donner party bus
@ok_alriight
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hottest girl on the internet, phd in vibe curation. for legal reasons, everything posted here is satire. 777
mpls/st. paul, mn
Joined July 2019
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Pinned Tweet
i feel like 2024 is going to be the year of realizing things
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i’ve had 5 different jobs since 2019 and had a different retirement plan at each one, which was a nightmare, but today i finally spent the afternoon on the phone getting them rolled into one account. please clap
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asked this guy what his hobbies are and he said “driving around”
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@badboychadhoy
lol the bride and bridesmaids at any wedding i’ve ever been to have been drinking champagne from 7:30 am - 1 pm before the ceremony & that’s fun and girly. but hitting the blunt?? sure sign of addiction
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@thechosenberg
the implication is that this person seems unappealing to you because they have a medical condition that requires brain surgery? lmk if i’m missing the point
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the fact that casual sex is seen as normal and wanting to fall in love is seen as “coming on too strong” makes me feel genuinely insane sometimes
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which minneapolis suburb has the worst vibes and why is it eden prairie
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i love a man who’s never punched a hole in the drywall
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yes
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the amount of out of state guys on bumble with pics in camo/with guns rn..... we can identify them
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@thechosenberg
joking about something privately as a conversation starter and being the butt of a joke on the internet to a bunch of strangers aren’t really the same thing
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tumor yeeted and i lived ❤️🩹
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my dad found a cool rock while we were at the cabin this summer, had it split into 3 pieces, and made rings for me and my sisters 🥲
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seasonal depression has been CANCELLED this year due to lack of seasons
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my dad goes to a weekly support group for spouses of people with dementia so i hung out with my mom tonight. we got noodles.
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@thechosenberg
hot girls have brain surgery sometimes. i’m confused about if you’re being serious (?) but this is actually a normal thing to have happen at some point in your life
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yeah sex is cool, but have you ever watched the guy who was bothering you all night get escorted out by security?
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dating show where i meet a bunch of guys who work in different trade sectors and they all have to renovate my house together while they compete to win my affection
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sorry but this is fucking hilarious to me, i love tinder
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my coworker died unexpectedly last week. he was my first friend at this job when i started in january. he was in all of our photo/video shoots for our marketing content so i keep accidentally opening up folders full of photos of him at work and getting sad about it all over again
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WHO on earth is keepin' salt and vinegar chips in business???
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@benzorilla18
@badboychadhoy
a pic of someone with a glass of champagne before their wedding = cute and girly, fun, accepted, certainly not problematic, no one would accuse them of being an alcoholic.
pic of someone with a blunt = addiction, problematic
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you couldn’t pay me $54 to admit this. embarrassing
I paid $54 for
@ChipotleTweets
@DoorDash
delivery, and this is what my $18 burrito looks like
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someone fell out of the VIP balcony at the armory last night. never seen anything like that before
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@hellolanemoore
my car wasn’t working so i invited a guy on a date to take me grocery shopping. he was down. back at my place he was admiring a painting, knocked it off the wall & shattered glass everywhere. then he asked if he could sleep on my couch that night bc he was technically homeless
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my mom was evaluated and qualified for hospice last week. i’m not ready yet
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last night i asked this guy to show me his instagram explore page, he started panicking, so i was like well now i definitely have to see it. i look at it and it’s all pics of baby animals and nature videos?? he said “sorry, i’m really high, i forgot what the explore page was”
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for me it was pinball and a drinking problem
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it’s my mom’s birthday. she doesn’t use her phone to communicate much anymore but she replied when i sent her a bday message. it’s the first text i’ve gotten from her in 18 months, i was surprised to see her name come up in my notifications ❤️
my mom was diagnosed with a rare form of early onset dementia called frontotemporal degeneration in july 2020. we celebrated her 57th birthday yesterday. it was bittersweet, the way it is when you aren’t sure what the future will look like.
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@thechosenberg
i thought about this for a long time and as long as this is the only contact attempt, i wouldn’t mind it personally. but i can see why people think it’s creepy
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i don’t think many of you understand the terminology you’re using on here
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i told my dad it was too hard meeting guys on the apps and he said to try going to lowe’s instead
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to be clear there’s nothing wrong with either. i just want guys to stop acting like it’s crazy when they ask what i’m looking for and i say “my soulmate”
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since i don’t drink alcohol they should let me do drugs at the company happy hour
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staying at my parents house this weekend, my dad came in the house just now and said “there’s a kitten in a bucket in the barn,” so i went outside and there she was 🥰
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wish i had $1 for every time i’ve had this exact convo. this man is 33 years old btw.
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free sampled my way through 100 mg of edibles at bent paddle
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the guy from the bank i had a crush on left me on read and now i have to go to a different bank branch in a different city ❤️
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this is funny to me because i don’t even live in minneapolis
fuck a twitter account that follows you that’s a flex! whats an account that has you BLOCKED that’s a flex ⁉️
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does anyone know what you’re supposed to do when you go on a date and it goes well? like what comes next
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god gives his lowest tire pressure to his most helpless soldiers
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sometimes social media is bad for my mental health. other times it’s bad for my mental health but in a funny way
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what do you guys think
when i checked into my hotel last weekend the front desk guy looked at my ID and was like “you look smug. like you’re hiding something”
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i would peel an orange for a stranger if they asked nice enough
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more people in mpls need to be advocating for safe use sites
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idk who needs to hear this but if you feel tired all the time, you should see a doctor. it isn’t normal to be fatigued or feel weak every day
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everyone tell me “good luck at your cardiology consult, i’m sure your heart is perfectly fine” please
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one time at my old job my boss told me she was going to write me up for “ruining the vibe” in our department, but HR said she had to be more specific so she just gave up
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the way i wait for these updates with bated breath
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date idea: i spend an hour telling you about the person who went missing from my neighborhood. then i take you to the exact spot where they were last seen
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the HVAC guy at my house this morning asked if i need to check with my boyfriend before authorizing repairs on the furnace in the house i own, and i wasn’t expecting it to happen today, but this is in fact my joker origin story
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done dating sensitive artsy types. my next boyfriend is going to be an electrician or someone who works in IT
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my dad retired from his longtime job early last fall to care for my mom full time knowing that he will likely need to go back into the workforce in his 60s once she’s gone. i love seeing how much he loves her but it’s all very sad.
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when i want to lay in bed all day, but it’s bad sleep hygiene to stay in my actual bed, that’s couch bed’s time to shine
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guy asked me for coke, never done it before but love that i look like someone who might have it
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hardest part of getting ready for work is finding the will to live
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sorry if everyone already decided to hate this - but over the weekend i went past the former ford site in st. paul, and those townhomes that are 3+ stories tall with multiple balconies and patios are kind of awesome? i would live there
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i grew an eggplant and it looks exactly like the emoji 🍆
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haters may disagree but i’m gonna say it: the men of chicago are, on average, hotter and more successful than in minneapolis
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why did people start using this word again? what’s wrong with you guys
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every single person arrested in st. paul last night was from out of state. per the MAYOR. EVERY SINGLE ONE
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went back to the bank and it was too busy to flirt, but this time he told me i have an interesting name. and i asked for his name. slow burn! watch this space
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once i decided i didn’t want to kill myself anymore, the universe started sending me more and more reasons to live
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i did not find a man. but i did find a dryer i like
i told my dad it was too hard meeting guys on the apps and he said to try going to lowe’s instead
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local suburbs discourse is always easy engagement bait. but just know i meant this from the bottom of my heart. the vibes there are sinister
which minneapolis suburb has the worst vibes and why is it eden prairie
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i’m so glad i didn’t kill myself before my life became fun and interesting
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@jodecicry
the most unrealistic part of their friendship is that they didn’t live together as roommates
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my dad has started coordinating with random ladies he meets in public to set me up with their single sons and this needs to stop *immediately*
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