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@tinygreenbug
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house sitting and their cat does not fuck with me or my vibe whatsoever
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the woman in the back is an evil witch who has been controlling her this whole time omg jojo…
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shut the fuck up about cats eating you after you die I DON’T CARE bon appetit pretty girl.
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saw this in a thrift store and was stopped in my tracks before i remembered life exists outside of twitter
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if you have two unblocked nostrils right now i need you to sit with that for a moment and feel grateful i need you to acknowledge to yourself how grateful you are.
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went to the beach today and i was showing a 5 year old girl how to tell if crabs are male or female and she had picked up two male crabs and she very gently made them “kiss” and then she looked at me and went “they’re gay :)”.
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when mitski said “every time we touch, i get this feeling / and every time we kiss, i swear i could fly”.
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used to be as a frog you could say “ribbit.” but you can’t do that anymore. because of croak.
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jacob elordi in a past life you were a gentle giraffe munching on the leaves of tall trees. and before that you were a kindly brachiosaurus roaming the earth. your purpose now is to help me reach the soup cans on the top shelf at the grocery store.
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country roads……take me home…. to the place……i belong………wet verginer…………. .
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me tweeting.
she had to stop writing for a second to serve face.
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the same 3 people who always like my tweets will be rewarded generously in the next lifetime.
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eating an italian sub but thinking about my italian sub. you’ve been a bad boy luigi.
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what if we all kill ourselves.
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if i was broccoli at the grocery store and i got hit by that misty water i’d probably moan a little.
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it’s for when a child brings you a flower and you can’t let them see you without it
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stop debating ben sh*piro and just start punching him really hard please i’m not watching those pointless videos but i would love to see that.
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“what is hawk t—” i blink and i’m standing in an open field. tall grass and wildflowers surround me. i am naked but for a soft glow that encases my form. i hear only the quiet hum of cicadas in the distance and the gentle coos of doves overhead. i know peace and peace alone.
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cal jacobs sitting in a random warehouse listening to kylie minogue with what appeared to be the yassified cast of teen wolf.
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it is so embarrassing to find out someone unfollowed me and i’m still following them and interacting like what am i a FAN.
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i know girl on the right ran her tumblr like it was the navy.
this tiktok is a succinct study of what was on trend in the last 15 years. a perfect archive
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“19 is the hardest year” “if u survive being 23 u can survive anything” actually every year is worse than the last.
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foot came off.
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that was supposed to be my espresso
just dropped my coffee i’m going to sit on the floor and cry.
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is it appropriate to sleep here in the dark and then get mad when someone steps on you. i need to settle an argument
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you guys are like wowww seems like some of u have no empathy for billionaires.
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men when women don’t want to touch a random man who is also recording them on the street
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“penn badgley is so good in you” ok but he would be even better in me.
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jojo siwa is doing all that and she doesn’t know her true calling is to be a girls soccer coach. she is destined to stand on a grassy field and scream GIRLS LET’S HUSTLE until someone cries.
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many of you are not REAL freaks……i have social anxiety alone in my bedroom in the dark.
how tf u gon have social anxiety ONLINE.
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she looks so much like if beyoncé and jay z had a baby omg.
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actually every time i eat i smash the plate afterwards. i buy brand new ones for every meal. guess i’m just cleaner and better than everyone.
so y’all don’t wash y’all dishes w/ bleach ???.
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a beautiful woman named Screen Time keeps messaging me on my phone. “Time Check”, she keeps saying. i’m close.
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@3ikuobaj i had to sit down with my students and tell them all that there would be no more calling me their 13th reason.
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@drewmonson7 can we talk about how having other contacts in your phone is a little bit toxic.
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i think a lot of people online say panic attacks when they mean experiencing anxiety.
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i like to treat people like human beings but idk.
@hexprax I think people have lost the art of having a filler boyfriend like people don’t understand that in between THE boyfriends you can just have some boyfriend like some guy like an interstitial boyfriend and then you don’t have to cry online about it.
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shut the fuck up i’m serious.
apparently every girl is either fox pretty, cat pretty, deer pretty, or bunny pretty
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he knew
With the new version of MoviePass, customers will be able to watch ads to earn credits that can go towards free movies. Your phone camera will track your eyeballs to make sure you're actually watching. (via: @theo_wayt)
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i don’t think we need to be saying he looks cool by any means. like i don’t think we need to be like woah that’s a cool picture with the american flag. what are we doin.
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told her the tree she likes to sit under was still wet from the rain and she didn’t listen. oh ok now you’re mad
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nothing about this video has ever been interesting i’m begging us to give it up.
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here's a google doc filled with gofundmes for palestinian families in need in gaza, palestine .
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what are we doing.
Noah Lyles GASSED after winning bronze in the 200m . He was seeing wearing a medical mask before the race and was checked on by medical staff afterwards . US Track and Field has confirmed he tested positive for COVID two days ago
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if you’re a new hire at a staff meeting and the icebreaker they do is “what would be your role in a zombie apocalypse?” don’t say “i’m choosing to die immediately” no one will laugh.
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exactly………exactly
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gerard way.
they should get another girly and form a trio like boygenius
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had a panic attack tonight and my mom helped me and i said thank you for taking care of me and she said “that was my job when you were a kid, now it’s my choice”
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several times a day i will be typing a tweet and then i will say girl who cares out loud to myself and delete it.
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imagine filming a normal day in your life and people repost it on twitter like “if this was my life i would fucking kill myself”.
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going to the dentist tomorrow and thinking of a lie to tell when they ask me why i left them because the truth would make for a very awkward conversation (main dentist, recently deceased in a tragic rock climbing accident, beloved by the community, called me a slur when i was 17).
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at my last vision therapy appointment when i was like 17 my doctor basically said we had done everything we could do and i would just have to live with the double vision and i got emotional and she went “well you get to see twice as many cute boys :)”.
What’s the most outrageous thing a medical professional has ever said to you?.
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today my coworker went “so do you have a boyfriend” and then looked briefly panicked and went “or a…. whatever”.
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watch your fucking tone.
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6 year old asked why i was using the hot glue gun and none of the little kids were allowed to and i said because i would rather burn myself than have one of them get burnt and she said “…….you’re really nice”.
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oomf has never known romantic love so they’ve convinced themselves that they’re content to live in solitude. oomf surrounds themselves with stories of other people instead in order to avoid confronting the fact that oomf is deeply unhappy & actually just fundamentally unlovable.
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ok? i do this literally every night.
Chris Pratt went to bed 'upset' and 'depressed' following social media backlash
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leftist men LOVE when a woman is conservative bc it means they get to be misogynistic without any consequences.
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Is that multitalented actor, writer, comedian, and upcoming musician Jaboukie Young-White? Myself and my very large and diverse group of 18-35 year old friends couldn’t be more excited!.
Jake Gyllenhaal, Dennis Quaid, Lucy Liu, and Jaboukie Young-White take the stage for Disney’s Strange World. Coming November 2022. #D23Expo
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i mean this very positively about them don’t get it fucking confused.
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genuinely what did he mean by “people like me” what did he mean by that.
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