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Shakira

@jodecicry

Followers
19,103
Following
492
Media
1,125
Statuses
12,139

Brooklyn, NY
Joined June 2011
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is broken
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
I love Uzi so much this nigga look like he on a field trip
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@jodecicry
Shakira
1 year
Took two (2) years but I’m finally happy with my apartment
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
There’s an Olympic event where they have to ski AND shoot guns which is exactly how I imagine people in like Michigan have to live to survive
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 months
Bisan’s latest post from 13min ago
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
this ain’t yesjulz?
@bbboatclub
The Blindboy Podcast
7 years
Bieber looks like a GTA online character designed by a 13 year old
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
I can’t wait to cast Timothee Chalawhatever in my biopic about the yodeling Walmart boy
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 months
Today I’ve seen countless videos and pictures of mudered Palestinians and a day in the life video from an Israeli woman making gluten free or whatever the fuck cookies for the IDF. We just can’t be fucking serious rn
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
Imagine going back in time and saying the word “deliverables” to your ancestors
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
The most important lesson I've learned from listening to music is to never leave a rapper a voicemail
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
white women after a long day of minding somebody else's business
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@jodecicry
Shakira
2 years
rewatching Broad City. Can’t believe Ilana lives in Gowanus and Abbi lives in Astoria and they hang out as much as they do
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
A short nigga calling me ugly doesn’t mean anything cause I already know I look bad from that angle!
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
I’m not sayin be a hoe... But if Barb had been a lil bit more of a hoe she’d still be with us
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
Can she dress or is she just an A cup
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
Good morning, like every other day I woke up thinking about Snoop’s “french tip for the french inhale” post
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
If I ran a country this vine would be our flag
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
I'm nonbinary at all times except when D'Angelo says let's play something for the ladies
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
Willy Wonka stole ompa loompas from their land so they could milly rock on top of dead kids
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
50 Cent behaves the way I would also behave if several niggas tried and failed to kill me
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
No one: Bran Stark: I saw things I imagined
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
Asked my 5 yo brother why he was changing clothes to go out 5 hours from now and he said "if you stay ready you don't have to get ready"
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
Thinking about how I could easily whoop Woody Allen’s ass at any stage of his life, but he would never be able to whoop me at any stage of mine
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
what about in 4th grade when I walked into class with my cornrows and this white kid said "oh my god it"s lil romeo"
@NathanZed
nathan zed
7 years
keaton racist family got 60k when he was bullied where were yall when somebody in 6th grade said they could project imax movies on my forehead
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
what has this man done for satan himself to say nah vibes are off I don’t want him in my house
@ABC
ABC News
3 years
📸: Prince Philip leaves King Edward VII’s Hospital in London after a one-month stay.
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
Who else panics when they're stopped next to a school bus because teens could possibly be in there roasting you
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
when I start an email with “Hey there!”
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
When you're discussing racial issues in class & a white person raises their hand but it turns out they're not racist http://t.co/DiID3wdPzk
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
DJ Khaled doesn’t eat pussy because that would require him shutting the fuck up for a bit
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
Personally, I think I would’ve survived the potato famine. I would simply have eaten another vegetable
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
girl fuck u
@Diane_Keaton
Diane Keaton
6 years
Woody Allen is my friend and I continue to believe him. It might be of interest to take a look at the 60 Minute interview from 1992 and see what you think.
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
but why can’t the bag secure me
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
Nigga it’s MARCH???
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
Moving like lesbians I stan
@PopCrave
Pop Crave
6 years
Ariana Grande's boyfriend Pete Davidson has gotten tattooed her initials and her iconic 'Dangerous Woman' bunny ears.
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
I will live in the mountains alone before I release a statement via notes app after fucking up
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
Every day I yell at someone about how amazing this fish is
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
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@jodecicry
Shakira
4 years
once I saw a friend sniff her boyfriend’s foot and go “stinky” in a baby voice and I knew then love wasn’t for me
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
Ryan Gosling head shaped the way they say "snoooooooooooop" in Drop It like It's Hot
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
I can’t find the original but on the subject of favorites tweets whoever first shared this screenshot
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
I support the man romper cause I want men to know what it's like to squat over a public toilet with ya titties out
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
1 time I jokingly called my dad's feet ugly and he was like "plenty of girls have sucked on these toes" and I didn't speak to him for weeks
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
I promise you’d never have to lift a finger in our marital home. I will cook, I will clean, I will watch the kids
@Lupita_Nyongo
Lupita Nyong'o
3 years
Very late to the party but I brought my juice. #jorochallenge @wizkidayo
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
"so you just gone walk by me without sayin hi" "hey auntie"
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
I'm tired of being silent
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
🗣 sis said no hateration or holleration and she meant it
@TheSun
The Sun
7 years
EXCLUSIVE: Kate Moss gets into fight at Cannes fashion show but Mary J Blige breaks it up
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
I beg of u
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 months
I feel such a deep deep anger, I have spent the majority of my adult life feeling angry about the state of this world, I have to imagine we will all be free in my lifetime, my little brother’s lifetime, someone’s fucking lifetime
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 months
pls if you’re coming back to NYC from Paris FW just burn your suitcase, fly home butt ass naked, etc
@SkyNews
Sky News
10 months
Bed bugs have been spotted in homes, cinemas, hospitals and trains - with the issue now compelling the country's transport minister to protect passengers
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
John Waters had Steve Buscemi dress up as John Waters for John Waters' Christmas card in 95. http://t.co/VEj1QJW1Yf
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
Remember when I tried to show my mom a picture on my phone and she scrolled and found a nude so I told her I took it to monitor my weight loss
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
Wilson is free, $400,000 was raised for him. He has profited from murdering Mike Brown and will likely continue to do so.
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
My girl Fiona bout to get that back blown out
@SanAntonioZoo
San Antonio Zoological Society 🦍
6 years
Dear Fiona, My name is Timothy. I have seen you on the internet at the @CincinnatiZoo & you are the most beautiful hippo I have ever seen! Perhaps we can meet someday and be boyfriend and girlfriend? I am single and available. #HippoSwipeRight #TeamFiona Sincerely, Timothy
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
Sitting in the dark at 4:31am laughing at a picture of Serena Williams stepping on Kim Kardashian's toes http://t.co/8tNXXgVoZA
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
Mind your business Seth
@SethAbramovitch
Seth Abramovitch
6 years
Bringing supermarket snacks to a movie theater will never not be desperate and tacky
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
There’s a girl in my apartment building with a beautiful voice but that’s overshadowed by the fact that the only song she ever sings is Clumsy by Fergie every night from 10:30 to 11:30
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
This will be the role of Meryl’s career
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
Rewatching Criminal Minds from scratch and I assume Aisha Tyler’s wigs were so bad cause they used the entire budget on Jason Alexander’s
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Shakira
6 years
BARE FEET ON A WET SUBWAY FLOOR THIS CURSED IMAGE
@ABC7NY
Eyewitness News
6 years
When it rains, it pours! 😱 Spotted at the 1st Ave L Train stop in Manhattan.
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
When you see that everyone is tweeting about something & you don't really get it, but you don't wanna feel left out. http://t.co/3rWDZoKQ1f
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
almost slipped on a wet floor with no sign and in that split second I was like "this will cover tuition" but the devil gave me balance
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
How do you expect me to look you in your colored contacts and believe a word you're saying
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
I wonder if Beyoncé ever condescendingly brings up Jay's Monster verse when they get into arguments
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
Bad and Boujee is a negro spiritual
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
Jenny Holzer just a feminist Dril there I said it
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
The thing about Shrek is it's an art film! I think you would have to have an appreciation for filmmaking, cinematography, and screenwriting to truly appreciate it! I found it captivating but more so because I was analyzing it. But I also have a film degree.
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
Suicide Squad nominated for Makeup & Hairstyling like they didn't stop by CVS to grab the palest foundation slap it on Leto and roll cameras
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
*Interviewing John Green* "Why have you written the same book 15 times?"
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
Waiting for my soaps* to come on Succession*
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
I refuse to believe Reese Witherspoon has never put that chin to good use and ate some pussy
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@jodecicry
Shakira
11 months
Sure is!
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@javrrivera
The 🍯
11 months
is that a Fall breeze im feeling?!
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
Whoever said plants are the new kids was right and when I move my plants so they’re directly under a patch of sunlight? That’s me dropping them off to school
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
I will never get over Mike Pence getting booed at a Hamilton show... a show where niggas are rapping about the cotton gin or some shit and YOU get booed
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
Andre's jumpsuits are important. http://t.co/AYPMlKJGhp
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
when you tell them you would die for them and they're like but don't you always wanna die anyway
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
Personally if I was a dragon and the bitch on my back parked me in a crowd of zombies I wouldn’t really fuck with her anymore
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
My cousin in the Bahamas got the vaccine and now she got the wild gorilla grip pussy, she’ll be getting married to seven different niggas this Saturday
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
"You ain't that cute, ya hairlines uneven, you look dusty"
@politico
POLITICO
8 years
. @POTUS on Russia: "They're a small country, they're a weak country, they don't produce anything that anybody wants to buy."
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
I could not pick Elon Musk out of a crowd. I have seen pictures of just Elon Musk alone, by himself, and still wondered which one he was.
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
The education connection girl " @IGGYAZALEA name a rapper better than me”” http://t.co/2zVOaCT6oT
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
Off work and the sun is still out we survived another winter depression y’all
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@jodecicry
Shakira
9 years
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
A small roach just fell from the roof of this Uber onto my armrest and honestly this is worse than the time someone pointed a gun at me
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@jodecicry
Shakira
6 years
Shkreli should serve an extra 7 years for looking like Mr Meseeks
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
every morning I wake up thinking about the SVU episode where all Benson does to go undercover as a lesbian is put on a leather jacket
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@jodecicry
Shakira
7 years
Bad and Boujee did more for me than the national anthem ever will
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@jodecicry
Shakira
8 years
My friend's ex whom she hasn't spoken to in nearly 2 years just text her "did you change your Netflix password?"
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@jodecicry
Shakira
5 years
My favorite tinder profiles are the ones that are like “I’m married and looking for something on the side... not interested in drama” nigga you are cheating on your wife
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@jodecicry
Shakira
3 years
my brother asked my dad what I do for work and he said “send and receive emails”
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@jodecicry
Shakira
10 years
Rape prevention boxers and briefs with neurosensors that electrocute your groin when you think you have a right to a woman's body.
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