Schuelke
@schuelkecorn
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17,001
Following
4,145
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Statuses
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5th Generation corn farmer, casual grain hedger. #StayDeadInside Elderwood Farms Est. 1889. Former Hair Farmer. Crappy Bowler. Golfer 🏌️♂️
Joined April 2013
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
To the guy in the semi I don't recognize at Poet who has been waving at me the last few days like Forrest Gump on a crystal meth binge:
Yo.
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My 72 year old dad ran the combine for the first time in 10 years today. I think he really enjoyed it until he twisted a yolk on the drive shaft off the header drive. He apologized. I laughed. We had a beer. Shit happens and we'll fixer up in the morning.
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Is it 'take a picture of your vehicle thermometer' season yet? I think it is.
For those of you rich enough to have a vehicle that has a thermometer, stop gloating. The rest of us have to drive to the bank and see what the sign says.
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Hi, GMO AND NON-GMO grower here. There are literally billions of frogs/toads in our corn fields right now. It's also quite wet. 30 years no-till/minimum-till. Dead soil? Is 5%+ organic matter ok?
Go spread your bullshit fear somewhere else.
Challenge anybody to find frogs in the middle of a GMO cornfield, like I found in our Grazed paddock today. Dead soil=no biology=no bugs, pollinators, frogs, birds, etc.
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Of all the experiments I've tried over the years I'd say simulating a hail storm to see if it encourages node branching and/or mitigates white mold is up there on the weird list.
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A very long time ago my Dad said "treat all acres, rented or not, as if you own it". I've always taken that as keeping ditches as neat as possible if time allows.
#GhostROI
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This is called a reimbursement of an admitted overcharge, Kevin. As a producer I dont want your free trips, grilles, coolers, etc. Just the best price and I'll vacation when/where I chose.
Little gestures like hats & mugs are fine.
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I hope this new snowblower is an expensive paperweight and sits idle for 3 winters.
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Help Wanted: Harvest '23. Grain cart operator. $25/hr with room to be paid more per hour + bonuses with competency
Included: Housing, meals, alcohol (off duty)
Start/end dates ~9/25 to 11/5.
Not a high-pressure work environment, as we have just one combine. DM for more info
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Dad taught me years ago this is how you put a pin in a batwing mower (upside down). So if the mower starts on fire, you can quickly get the pin out and save the tractor.
Is this odd? How hay people do it?
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I'd rather look at 600 acres of waterhemp than a single wind tower on my land. Seeing these things on I-29 makes me wanna vomit.
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Today at lunch my Dad told a local private agronomist "spreading phos is like jerkin off on your windshield and hoping your wife gets pregnant." Old people are hilarious sometimes.
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We haven't had a sprayer on our farm in over 50 years due to a chem accident taking my grandpa's life & the PTSD it cause my Dad. Dad has been retired for quite a while, so today that changed. I've been considering it for a number of years and finally pulled the trigger.
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Harvest help grain cart operator wanted: lodging, meals, fuel, beer/drinks provided. Wage $20 hr, minimum. More if experienced. Modern equipment as seen in picture. Start date usually 9/20-25. End date usually 11/01-05. DM if interested. RTs appreciated.
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Have you ever seen a 1400# pumpkin blown up with 20# of tannerite? Now you have. It was a nice little Friday afternoon....
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Whoever restarted the high-waisted/granny panties/mom jeans fad a handful of years back should be executed. Not a quick one either.
I'm talking stoned and possibly drawn & quartered.
Someone get some late-90s/early-00s low waisted Z Cavvarichi's back in the game.
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#Corn
. Could literally jet ski this field in the springs of 2019 and 2020. That "dip" you see where the standard rows start is the only deviation in elevation on this entire quarter. Sometimes the flatness of our land still amazes me.
#GodsPoolTable
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When u plant FBN corn and are confident in it...for a minute.
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Wore a mask for the first time this year. Not that I'm an anti-masker. I'll wear one if it's required. This was also a choice, situation.
I was in a grain bin.
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The empty Chinese promises regarding agriculture coming out of the White House is kinda like the time Michael Scott pledged free college tuition to a bunch of kids.
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The CDC has released a statement saying it doesn't matter if your combine is red or green. As long as it isn't a Gleaner
#SilverSeederVaccine
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In today's episode of 'Austin Makes Things Weird On The Phone' - I called the FSA to get an email of all my field maps for reporting acres and told the gal I loved her as I hung up. On accident of course.
So I got that going for me.
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I see people are upset about some expensive steer that got sold.
I bought a round of drinks at the clubhouse after I got a hole-in-one and no one said I was frivolously wasting money. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
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First brand new spring implement my cousin or I have ever bought. Looks like it will be the most level corn seed bed we've ever made. Pretty excited.
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Today's old school puffy jacket is brought to you from our friends at
@Asgrow_DEKALB
Because their seed might be overpriced, but dammit their old school jackets and yields are legit.
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Drove semi all day. Got in the pickup to go to town and started slowing down a mile before the turn and reached for the stick. Am I a real trucker now? Because I don't feel like one.
#Harvest20
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It appears the 15 year old original battery in my daily driver pickup did not care for last night's cold and has finally crapped the bed. We had a good run Mr AC Delco.
Can't wait for the replacement battery to last 2 years....
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Ever since my Dad retired 10 years ago I've paid his fuel bill. I don't know where that man drives, but he used more $ in gas than we did in diesel for the semis in the month of July.
74 year olds get to be pickup window Agronomists!
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It. Is. Finished. All done. Decent crop. Excellent help. Still managed to do it without ceramic coating the windows.
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I'm old enough to remember when my retired father told me to bite the bullet & buy 2 year's worth of nh3 in the fall of 2020. I did not heed that advice. What a fool.
Sometimes those old bucks know what's smart.
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Let's all give
@TractorHouse
the slow clap of shame for making their app AND web browser annoyingly inefficient & terrible to navigate vs their old version.
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I'd pay for a plane ticket if competent men would show up to harvest. Dead serious.
It's tough to line up work in the weirdest harvest of my career.
If you have a pulse, come.
Get on a plane. Cipher it later.
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I don't hate Bruce Springsteen. I find him tolerable. But hearing him sing 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' almost made me throw a hammer at the shop radio.
Turrible
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Combine been broke down for 24 hours now. If anyone needs me I'll be drinking beer in my shop looking at disc chisels to fix all the harvest sins we've already made to the land.
When it dries up in a few years.
#Hellvest19
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He's plugging his ears because the buttons on his shirt were screaming so loud.
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Normally, if I just look at a hydraulic hose/cylinder, I get dirty. So far today, I've replaced 4 hoses & 2 cylinders. So, naturally I look like I climbed through the Shawshank shit pipe.
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The two gentlemen drinking Windsor/Coke next to me in this North Dakota Cafe are arguing wheat vs soybeans. I chimed in and said "please plant all wheat".
wheat guy -thank you. why do you say that?
Me: I'm a corn/bean producer. Don't be adding to my acres!
[Loud laughter]
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Not sure if we're "at war" or anything and I know grains are down today. But I know two things: wars are historically good for commodities & election years are historically good for commodities.
Add them together and we still have an oversupply of grains.
I'm still bearish.
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Just when I think I'm ready to give up on starter fertilizer because it can be a pain I run into a no-fert check and it's 14 bu less and 1 point wetter.
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1.1" and standing water in about every acre I planted. Time for shop beers.
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When I see someone wearing Pit Viper sunglasses I automatically assume their family tree looks like a flag pole.
#DbagRadar
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Watching a season 3 episode of Cheers. So 1985. After the opening song they always show a street view of a bar and I noticed something -
UPS trucks are EXACTLY the same now as they were in 1985. That's it. That's the tweet.
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Phantom yield loss is real.
I used to not believe it in my last combine, because I trusted that OEM yield monitor less than a post-taco bell wet fart.
For 10ish years now we've had 20/20 yield sense, and it's accurate. It's real.
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My streak of not being stuck while planting ends at around 13 years.
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Is it possible to have an aerial applicator spray diesel fuel on full fields and light them on fire? Have about 10 quarters that it would make life way easier.
#Flood19
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@DerekWoll
Farmed with both. GPS allows me to sit in the tractor for longer hours and wake up more refreshed and ready to go right away. Longer hours = getting the crop in quicker, beating a rain. Quicker a crop goes in the higher the yield.
That's ROI.
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I wonder if the neighbor girl bow hunting in our trees heard me cuss for 2 minutes straight after I fell off the feederhouse and into the header while running the California Duster on my windshield. Gonna be sore. Don't worry, I'm not a fool. The rotor/header was off.
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It ain't fit, but it's almost fit. If we miss the possible weekend rains, we roll.
#plant22
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Not saying I will or won't get the vaccine, but I'd at least like to see how many people turn into zombies first.
I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending.
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A friend is renting my 9180 (middle). Left is a 9150 and right is a 9130. Seemed like a good photo opp.
#SteigerMafia
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I miss when
@FieldView
worked. Planting data? Gone. Harvest data from YESTERDAY? Gone. What was once awesome has withered & decayed into a meaningless golem.
Don't tell me to talk to support either. I've forgotten more about the product than the current team has learned.
#Junk
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How many avid hunters contracted the 'Vid & can't go to work since the deer started rutting?
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Call me for any and all max harvest efficiency tips & tricks. 🙄
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I private study done by the University of Common Sense shows that 80% of farmers complaining the
#pftour19
showing yields too high are caught massively long physical
#corn
every year due to emotional bias.
#SellYourShit
#StayDeadInside
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Vaccine people that scold those who don't want it make me shake my head.
Anti-vaccine people equally as far away from the fence also make me shake my head.
This is a free society. Do want you want for what you want to do. That's it. Judgment is an exercise in futility
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Who remembers the Montreal Expos? I'm 0% French and still devoted. Favorite farm hat.
#SouthDakota
@mlb
@MCamerlengo
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It's interesting that "low miles" on a used pickup is in the 150,000 or less realm. I'm old enough to remember when low miles meant <50,000.
Also, thank the stars I'm not in the market for a pickup. People are 100% certified bonkers on their asking prices.
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If it rains with all this smoke in the air does it come down as dirty black sooty sulfur water? I mean, I like free macro nutrients from the sky. Sulfur is a macro.
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@Henry68157
Guys that dump trucks at the elevator and climb into the places no one wants to on legs to fix issues.
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The bean pre residuals did not work this year in our area due to lack of rain. Sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles. Will put down a residual (multiple modes) next year and there after
The "bean pres don't work" is piss-poor argument has driven me crazy since Ag school
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That look on your face when ya start a new field and plug the planter 3 times in 0.36 acres and quit. At least it's on the edge of city limits so everyone can see I'm minorly ambitious/stupid.
#plant20
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Youngest & I won his age division in the Britton Country Club alternate shot Adult/Junior tournament. Little lefty can sling it.
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#Harvest19
HELP WANTED. Grain cart / combine operator. 8120 Case Combine. Steiger 335 & Unververth 1115 grain cart. Housing, Food, Alcohol provided. Wage DOE, but typically >$20/hr. Expected start date 10/1. DM for more info. RT's appreciated.
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Whoa. Must be Burt Reynolds or something.
Nope. Just our ride to the State Bowling tournament.
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It's that time of year when farmers are mad at weathermen & traders posting rainfall maps. And vice versa.
Meanwhile, I'm just wondering how people can eat watermelon without sprinkling salt on it.
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Take my money.
1993
#CaseIH
7250 with new rear tires & good front tires, 2291 hours & no know issues, listed by Little's
#Farm
Supply!
#USFarmer
#FarmEquipment
#ForSale
#Tractor
#Agriculture
#Machinery
#AgTwitter
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Do I clean the dirt, liquid fert, etc off my knife before cutting the cheese? No.
Do I care? No
#Antibodies
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Gonna kick it old school with our tillage tractor going forward. Bought a Case iH 9180 with 2963 hours on auction this morning. Save hours on our modern Steiger to keep it around the farm as long as possible. Gotta appreciate cheap horsepower sometimes.
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Read an article about the tick that makes you allergic to red meat. Absolutely terrifying.
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If you're a South Dakota farmer and have crop to sell or basis to set for harvest delivery, I'd consider getting that basis set now or in the very near future. Big crops get bigger. This has been your Buick crop tour, signing off.
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Someone asked about my hair surgery deal the other day. So, here we are at 6.5 months later. 6-7 months is when the biggest change is supposed to happen. So there's most likely still some late emergers coming. Haircut today and it's still a little whispy in the front.
Happy.
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I'll never understand why farmers waste their time digging & digging for seed behind the closing wheels. Check your depth between the openers & closers. After that there's only 1 question. Are you closing the seed slot? Yes?
Plant!
#DiggingForZeroKnowledge
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Mowed beans: 52 bu
40" beans: 46 bushel
Standard 20" beans: 57 bu
Granted this is a once side-by-side with zero replication. Also in a year when we had zero white mold symptoms.
This has been Schuelke's bat-shit crazy
#soybeans
experiment, signing off.
Of all the experiments I've tried over the years I'd say simulating a hail storm to see if it encourages node branching and/or mitigates white mold is up there on the weird list.
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Fargo mall: a DJ was playing Mariah Carey in the centre during a craft fair, Tradehome Shoes was packed full, and it appears they still have a JC Penney?
Did I step into a time machine or did the 1990s finally hit North Dakota?
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Probably have a dozen or more seed digger things laying around the farm. One even in the cab. But I still use my pocket knife and 2nd knuckle on my pointer finger for checking corn seed depth. When ya know, ya know.
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Every pot head in SD who's successfully grown a tomato plant trying to figure out how to turn their back yard shed into a grow room.
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Waiting a few hours to blood trail a buck hit with an arrow is excruciating. Feel better if he hadn't ducked my string and got hit a little high. Biggest buck I've ever had a chance on in archery.
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When you're in a tractor & meet a vehicle on a narrow gravel road and said vehicle doesn't find an approach, I get mildly perturbed.
When it's a fellow farmer & ya meet them 20 paces from an approach I want to put it in park and chew ass.
Dafuq out my way
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How much are they going to devalue the US dollar with this eleventy triptillion dollar stimulus package?
Asking for my physical silver investment & row crops we haven't grown yet.
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In South Dakota it's meth.
#wereonit
What’s everybody’s go to for road trip snacks. Got an 18 hour trip coming up.
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Me: Chris said our sweet corn isn't all that sweet. What did you think?
Dad: If you have any leftover seed, throw it in the garbage. Worst sweet corn we've ever grown.
72 year old men are just as direct as small children and it makes me laugh.
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Took 7 years of preference points, but finally drew an ANY deer tag for the Black Hills. 109 applications with same preference points as me and only 13 successful. I better go buy a lottery ticket. Mule deer, beware.
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I was this many years old when I learned Electric Light Orchestra's song was actual 'Evil Woman' & not 'Medieval Woman'.
Here my whole life I've been hating on 13th Century women for no damn reason.
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To the guy in the restroom stall near the G9 gate at MSP: I hope you're okay. I dont know if you were passing a kidney stone or crapping out a cue ball, but it sounded awful. Even the fella next to me washing his hands gave me the 👀 look in the mirror.
Best of luck.
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