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@quotidiania
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growing toward home. focused on creation. guitar & singing & & & come dream a dream with me 💭
Joined March 2020
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Pinned Tweet
Saturday, 9:30 PM. Vibe Camp Main Stage.
You know what to do.
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man it's crazy seeing so many women telling on themselves on the TL today with regard to their inability to imagine & empathize with the experiences of guys
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i want a girl with a short skirt and a looooooooooong metacognitive process she's honed through years of engaging with her inner world and the inner worlds of others
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if a woman tells me she's never felt safe like she does with me that's a red flag because like why is she so bad at feeling safe
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Couples often come across as cringe-y because they're literally regressing together, reanimating childhood selves that mostly don't get to come out and play because it's very not safe socially
(this is good)
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in some ways this is par for the course, but lately it stands out to me more. there's no effort to conceal the contempt, even. it's crazy...
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I often think of this poem, which I first read during my last breakup
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it used to trigger me but now i'm just like oh yeah wow, huh, that's really a thing isn't it. how about that. well i'll be
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My favorite deadly sin fact is that “sloth” doesn’t necessarily mean “laziness”
It can be glossed as “sorrow about spiritual good”: a disbelief that spiritual good is possible, that God has positive intent for your life
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@Eli_B_Again
i don't know if that's the case or not. if people were dismissive of your and other women's experiences, that's certainly no better than the reverse
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People love to be like "I wanna be more productive" when what they really want is friends who love them, a girlfriend, and a way to work that feels meaningful & dignified to them
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@wholebodyprayer
This sounds like the quirky equivalent of being the smartest kid in your high school and going to college and being mediocre
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@FeralPHunter
completely understandable, man 🖤
i find myself hesitant too about that at times, particularly bc it feels like these discourses become mind-bending... sometimes i feel like i have to fight tooth & nail just for my perspective not to be dismissed
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one of the few things that still gives me long-term cringe at myself is the time an ex-flame invited me back to her dorm room, CHANGED HER SHIRT IN FRONT OF ME, SAT IN MY LAP ... and I was still like "huh guess we're having a conversation"
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And this whole process really *is* good, except that for most people these child selves are so, so unintegrated and often even at odds with their adult presentation, beliefs, persona, selves, &c.
This comes across as cringe-y and even deceitful
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With girls who write “no hookups” on their profiles I always wonder if that’s correlated with a *higher* propensity for casual sex
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is nobody gonna talk about the nominative determinism of sam bankman fried?
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@p_millerd
I used to believe this, but I think it's wrong. There's a lot of real work in tech e.g. that pays quite highly
That being said, yes, a lot of make-work in many high-paying positions in tech and out
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Why is it so under-discussed in mainstream dating culture that the right partnership can actually make both people way happier, flourishing, and even "successful"?
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@thechosenberg
my man's trying to resolve that monogamy boundary at the finest length scales possible
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@sashachapin
someone told me this is because avoidants have to cultivate an ~~~aura~~~ to try to entice people. otherwise they just have nobody
and i think about this a lot.
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@animalologist
i think many women would probably feel the same way! and probably many guys for that matter.
FWIW, i resonate with the sadness, in part - it's sad that the world is such that guys carry a fear of being used emotionally and that that fear is tangled up with the idea of marriage
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On a scale "literally zero concerns" to "holy shit I am FUCKED" where do you place your prospects for long-term fulfilled romantic partnership?
Note you can still answer this if you're married - as long as you're not dead yet (and if you are - congrats, you made it!)
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I'd love to see more Relationship Takes from people actually in thriving long-term relationships, including marriage
Too much material out there from people who are single or still struggling
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@lisatomic5
I wouldn’t do this to my kid and it’s fuckdd up, but it’s kinda interesting to observe the dynamic
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man sometimes I miss the irresponsible disorganized days
remembering a day I stayed in bed w a girl til 10 am on a weekday then went to the Manhattan Krispy Kreme w her. or zooming thru BK on my bike to meet a girl in Bushwick. or blowing off research to boulder all day
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One thing I've learned from dating someone whose native language isn't English is that you really need a tremendous courage to become conversant in another tongue
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@magicianbrain
yeah, Sagrada Familia feels like the first real new idea in cathedral architecture in 800 years. idk why it all didn't make more of an impact
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gm I’m considering taking a selfie everyday to help me improve/accept my face and hair more
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If your friend’s gf broke up with him, she at least like … 1% … broke up with you
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Me joining the upper class to escape my shitty poor childhood: hahahaha this rules, fuck yeah!!!!
Me learning the hard way about upper class pathologies: well this sucks, what the fuck
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Okay but for real how does one release envy for things one actually, for real, no joke cannot have in this lifetime?
Banned answers:
- suck it up
- get the thing
- turn it into motivation
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@8chabard
I think some people (including me) are rightly suspicious of technocratic judgments about what's "the same"
many great things about modernity, but we have a track record of 100+ years at this point of thinking a change is inconsequential and being very wrong
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My dream is a Kindle that actually has physical pages
You could have like 100 pages and the reader could scroll them to be the first 100, the next 100, etc. who’s building this?
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your wife cooked something awful? call that Gross Domestic Product
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Some people really just do have better lives than other people, on every dimension. It just never stops feeling terrible that that's the case
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What the fuck is this convention of telling people "Don't cry"?
It's literally bad advice. I'm not gonna be polemical about it. It's just... bad advice. Like telling someone who's hungry not to eat.
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@adrusi
this isn't a call-out; she and i discussed this separately in the comments, but here's an example
If you as a man think “you’re marriage material, not a hookup” is an insult you have brainworms
Girls often wait to sleep with a guy they’re actually interested in so that we don’t accidentally get into each other’s FWB-zone. Learn girl psychology pls if you wanna fuck women
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@maybegray
The reasoning I think is that *some people* are gonna take the blue pill, and we should try to save them
It's an amazing thought experiment honestly. Incredible scissor.
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we're having a lot of fun with this so might as well say, if you're a feminine woman who knows how to feel safe in connection with men, my DMs are open
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Rage quitting Spanish now that I've learned that the imperfect of "hablar" is "hablaba"
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people getting mad about this are misunderstanding causality IMO
the q isn't "would you rather your partner cheat on you for 20 years or would you rather poison them such that they never cheat but die young"
it's what incredibly painful surprise would YOU prefer to live with
you’ve found someone you believe to be your soulmate
after 20 years of marriage would you rather find out
1) they’re going to die of a painful slow degenerative disease over the next 5 years requiring constant care
2) find out they’ve been cheating all along
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I get the strong sense lately that almost all the high-follower accounts on this site, including in TPOT, are deranged
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Seeing with fresh eyes for a moment, isn’t it actually sort of odd that TPOT has such a skewed gender ratio?
What is the detailed causal explanation? Is it just “women do stuff IRL even weird ones”?
oh. OH.
the scene with the reverse gender ratio to tpot is the YAOI FANDOM
time to brute-force myself into a new special interest
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it's absurd to loudly value empathy & compassion for difficult, delicate gendered experience of your gender while loudly refusing to extend empathy & compassion for delicate gendered experiences of people of the other gender
that is simply an attitude incompatible w integrity
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@animalologist
but that is a world that we, as a culture, have brought about, and i think the experience of living in that world deserves empathy in this case as in many others
i really do think it's the exact flip side of women fearing being used for sex. the symmetry is very strong
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@Duderichy
I kinda agree with them that asking for +5K makes you look a bit ridiculous, versus asking for a bigger increment. it's not insane and I don't think anyone should pull over it, but it's a little funny
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Being a being who enjoys sex and seeks it out is low-key so fucked up and strange
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when you pray for insight and it arrives
st jerome and the lion, italy, 15th century
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Someone on here a while back suggested the idea of trauma recovery houses - basically warm, supportive environments where people could go to experience firsthand what a loving environment is like
I think about this idea every day
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@GarrettPetersen
I think to be horny you have to at least believe in the possibility of happiness, and we've lost that on the cultural level
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Me, when I'd been depressed since puberty and my life sucked: Looks like a case for meditation
Me, 1000s of hours into meditation: What the actual fuck
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@thechosenberg
this is hilarious to me because if i ever did this i would repress the memory for a decade and then barely be able to confess it to a therapist, and this girl is like "eh maybe it's not that big a deal?"
life can be shockingly forgiving
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I often feel guilt or sorrow for how much I pushed my family away as a teenager and young adult, but every time I'm faced with a situation where something precious to me depends on their behavior, I remember why
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@thechosenberg
The subtext here is maybe that she had sex with those guys but not with him? I skimmed though
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@FeralPHunter
this discourse feels like there's a bit more room for guys to push back and more women joining in that push back. that gives me some hope
the mind bending tho is tough. by far the hardest aspect of getting into slippery, deep emotional stuff w women
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God I am so sick of body count discourse. There is clearly an underlying reality that both men & women have to grapple with
Let me simplify it for everyone: Men mostly feel weird about body count because of a particular power imbalance it makes manifest. As ever it was
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Sex and romance have probably been the most enjoyable things in my life, and also what has caused me the most crushing, lasting, and comprehensive despair
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It makes me sad that so many of the men I see Working On Themselves (TM) so clearly primarily blame themselves for the disintegration of their relationships
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I'm genuinely confused by it. The popular line is more like: sort yourself out and then partner up
Which, fair. Yet OTOH, are we really gonna gaslight ourselves into thinking that a high-trust high-context hight-commitment relationship can't make your life qualitatively better?
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In grad school I had a FWB for a long time who I was hopelessly in love with.
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@sympatheticopp
to be fair it is a disconcerting experience to know you're hot but not really get the why and how
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I found some ancient emails we exchanged looking for an old file. Lord have mercy on me
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The sexual tension between:
1) sex is sacred & every romantic relationship is preciously unique
2) you can probably have a great relationship with any number of other people
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@PMeadhbh
Right but like… it’s not hard for me to understand that. I can say hey I meant it as a compliment and also listen to a girl if it landed painfully for her
This is the standard I would hold myself to in any relationship…
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@8chabard
i'm no longer *that* upset by it, but i will say i do find it jarring that women do that who are members in good standing of the community, well-liked even, who would presumably consider themselves grounded, kind, & empathetic
wut
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Choosing violence here, yet feels important: I very distrust overly nice people(/posters)
in nearly exact proportion to how little I’ve seen of their capacity for kindness toward what isn’t nice
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he cooked with this tweet. I think about this all the time now and use this defense often
this is fine but the best defense against the dark arts is to notice when someone is _trying_ to persuade you of something and simply refuse without justification
"thats crazy bro" solves 99% of your problems here
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more and more convinced that ~all dating and gender discourse is poison. the enlightened man laughs, takes his beloved by the hand, and makes love to her
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Bro did you really just say something unkind to yourself? What the fuck?
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A lot of stuff comes down to this:
People like people who can take care of themselves.
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Any men out there find they're consistently more affectionate than their partners?
Totally rekt when I notice/pay attention to the fact that I tend to be the more affectionate one. It's tempting to conclude that I'm just always more into the whole thing - which could be true
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@optionvalue
thanks for the well-wishes, altho I strive to find an accommodation with nature rather than defy it as such
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Has anyone ever written anything good about going through puberty as a shy, sensitive, too-smart-for-their-own-good boy?
I feel like where I'm at emotionally is "revisiting the puzzles of middle school and high school" and I want to read that shit!
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I feel like a lot of weirdness in making friends & dating boils down to that relationships are too important to be left up to anything other than chance (the unconscious)
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it's a little fucked up how as an adult you can just go "I'm gonna have ice cream now" and nobody stops you
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Today gf and I went ice skating. It was my first time in many many years. Maybe since I was a teenager?
And it hit me deeper than it ever has before: those disadvantages from not having had a childhood - I’m never going to recoup them
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