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@hastifliche
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The wery hunter, slepinge in his bed, To wode ayein his minde goeth anon
Joined March 2022
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Pinned Tweet
This was it: the first day of junior high. I burst into Mr. Milson's math class like fragments of semi-molten copper piercing the exterior of a humvee outside the Green Zone and shredding the US diplomatic personnel within. It was going to be a great year.
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my housemate said he had a dream recently which was just 'the loudest noise in history' and it woke him up
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Your heart should just beat a single time, at your birth, with enough force to drive the blood around your body for an entire 80-year lifespan
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I guess somewhere around the age of 12 it became my turn to go on the computer, and it still is. my turn just didn't end. more than a decade later I'm still here, on the computer
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come through, man. we're hanging out in a seemingly boundless grove of pomegranate trees. it's always dusk here. I have forgotten almost every detail of my past
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i think pulling a plate-armoured nobleman off his horse with a billhook and then beating him to death with hammers alongside your boys would be unique among human experiences. closest you get these days is eating crab
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good comment section, a lot of people saying 200+ which suggests that they're all books like 'Pregnant with the Werewolf Cowboy's Children'
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I've always loved the story behind this -- basically, during WWII, US air force statisticians collated data on where returning bombers had been damaged by enemy fire. This represented where planes would typically get hit. By reinforcing those spots, many lives were saved.
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talking to housemate's golden retriever: You are so special. You are so special. You are lovely. You are the loveliest girl in Lovely Town..
talking to gf:
Fri
18:07: could u get some beans on way home i think we're our
18:07 *out
18:08: bake beans
18:13: *baked
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the neighbouring tribe crack me up, man... they think the sky was made from the skin of the Great Serpent rather than the blood of the Rainbird
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why do people who take up painting always default to producing thin acrylic versions of lame meme images? i see this so often. anyway the foliage on the right is really well executed. reminiscent of Sasnal
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my grandma: oh you're so handsome and tall now but i remember when you were barely knee-height, with those big chubby cheeks 😊
me [drawing my sword]: You forget yourself, crone.
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white boy in da uniqlo shirt😱 and uniqlo trousers. and uniqlo socks as well
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[outflanking Mao from the left] I actually think women hold up 65% of the sky
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I miss the French Kanye
Died in a trench Kanye
Fought at the Somme Kanye
Led with aplomb Kanye
Le mitrailleur Kanye
Le Franc-tireur Kanye
Gangrenous leg Kanye
Not Sonderweg Kanye
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opening a viral post and seeing all the barely human bluechecks gibbering underneath induces the same disgust as peering into a pail of water you left in the barn only to find it filled with the corpses of drowned rats
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You are charged with tumblr prose and reddit humour. I find you guilty on both counts
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It's funny that there was a small window in history where your entertainment options in London were 1) watching Shakespeare himself act in his own plays or 2) watching a starved bear get disemboweled by dogs
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really cracked me up because he said this after my other housemate detailed at length her symbolically elaborate dream about falling glassware etc
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'piss like a racehorse' is a great expression. at its best that really is how it feels: high pressure, high throughput, unerring precision, rippling athleticism
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gelatinous american redditor instantly abandons commitment to property rights once palestinians try to exercise them
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Smashing my PC when it looked like the AoE II medium AI was beating me was not an act of frustration. It was actually an example of Extraplanar Warfare, the approach to military theory I've been developing. You attack the enemy in metaphysical modalities to which he has no access
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these guys are like Japanese WWII holdouts but for ironic racism. they will not stop until personally relieved of command by Nick Mullen
(Confessing my love to a girl doing my chinese accent) im in rove with you. I reary reary rike you
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He was such a diva... oho, I hate the indignities and inanities of fame..I would never agree to a TV interview...unless 😏 unless you were to film my severely handsome head in aquiline profile as I gaze philosophically at quietly lapping waves. but that's a crazy idea 😏
Samuel Beckett won the Nobel prize for literature in 1969. Unsettled by the idea that the award would lead to a spike in interest in his personal life and endanger his privacy, Beckett agreed to just one television interview on the matter [for Swedish TV] with the stipulation >>
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invented a sandwich named 'The Guilty Colonel'. The Colonel is played by a sliced cornichon, who lies awake on his bed of bread and cheese. Haunted by the cavalrymen he sent to die at the Nivelle, he has drawn an oilcloth of sliced turkey over himself, to hide from God's sight
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Obelix did this, not the neolithic people of Brittany. He fell into a cauldron of magic potion as a baby
You ever think about how the neolithic people of Brittany extracted a 20 meter tall 330 ton menhir from a sea cliff, moved it for 10 kilometres, then erected it
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I swear to God one of the most exciting parts about entering Gaza will be the fact I won't be on Twitter and seeing all the god awful takes on this conflict.
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while we were washing up after making minestrone, gf said 'the tomato and onion were separated by the high seas for so long before they were wed'
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it's frightening how inarticulate young and youngish writers of self-consciously highbrow stuff are now, as a rule. they just do not seem at home in language
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These are all by the same 20th C. artist, Karoo Ashevak. It seems (unintentionally) racist to subsume his particular body of work under the totalising anthropological label 'Inuit sculpture'
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this is a good video. sassy 40-year-old ameritard with epic bacon physiognomy mistakes list of locations in which US embassies have been attacked for list of state actors which have attacked US embassies
If you are an
#astrology
#tiktok
#Creator
, kindly shut the fuck up about geo-politics you know nothing about.
#israel
#iran
#embassy
#IranAttack
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appallingly bad
fwiw rachel kushner absolutely nails france / europe in a way most american writers seem incapable of doing
"The real Europe is not a posh café on the rue de Rivoli with gilded frescoes [...] The real Europe is a borderless network of supply and transport."
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WhatsApp messages from your Dutch electrician be like:
late to-day, fifteen minutes. i've been beaten the shit out of
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don't like horses. credulous quadrupeds lowering bridled elongate heads to drink ponds dry or annihilate a tuft of innocent grass. The horse frolics like a rock rolls down a slope: because it is obeying a law. The shrewd pig plays because it is the pleasure he has 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘯
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extremely forgettable sentence. amazed this got 4k likes. you should leave seeing beauty in the mundane to the pros 😎
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[wearing Stasi officer uniform, reclining in chair across from male mutual] at 7:09 pm you were followed by this female lowbie [i slide her pfp across the table] You immediately followed back. She only posts things like "in my going for a walk era." Can you explain yourself?
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Greta Gerwig has just signed on to direct a big-budget adaptation of Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings
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Laughed really hard at this. Part of what makes it so zany is that the author has randomly capitalised words throughout the joke.
saying " i Miss my wife" every Time i blink because i Do not have Object permanence
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accidentally shrieked with delight when they informed me I was to receive the award for Most Stoical Disposition and they immediately rescinded their decision, to which grim news I responded with a barely perceptible nod of such equanimity that they instantly reinstated it
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two F-22 Raptors just shredded this thing to pieces in the sky over Nebraska
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Dan Hentschel has unlocked the raw comedic power of paying for FaceApp Premium
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@evilvillain1231
this is fucking hilarious, in the beard pic he looks like one of those forensic reconstructions of early mediaeval peasants
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Arthur exhibits here many of the traits of domestication syndrome in mammals: floppy ears, depigmentation, a shortened muzzle, and perhaps behavioural neoteny. My guess is that if you sawed open his skull you'd find reduced brain volume relative to his wild counterparts.
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Dream Journal
1/08/23: No dreams.
2/08/23: No dreams.
3/08/23: Didn't dream tonight.
4/08/23: Didn't dream.
5/08/23: No dreams.
6/08/23: Dreamless sleep.
7/08/23: No dreams yet.
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I myself have read two thousand books so far this year, bearing such titles as 'Advanced Notions for Brilliant Boys' and 'A Disquisition upon the Mathematico-Logical Underpinnings of Conscious Experience'
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@IanYates82
Thank you. I think I'm unsuited to it -- feel as if I've wronged each person who gets suckered
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amphetamine intake correlates linearly with human performance. more amphetamines = more sensitive husband, more puissant lover, more polymathic intellect, fuller appreciation of cubism, more magnanimous in victory, nobler in defeat, ability to speak in dactylic hexameter,
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@Mawi8448517
If those parts of the plane were in any danger, they would have shown signs of damage, rather than appearing relatively unscathed.
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the american is launched on a psychological odyssey by the imbibement of a single beer
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one of the least impressive gneiss outcrops I've seen
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Dad found a bunch of paintings I did when I was four. He had recorded the titles I gave them on the back of each panel:
1. Big Steel Pylons
2. A Bath Full of Red Arab Gas
3. Magic Head inside another Magic Head
4. My Friend Isaac who Lives with Me
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What if I told you that the real Europe is a borderless network of supply and transport
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actually I guess the explanation for this is quite obvious: it's a way to avoid the risk of embarrassing yourself by earnestly producing a shitty painting. you can just go 'it's meant to be kind of bad. it's ironic. see the meme'
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is cybernetics actually about anything
Posters from the American Society of Cybernetics
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it's genuinely disturbing when people suddenly reveal that they have never read a book on a topic about which they have been stridently moralising for days
One thing that is so striking to me is how unclear Israel’s actual military objectives seem. Obviously that’s not something we’d have total visibility into. But it feels on some level there is no real objective beyond “respond in a way that causes massive destruction”
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Arrr!! The white whale reaped away me leg when I were patrollin the opium fields of Kandahar
I lost both of my legs in battle while defending our nation. I'll never give up fighting for America.
These repulsive actions demonstrate just how deeply ingrained hatred for America is with these pro-Hamas protesters.
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starting around the age of 12, I was repeatedly hexed by malevolent wizards, inducing a horrific metamorphosis...wiry dark hair sprouted in strange places on my body, my testicles swelled in size, my voice deepened, and i was beset by unspeakable carnal visions
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as a straight man I bring a kind of outsider perspective to Chappell Roan which allows me to understand her music more deeply than most sapphics
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49 million dollar eye surgery. surgery where they replace your eye with a Ming vase
You won 50 million and your best friend eye surgery is 49 million, what will you do ?
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reading the New Yorker these days is very odd because you can see the guard changing in real time. a delightful and brilliant Gopnik article will directly abut shit like this, which wouldn't cut the mustard in a student magazine
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This is often used as an example of 'survivorship bias': planes (i.e. 'survivor ships' - aircraft which survived) tended to return from more sorties if they had been reinforced in the areas with red dots.
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Le Chiffre: have you ever experienced...male loneliness, Mr Bond?
[gagged Bond screams and struggles against restraints]
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This is what many Americans are. they make fat fists and gesticulate like gigantic unweaned babies at things that upset or confuse them. they smugly inform you that Cyprus, Japan, Portugal and Kuwait have recently attacked US consular facilities
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[typing tweet:] they should NOT have let my unearthly ass procreate😂
[my translucent five-year-old son Isengrim standing directly behind me with insects hovering in concentric circles around his head] They bullied me again today, father. And still you jape.
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yeah bro the Judge should have delicate lips and pronounced cheekbones. in fact why not just cast Timothee
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I think a lot of people don't realise that the word is 'sacrilegious' and so etymologically has nothing to do with 'religious'
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this thread is a good example of how, if you are dullard artist, you kind of have a moral obligation to avoid running serious topics like domestic violence through the meatgrinder of your obtuse storytelling
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@furby_hancock
four-hour long video with multiple costume changes about how The Incubus CEO's Wife problematically reproduces neoliberal logics of selfhood
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