clairtopia
Joined March 2021
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Teamsters
• 371714 Tweets
Nintendo
• 184140 Tweets
中国政府
• 95692 Tweets
日本政府
• 83781 Tweets
特許侵害
• 74702 Tweets
パルワールド
• 68310 Tweets
ポケットペア
• 64708 Tweets
BUON VIAGGIO HYUNJIN
• 57591 Tweets
#jjk270
• 55875 Tweets
Gutfeld
• 54569 Tweets
東北新幹線
• 48797 Tweets
反日教育
• 47603 Tweets
Palworld
• 46606 Tweets
#AgathaAllAlong
• 43782 Tweets
日本人学校の男児死亡
• 42550 Tweets
日本人の子供
• 38611 Tweets
HiHi
• 28426 Tweets
Saint Dr MSG Insan
• 22037 Tweets
Pampita
• 21868 Tweets
Ari y Juan
• 21275 Tweets
Botafogo
• 18532 Tweets
再発防止
• 17757 Tweets
上川外相
• 16847 Tweets
外務大臣
• 14734 Tweets
#Survivor47
• 13620 Tweets
デュランダル
• 12344 Tweets
#RAYS
• 11774 Tweets
#RHOSLC
• 11768 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
Today marks the beginning of my consumption ✊🏼 we will be driving right into everything I've been putting off since 2019.
2
0
0
Say what you want about Nigerians but their main character complex is unmatched
That guy posted the remote tech job he was trying to apply for that wasn’t available to Nigeria and Pakistan and Nigerians were talking about “chai they are grouping us with Pakistan”
and like?? Is that not very much our level? 😭😭
6
256
910
2
3
10
When i make money, I'll marry rema, taves and an unnamed 3rd person. They'll be my high commitment musician husbands and will release 4 albums revolving around me and the goodness i show them
5
2
10
As an artiste why would you be playing your music on repeat?
9
0
9
Lmfao the hospital own is so crazy cuz what sort of precaution could you possibly take
“Share your location before you go out” Ini did that.
“Stay at home” Barakat did that.
“Go to churches you will be safe there” Uwa did that.
They all died, and everytime we speak again sexual abuse or assault you call us bitter.
Then chip in the “learn self defense”
12
3K
4K
1
2
9
I can't keep quiet anymore. She looks like a Bratz doll, omg
0
0
9
😭😭😭 God will not allow it?? Imagine your supervisor being scared of you
0
0
9
😭😭😭😭😭media recognition to skit pipeline is a genuine concern. Tg he's rich, we might be safe
0
0
7
😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'd actually be so happy like i won in therapy!
After a year of therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone."
― Larry Brown
34
335
2K
1
2
8
And they'll actually look around waiting for everyone to chuckle at how witty and stupid they are
3
0
7
I can't believe you people still watch this crap
3
2
6
They never underwent the necessary training to develop personalities. It's up to you to train them😔
Boring fine boys make me want to pull my hair out.
Please work with me here nauuuu
27
172
771
1
1
7
Wow! The way your mind works is indeed fascinating and indicative of your complexity as an individual
fleeting thought: i wonder if people read my refusal to inorganically add perceptibly monied folks to my circle since the evolution of my financial situation as a desire to be a god amongst my friends.
313
171
703
3
0
7
Dawg I'm already pretty, now imagine what I'd look like in the youukay😭✋🏼
Leaving Nigeria is the best skin care routine ever, don’t waste money on skin care products that will damage your skin just Japa.
254
433
4K
1
2
7
Baby, be fr, the music is good and he's a weirdo. Two three five truths do be existing
the alte community embracing odomodu is such a weird fuckingggg choice
54
100
443
0
5
7
Proof my life is a comedy: I've gotten high like 4 times at home. At each occasion, my mother has cooked beans. Rn, the smell of beans is wafting through my room door😭😔
3
1
4
Black man, both stolen and indigenous get one unique fooling gene
0
3
6
This one entered and is low-key valid😭✋🏼 how can you be an ode like this???
Consultant: Who read about today’s surgery?
*Silence*
Consultant: Ok. Who knows the name of the new Mission Impossible movie?
*Silence*
Consultant: U cant be useless in both school and social life
Student: M.I. Fallout, sir
Consultant: That is how u will fallout of medical school
158
1K
5K
2
1
5
😦
2
2
6
It's so beautiful 🥺 even better when he's Hausa. You know the journey will be like flying
There is nothing as surreal as the moment that you lock eyes with an Okada man, and you know that HE is the one that will take you to your destination.
108
1K
4K
2
1
5
There's enough creep and pervert to go around. You get one, they get one, everyone gets one!
Snap babes too funny, you dey post porn back to back for your story but it's the guys replying to it that are creeps and perverts, not you 😂
22
323
888
0
0
4
One of my flaws is the urge to burst into a dramatic monologue after certain experiences which may or may not have changed the entire wiring of my brain for good
6
0
6
July nearly took my life(rhymes)
1
3
6
Villain origin story of the ant
0
1
5
The clitoris being a downsized gbola is so ridiculous. Oga riseee
5
0
6
A fashion travesty
What is your pettiest fashion gripe? I don't mean something super serious and important. Give me PETTY.
2K
567
7K
0
0
6
Aha! Pineapple is just crazy. First it tries to eat you from outside, then it goes inside and commots the resident parasite 😭
@BigBadReni
The culprit is pineapple. It contains bromelain which is labour-inducing enzyme.
3
11
61
1
4
6
This is so funny😭😭😭 a classic case of lost in translation
@rubyowaves
@kosi_annie
My Nigerian friend told me that they would season their chicken and goat meat in the bathtub because they would have these big gatherings and it's the easy place to season them all. They said all West Africans do it
45
5
10
0
0
5
No wonder niggas love going to church, this shit is peak entertainment
1
1
4
Lmao black Americans arent in here. Commot here
Top 5 worst black people list:
1. Nigeria
2. Dominican Republic
3. Jamaica
4. UK (every one of y’all, horrible)
5. Somalia
213
207
1K
0
0
5
Although i agree it's weird that he lets them touch him like a rare specimen
0
0
5
Nah fr, gospel music is
#notgood
and niggas only have like 5 gospel songs they rinse and repeat every Sunday morning
i hâte when people play gospel music around me
41
58
172
5
2
5
I rebuke you😐
Would you watch a spin-off of younger Homelander leading up to him leading the Seven?
#TheBoys
549
372
16K
2
1
5
In fucking agbani law school
3
1
5
If i ever got trapped in a case and i was innocent, I'd not find it serious. Wym i might go to jail your honour, look at me, can I kill?
0
0
5
Day 56: i did not wash my clothes on Friday as scheduled and so, my life imploded. the gossamer thread holding everything together had finally dissolved and — i found it interesting
7
1
5
Every video i see from this account is always dog shit
1
2
5
Me at 7 when i realized it was quite easy to make money. All i had to do was buy five 30 naira oranges, plant like 50 seeds. In a few years, I'd have 50 trees yielding thousands of fruit that I'd sell and I'd be stinking rich
I am a 23-year-old boy who has never raised a kid, but here's what I think.
People say that having a kid is super expensive, mostly because we try to give them this extravagant life portrayed by scriptwriters.
Here's what I'd do the moment one of my girlfriends breaks the news
113
268
1K
0
0
3
Lmao NO😾
They don't know Kai cenat is Diddy. They don't know about kindness, friendship, love, how to see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower. They don't know how to hold infinity in the palm of their hand, and eternity in an hour.
Chronically online ppl are attracted to chronically offline ppl like polar magnets . Oh yeah tell me about uh your biking route
52
3K
25K
2
1
3
It's literally tobiii😭
1
1
4
The next one should be the coat of arms but the slogan is "swag, sweg, swig"😌↕️
1
1
4
Aww pookie, it's okay😘
Wasn’t funny. Didn’t laugh. Might’ve been the worst f*cking tweet I’ve ever come across.
427
2K
99K
1
0
4
I think i just watched him develop consciousness
0
1
4
I wonder what it'd take to make me wake up each day and think to myself, "damn, i love my life. living is truly worth it!"
1
1
4
Normal amount is 4×
1- when you wake up
2- first shege of the day
3- casual reflection
4- before sleeping
CN: suicide ideation
Me: "I think about suicide the normal amount."
My therapist: "...and tell me how much you think is the 'normal amount'?"
Me:
101
8K
92K
1
2
3
Sigh i had this fucked up dream that we(i and my department mates and every kid i've ever known) were trapped in my compound. We got infected by something that once it bit you, you got replaced by an exact copy with murderous intentions
5
1
4
If i try hard enough, i can gaslight myself into believing that i look like her😌↕️
Tyla covers Dazed Magazine’s Summer 2024 issue.
📸: Hugo Comte
158
2K
19K
2
1
4
Tears in my eyes, it's so beautiful, wtf
1
2
4
Quite convinced the only reason i focused a bit after drinking coffee/an energy drink is due to the placebo effect
when i was in middle school i had a panic disorder and my mom gave me these tablets that helped and for years i have wondered what the fuck those were. she finally confessed to me today that she just placebo'd me with vitamin c tablets 😭
194
4K
141K
1
0
4
It's no longer funny. Look for better jokes
Muslims are already cooking it, remain atheists, Idk what they bring to the table.
80
1K
4K
0
0
4
She's not a real cheater then. Imagine picking the call😹
Her phone was always on flight mode whenever she was around, I didn't pay attention to it for a long time until that faithful day, she dropped her phone somewhere close to her hand bag since she had just walked in, I took the phone, swiped down and removed it from airplane...
119
398
3K
0
1
3
I once had a grand aunt that lived till 100+. Almost everyone around her died and she remained. Each time we visited she'd lament tearfully about how death had forsaken her
2
0
4
There's drip and there's DRIPPPP!
I treat the classroom/conference/faculty meeting like it’s a runway show and tbh it sometimes is the only thing that gets me up in the morning to do my job.
28
45
778
1
0
4
Bud just wants to be involved 😭😭my heart
0
0
3
It's the fact she's even explaining herself. Nigerians are so funny😭 no be "course" we dey use on a norms?
Nigerian boys schooling in Nigeria asking me “what’s your major” will forever kill me😭😭
167
598
4K
2
4
4
You forget coming up with those corny ahh scripts and captions. Solid job fr
You're attractive. You just do not have the skill'l, energy, and willingness required to channel the most attractive version of yourself on social media.
Outfit choices, poses, angles, 1000 pics a day, professional photographers, etc. You'd have to be very deliberate about it.
42
1K
8K
0
0
3
Them don milk the childlike wonder out of this poor baby. Lord have mercy
Kate aka “fully conscious” Four Seasons Orlando baby speaks to ABC News in new viral moment.
597
7K
128K
1
0
3
This thread gets funnier as you scroll 😭
This is my Cat “Snow White”. Gender: Male. Snow is a very calm and obedient Cat. He is 8 Months old, he loves to eat his cat food, likes fish, egg and little groundnut.
He is never aggressive. I’ll be away for a very long time and want to give him away.
Location: Lagos
1K
2K
9K
2
0
4