Great Scot 🥃
@shakhtarbassoon
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Statuses
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Pinned Tweet
I am here to inform you all that the banjo is the most superior form of stringed instrument. Got a problem, take it up with Earl Scruggs
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The citizens’ assembly in practice:
NEW: Labour will introduce citizens' assemblies to decide contentious issues, such as Lords reform and housebuilding
Sue Gray has told
@TomBaldwin66
of the “transformational” success of bodies in Ireland that built consensus for constitutional change
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A balding British neoliberal runs this account
ow can i be a racialis if im avin chinees fer tea
nuff said
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Very saturated market for fat gobby scouse/northern podcasters with brick wall backgrounds
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You will never charge with the Light Brigade. You will never defend Rorke’s Drift. You will never play bagpipes through the Crater of Aden. You will sit in traffic. You will listen to Heart Radio. You will bake choccy biccies for Moira’s cousin’s 5k walk. You will pay NI.
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Why the actual fuck is Paddy McGuinness on Question Time, this country’s going to the dogs
Paddy McGuinness, "James Daly you saying to Wes Streeting that Keir Starmer will say anything to get a vote, is a bit rich coming from a Tory"
"Where's there £350 million a week for the NHS?"
"What Keir Starmer said today, I admire him for doing it now, rather than when he gets
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As a well-established mutual said a few days ago, America is having a Trump resurgence and there are genuine political happenings across the world.
Britain awaits a Labour government ushered in by the bingo wing voxpop
Holy fuck. An angry
#bbcqt
crowd heckles Tory MP Alex Burgart as he lies by blaming NHS waiting lists caused by Tory underinvestment on the pandemic.
Notice how people immediately react to the lies with anger? Treating us with contempt has consequences.
They’re finished.
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“How about… a dub of David Cameron singing about SHAGGING pigs and Tory MPs singing about lying to the tune of a 90’s song again?”
“…”
“With BASED Mick Lynch of course”
“🤙🏻”
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“British is when a seagull swoops down on your chippy xd”
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“I hereby sentence you to 10 months of ‘maaate’ with bail conditions set as taking a long hard look at yourself and a head wobble”
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Yer bird’s saying big words like ‘complicit’ and ‘genocide’ on her Insta story
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Haha look at me I’ve got no defining features and dress like I’ve just woke up I am a role model haha I put x’s at the end of messages too that’s funny
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That’s just your average A&E waiting time
27,375 days. 3,900 weeks. 900 months. 75 years.
However you count it, it's our incredible NHS.
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You didn’t just spend the last 30 days in America, as the thing you’re posting is a current hahah Bri’ish bowawawaw’uh teef innit meme doing the rounds by the treasonous “No Context Brits”
Spent the last 30 days in America
Some thoughts on the USA vs the UK:
1. Flags - In America, if you fly the national flag -- it's normal. In Britain, if you fly the national flag -- you're labeled a neo-nazi.
2. Accents - In America, if you drive for 2 hours -- people's
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This. Forever
With every inch of my being, I hate this graph. Not what I wanted to see this morning
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Haha nuff said end of overstressed illegibility ingehhrluhhhnd
diet is goin well, got meself down to one custerd cream today 👍
nuff said
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Post-Covid life in a nutshell
> new show comes out
> le 90s/00s nostalgia hit
> hear/see it everywhere ad nauseum
> general TikTok usage by zoomers
> the above for approx. 2 weeks
> new show comes out
Rinse and repeat
murder on the dancefloor by sophie ellis-bextor.
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“Praise Lord Jesus” Patience says at her jambalaya party in the Methodist hall whilst Jadon has an ankle tag, Amari is cuckooing at a girl’s flat and the dad done a runner before they were born
The irony is that London is home to plenty of socially conservative migrants that have breathed life into Christianity in England.
A country with rich Christian traditions which have been trashed not by conservative-minded foreigners, but mainly by secular liberal white Brits.
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“If I could turn again to the woman with the cagoule and the END AUSTERITY t-shirt and grey roots, I must warn you’ve used 5 of your Citizens’ Assembly tokens tonight the Hub can only print off so many, I believe the only Conservative MP in the country has addressed this issue”
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“Yeah bruv noooo waayyy he’s 16”
“You see that someone shouted for a medic at the Ally Pally?”
“Tuggsy got us tables, we’re going as Oompa Loompas”
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Excuse me sir why the Mickey Mouse take away?
Paint over Mickey Mouse
Burn Where the Wild Things Are
Pulverise the lego
Set fire to the Christmas tree star.
Seize all the teddies
Bury every skipping rope
Paint the walls dark brown
Abolish all hope.
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Didnt take long for a ‘history account’ to be posting fedora-tier content of a Satanist being interviewed ~20 years ago
I hate this account with every fiber of being
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Reminder that Ulysses Grant, who fought them for 4 years, showed far more clemency to all Confederate soldiers and officers that any of these people today
Charlottesville’s Robert E. Lee statue has met its end, in a 2,250-degree furnace.
The divisive Confederate monument, the focus of the deadly “Unite the Right” rally in 2017, was secretly melted down and will become a new piece of public art.
More on the process:
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The “haha I do drugs” Twitter contingent is still alive
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@LaoCaiLarry1
Oh my days, nearly word for word
@LaoCaiLarry1
@fleurmeston
2/ division? Why are you putting in so much time and energy into determining who is British and who isn't? If you were the great British patriot that you claimed to be. You would be directing your thoughts elsewhere.
Like here for example, but that takes real moral courage.
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‘Bro be’
‘Bro really’
‘Bro done’
‘Look at bro’
Please stop seasoning our language
Bro really went down the up escalator to avoid some hoes 😂😂
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How bald do you have to be to post this now?
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Holy Norwood
Tories SMASHED in Tamworth and Mid Bedfordshire by-elections.
(And I feel fine)
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Just to let you know guys I take drugs ahaha
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Hello yes 🇮🇳 please I am 🙏 Tommy.shelby fan account thanks you like share come again
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Being British is queuing. The more you queue, the more British you are
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This line has now been used for past 15 years whilst we’re seeing 1.2m per year come in
When does it end?
We have a rapidly aging population. Many young couples can’t afford children.
Without immigration, who will do the jobs and pay the taxes that supports that bulge of retirees?
The problem is politicians’ failed housing policies, not the people coming to help build our country
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- People who have not mentally left school
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I got blocked by him on the old acct and thankfully so
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Thanks for explaining what Who Wants to be a Millionaire is you absolute cretin
Back in November, 1999, John Carpenter took part in the first season of the American version of the long-running game show, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Hosted by the late Regis Philbin, the quiz show includes three 'lifeline' options to help contestants answer particularly
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Greaseball with a mullet says what
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Pro-migrant lot are genuinely just people into misery porn, see also Jack Monroe and her cookbook which would not have been bought seriously by anyone other than to wallow in feels
Paint over Mickey Mouse
Burn Where the Wild Things Are
Pulverise the lego
Set fire to the Christmas tree star.
Seize all the teddies
Bury every skipping rope
Paint the walls dark brown
Abolish all hope.
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I can last approximately 2 minutes within any Big Shop without having a seething hatred for the general public
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Bro be bro this bro that bro insert proverbial here bro bro bro AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Teacher: “Next Person to laugh gets kicked out of the classroom”
How bro looks at me:
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I love a country where half of it thinks the government is the Third Reich but it actively does the opposite
UK government plans to let children change gender at school
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Me me me me me me me me me
On about the fifth name you can see that I look up and I choke as I go on to read the next name because what I saw when I looked up was the families of killed women standing up in the gallery as a mark of respect. It took everything I had to not just break down in tears.
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Dicks out for harambe, KONY 2012, 2021-ish co-opting of the gigachad and ‘yes’, Hasbullah, started listening to ‘beer bar trucks’ modern bro-country recently and now the Roman Empire
These have all been the same people with about as much depth as a drip in the sink
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You know what this country needs more of?
Football podcasts with fat boys in beards and baseball caps
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Up there with one of the worst bios I’ve seen on here
Bloody immigrants, coming over here and starting small businesses!
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The Maaatification of the Classics:
Seeing a Madri specimen on my Insta story read about Julius Caesar as a ‘book challenge’
Completely unoriginal and entirely stemming from the awful trend everyone was being asked about last month
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“Wha you do mate”
“Janitor”
“AHHHHH you need your ‘ard drive cheghkin you la, who’s tha yer misses?”
*silence*
“AAHHHH you’re fooghkin upta somethin you mate”
“You any good wit your brewmstick?”
*mimics sex position*
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You’ve said ‘f**king’ so your opinion must be more valid
Is there any chance, ever, that human beings will stop killing each other? We’ve evolved into a species that has just enough intelligence to be really f**king stupid….and downright awful. It’s all so bloody depressing and intolerably sad.
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Like clockwork
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“Far-right British Government”
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Celtic being online liberal’s pet jester yet again
This behaviour is utterly typical of the west of Scotland, manchildren who can’t mentally advance past football and performative socialist causes
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I couldn’t possibly hate a set of paragraphs more
Rishi Sunak launches crackdown on term-time holidays with new plan
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Another Woke Down
Vote Nigel
Josie kept the whole Camp giggling and even faced a huntsman or two 🕷 Doing it for the girls, our Bristolian beauty is the seventh Campmate to leave the Jungle! 🫶
#ImACeleb
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Haha lindy Dasha Eastern Europe dirtbag out of context
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Pure Cremations and Co-op adverts with a twee Northern voice advising you to “go on” and “fill yer basket”
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Idea for a programme:
‘Deano Merrily on High’
Going round garden centres and finding the most Deano decorations and Christmas decorations one can find
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Hahah that would be so cool and funny, thats funny cos it’s random hahaha
Fuck off
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You coming up with a tweet of your own
These bullets collided in Gallipoli in 1916. The chances of this happening were one in a billion. Name something more unlikely to happen...
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Enjoyment of the Super Bowl is almost as fake as modern country music
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You made this tweet ages ago
Normalise sitting outside the café all day and not really doing anything
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This picture encapsulates my seething hatred for stoners
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That’s the Remoaners really been owned here, Tom
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*argues about whether ‘Shaq’, ‘Bron or ‘Kobe’ is the ‘GOAT’*
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If you hold the first opinion you forfeit your position on the second. This is not controversial
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Something deeply bugmannish that angers me about these infodocu-graphics with le fast hand drawing images
Secretaries of State and other election officials have a duty to keep Donald Trump off the ballot in 2024.
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*wasn’t alive during Thatcher’s premiership*
nobody:
Margaret Thatcher’s brain at 10:30 on the 8th of April 2013:
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The Woke will not be happy when they find out about this
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History is when weed man play football
Bob Marley, a legendary musician, was not only recognized for his musical talents but also for his remarkable skills on the soccer field. He possessed a profound passion for the sport and engaged in it on an almost daily basis. His dedication to soccer was so profound that he
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Why do all the ‘cool people’ in NYC have to have that tache, hair and that stinking cap
All the cool people of NYC are playing chess late at night in bars now. Wild times
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If you had to choose a war to die in, what would it be?
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“Who are you? I’ve never heard of you. Nobody in Europe had ever heard of you”
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Seems to be a resurgence of Britney bitch Noughties clout glasses yeehaw mentality in the form of of S-Club 7, Busted, Steps, etc. going on tour, to which I have to ask;
Can millennials grow up?
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Twee social worker Good Morning Britain London 2012 Just Eat TikTok UK voted for Sam. We tried to stop them
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I can smell the body odour from the likes and retweets
In a field of 17 candidates, I came 8th. And for the second time in three years, I beat UKIP and Piers Corbyn in a democratic election. If that’s not a sign of hope, nothing is.
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The “haha man in wheelchair” people genuinely think these posts are edgy, it’s Family Guy side joke tier dross
Stephen Hawking on his way to the Epstein Orgy
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Never underestimate the stupidity and tweeness of the British public
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Transport me
You actually hear the Smiths more often than you'd think at 2024 Trump rallies
⬇️ 9/8/2023 SDGOP rally in Rapid City, South Dakota
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*read 40 pages of a book on the Roman Empire last summer*
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How will the woke ever recover from this?
‘THE SIMPSONS’ co-creator confirms Homer will still strangle Bart.
“Nothing's getting tamed... He'll continue to be loved by his father in a specific way.”
(Source: )
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The fucking smugness of this gimp explaining to you what The Godfather is
Marlon Brando's transformation through makeup for his iconic role as Don Vito Corleone in the 1972 film 'The Godfather' is truly remarkable. The film, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, is widely regarded as one of the greatest movies in cinematic history, and Brando's portrayal
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Quote with celebs you’ve been told you look like
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🥱🥱🥱
A look back on the weird year that 2023 has been from start to finish: (a thread)
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JOE is just a 40 year old man in a hoodie making the same predictable slop forever
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“Ok Jax, can you repeat your ‘to be’ verb tenses for me?”
“Bro is, bro be, bro did, bro done, bro gone, bro gone”
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‘Independence is a youth movement’
Independence convention absolutely packing oot Dundee’s Caird Hall - and queues of folk still filtering in fae the square
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Is Deano being heavy into horse racing or, ‘the ponies 🐎’ a new phenomenon or are they only recently ruining it like darts? I feel like drug-addled brickies have been at the Races for a while however
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When people ask what sort of society I want to live in, I say “Bullseye”
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*started following the darts because of the ‘shithousery’*
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What did I say
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Did you aye
7 year old me after saying "no he can't" to the Bob the Builder theme tune to let everyone know I'm solid
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