rachel (can open your heart)
@rachelclif
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I open avoidant men’s hearts to the love & intimacy they’ve always wanted.
living art 🦋
Joined November 2017
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Pinned Tweet
what people think I do // what I actually do
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one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being is the freedom to disappoint you without that rupturing the relationship
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a question I find really sexy:
what in you has to die for you to be able to truly live?
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I want to read an unputdownable novel about sex, love, secrets, and messy, beautiful humans.
any recommendations?
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at least 90% of being delightful to be around is simply being willing to be delighted by what is around you
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[theory] most men don’t fear commitment. they fear committing to the wrong things.
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@pearlythingz
two ideas:
1. being able to be naked (without shame) is being able to be free
2. being able to be sexy without shame is being able to be free
big picture: “freedom to” is more freeing than “freedom from”
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hot take:
great communities aren't built by people who want more connection in their lives. great communities are built by people who feel deeply connected with themselves & are excited about sharing that with others
(they are created from a place of overflow rather than lack)
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does anyone else feel like they’re changing a lot… really, really, really fast?
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men,
can you imagine being wanted for doing nothing at all?
satisfying someone else’s desire just by being you?
❤️
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@TheCinesthetic
this is blasphemous
if you see this tweet, quote it with 4 pics that expose your taste in men
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@pagan_hoetry
if you cannot appreciate the beauty of a woman in her natural state, you have no idea what it’s like to be desired for who you are
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I love it when exactly the right people stumble across me at exactly the right time & fall hopefully in love 🌹
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@pearlythingz
men don't want “sex, silence, and a sandwich”
they want “sex, peace, and a sandwich”
subtle yet important difference
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@ask_aubry
broke* men are insecure about being broke & project it outwards
*within this context, “broke” isn't just about not having money; it’s about not having anything to offer
they both want to be able to be feminine; she is more (healthily) masculine than him
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men: what’s the most emotionally healing experience you've had as an adult?
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all you can ever do is shoot your shot & see what happens
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@pythonandpanda
intimacy is terrifying when you are terrified of being intimate with yourself
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@simonsarris
how to find a wife:
1. dismantle all barriers to loving woman
2. dismantle all barriers to being loved by women
3. become a confident & competent man
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masculinity is about confidence
the kind of confidence that comes from competence
“having your shit together”
“knowing what to do”
there is no substitute for doing, and that's beautiful
it's how we learn how to stand tall
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inside every man is a needy, helpless, desperate little boy who can't self-soothe
and doesn't become less needy, helpless & desperate as the man accumulates more of the trappings of Manhood, because that isn’t what feeds him
he's hungry for something else
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a pain that many women know is the pain of being wanted so much by the other that they cannot be seen, let alone felt
as anything but an object for that purpose
bc when they make it clear that they are not available for a non-platonic connection, they are abruptly discarded
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men, some women enjoy giving head. does this surprise you?
[I hesitated for an adorably embarrassing amount of time before posting this, please forgive me 🙏]
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To create more balance in the world:
Men need to be able to speak openly about how much it can hurt to be a man.
Women need to be able to listen.
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there’s so much shame around being publicly horny. have you ever stopped to ask yourself WHY?
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[theory] most men don’t fear love. they fear loss.
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I've said it before & I’ll say it again:
the sexiest thing in the world is being able to disagree with someone without cutting them off or shutting them down
conflict is profoundly GENERATIVE
(navigated skilfully, it's a force for the creation of DEEP connection & intimacy)
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@Aella_Girl
am I the only person who thinks that MANY 13-year-olds would have this as a dying wish (if they felt safe/comfortable enough with their sexuality & were sufficiently unafraid of other people’s judgements)?
I remember being 13 in a situation adjacent to this one and FOR SURE, I
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how to hit on me:
be cooler than me
be sexier than me
be more interesting than me
be a better communicator than me
also: be genuinely interested in me as a person 🫶
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I am super sensitive to rupture in relationships
in many ways, this is my superpower; I’m always optimising for connection & repair
and… how much of this is because this was my role & survival strategy as a kid?
a lot, I expect
today, I’m feeling grief for that little girl
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did you know that telling the (and living your) truth is really fucking good for relaxing your nervous system
… once you unshame what that truth is?
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@jessicamalonso
co-signed, explicitly asking for consent can be extraordinarily hot
(if she really likes you and/or wants it)
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something I want men to understand about women:
it is an emotional (and sometimes also physical) risk for a woman who is not in a relationship with you to tell the truth to you
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men only want one thing & it's to feel safe enough to be themselves
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why does no one care about men & boys’ sensory pleasure as long as they are still capable of having sex?
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@herecomsthesan
can leave your job because you can create your own job/work/means of making money & sustaining yourself
can leave a relationship because being with yourself (your own partner &
#1
priority) is so fucking good
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@hollowearthterf
men now understand [more of] what it’s like to be a woman
… and they don't like it!
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@tyler02020202
no, being 19 is all about dating a guy who wants to spend his life w you & you want more time & space to be a kid
(or at least it was for me)
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your entire conception of commitment changes when you realise that your life partner is the greatest spiritual teacher you will ever have
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me, snuggled into his chest: so, what are you attracted to about me?
him: *lists at least 5 legitimately interesting & insightful reasons immediately*
me: ... oh, right. ok!
(we met 3 hours ago)
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the heartbreak of “you lost me”.
the joy of “you opened me”.
the beauty of being mirrors, conduits, and companions in this magnificent journey of life.
I am everything & nothing. I see you in the same light.
I love being able to shine.
I don't want you anymore— and when I release me, I can breathe again. I see clearly, and everything seems so silly & perfect & beautiful. I laugh at myself. I love myself.
this is so adorably Rachel.
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@chelseahandler
ngl I aspire to be this cool (at every age)
thanks for the inspo
… and ofc, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! 🧚
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my favourite question to ask men about their “toxic” exes:
what did you like about her?
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[theory] most men would be able to give cleanly if they weren't starving for love & affection.
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@Aella_Girl
actually counterintuitive or under-discussed complaint:
perfectly adequate men cockblock themselves (make themselves unattractive) all the time
STOP DOING THIS!! IT’S SO ANNOYING!!
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HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN FEEL DESIRED WITHOUT MAKING HER RESPONSIBLE FOR “HANDLING” OR FULFILLING YOUR DESIRES:
the art & science of becoming a truly irresistible man
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@clintoris
how many women fall in love with a dream rather than the person in front of them?
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something I'm thinking about:
desperation is sexy when you wear it lightly, as a byproduct of immense desire
instead of being led & consumed by it
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if you see this tweet, quote it with 4 pics that expose your taste in men
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@pearlythingz
when average men don’t “deserve” to experience abundant opportunities to love & be loved, we lose the ability to experience them as great.
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all she wants is a guy who can read her mind & f*ck her closer to god
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in 5 words or fewer, what do you think of this dating app bio? 👇
“looking for a one-thousand-and-one-nights stand”
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when you remove the urgency from desire, it becomes peaceful power
and transcendent love
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polarity 101
women: if you want your male partner to be more masculine, be more feminine
(give him space to rise)
men: if you want your female partner to be more feminine, be more masculine
(give her space to soften)
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ARE YOU ACCIDENTALLY CREATING A SHITTY LIFE FOR YOURSELF?
a 🧵 on systemic change & the perils of “over-functioning” in relationships
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peak masculinity:
“I love that you want me to succeed. I love succeeding for you”
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@eshear
neither
his gf didn’t realise how important his choc cake desire was to him (or perhaps take him/it seriously enough when he raised it)
big picture:
1. she feels under-appreciated by him more generally
2. he feels unseen, unheard & uncared for [where it matters most] by her
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why I'm poly & I do the work I do:
1. I have way too much love to give for one man/relationship
2. I have way too much love to give for my love to be constrained, full stop
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hot take:
the reason why many men are v uncomfortable w the idea of surrender is bc they don't trust that the ppl in their lives (esp women) want &/or would be able to contain them
in all their messy, glorious, “crazy”, obsessive, heartbroken multitudes
& often, they are right
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the curse of being a man is that no one is coming to save you
the glory of being a man is that you are richly rewarded for saving (and/or creating) yourself
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one of the greatest gifts a woman can give a man is the willingness to be disappointed by him without making excuses for or tolerating unwanted behaviour
one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being is the freedom to disappoint you without that rupturing the relationship
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hot take:
the biggest problem many men have, as it relates to their relationships with women, is that they take from women without realising that they’re taking
a lagging indicator: you can't see or feel her radiance
(and neither can she)
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@jowyang
these aren’t like-for-like phrases:
1. “taking a shot in the dark” tells a story that “taking a guess” does not
2. “I bombed the presentation” means “I didn't do a good job”, not “I didn't do my best”
3. right column uses filler words like “bit” & “little” (reducing power)
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men,
a GORGEOUS woman that you are WILDLY attracted to says this to you:
“your mission, if you choose to accept it, is restoring my faith in men”
how do you respond?
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men, how often do you worry about hurting or disappointing the woman (or women) you love?
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@Duderichy
men who marry women who are beneath them end up resenting and/or cheating on them
(… just like women do)
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[theory] most women would be able to receive joyfully if there were truly no strings attached.
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two of the most important yet misunderstood ideas of our time:
1. sex is sacred
therefore
2. sex without integrity creates suffering
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men:
you're in a LTR w the woman of your dreams.
you have an AMAZING life together.
you're deeply in love w one another & the sex is great.
one day, she comes to you & asks if you would entertain the idea of one-sided monogamy.
what goes through your head?
what do you say?
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at heart, most conflicts come down to one or both of these things:
1. “I’m afraid that I don't matter to you.”
2. “I'm afraid that I’m not safe.”
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why women inhibit themselves when it comes to receiving from men:
they associate receiving with a loss of power (aka, the loss of themselves)
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two secrets to creating soul-nourishing relationships:
1. pace control (how fast things escalate, in any context)
2. intensity control (how much attention & energy you put into and/or place on it)
follow what’s alive & never go faster than you can feel 🦋
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how to make a man melt:
tell him you trust him & see him as trustworthy
(and mean it)
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all men are subs
because all men want to be of service to others/a cause that's bigger & more important than themselves
and feel useless—their lives lack purpose & meaning—when they aren't
or can't be
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