darren has a dog
@tai_nugget
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Very deliberately lacking a blue check. I write programs for the television. Staff me!
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Pinned Tweet
Good morning! Today I am embarking on a journey to visit 12 CA theme parks from Northern California down to San Diego in 10 days using only municipal/regional transit. No private charters, no Amtrak trains/Greyhound, no Uber/Lyft. Just mass transit and my own two feet! Join me.
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"so if we eliminate student loan debt, what's next? medical debt???"
ok yes, let's keep going with this, we're brainstorming, this is good, this is great actually
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"so what happens to the next batch of students?? do they get college free or what???"
I absolutely ADORE your train of thought. see? we are having a dialogue here, and it is fantastic
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"mom, dad, i got an F-plus!"
"that's failing"
"PLUS!"
Thank you for your support. Together, we will MAKE AMERICA SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN!
#POTUSAbroad
#USA
🇺🇸
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I helped by doing the exact same thing as Elon (nothing), while I also refrained from accusing one of the actual rescuers of pedophilia.
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Good morning. Today I am going to Disneyland and letting Genie, Disney’s free in-app itinerary planning service, tell me what to do. I will do everything it tells me to up until midday or so. Folks, I am excited.
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@StephenKing
Not having a book deal is not muzzling anyone. I don't have a book deal, that doesn't mean I'm muzzled. It's never a guaranteed platform.
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@WalshFreedom
Let them apply for asylum, which is what they’re coming for. That’s not a “Left” idea, it’s a decent human being idea.
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Good morning. Today I am going to Disney’s California Adventure and letting Genie, Disney’s free in-app itinerary planning service, tell me what to do. I think it will go MUCH BETTER than when I tried this at Disneyland. Folks, I am excited.
Good morning. Today I am going to Disneyland and letting Genie, Disney’s free in-app itinerary planning service, tell me what to do. I will do everything it tells me to up until midday or so. Folks, I am excited.
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it’s one banana michael how much could it cost
A banana duct-taped to a wall was sold for $120,000 at Art Basel Miami
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It’s pretty nuts, but I can just go to Knotts, Universal, or Six Flags without telling them I’ll be there. Like I can just show up and they’ll be like, “Come on in!” And if I plan to go, but decide on the same day not to, I don’t get blackballed from visiting for a month. Wild.
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no, this is not trump’s worst publicity stunt, he once gassed american citizens to hold up a bible in front of a closed church, but this is his second worst
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@WalshFreedom
To clarify for those with moral deficiencies:
Good Idea = Addressing a humanitarian crisis through the asylum process and the support of organizations devoted to the aid of refugees.
Bad Idea = Shooting them.
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may i introduce you to evangelical eschatology
QAnon is being told all day every day that the great event is coming soon, has already begun, or will happen today. It never happens, and nobody acknowledges that it never happens. They just keep telling you it's about to happen. It must be exhausting.
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It’s possible Disney vastly overestimates the popularity of Pixar
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I hear you, man, it's awful. Don't you sometimes wish you could do something about it? Like if you were a lawmaker and had the power to check the executive branch? Instead of just tweet about it? That would rule.
I never thought I would see the day when our American President would stand on the stage with the Russian President and place blame on the United States for Russian aggression. This is shameful.
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what if it’s all just one wave because our government didn’t do shit, was unprepared, and in fact encouraged people to ignore the most common sense guidelines by convincing them they knew better than the experts. 🤔
The third wave of COVID-19 in the U.S. is officially worse than the first two
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rt if you live, work, or have recently been in an inner city and it is not currently on fire
Congressman John Lewis should finally focus on the burning and crime infested inner-cities of the U.S. I can use all the help I can get!
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@BrandyLJensen
marshalls has an alt-universe portal that all kinds of products fall and on some parallel earth marshalls someone is like "holy shit kat von d made a lipstick"
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they literally tried to kill the vice president because he wouldn’t overturn the election
Unlike the snowflake left four years ago, today conservatives were able to survive without having to hug teddy bears, scream into pillows, fill in coloring books, find crying rooms and have therapy sessions.
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when you fake a citation and hope the teacher won’t notice
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It is finally time to announce the 100% objectively correct ranking of every burger at Disneyland Resort. Copied tweet below for the reviews of all 87 burgers. Rankings in the 🧵
Today marks the start of another food project that no one asked for nor will care about. I’m going to try every burger at Disneyland Resort and rank them. This will take some time.
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Appropriation aside, if I asked you to guess what she is referring to before you click through to see for yourself, you will never guess it. Not in a million years.
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@WalshFreedom
And finally for those who demand a cookie for doing the morally right thing:
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Genie has finally noticed that Pinocchio’s Daring Journey is temporarily closed and revised my itinerary to direct me to Casey Jr., another ride that is temporarily closed. You simply cannot make this up. Battin’ .1000, Genie!!
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it’s like the red wedding but if the starks were evil shits
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Since Disney food blog refuses to tell us what the upcoming DCA Food & Wine Festival kiosks will serve, I’ll go ahead and get pictures of the menus because I love you. Here are the first four:
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STOP TAKING HALF A DONUT TAKE THE WHOLE GODDAM DONUT TAKE IT TAKE IT ALL THE WHOLE THING TAKE IT BACK TO YOUR DESK CUT IN HALF THERE AND SAVE IT FOR LATER IF YOU MUST BUT DO NOT PUT THAT MOTHERFUCKING HALF DONUT BACK IN THE GODDAM BOX
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just so we’re clear, fascists nick fuentes and baked alaska literally livestreamed their turn in pelosi’s office
Rep. Matt Gaetz, to boos from the chamber, suggest the people who breached the Capitol were masquerading as Trump supporters but were actually antifa.
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really getting tired of these leftist [checks notes] pharmaceutical companies
Jake, why didn’t Pfizer announce their vaccine until 48 hours—literally—after the networks called the race for Biden?
They didn’t know about it last week?
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This thread is getting a lot of attention and chatter and I just want to point out I am NOT testing paid Genie+ which replaces FastPass. I am only testing the basic Genie function, an itinerary planning service that is free for reasons that are now quite clear.
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damn that is a serious fucking bird, stooping to get at eye level, arm up but also extended toward the target, 5/5 stars for this finger
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This is how I feel when I buy a game off of PSN at full price and then PS Plus offers it as a free game a couple months later. However, it is not how I feel when I hear about other people who are hurting getting help.
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Can’t believe
@DisneyParks
is sticking with their security gates system, despite the fact that every theme park has figured out a faster and more efficient method than rummaging through a mother of four’s diaper bag looking for contraband.
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Summer had no plan going in and did everything she wanted. Genie had a carefully curated plan and it was complete trash.
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I do NOT need Disney Jr Dance Party Brought to You by Pampers PullUps™️ anywhere in my “perfect Disney Day.” I do not need people looking at me like I’m someone who shouldn’t be allowed within 500 yards of a school.
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“Our reservation system helps guarantee a positive guest experience by reducing crowds”
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@SpeakerRyan
@AjitPaiFCC
@FCC
isnt bearing false witness against your religion paul? everything you just said is a pure lie
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“Rope drop for Bakery Tour” is like one of my usual joke tweets.
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My next investigative Disney dive will be where I email them about the contradiction between the company’s purported statement of acceptance and inclusivity for the LGBQT community and their financial support of the legislators behind Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill.
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@joncoopertweets
Many Dems voted no on this because it included a poison pill amendment. Warren, Booker, Schumer, Gillibrand, among others, were all nos. But cute framing, I guess.
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Genie’s itinerary shuffling has directed me to an actual open ride: Storybook Land Canal Boats. I walked past Mr. Toad, one of the rides I told Genie was a priority. It is a walk-on. But no, canal boats.
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I’m actually not sure what would be more awkward. Going to Disney Jr Dance Party Presented by Huggies or being the only one in Turtle Talk with Crush.
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REPRIEVE!! All of the Dance Party shows have been canceled!
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it’s theft, not “misuse”. they stole millions of dollars from their workers. grand larceny, we put people in jail for that shit
DoorDash to pay $2.5 million for allegedly misusing worker tips
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I also love how it doesn’t give me the “Why This?” click. Genie isn’t prepared to answer that question.
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Genie heard me talking crap about it and has decided to punish me 😩
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@GeraldoRivera
How about every single person man woman and child gets their own secret security detail since we’re dreaming big here
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The next show is at 9:30. There is no one here. I am going to be talking to Crush by myself.
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The parkhop time restriction is so goddamned stupid. A relic of the reopenings that needs to fucking go.
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I am very deep in the rope crowd. I am going to need to hustle -maybe throw a few stiffarms- if I’m going to make my goal of being first to The Bakery Tour.
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I ran a poll asking you guys what you thought Genie would direct me to first today as my rope drop attraction. Folks, Genie’s plan is in and I want to extend my hearty congratulations to anyone who guessed…[drumroll] THE BAKERY TOUR
Poll on which non-prioritized attraction Genie will send me to first on a potential visit to California Adventure strictly adhering to Genie:
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It will be funnier if I run though. Just blow past Pan to everyone’s consternation.
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Genie has now noticed Casey Jr is likewise closed, and so ithas directed me to a non-ride. My first 15 minutes in the park and Genie has gotten me on absolutely nothing.
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Unbeknownst to Genie, I’m going to use the Single Rider line it doesn’t mention and avoid the posted 55 minute wait. It will be so surprised, and probably proud of itself.
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@FINALLEVEL
he will actually just unblock himself, he’s been doing it for the last couple days
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After the candlelight processional, Bob Iger and Josh D’Amaro head to Galaxy’s Edge to experience Star Wars™️: Rise of the Resistance, but it goes down in the BB8 room. They are given recovery passes for Storybook Land Canal Boats.
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"blacks rule" is probably the whitest thing white people think black people would say
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so many wastes of space in the same general area. abandoned Captain EO theater, shuttered Starcade, empty peoplemover tracks, whatever is sitting on top where rocket ships used to be, a star wars launch bay downgrade, am I missing anything? no skyway remnants.
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Summer completed 8/9 priority rides, and added 2 others, Toy Story and Soarin. If she had wanted, she could easily have done Web Slingers instead of the two additions and been done by this time. Genie completed 1/9 priority rides and added God knows what.
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To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER EVER CUT A DONUT IN HALF WHEN SOMEONE BRINGS OFFICE DONUTS. IT IS GROSS. YOU HAVE NOW TOUCHED HALF A DONUT AND FEW WILL EAT THAT SHIT. JUST TAKE THE WHOLE GODDAMN DONUT.
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I can’t be the only one who finds it a little gross that Genie is adding two upsells to my itinerary that I not only didn’t reserve but that also involve dropping serious coin.
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The most incredible thing to me about this tweet, other than that Josh doesn't know what a battery does, is it's like a perfect fundamentalist incuriousness like you find amongst Creationists and Flat Earthers.
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Didn’t even have to hustle for this. Everyone is still rope dropping for Rise.
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Ok, 2 things:
1) The Single Rider signage for Web Slingers is gone
2) They are currently posting this independently-purchased $18 LL ride at 125 minutes. That wait is 18 minutes. If that.
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