I’m showing you a 5 minute YouTube called “doggo goes beast mode” on my cracked iPhone in the break room. I’ve already seen it so I’m looking directly at you the whole time to see your reaction
Every Chipotle looks like near future dystopian cafeteria. I feel like I should be eating with a kind of fidgety dude who is like “2 chits for guac? Bullshit” and dies in the first act
The Slinky was almost not released in American stores because the development team thought its reluctant descent down the stairs would be “too poignant”.
Me (nodded off at desk) : Babylon is…good? It’s a…a good place.
Teacher: Well that’s news to me… please… enlighten us
*Entire Roots Reggae 101 class breaks out in laughter*
Excerpt from my soft sci fi book: The spaceship was super complicated. I’m not going to get into it, but just know there was a lot going down with it. Anyway, the aliens had just regular guns…
Me on deathbed: please burn all of my manuscripts, please don’t get them published after my death 😏
My closest, dumbest homie: ok *burns all of my manuscripts*
bagel place had “cream cheese tomato pickle” on the menu and I thought ok maybe they know something I don’t so I got it. they don’t know shit. this is clown food
Sad King: I'd issue an edict, but I suck at those and who would even listen :(
Advisor (rolling eyes): Ah, man, no your edicts are great haha. The court loves your edicts