jawn didion
@tinndfishmonger
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audrey... philadelphian nationalist, armchair postmodernist, aspiring technocrat, urban haute bourgeoisie, author of AMERICAN GIRLFRIEND ( @bullshitlit 2025).
south philly
Joined January 2014
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@jakebrodes
i’ve met maybe three long haul truck drivers and they were all serbian. one drove my dad’s car across the country. the others were Uber drivers who were thrilled to show me photos of the scenery from their truck driving days.
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@BrandyLJensen
he has an equally attractive wife and when she stood next to him for moral support everyone started chanting CHICKEN WIFE
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replace the rocky statue with chicken man cast in bronze
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@rustbeltenjoyer
unfortunately because of speed regulation and infrastructure that hasn’t been updated for decades these trains will rarely actually go 150mph — it’s still an amazing experience to take Acela but the they’ll stay around the same speed as normal amtraks for most of the trip
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you type “in” into her browser and these are the top results wyd
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eating high protein breakfasts first thing every day has done amazing things for my wellbeing and i can’t even be like “nobody told me breakfast is good!” because every person ever has told me. here’s some favorites:
local pork sausage and pasture raised egg scramble with
*girl who has not routinely eaten breakfast in half a decade who is routinely eating breakfast again voice* it’s amazing how good routinely eating breakfast will make you feel
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*Presidential Inauguration 2056*
“X Æ A-12 ⚔️🐁, do you solemnly swear to faithfully execute the Office of the President of the United States?”
*X Æ A-12 ⚔️🐁 with his hand on a Blu-Ray copy of Avengers: Infinity War*: Y̶͇͈͈̆̽̃̉̈́͘͝ę̸̱͚͔̹̫̆̓͆̃̐̕s̵̗̗̰͛͗̃̈́̑
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@WesFlinn
going through these replies and am wildly concerned about people’s indifference to this completion of the holy ham trinity
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@georainbolt
twitter user georainbolt if you’re reading this i am free on thursday night. if you would like to hang out i am free on thursday night when i am free to hang out. i am free to hang out on thursday night so if you want to hang out on thursday night i am free.
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@ettingermentum
Love the ones that look like they haven’t been updated since Web 1.0 (New Mexico, West Virginia, Hawaii)
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@fromearrth
@Iittlstrawberry
imagine sending a completely offputting and vaguely concerning message with no clear response to a very normal question and then saying “they’re so weird”
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signed a contract today. if you even care…
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the calm before the storm (finishing the rotisserie chicken)
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rip henry kissinger you would have loved to see my magnum opus with queen elizabeth, shinzo abe, xxxtentacion, and ted kackzynski
i’m about to create the craziest image that life has allowed me to up to this point
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i literally did this first
the wedding i went to last night had an open bar with free cigs 🥰
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@ellle_em
kinda similar — in 2016 my sister classically conditioned our family cat for a 10th-grade psychology project. played the "circles" ringtone on an iphone and fed him some water from a can of tuna. to this day, he will come sprinting to that ringtone even if there is no tuna water
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everyone on linkedin talks like they have a loaded gun being held to their head and the person holding the loaded gun is capitalism
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in the context of “go piss,” the noun “girl” is gender neutral
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how many more instagram photoshoots taken on a shitty digital point-and-shoot with brighter flash than when that angel appeared to mary and joseph of girls wearing nightgowns in pink bedrooms putting on lipstick or reading the bible or crying or whatever can we endure...
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if you want a girlfriend or boyfriend you have to stop gameifying attraction with dating apps, stop quantifying entirely qualitative factors, and actually be very normal about things. it is possible!
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chloe cherry is the most important thing to happen in lancaster, pa since the 15th president of the united states, james buchanan
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i went to the death grips show and everyone knew you (this is not a good thing)
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i’m not reading the age gap discourse in the cut. i’m not reading the 19 year old stanford kid in the atlantic. i’m basking in the spring sun, watching flower petals waft by in the breeze. having a coffee. i’m watching freckles appear on my shoulders again
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i live in philadelphia and there are almost no public spaces open past 6pm except for bars and restaurants. any semblance of a "third space" such as a diner, coffee shop, library, etc. that caters to all ages in the evening and night is nonexistent
The death of the classic American 24 hour diner has been one of the worst impacts of covid
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ohhhhhh it's an intimate work about digital girlhood? should we tell everyone? should we throw a party? should we invite petra collins and the red scare girls?
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i think the last great romance writers are middle-aged wife guys on twitter. so in love that they literally cannot miss
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my freshman year at college an administrator told my parents i’d never graduate because of my mental health.
anyways, i’m graduating with a double major in creative writing and american studies and my petty dad is mailing that administrator printed copies of my grad photos.
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@pwiscila
when there’s a random sprig of dried rosemary and a lock of hair in a vintage altoids tin i know i understand her
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i’m a bullshit lit defender
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@pissbaby1234
bob haircut with layers. use medium to large foam rollers to do an overnight wet set with setting spray (i use suavecito). brush it out with the biggest paddle brush you can find. it takes a few tries to get the wet set — towel dry you hair. smaller rollers = 1920s film star
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@finalgrlcomplex
thank god we’re at this discussion
ohhhhhh it's an intimate work about digital girlhood? should we tell everyone? should we throw a party? should we invite petra collins and the red scare girls?
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Not to sound so disaffected, coolly withdrawn and not like other girls, but were you guys really looking at each other’s likes on a regular basis?
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feeling stuck?
lapsing into self-destructive habits?
the abysmal february weather of the northeast getting you down?
try getting on a train across america for five to eight days. you certainly will not regret getting on a train across america for five to eight days.
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a crazy concept for many writers is that you don't have to make everything about yourself
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@ImagineAGuy
there isn’t a strong consensus in philly to which personal injury advertisement is fondly recognizable as much as the universal visceral hatred throughout the city of jawn morgan
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I’M EMPLOYED
I GOT THE OFFER OVER A PHONE CALL AND I WASN’T WEARING PANTS
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i need to get sober i need to be in love i need to change jobs i need to buy a house i need to jump in a large body of water i need to write a book
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retiring from the corporate rat race to wholeheartedly pursue a new career in whatever this is
In case you are wondering what they are putting in the heads of young Russian girls today…
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eBay emails love to be like “remember when you thought you were gonna buy a Soviet cigarette case at 3am? here’s a new one every hour in your inbox for the rest of eternity”
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*girl who has not routinely eaten breakfast in half a decade who is routinely eating breakfast again voice* it’s amazing how good routinely eating breakfast will make you feel
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30 people, four courses, 6.5 hours of cooking in Mike’s kitchen… 2024 we are so back
i’ll post the full menu tomorrow but tonight I prepped:
• fennel, lime pith, ginger, and peppercorns pickled in champagne vinegar (for crudo)
• roasted mustard seeds aka the working woman’s caviar (for salmon rillette crostinis)
• spicy pepperdew tomato sauce (for
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introducing myself to my coworkers
I know some of you may think l'm tough and harsh but actually I'm a very compassionate person (with a very high IQ) with strong common sense
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i wanna make these guys fight to the death gladiator-style in the linc… who would come out alive…
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i would like to date the person who runs the pabst blue ribbon twitter and/or work for their marketing team. either/or.
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cheers to
@AnaKrivolapova
on publication of INCURABLE GRAPHOMANIA, of which i’m thrilled to indulge in before an overdue mccarthy deep dive 🥂🫶🏻
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can we get one more round of applause for the dress
i found the cutest dress that i nearly screamed with joy when i fit into it so if you come for anything besides the poetry and open mic, make it my outfit
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pov you’re watching me meticulously craft a nuanced yet unique opinion in real time
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i have cooked soooo much and updated soooo little!
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you’ve gotta be kidding me
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ukraine’s biggest backers are the united states government and me buying soviet ephemera shipped from kiev on ebay
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personally, my “girlhood” wasn’t hanging rosaries in my bedroom and wearing bows or whatever. it was all about watching “four weddings” on TLC and criticizing fully grown women’s weddings as tacky and classless at the ripe age of eleven
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guy on a first date at this coffee shop spending 15 minutes explaining to the woman why he doesn't have a job and then asking "do you know what letterboxd is?"
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@JermHimselfish
i think nantucket should be allowed to forcibly expel anyone from the island who is too stupid to let air out of their tires
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my twitter is on private and has to be more confidential than that department of state Wordpress site because ya girl MIGHT be taking a career 180 and MIGHT have scored a job to work in fashion in nyc?????? the simulation is glitching again.
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“audrey incel square” i cannot emphasize enough that this is where i post from
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my boyfriend took one of my favorite photos of myself while sitting with no makeup watching the GOP debate in the Methodist hospital emergency room and for WHAT
it's the last month of the year, quote with your favorite pictures of yourself this year.
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dawg i don’t know how much patience for confessional poetry readings about orgasms in disaffected bimbofied vocal fry voice i got left in me
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@Very__Regular
“It’s racist to believe kudzu is a problem” has to be top 10 worst takes I’ve seen on this app
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brighter days ahead
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cw: rape/sexual assault
going on private cause i’m genuinely considering outing the guy on the f&m xc/track team who broke into my house and raped and physically assaulted me sophomore year but only got suspended 1 semester and now i have a restraining order against...
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I’m so happy this video makes the rounds every month or so… you WILL watch a sobbing Serge Gainsbourg being honored by singing children with cigarettes yet again, and you WILL be happy about it!
Children before wokeness took over the education system
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The Europeans really got café society right.
From stylish twenty-and-thirtysomething bohemian types congregating to leathery Sicilian men collecting state pensions while slamming espresso and cigarettes all day, it’s the perfect daytime setting for very pro-social behavior
Coffee shops are magical. The more coffee you drink, the longer your lifespan. Disregarding the caffeine, you still get a huge focus boost by being in a bright, public place. It could be a 'third space,' but you're too afraid to let out your inner golden retriever
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throw the words "phoebe bridgers" "sad" and "bisexual" in a blender and tweet the results and it will get minimum 25k likes from white women with "it's me, hi, i'm the problem, it's me" in their bio
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not to sound like a feudal european peasant but a few slices of bread in rich broth with a drizzle of olive oil and black pepper is one of the best meals you can eat
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what I’ve been cooking… if you even care…
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i’ve got a new short story up on
@swampspit_
about a now-demolished kum ‘n’ go, drunk driving, and some guy called The Meat Mayor.
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“i don’t care about sporpsball” i don’t care that you read theory. just put on the jersey and do the eagles chant
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speedrunning lung cancer by smoking a cigarette while inhaling the canadian wildfire smog
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STOP talking shit about Franklin & Marshall majors!
Biology is INNOVATIVE
English is INTELLCTUAL
American Studies is NECESSARY
Computer Science is ESSENTIAL
Bos
Geology is COOL
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me: :(
Cherry trees growing next to the sidewalk in the spring when the wind blows:
🌸 * 🌸
🌸 *
🌸 *
🌸 * 🌸 🌸
_______________________________
🌸 | | 🌸 *| 🌸| * |
me: :)
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bro last night was an instant classic. last night was a striking narrative on love, loss, and life. it was a stunning portrait of storytelling from a breakthrough voice
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pov your son’s girlfriend visits for the weekend and the first thing she does is butcher the backbone out of a whole chicken
please keep me in your prayers… i am cooking for my bf’s family for the first time tonight 🙏🏻
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Under Amtrak’s new fare structure, you can travel from Philly to New York City for $19.
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please keep me in your prayers… i am cooking for my bf’s family for the first time tonight 🙏🏻
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