Jordan
@HullJord
Followers
1,141
Following
535
Media
2,512
Statuses
19,936
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Barmaid just brought r drinks, she passes me the San Miguel, r lass the pornstar martini, and she ses do ya want a different straw, this ones a bit manky..
I said she’s sucked worse and the barmaid laughed, now apparently that’s me flirting and she’s moody
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Them lads who proper bum cars, meet up at Tesco carpark and drink nothing but relentless or monster are weird as fuck
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The produce of an abusive dad, a smackhead mother, in foster care at the age of 11 into a family of a woman who mentally abused me, I’m here at the age of 26 with my own little girl who I adore, I’m finally starting to love the life I’ve not made fuck all off. My life starts now
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Wow I didn’t expect this to blow up, I’ve got nothing to promote barring my excessive cocaine habit, so if anyone wants to chuck me a oner for a gram that’ll be sound
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If I found this man laying in bed with my bird, I’d get him an extra pillow, a bigger quilt, tuck him in, kiss him goodnight and wish him sweet dreams.
What a fucking tank
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I’m no boxer by any means, but I would 100% do her. She’s far too slow.
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I’ve lost jobs, relationships and at one point contact with my daughter, but today I’ve reached a personal milestone, I am 1 month clean of drugs.
Finally getting in control 💪🏼
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Imagine all the weird rugby lads that are gunna be out in pubs tonight, all pissing in each other’s mouths and putting pint glasses up Henry’s arse for banter
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Fuck sake. Another cunt chasing me for money I haven’t fucking got 😂
Looks like I’ll have to use someone else for holidays now
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Povetkin recapping that knock out
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Oh so just cos you drink pints of gravy and are overweight, no one else can be happy if they’re fit and healthy?
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Wish I was that towel
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I hope George Ellis knew how much he was loved.
What a fucking boy he was. I’ll never meet anyone in my life like him.
Crazy George, rest in paradise brother
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This generation wants and expects everything to be handed on a plate to them, embarrassing
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I would drag my balls over hot ash, stick my dick in a toaster then finger my brother just to hear her fart through a walkie talkie
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Doing my bit for the my guy
@BorisJohnson
..
Testing the chins of the labour voters
#GE2019
#GeneralElection2019
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Mandy here, selling an unused mirror, whilst using the unused mirror
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Grabs remote to turn the tv channel over..
Narrator: ‘Now on ITV, with scenes of a sexual nature from the start...’
Me:
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Gordon Ramsay on cocaine, ITV 1 at 9pm
And you can see me on cocaine, tomorrow, The Red Lion at 9pm
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Found a sports bar, £2.85 for a Kronenbourg, their most expensive beer, can’t see this ending too well
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Nothing makes you feel inadequate than watching
#LoveIsland
in bed laid next to the missus, gut hanging out, tits under my armpit stuffing my face with a bag of monster munch, knowing r lasses fanny next to me has got its own heartbeat with all these lads on it
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The new Karpackie Kids on the block
@mynameisRobbo
@realordinarylad
@craig09981011
@TimeLineSkulls
@MaseJosh
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When the U.K. joins
#WorldWarThree
and inevitably gets beat..
Meanwhile on The Real Housewives Of Tehran
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Just been sat in the canteen at work, one of the lads, already has 2-3 kids, has just received a message of some bird telling him he’s got another kid, that he hasn’t known about for 9 years along with a picture of her, and she’s the fucking double of him 😂😂
Fucking wounded😂
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Sober for nearly 3 weeks, I’ve got a new and better paid job on the cards and at the ripe old age of 25, I’ve finally got my provisional ordered to get my driving done.. getting shit sorted
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Ain’t that a Queen song 😂😂😂
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Honestly if anyone’s still got that NHS track and trace shite app, delete the cunt.. stop been ruled by the government over a flu, they’ve already had our pants down for the best part of a year and half man, fed up with it all
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Aren’t dogs class. Albert knows I’m not right and won’t leave my side ❤️
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It’s
#GRAMLINEFRIDAY
I’ve just sniffed my mam’s ashes, kidnapped neighbours cat and downed a bottle of Rioja wine which i opened by smashing over my head, I’m now masturbating over the moans of the women at Wimbledon, probably should of left my neighbours house first
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Time to take a break, going sober for a while.. 6 years of abusing alcohol and drugs, brushing it under the carpet has finally caught up on me and I’m finally ready to beat the mental illness and drug addiction that has defined me and made me unhappy.
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Things that are gunna get smashed tomorrow when I land in the U.K.
A full English, 20 pints, a carvery, 10 more pints, an 8th, 5 more pints then r lasses arse
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Been told by my daughters mother I’m allowed to see my baby girl Isla tomorrow. First time since February, I’ve already been crying my eyes out about the thought of seeing her, I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow
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Physically impossible ya big freak
Sam Smith 'wants to be a mummy' by the time they hit 35 in search for love
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@CLsincs
@Sporf
@premierleague
By the games they’ve taken charge in, won drawn and lost, goals scored, conceded etc
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Class acts 👍🏻
We are working with the Kent Sikh community &
@kent_police
to provide 800 hot meals for the truck drivers who are stranded due to Borders being closed !
#OperationStack
#BordersClosed
@ashishskynews
@Port_of_Dover
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You’d hate to go out with me then, I’ve just finished watching all 26 series. Love it.
Pc Tony Stamp, June Gold and June Ackland, not forgetting Reg Hollis and of course Gabriel Kent, what a bastard he was!
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