Scrümbled Eggs 🇵🇸
@scrumble_eggs
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PRONOUNS | bsky: scrumble-eggs | alt: @oeufs_brouilles | https://t.co/gLwneC2gQz
🇨🇦
Joined May 2022
Fellas, is it gay to love your wife forever?.
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The United States is about to experience the worst economic crisis of all time.
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Back in my day this would be straight to VHS and have the worst Dwayne Johnson soundalike you’ve ever heard in your life.
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I remember when this would’ve been an Onion article.
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I’m convinced that Mark Wahlberg is doing this movie so that it will be the new top Google search result for “Mark Wahlberg plane” instead of his 9/11 quote.
New trailer for Mel Gibson’s ‘FLIGHT RISK’, starring Mark Wahlberg. In theaters on January 24.
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Arachnophobia is so stupid I mean why do you even care if these spiders get married.
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Look, it’s a guy who runs a libertarian party account on Twitter.
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Baby boomers: I would die for my country. Millennials: I would die for my cat. Gen Z: I would die.
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I read that back in the day that some people used to think Alex Trebek was black and it sounded crazy but then I saw a picture of him and holy shit
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@ProjectAuuman @GalaxyPeaBrain I can’t take British dirty talk seriously. “Take me knickers off and have a look at me undercarriage. I’m gagging for it, luv.”. “Phwoaarrr. That’s a growler, innit?”.
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@theaprilpapers Have you ever seen the love letters that James Joyce would send his wife?
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Every airport should offer a daily one way ‘mystery flight’ that just goes somewhere.
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@BirdRespecter Ian Miles Cheong blocked me after I reminded him about that time he swatted someone and the cops shot their dog.
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This is what the European highway system is like.
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Call me OSHA because I think you need a railing.
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If you drink five of those 5 Hour Energy drinks in one day you unlock the secret 25th hour and you also die.
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Spider-Man: I could never kill another person. That would make me just as bad as them. Also Spider-Man:
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@keiichimorisato @coolestkid04 @airbagged “I’ve been complaining online for nigh on 20 years now, son.”.
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I can’t fuck this.
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BREAKING NEWS: A judge has ordered that Alex Jones be dissolved.
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Remember how many times you had to pull the damn cord on some of the old ones?
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Look at the funny little stamps on these Thrift Store forks. I wonder where grandpa got these.
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You can get poptarts but you can’t get momtarts because of the pastryarchy.
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Jimmy Carter and George Soros at Henry Kissinger’s funeral
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Spoiler: Young Sheldon dies at the end and it turns out Adult Sheldon is a fantasy created in the mind of his grieving mother’s shattered psyche.
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BREAKING NEWS: Legendary performer Dick Van Dyke, aged 97, is doing great.
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Those PUNKS and THUGS are desecrating the private property of a dead pedophile! 😡
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Good morning! Just cleaning up after a delicious breakfast.
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I wish my intestines liked the same food as my mouth.
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I used to see this commercial as a kid and assume this level of wealth was unattainable.
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They’re selling a sex doll at this estate sale.
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Excuse me, we don’t put our feet on the skate park in this household.
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Guys, if you're over 40 stop going after those young girls and get yourself a woman who recognizes the signs of a stroke.
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Hold on, let me put on my limited edition Halo 2 promotional condom.
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If you think Steven Seagal’s action scenes are lazy, then you haven’t seen his sex scenes.
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This BMI chart says I’m starting to get too short, how do I fix this?.
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@TAK121300 Not back in my day, which as you will recall, was the very subject of my original post.
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@SteakFrankhouse I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure if I had to mentor a war veteran with severe PTSD there would probably be better places to take him than a gun range.
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Some landlord in Poland divided a single apartment into 25 “rooms” and rented them all out for $320 a month. There’s a special place in Hell just for this man.
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@esjesjesj I’d report it but Ian blocked me for mentioning that time he swatted a guy and the cops killed his dog.
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@jmilam71591 I think Mulan 2 got the original cast back, or at least most of them. It was terrible though.
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I’m not buying anything from Craigslist ever again.
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I post pictures like this occasionally to weed out weak followers.
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@esjesjesj He did personally intervene to bring back two accounts who were suspended for posting CSAM.
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@kennedytcooper This is pretty impressive since most chuds struggle to make a proper swastika.
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You’re in her DMs? That’s cute. I’m in her basement, chained to radiator. Help.
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@keiichimorisato @coolestkid04 @airbagged You’re definitely the product of an American education system.
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You don’t hear YOLO very much anymore because all the people who used to say it are dead now.
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