overdrafted buying an indulgence
@strugglinguncle
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ねないこだれだ
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saw this amazing post from a spam account in my requests
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If you’re ever in Richmond Virginia you should check out a fairly weird and hipster neighbor hood called Cary town
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@postingwhilegay
He had to delete his door dash account because if he just let it sit there he would continue to order cold McDonald’s. This is the type of will exhibited by a man of the lord
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@willmenaker
how does it feel knowing that you personally cost bernie the endorsement of someone who might have gotten him 10 more votes
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@murderxbryan
I used to work at a place called great wraps and I bought weed from my boss. I would text him “hey man I need a great wrap” and he would respond like “what kind” and I’d say “ an eighth”. Dispensaries have taken this away from so many
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@ZeroSuitCamus
BREAKING: fishing boats straying too close to north sentinel island in violation of international law reportedly witnessed a legion deploying the testudo formation on the beach
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Getting into Sega at age 29 like it’s jazz
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@jon_bois
No other sport has the equivalent of dunks. You can have no idea what’s going on in a basketball game and see a dunk and just be like damn that rules
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@MurderBryan
I wish I didn’t need to work so I could just get jobs at all these places and do the worst job possible to piss them off
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@allahliker
a Twitter censor came up to me with tears in his eyes, and this is a big guy- handsome guy- straight out of central casting, and he said to me “sir, thank you”. Because nobody had been looking into it as strongly as I did
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Someone just applied to work at my j*b and included military certifications for the M320 grenade launcher on his application. Sir this is a donut shop
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@ByYourLogic
I love being exposed to weapons grade chemicals, getting issued tinnitus like it’s a pair of shoes and eating the most fucked up shit known to man but I will NEVER let the government damage my body
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@TrueAnonPod
chugging soy milk so I can grow massive cans and become immune to police violence
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@SarahMMimms
He deserves no decency, no quarter. He voted for death today and his name should be on the lips of every poor or disabled patient in America
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@SarahMMimms
John McCain's legacy will be thousands of graves; his singular tragedy will pale in comparison to the lives he stole on the floor today.
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@NotJosephGarcia
anyone under 40 doesn’t get to have a future*
*except me since I’ve directed and written branded content for AT&T, Samsung, Intel, Pepsi, Ford, Universal Studios, GM, Mazda, Chevy, Jaguar, Claritin, Coors Light, Old Navy, Scott’s, Zoosk, Fruit of the Loom, Febreze, Yoplait, Just
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@cushbomb
they’re tremendous horsemen, folks! the horses, they’re doing great numbers, very strong numbers with the horses
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this is the body type that women are most attracted to
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@postingwhilegay
it’s so funny to think that the thing holding back america from being like 1790 Paris is a podcast with a fraction of the listenership of any given barstool sports program
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@postingwhilegay
He’s right actually. We have many more leftist wrestling and sopranos podcasts than France does
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@doulbedoink
hey like 100 years ago we had a groundbreaking electric tram system that got dismantled because motor companies got their feelings hurt
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@MayorPugh50
Baltimore cops carry weapons to plant on people they shoot to death but yeah go ahead and say marijuana is what’s making the city violent
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@Sandernista412
The first time I read “I don’t know, it’s just the best song ever written” I literally cried laughing
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@posting_forever
sorry to tweet about the Thing again, but something weird happened to me after I saw the trump assassination request. My carbon monoxide detector started beeping, but I knew nothing was wrong, so I removed the batteries
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@crushingbort
This was fine when it was an excel spreadsheet but now that it’s on the App Store it’s 1984
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@posting_forever
the bot names are so funny two of my followers are named Cindy Imig and Lois Kimpton
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@crulge
The only thing I could conceivably think of is making a bunch of people’s private information public online which happens like 150 times a day with data breaches anyway lmao
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@Ugarles
@treyschmaltz
@jeirvine
@BermudaTuba
@adamjohnsonNYC
You mean the family of the guy who’s, uhh, neck was fatally pierced by a deputy’s bullet
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@allahliker
I thought it was fun to play as a sword guy. Don’t know if it would be as fun as another type of guy
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@virgiltexas
@thedeziner
@thetomzone
The numbers mean the amount of bullets a gun can hold. The reason America has lost so many wars lately is because they use M16s which run out of clips a lot faster than AK 47
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@ArmyStrang
@DanCrenshawTX
@AOC
@BernieSanders
@IlhanMN
@TulsiGabbard
@RoKhanna
As a proud American who loves our service members I will not rest until every active duty soldier has lost at least one eye
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@willmenaker
@nkulw
I will not be satisfied until TSA has to look at my penis before I get to walk into Kroger
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Joe Rogan: people have stopped talking about you, man, and it’s crazy because you’re so fucking talented. You sing, you skate, you’re an entrepreneur, it’s fucking incredible. And you’ve totally cleaned up since the 90s too and people don’t recognize that
Chuck E. Cheese: thanks
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@Arr
@thomas_violence
Please keep this anonymous.... the only programming language is English. You just tell a computer what to do and it does it. Python or whatever is how you have to talk to your coworkers
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@murderxbryan
I saw melt banana open for tool in like 2006 and the entire arena just HATED melt banana everyone was turning on them and getting extremely pissed. Now I love melt banana and think tool sucks
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@feraljokes
It rocks that this guy was like “what’s the smartest thing I can think of” and it was the large hadron collider. Science is epic
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this happened to me
Millie Bobby Brown reveals to Glamour that she credits her feminist awakening to a visit to a psychic, who informed her that she was, in fact, a feminist.
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lunchmind is the state after u eat a big lunch and the rest of your day gets kinda fucked up from the lunch
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@MurderBryan
the sweetest nectar in the world is knowing that a conservative college student failed a class simply for having a different opinion
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A guy just pointed at the bottles of Fiji water in the fridge at my j*b and asked “hey is this just regular water”... it is far too early for this man
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it doesn’t get better than ordering an enormous McDonald’s burger, large fry and Diet Coke. The drive thru employees often compliment me on the strength of my order
say what you want about Trump but McDonald’s + multiple diet Coke’s is a supreme meal
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my third grade teachers daughter was in a tower (got out) so my teacher just left us alone in the classroom and nobody told us what was going on. we raided the candy jar so now jolly ranchers remind me of 9/11.
Those older than 9/11/2001, where were you and what were you doing during the WTC attacks?
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How does a soda raise more questions than it answers. Soda always speaks for itself. Irresponsible journalism by the wapo, very disappointing. Will be canceling my subscription
Baja Blast, a strange turquoise soda spinoff by Mountain Dew that raises more questions than it can answer, has become synonymous with Taco Bell over two decades.
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the krautrock Facebook group dropped the best post of all time
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I’ve normalized things you wouldn’t even believe
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Midsommar but it’s during Hoagiefest
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I was gonna post this w some dip shit caption like “ice cream always hits different in a cone” but didn’t bc this is the most depressed anyone holding an ice cream cone has ever looked
Don’t cheat post the last pic of yourself
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there are probably like a dozen 10/10 perfect video games ever made and yakuza 0 is one of them
Yakuza 0 is $7 on steam. this shit will change your life
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@mollylambert
some wellness hippie I know from high school recently posted an insta story about sunscreen that was like “this is the real kool aid you 🐑 are drinking, the sun is medicine”
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@andyames777
@Lowenaffchen
Beth took more shits than any other person who has lived.... and she had to die for that.... so sad
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How the fuck is Chelsea Manning so nice to everyone online? She's so nice to people saying horrific things to her it's incredible
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@willmenaker
ANGRY DEMOCRAT MOB turns based Ben Shapiro into an accordion wheezing out a jangly tune. What about the alt left?!!
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@GovernorVA
@VDHgov
this is great! but your office is doing nothing to slow the spread of covid-19 in our communities right now. how can you, as a physician, be permitting any indoor dining while 4000+ Virginians are getting sick every day? Unconscionable behavior
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in awe at these buttons in my moms guest bathroom
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@Hegelbon
Cowboy Dan, handsome guy- spectacular guy- a friend of mine, a major player they’re saying, a major one
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i had unstoppable levels of swag in 2001
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@deep_beige
Senator Feinstein passes legislation allowing the use of F.L.U.D.D devices to clean oil spills off of our beaches. Heroic
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