Scrümbled Eggs 🇵🇸
@scrumble_eggs
Followers
4,110
Following
2,508
Media
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Statuses
57,758
Use any pronouns, I’m honestly just happy to be referred to at all | DMs open | Bluesky: scrumble-eggs | Mastodon: scrumble_eggs | Alt: @oeufs_brouilles |
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Joined May 2022
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Pinned Tweet
If you enjoy one of my tweets, you can always feel free to drop a buck or two on me to help support my crippling Diet Coke addiction.
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Fellas, is it gay to love your wife forever?
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Back in my day this would be straight to VHS and have the worst Dwayne Johnson soundalike you’ve ever heard in your life.
First teaser for ‘MOANA 2’
In theaters this November.
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I remember when this would’ve been an Onion article.
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Arachnophobia is so stupid I mean why do you even care if these spiders get married
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Look, it’s a guy who runs a libertarian party account on Twitter.
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Baby boomers: I would die for my country.
Millennials: I would die for my cat.
Gen Z: I would die.
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I read that back in the day that some people used to think Alex Trebek was black and it sounded crazy but then I saw a picture of him and holy shit
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@ProjectAuuman
@GalaxyPeaBrain
I can’t take British dirty talk seriously.
“Take me knickers off and have a look at me undercarriage. I’m gagging for it, luv.”
“Phwoaarrr. That’s a growler, innit?”
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@theaprilpapers
Have you ever seen the love letters that James Joyce would send his wife?
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Every airport should offer a daily one way ‘mystery flight’ that just goes somewhere.
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@BirdRespecter
Ian Miles Cheong blocked me after I reminded him about that time he swatted someone and the cops shot their dog.
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This is what the European highway system is like.
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Call me OSHA because I think you need a railing.
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If you drink five of those 5 Hour Energy drinks in one day you unlock the secret 25th hour and you also die.
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Spider-Man: I could never kill another person. That would make me just as bad as them.
Also Spider-Man:
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@keiichimorisato
@coolestkid04
@airbagged
“I’ve been complaining online for nigh on 20 years now, son.”
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I can’t fuck this.
The ‘DESPICABLE ME 4’ popcorn holder has been revealed.
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BREAKING NEWS: A judge has ordered that Alex Jones be dissolved.
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Remember how many times you had to pull the damn cord on some of the old ones?
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Look at the funny little stamps on these Thrift Store forks. I wonder where grandpa got these.
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Jimmy Carter and George Soros at Henry Kissinger’s funeral
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Spoiler: Young Sheldon dies at the end and it turns out Adult Sheldon is a fantasy created in the mind of his grieving mother’s shattered psyche.
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BREAKING NEWS: Legendary performer Dick Van Dyke, aged 97, is doing great.
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Good morning! Just cleaning up after a delicious breakfast.
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I wish my intestines liked the same food as my mouth.
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I used to see this commercial as a kid and assume this level of wealth was unattainable.
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They’re selling a sex doll at this estate sale.
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Excuse me, we don’t put our feet on the skate park in this household.
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Guys, if you're over 40 stop going after those young girls and get yourself a woman who recognizes the signs of a stroke.
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Hold on, let me put on my limited edition Halo 2 promotional condom.
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If you think Steven Seagal’s action scenes are lazy, then you haven’t seen his sex scenes.
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This BMI chart says I’m starting to get too short, how do I fix this?
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@TAK121300
Not back in my day, which as you will recall, was the very subject of my original post.
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@SteakFrankhouse
I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure if I had to mentor a war veteran with severe PTSD there would probably be better places to take him than a gun range.
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Some landlord in Poland divided a single apartment into 25 “rooms” and rented them all out for $320 a month.
There’s a special place in Hell just for this man.
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@esjesjesj
I’d report it but Ian blocked me for mentioning that time he swatted a guy and the cops killed his dog.
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@jmilam71591
I think Mulan 2 got the original cast back, or at least most of them.
It was terrible though.
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I post pictures like this occasionally to weed out weak followers.
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@kennedytcooper
This is pretty impressive since most chuds struggle to make a proper swastika.
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You’re in her DMs? That’s cute. I’m in her basement, chained to radiator. Help.
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@keiichimorisato
@coolestkid04
@airbagged
You’re definitely the product of an American education system.
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You don’t hear YOLO very much anymore because all the people who used to say it are dead now.
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How I would look hanging out with my Twitter followers
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Stop quote tweeting this with Challengers (2024).
That movie didn’t invent bisexuals.
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Nazi trolls act really tough until you tell them you know their real name.
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@PineCellar
It’s interspecies, but it’s heterosexual, so I don’t know if that’s woke or not.
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@keiichimorisato
@coolestkid04
@airbagged
No, I’m against the genocide being carried out in my name as a Jewish person.
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Nobody is calling this shit X.
It’s always going to be Twitter.
Be Honest!
The name 𝕏 is far better than Twitter.
Yes or No?
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