@DudespostingWs
A very similar thing happened in my grade school. One girl kept telling us that Bill Elliott (NASCAR’s most popular driver at the time) was her uncle and one day the school population was brought outside as Bill Elliott arrived in a helicopter, he gave that girl a hug and left
I don’t always agree with
@ComicDaveSmith
when it comes to politics, but I do always listen to what he has to say because I feel like he’s one of the few that actually puts thought into his opinions rather than just parroting what his Twitter follows think.
@marknorm
is fucking the system and dropping the hottest special of the year on YouTube FOR FREE!!! Make sure you’re subscribed to his channel so you don’t miss it like a fucking idiot.
Y’all can hate
@luisjgomez
till the fuckin cows cum home, but that motherfucker defends people’s right to say funny shit like it’s his own kid and that’s why I fuck with him.
10 years ago today I was doing cocaine in a 12X12 shed behind a single wide trailer. Today I have a beautiful wife, 2 fantastic children and I can do cocaine wherever I want to in my 3 bed, 2 bath estate.
#WhiteChristmas
Some girl I fucked in 2010 is climbing a mountain in Peru with her doctor husband and I’m drinking bottom shelf rum and Coke Zero alone in my living room alone with my cats watching the Lions game. I’m REALLY glad that one didn’t work out.
@felixfromchapo
Pssshhhh, back in my day it was a Ford Mustang and it came with a waitress girlfriend that would drain your bank account and move to Atlanta.
I can honestly say that
@marknorm
is the nicest, most generous comedian that I’ve ever interacted with. No shade on any other comics, but Mark is a next level good cunt. Cheers, Mr. Normand.
Just clocked out for the last time at the company I’ve been at for the past 9 years. Monday starts a big, scary, new chapter full of unknowns. I’d much rather bet on myself and fail than stay safe and wonder.
My neighbor keeps his weed at my house to hide it from his wife. He has the house to himself today so he came over and smoked, now he’s remodeling his bathroom blaring Alice In Chains Unplugged and singing every word. Shouts out to that king.
Some dude at a gas station saw my hat and said “you a Wake fan?” I said “yeah, till they put me in the ground” he rolled his eyes and mumbled “sucks for you” so I beat the fucking dogshit out of his dumb ass, might’ve killed him, idk. Don’t talk shit on my family. Wake Forest TID
My son didn’t want to finish his lunch today, he doesn’t know there’s starving retards at Burning Man that would trade half a bitcoin and a half ounce of mushrooms for that Red Barron pizza and Dino nuggies. Smdh 🤦🏼♂️
Gordon Ramsay: sucks
Anthony Bourdain: dead and also sucks
Bobby Flay: sucks
Sean And Marley: undisputed GOATS of cooking media.
And that’s a CERTIFIED PEPPER FACT.
My neighbor just called to ask if we had cameras pointed at their house. I said “no, why?”, he explained that his wife was shitfaced the other night when they came home and she fell getting out of the car and it was really funny and he wanted video of it. 😂😂😂
@ChaelSonnen
@elonmusk
Yeah, I’m actually a writer for the 500, me and the other guys are pretty good if I do say so myself. When we almost killed Ryan Newman on the last lap a couple of years ago it really took us to a new level. We have the best Motorsport Entertainment writing room in the game.
Massive milestone for my work truck, I’d like to thank everyone who made this possible, Valvoline, Toyota, dealers, K&N filters, this great country and all of the beautiful people who reside in it.