The Only Living Dead Girl in New York
@missjellinsky
Followers
4,183
Following
399
Media
751
Statuses
13,253
Why do they come to me to die?
Medieval England, Iowa
Joined June 2018
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Toyin
• 201305 Tweets
孤独のグルメ
• 80552 Tweets
納豆の日
• 52946 Tweets
#SamsungUnpacked
• 49428 Tweets
#WeAreSeriesEP15
• 44241 Tweets
CENTURY OF LOVE EP1
• 29233 Tweets
PondPhuwin WeAre EP15
• 28923 Tweets
Gill
• 24273 Tweets
オリックス
• 20972 Tweets
RERUN INFINITY LOVE 21
• 18499 Tweets
Renfe
• 15641 Tweets
#デッドプールウルヴァリン
• 15616 Tweets
トネリコ
• 14803 Tweets
#ジャパンプレミアご招待
• 12234 Tweets
CherryOnTop Teaser OutNow
• 11020 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
When I die please chop up my body and send pieces to politicians until at least one of them confesses to whatever crime they think you’re alluding to
12
1K
9K
My sister moved into a new house and found this in the wall of her basement
4K
36K
465K
My husband told me when he starts thinking about stuff that’s too heavy and depressing he goes “scarecrow mode” and I was like what’s that and he was like “I think about a scarecrow for a while and then I laugh”
176
8K
97K
Disney’s woke homosexual agenda has finally gotten to my aunt Susan and her roommate of twenty five years
62
2K
39K
Boy, now I say boy, another one of them aeroplanes done hit that big city World Trade Center
51
4K
33K
Sir a second child has been sucked into the chocolate river
12
1K
11K
Think about how much less lonely you would be in quarantine if you’d bought all these wax Amish children off Craigslist
120
2K
10K
USA:
BETO: “if you see someone fall in the pit you pick them up. You pick them up! We are all in this together okay I don’t wanna see any violence in the pit guys because I want this to be a safe space and because I’m not giving you single payer so this could get expensive “
37
1K
9K
Depressed Fred Flinstone parking his car in the garage and running in place
15
1K
8K
Do tall men know women like them because they are more easily controlled due to brain damage from always smacking their big dumb tall heads into stuff
107
421
7K
“They always got a pocket full of hay. It’s funny”
11
125
7K
I can’t work full time because I have to lie on the floor a couple hours every day
4
566
6K
Thanks everyone for your overwhelming response to my sister‘s new baby.
7
27
6K
Communists killed my entire family, the von gestapposchmiidt name dies with me
10
221
4K
INT. CAFETERIA -DAY
POPULAR GIRL: that table in the back corner is for the nose pickers, then youve got you metal heads, your jocks, your burnouts, and over there are the guzmen
NEW GIRL: sorry the what?
POPULAR GIRL: Guzmen? Fans of veteran character actor Luis Guzmán?
15
362
4K
@LockedStu
People see stuff like this and act like Europeans do not care where their ancestors are from which is bunk, more to the point is it’s not like special to be polish in Poland where everyone is polish, “I am polish” “ok me too and so is he and she’s polish and him too and him and
17
24
4K
Life is a Highway
I’m gonna drive the wrong way drunk
7
255
4K
My ex boyfriend played hooky from school to go see Conan in the city one day and before the show Conan pointed straight at him in the audience and said “I’m gonna kick your ass”
5
78
4K
Dear America, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin
I left my cell, my pager, even did a couple of bombings
I blew up two towers back in autumn you must not’ve saw em
13
321
4K
Memento but it’s a guy who keeps getting fooled by Who’s on First
11
389
3K
Donald Trump with Melania and William Hung at a Liz Phair Concert, 2004
29
243
3K
My husband was talking about how he makes other parents on the playground laugh and I was like oh I’m sorry people laugh at you and he said “I only let one person laugh at me” and my son, without looking up from his Zelda comic said “who, the penis inspector?”
12
139
3K
I always know exactly how many hot dogs my husband wants to eat but I always ask him anyway so he can say “you know what let’s make it a 3 dog night”
12
118
3K
Nothing has ever made me feel more patriotic than looking at the 1964 GE Americana fridge, a refrigerator with a built in counter top in the middle. We made that and it’s beautiful, I’m tearing up.
20
120
2K
I am fascinated at the mind that believes they wouldn’t just not show the movie in the first place, like someone who believes in the conspiracy but only on like a middle management level
Feedback on sound of freedom. Seriously the film exposes crimes against humanity.
724
337
2K
24
81
2K
I’ve learned a lot from twitter like if a 30 year old dates a 23 year old that 30 year old is a disgusting sex pervert but if a different 30 year old wants to treat his girlfriend like a toddler and have her call him daddy THAT 30 year old is simply exploring his sexuality
18
46
1K
There’s a body positivity youtuber who eats spaghetti in bed with her boyfriend so often that they have their own word for it, they call it “spabeddi”
17
21
1K
I had lovely friends who moved to NYC from TX & they told their slumlord that they had mice & he told them to shake a coffee can with nails to scare them & when that didn’t work he said in his insanely thick Eastern European accent “oh is not mouse. Is baby rat. No solution .”
12
81
1K
I want to say as kindly as possible to anyone very nicely trying to tell me what this is that if you try to make me understand nerd stuff I have to block you
14
18
1K
People get upset when you promote products under your tweets but I don’t see any of them ponying up the cash my sister needs for her exorcism
9
26
1K
If my only son had hemophilia I would simply hire Jack Dorsey to pray for him, sparking national controversy
12
208
1K
The last time a movie was the actual genesis of a violent crime is when all those women who watched 500 days of summer went out and got Zooey Deschanel bangs
2
80
1K
One thing I think the Victorians really got right was you could work hard, improve your station, set some money aside and then use that money to buy wallpaper laced with arsenic that would kill you and your family slowly in your own home where a respectable person ought to die
2
177
969
Having kids is so great because they have never heard any jokes so like Orange you glad I didn’t say banana is still fresh and innovative like you can bowl them over with one interrupting cow it’s incredible
6
32
996
@hexprax
I think people have lost the art of having a filler boyfriend like people don’t understand that in between THE boyfriends you can just have some boyfriend like some guy like an interstitial boyfriend and then you don’t have to cry online about it.
127
46
950
Outing myself as an absolute dogface for Bernie, a real gremlin, baptized in the ugly pool, a double bagger for Bernie, a Philadelphia 2, a hogbeast for Bernie, Buzz’s girlfriend, a complete troglodyte, A face like the back of a bus for Bernie, a real shovelface, a face only a mo
8
89
871
When I turn off the tv I cry because all the little people inside have to live in darkness until I turn it on again.
3
104
921
These strike auctions are insane
1
92
811
My grandmother’s childhood was idyllic until the Soviets seized my great grandfathers racist pony factory (for Americans reading this it’s a factory where they take a regular pony and make it racist)
1
34
684
I love promotions you guys I have been waiting literally my whole life to sell out
11
6
740
I’m sorry but the owl café in Albuquerque New Mexico has an unbelievably threatening aura
22
85
676
Guy who keeps offering to pee on it every time his friends get hurt even when it’s not a jellyfish sting
5
46
586
One time a guy on OKCupid asked me if he could take me out for “coffee or it’s iced counterpart or hot cocoa or it’s iced counterpart” and I was like my guy are you asking me out for chocolate milk
11
18
575
Little Known Fact: Every nation has its own unique Jeremy Renner
4
33
583
On every tweet about how the death penalty is bad some people will pop up to say they agree except for pedophiles or serial killers. You don’t agree then. The death penalty for specific crimes is what we have already. They aren’t executing people for loitering.
12
33
505
Come on Hard Rock Cafe do better
22
17
518
The 90s were great someone would ask if you’d heard their favorite phish song and you’d be like “no” and then like unless you were at their house that was just it, there was nothing they could do about it.
4
79
475
A gigantic Will Smith has slapped the Chinese spy balloon out of the sky!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Thank you Mister Smith 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏!!!!!!!!
2
29
462
Oh no thank you Ancestry AI I’m good actually
0
7
480
My insurance denied my MRI so my doctor suggested I go to the ER and tell them I’ve suddenly gone blind in one eye in this our truly normal country
6
81
439
I only allow myself to consume media created by morally perfect people so I don’t watch anything but Tom Hanks movies and I use this to block out all the other actors on the screen
2
34
439
People think Home Alone is a Christmas movie but actually you can abandon your kid on any holiday
2
56
402
Scotland is so good at this one thing
1
28
418
You don’t have a crush. You have a wife, Jennifer and three beautiful children and every morning you have a fantasy about driving your car into a brick wall, which you feel guilty about so you take SSRIs and now your dick doesn’t work so what would be the point in having a crush
9
14
367
A girl I used to work with told me she did online story based roleplaying and I was like okay like what do people write about and she said “well, one girl plays the reincarnation of Helen of Troy and then this other guy plays her boyfriend, Dave”
5
34
374
Waiting outside my apartment building to make the guy who delivers the Amazon packages cry
12
12
370
Every beach is the beach that makes you old sun is terrible for your skin
2
40
363
Joe Biden has posted an apology video after failing to cancel student debt
0
23
366
I yabba dabba don’t wanna be alive anymore
5
21
360
A lot of guys think if we went back in time a few hundred years they would be manly men named Ulrik with perfect big breasted milk maid wives but most of them would probably be Peter Dunghill the man who carts away the dung to the hill
7
33
346
Having a midlife crisis and building a baseball stadium in a cornfield but it turns out ghosts aren’t real and somehow in the end I wind up getting sued by Monsanto
3
27
312
When someone says “I love you” I think it’s so gross and problematic to one up them with “I love you too”. When someone says “I love you” you should say something supportive like “I’m happy for you” give them their space to shine.
6
31
337
I hate when people put out signs like “you’re doing amazing sweetie” like you don’t know me! I’m a horrible little goblin. Leave me alone!
2
17
302
People love to post a drawing from a 1950s instant coffee ad drawn by an alcoholic that originally had a caption like “is your wife too STUPID to use the PERCOLATOR?” And go like “this is real life and I’m going to base my entire identity around it”
3
23
316
I always assumed dentists suffer from such high rates of suicide because nobody is ever happy to see them but after finding out what dental training mannequins look like I have a new guess
13
33
292
@zlingerrr
People have gotten themselves to genuinely believe it is a moral failing to improve your life and I think that’s impressive
1
16
294
The viral marketing for the apple vision pro has been so bad. Apple users don’t want to see a nerd using their products they want to see a slim woman in wide pants who you just know has a job you never heard of semi reclined on a couch doing something important with low effort.
1
7
300
In 1999 you had really limited options for what type of girl you could be there was Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and they were basically the same thing but 2002 Christina really shook up being a girl by making herself very greasy, a little muddy, probably sticky
3
16
273
Being an adult is full of surprises like when I was a kid I thought dragons were just for nerds but now I know they’re also for weird perverts
4
18
258
My old manager’s boyfriend went viral for bringing a stray kitten on a cross country motorcycle trip and used the notoriety to cheat on her
4
10
252
INT. DAY. JERRY SEINFELDS APARTMENT
KRAMER [bursting through the door]
Jerry! Ya gotta do something about this smell, it’s coming through the walls!
[Jerry doesn’t answer, he has been dead approx. 2 weeks and has begun to to putrefy]
4
13
253
I think the bravest men are probably guys who rescue people who are trapped in a cave or something and the next bravest men are men who hit on the bank teller knowing full well she has all your financial information and transaction history like right there In front of her
6
10
257
Only old people should be on this website. Young people are supposed to have friends.
5
17
243