Steve Hill
@stevehillwriter
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Brit in the US. Author of 'The Blood of the Cutlass' series. Works w/ homeless, mentally ill & AODA . Please check out
Milwaukee, WI
Joined February 2020
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Pinned Tweet
‘The Blood of the Cutlass’ is a children’s book enjoyed by grown-ups too!
Available on Amazon as an ebook, paperback or hardcover.
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I preface this by stating that I love my local library but, seriously, how difficult would it be for them to add a bar? Nothing fancy - just a few spirits, domestic beer. But oh no, apparently there are ‘other places’ better suited to accommodate such things!
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Christmas shopping is sorted. Everyone is getting a bra invented by a 70yr old woman.
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“What if I told you that over half of the cables & power cords you are storing in a box in the basement are for devices that you no longer own..?”
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As a Brit, I admit to being a bit confused over what’s happening in court this morning. I thought the question of whether the US should be ruled by a King was settled over 200yrs ago..? 🤔🤷♂️
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If C.S. Lewis was writing today, I bet his publishers would try to name his book ‘The Wardrobe of Lions & Witches’.
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To those who are out there querying and receiving their fair share of rejections, take solace in the knowledge that an agent may like your concept enough to request another author to write it. ☹️
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Not only would I vote for them, I’d buy their debut indie album.
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I don’t want to be the guy who plays golf when he retires.
I want to be the guy the villagers seek out to solve the mystery when the local vicar is discovered murdered on the croquet field on the morning of the Summer Fête.
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Still waiting for that “You’ll become more conservative the older you get” thing to kick in.
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Blue footed boobies would like to remind you that their eyes are up here.
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I love how he keeps looking into the camera as if he’s doing a YouTube tutorial.
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Give a man a book, and he’ll be happy for a few weeks.
Teach a man to write a book, and he can be miserable for a lifetime.
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I have an overwhelming urge to find a way to attach these to my shoes:
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Historical Fiction authors, when you piss them off:
*you’re going in my book. And you’re getting scurvy*
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There’s a parallel universe in which no one hears about Donald Trump every day, and I want to live there.
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Would not make me angry nor murderous. Not sure what kind of parent that makes me.
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An old photo of my daughter aged 3 holding an old photo of my Mum around the same age.
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Money is tight this year, so I sold my pocket watch to buy my wife some combs she likes. She’s going to be so surprised! 🎄😊👍🏻
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For men who don’t agree with abortion, know that vasectomies are relatively painless and reversible. Do your part and schedule your appointment tomorrow. 👍🏻
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Hear me out, but what if I did some writing during the time I set aside to write?
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Who’s up for breaking into an abandoned house in the woods, finding a book in the basement with a leather-like cover, and reading its ancient texts out loud?
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Every few months I see the “Are audiobooks considered reading?” tweets.
The point of reading is to get a story into your brain, not just following words on a page.
Any questions? Good. Carry on.
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Ever written a fan letter? At age 53 I decided to send one this week, to John Irving, the man who made me want to be a writer. I wanted to thank him for that while I still have the chance. I’m thinking now of doing the same for other people who have influenced me in my life. 📝
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We should have toddlers interviewing politicians and just let them ask "But why?"
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I was considering self-publishing, then I received word this morning that unfortunately my book isn’t a good fit for me right now, but I’m wishing myself better luck in the future.
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I’m reading the sequel to The Lord of the Rings, called Lord of the Flies and, man, these hobbits are pretty violent, wasn’t expecting that TBH.
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If you won $1M, would it be life-changing for you? It would for me.
If you won $100M, it most certainly would be.
And what if you won another $1M one month after that. Would that $1M also be life-changing? Probably not.
Anyway, tax rich people.
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My last homelessness rant for the day (probably):
If your name isn’t on the lease/ there’s a relationship breakdown/ you lose your job/ you get sick but have to wait 2yrs+ for benefits, you too may experience homelessness.
It is much closer than anyone imagines or talks about.
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In the UK, if you left too many lights on at home, your Dad might say “Blimey! It looks like the Blackpool Illuminations in here!”
Is there an equivalent phrase here in the US?
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When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.
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Guys I’m so upset. We had a break-in last night & someone has changed my WIP to 1st person. They killed off my MC’s parents, introduced an antagonist she hates but is starting to have feelings for, & eliminated all my Oxford commas! But added double spacing after every period! 😭
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Sci-fi horror idea:
A writer wakes up to find all the signs in his town suddenly have apostrophes in the plural words.
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If you don’t write on parchment with a newly sharpened quill and Indian ink by the dying light of a candle nub, you’re just a typist.
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I used to live on a canal boat, which doesn’t account for much but still means I probably have more experience than the majority of people here whose opinions I’ve come across recently, but I do know this much: a heavy object in water does not stop or turn quickly.
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Why can’t AI make insurance salesmen & personal injury lawyers obsolete rather than writers & artists?
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‘Ultra-wealthy build rockets to leave dying planet’ is usually the start of an epic sci-fi fantasy saga in which the masses rise up to defeat them and save themselves, right?
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People are always like “It’s 2024, we should have flying cars!” and I honestly can’t think of a company I would trust right now to build a safe one.
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I’m being laid off from the agency I’ve worked at for the past 17yrs. Feeling pretty numb right now.
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Call me a monster, but I’m OK with paying a little more in taxes to feed hungry kids.
Today, I signed a bill into law providing free school breakfast and lunch for Minnesota students.
It’s a historic, bipartisan win that means no kid will go hungry at school – and that Minnesota is one step closer to being the best state in the county to grow up.
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No offense, but I don't like any of you enough to pay a monthly fee to read what you have to say, and I assume that's mutual. 😊
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Anyone else struggling with not wanting to follow the news for the sake of their mental health, but also needing to stay informed for the sake of democracy?
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All I know is, this guy would never have advised you to add glue to pizza sauce.
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As I was saying to .
@MarkHamill
only the other day over lunch, so much of the stuff people post on Twitter about their lives is completely made up.
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Confused by the “frozen embryos are children” ruling recently. Do they need them to go to work or something..? 🤔🤷♂️
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My sister died when I was in my 20s. It was devastating but I’m not certain what year it was.
I was at my last job for 18yrs & worked in 4 different programs but I don’t know when each started & ended.
I’m 53.
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Just emailed my very first query!
I’m shaking a little bit.
There are many more to come, so hopefully it gets easier.
Wish me luck,
#WritingCommunity
#amquerying
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This was a green bathroom we painted yellow last weekend.
But apparently…
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My third draft is complete! (I printed off a copy as a keepsake, surrounded by some of my reference materials.)
So officially I
#amquerying
!
Any words of wisdom from other queriers gratefully accepted.
#WritingCommunity
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My 14yo daughter’s understudy performance from her Middle-High School’s open dress rehearsal of ‘The Wizard of Oz’.
Just for followers: PLEASE DO NOT RETWEET. Thank you. 😊
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I don’t think people outside of the US realize that for most of us here it’s like living under the Sword of Damocles. I feel like my family is one major health emergency away from losing everything we’ve spent years trying to build up.
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We have a couch where you’re bombarded by fruit flies whenever you sit on it, so today I decided to take off all the cushions and pull it out from the wall to hoover everything and guess what I found?
Nothing.
I still have no idea where those bloody fruit flies are coming from.
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I watch a lot of old movies, and I think one of problems in the world today is that people don’t spontaneously burst into song and start dancing like they used to. Such a shame. ☹️
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I’m 53 today, an age at which several days in a row can be ruined because I ‘slept awkwardly’.
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Just got my first rejection. Does that make me a proper writer now?
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If you are actually posting the correct info in the comments, please please stop. 🙏
Also, the first car you bought and the name of your first pet, TIA.
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If I go to your house and see that you accidentally hung your toilet paper the wrong way round, I will correct it for you.
Consider it a free service for being my friend. 😊
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When Jeff Bezos is in space, we should all put on ape masks then capture him when he returns.
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It was. However, I still believe it was morally wrong for Steven Spielberg to bring dinosaurs back to life just for the sake of entertainment.
Damn, can you imagine how amazing it must have been seeing the T-Rex scene from Jurassic Park for the first time in theaters?
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You may question the veracity of the Bible, but Mary Magdelene telling Simon & John that Jesus’ tomb was empty and they didn’t just believe her and had to go and check it out for themselves actually happened.
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If my books made me a billionaire, I’d tweet about once a month, something like “I really like cheese” and that’d be it.
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I cut my hair and trimmed my beard this morning, so this is probably the best I’ll look for a while:
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American friends: If you look in a mirror at midnight and say the word “Worcestershire” three times, an English person will appear behind you to correct your pronunciation.
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To be honest, Indiana Jones went to extraordinary lengths just to avoid grading papers.
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I sorta against websites that print lyrics to songs.
If 80s bands had wanted us to know their lyrics, they would’ve sung them intelligibly.
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Dear 2014,
I’m sorry I took you for granted. I didn’t realise how pleasant it was not to hear about Donald Fucking Trump every fucking day. I didn’t appreciate you at the time, 2014. And I’m truly sorry.
Please forgive me.
Sincerely,
Steve
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Double rainbow over our neighbour’s house, what does it mean..??! 😭
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My 14yr old daughter has found my old phone.
I’m not sure she believed me when I told her the method for texting on it.
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Cleaned out the crumb tray of the toaster, so gonna take it easy for the rest of the day.
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I find it interesting that many Americans can feel compassion for refugees thousands of miles away, but not so much for asylum seekers on their own border.
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My 14yo daughter is Dorothy’s understudy for her Middle/High School’s production of The Wizard of Oz.
She’s disappointed that it means her actual role in the show is small, but considering the lead is a Senior & my daughter isn’t yet in High School I think is a huge compliment!
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Apologies to those of you who follow me for the Dad jokes.
I have a 12yr old daughter. I walk her to school every day. For the past few days I’ve stood at the gates, wondering if this will be the last time I see her alive.
I just have to get this out of my system right now.
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Should a cast iron skillet go in the top rack of the dishwasher or the bottom?
I’m doing a deep clean of the kitchen for my wife and want to surprise her. TIA.
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Gonna be asked over the next couple of days by my American colleagues & friends why the day after Christmas is called Boxing Day.
Anyone got ideas for what I can say this year? The more bizarre the better. TIA. 🎄
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Imagine if, instead of the crucifixion, every church had an imposing statue of Jesus washing someone’s feet.
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One thing I miss about the UK that I don’t seem to see here in the US is childhood nicknames that stick.
In the 80s you could come to school from the hospital after eye surgery & wear an eyepatch for a week & you’d be called Long John or Dangermouse for the rest of your life.
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#WritingCommunity
Am looking for a fellow writer willing to have a public online spat with me to increase my visibility & promote my book.
Topics could include: pirates are dumb; British food is bland; my preferred cheese is better than your cheese, etc. No time wasters, please.
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Movie character 1: “For this to work, we need some drops of your blood.”
Movie character 2: *slits palm with a knife*
Me: “Oh, that will take days to heal…”
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I can wear shoes every day and my socks are just fine. But if I wear winter boots for half an hour, my socks suddenly become these curious explorers, like “What’s going on in the toe of this boot? Let’s go investigate!”
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Card was declined at the store. Called my bank, said they froze it due to a suspicious $475 online transaction on Saturday 1pm they declined. Worked out that was about the time I was paying for a meal at an out-of-town restaurant & handed my card to be swiped unseen. Coincidence?
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Now that my author copies have arrived, I’m thinking of putting a signed one in someone’s Free Little Library. That’s a thing people do, yeah? It’s not cringy, right?
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Is it just me, or does this month seem longer than usual?
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Have I mentioned before that my 14yo daughter is a great singer?
Well, she’s been asked to sing the National Anthem for our town’s (pop. 40K) July 4th fireworks display this year. 😊
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They taste of simmering annoyance and a hope that someone else will say something.
I’m intrigued to find out what a ‘British flavour’ is…
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“Never start a sentence with the word ‘but’.”
Is this still a thing? ‘Cos I do it All. The. Time.
(And I like it. 😊)
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If you don’t have an outline before you start writing - you’re a pantser.
Hope that helps.
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Waiting for the day Just Stop Oil throw paint on this and no one notices.
🎨Today, The King unveiled a new portrait by
@RealJonathanYeo
at Buckingham Palace. The painting - commissioned by The Draper’s Company - is the first official portrait to be completed since His Majesty’s Coronation. It will hang in Draper’s Hall in London.
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People will Bless You for up to two sneezes in a row but after that, you’re pissing them off and you’re on your own.
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If your husband was “useless” at tending to a baby at night, I’m sorry to be the one to inform you that you married an imbecile.
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Twitter: Which famous person’s death affected you the most?
Me: Archduke Franz Ferdinand
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