Shakira
@jodecicry
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Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is broken
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There’s an Olympic event where they have to ski AND shoot guns which is exactly how I imagine people in like Michigan have to live to survive
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this ain’t yesjulz?
Bieber looks like a GTA online character designed by a 13 year old
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I can’t wait to cast Timothee Chalawhatever in my biopic about the yodeling Walmart boy
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Today I’ve seen countless videos and pictures of mudered Palestinians and a day in the life video from an Israeli woman making gluten free or whatever the fuck cookies for the IDF. We just can’t be fucking serious rn
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Imagine going back in time and saying the word “deliverables” to your ancestors
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The most important lesson I've learned from listening to music is to never leave a rapper a voicemail
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white women after a long day of minding somebody else's business
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rewatching Broad City. Can’t believe Ilana lives in Gowanus and Abbi lives in Astoria and they hang out as much as they do
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A short nigga calling me ugly doesn’t mean anything cause I already know I look bad from that angle!
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I’m not sayin be a hoe... But if Barb had been a lil bit more of a hoe she’d still be with us
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Good morning, like every other day I woke up thinking about Snoop’s “french tip for the french inhale” post
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I'm nonbinary at all times except when D'Angelo says let's play something for the ladies
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Willy Wonka stole ompa loompas from their land so they could milly rock on top of dead kids
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50 Cent behaves the way I would also behave if several niggas tried and failed to kill me
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Asked my 5 yo brother why he was changing clothes to go out 5 hours from now and he said "if you stay ready you don't have to get ready"
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Thinking about how I could easily whoop Woody Allen’s ass at any stage of his life, but he would never be able to whoop me at any stage of mine
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what about in 4th grade when I walked into class with my cornrows and this white kid said "oh my god it"s lil romeo"
keaton racist family got 60k when he was bullied where were yall when somebody in 6th grade said they could project imax movies on my forehead
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what has this man done for satan himself to say nah vibes are off I don’t want him in my house
📸: Prince Philip leaves King Edward VII’s Hospital in London after a one-month stay.
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Who else panics when they're stopped next to a school bus because teens could possibly be in there roasting you
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When you're discussing racial issues in class & a white person raises their hand but it turns out they're not racist
http://t.co/DiID3wdPzk
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DJ Khaled doesn’t eat pussy because that would require him shutting the fuck up for a bit
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Personally, I think I would’ve survived the potato famine. I would simply have eaten another vegetable
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girl fuck u
Woody Allen is my friend and I continue to believe him. It might be of interest to take a look at the 60 Minute interview from 1992 and see what you think.
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Moving like lesbians I stan
Ariana Grande's boyfriend Pete Davidson has gotten tattooed her initials and her iconic 'Dangerous Woman' bunny ears.
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I will live in the mountains alone before I release a statement via notes app after fucking up
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once I saw a friend sniff her boyfriend’s foot and go “stinky” in a baby voice and I knew then love wasn’t for me
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Ryan Gosling head shaped the way they say "snoooooooooooop" in Drop It like It's Hot
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I can’t find the original but on the subject of favorites tweets whoever first shared this screenshot
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I support the man romper cause I want men to know what it's like to squat over a public toilet with ya titties out
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1 time I jokingly called my dad's feet ugly and he was like "plenty of girls have sucked on these toes" and I didn't speak to him for weeks
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I promise you’d never have to lift a finger in our marital home. I will cook, I will clean, I will watch the kids
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🗣 sis said no hateration or holleration and she meant it
EXCLUSIVE: Kate Moss gets into fight at Cannes fashion show but Mary J Blige breaks it up
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I feel such a deep deep anger, I have spent the majority of my adult life feeling angry about the state of this world, I have to imagine we will all be free in my lifetime, my little brother’s lifetime, someone’s fucking lifetime
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pls if you’re coming back to NYC from Paris FW just burn your suitcase, fly home butt ass naked, etc
Bed bugs have been spotted in homes, cinemas, hospitals and trains - with the issue now compelling the country's transport minister to protect passengers
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John Waters had Steve Buscemi dress up as John Waters for John Waters' Christmas card in 95.
http://t.co/VEj1QJW1Yf
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Remember when I tried to show my mom a picture on my phone and she scrolled and found a nude so I told her I took it to monitor my weight loss
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Wilson is free, $400,000 was raised for him. He has profited from murdering Mike Brown and will likely continue to do so.
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My girl Fiona bout to get that back blown out
Dear Fiona,
My name is Timothy. I have seen you on the internet at the
@CincinnatiZoo
& you are the most beautiful hippo I have ever seen! Perhaps we can meet someday and be boyfriend and girlfriend? I am single and available.
#HippoSwipeRight
#TeamFiona
Sincerely,
Timothy
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Sitting in the dark at 4:31am laughing at a picture of Serena Williams stepping on Kim Kardashian's toes
http://t.co/8tNXXgVoZA
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Mind your business Seth
Bringing supermarket snacks to a movie theater will never not be desperate and tacky
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There’s a girl in my apartment building with a beautiful voice but that’s overshadowed by the fact that the only song she ever sings is Clumsy by Fergie every night from 10:30 to 11:30
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Rewatching Criminal Minds from scratch and I assume Aisha Tyler’s wigs were so bad cause they used the entire budget on Jason Alexander’s
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BARE FEET ON A WET SUBWAY FLOOR THIS CURSED IMAGE
When it rains, it pours! 😱 Spotted at the 1st Ave L Train stop in Manhattan.
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When you see that everyone is tweeting about something & you don't really get it, but you don't wanna feel left out.
http://t.co/3rWDZoKQ1f
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almost slipped on a wet floor with no sign and in that split second I was like "this will cover tuition" but the devil gave me balance
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How do you expect me to look you in your colored contacts and believe a word you're saying
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I wonder if Beyoncé ever condescendingly brings up Jay's Monster verse when they get into arguments
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The thing about Shrek is it's an art film! I think you would have to have an appreciation for filmmaking, cinematography, and screenwriting to truly appreciate it! I found it captivating but more so because I was analyzing it. But I also have a film degree.
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Suicide Squad nominated for Makeup & Hairstyling like they didn't stop by CVS to grab the palest foundation slap it on Leto and roll cameras
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*Interviewing John Green* "Why have you written the same book 15 times?"
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I refuse to believe Reese Witherspoon has never put that chin to good use and ate some pussy
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Sure is!
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Whoever said plants are the new kids was right and when I move my plants so they’re directly under a patch of sunlight? That’s me dropping them off to school
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I will never get over Mike Pence getting booed at a Hamilton show... a show where niggas are rapping about the cotton gin or some shit and YOU get booed
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when you tell them you would die for them and they're like but don't you always wanna die anyway
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Personally if I was a dragon and the bitch on my back parked me in a crowd of zombies I wouldn’t really fuck with her anymore
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My cousin in the Bahamas got the vaccine and now she got the wild gorilla grip pussy, she’ll be getting married to seven different niggas this Saturday
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"You ain't that cute, ya hairlines uneven, you look dusty"
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I could not pick Elon Musk out of a crowd. I have seen pictures of just Elon Musk alone, by himself, and still wondered which one he was.
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The education connection girl "
@IGGYAZALEA
name a rapper better than me””
http://t.co/2zVOaCT6oT
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Off work and the sun is still out we survived another winter depression y’all
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A small roach just fell from the roof of this Uber onto my armrest and honestly this is worse than the time someone pointed a gun at me
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Shkreli should serve an extra 7 years for looking like Mr Meseeks
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every morning I wake up thinking about the SVU episode where all Benson does to go undercover as a lesbian is put on a leather jacket
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Bad and Boujee did more for me than the national anthem ever will
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My friend's ex whom she hasn't spoken to in nearly 2 years just text her "did you change your Netflix password?"
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My favorite tinder profiles are the ones that are like “I’m married and looking for something on the side... not interested in drama” nigga you are cheating on your wife
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my brother asked my dad what I do for work and he said “send and receive emails”
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Rape prevention boxers and briefs with neurosensors that electrocute your groin when you think you have a right to a woman's body.
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